last day of 2012

This is the last day of the year...
It really feels like an ending
but also, a beginning

An ending...
to youth being on Sat,
to the internships
to the busy year (though this continues)
to losses & drains...

A beginning...
I've been so heartened by the parent's responses to the move so far!
It is so encouraging to think that we will have a lot of new faces
Will we be able to get in touch and assimilate all of them? I hope so!
Pray pray pray, I hope that happens more for us
Love: not just the lovey dovey feelings part, but more...the graft of it

I'm feeling abit messy now,
perhaps it's the throbbing thumb...
but yeah, i think perhaps it's also the sadness
of loss...the interns have to go, things are changing, we adjust...
Think we are all more than abit sad...yet, I'm also personally...thankful
Hopefully today, when they get to do whatever they want with me will help =)

Loss, more than my fair share this past year...
leaving NTU, someone's misunderstanding last year to the impact this year,
having to change pace, adjusting to life like that,
the work and ministry always places demands on individuals,
we serve & give, and get hurt & suffer, get misunderstood & spoken against,
yet the response has always been...love, forgive, continue, do the needful, trust God.

Sometimes I think my idea of faith is too simple for some,
but I think that's kinda what makes it strong and real for me.

Today, I can't do everything, but I'll do what I can...
Tomorrow, i may not have the manpower, but the work is still there...
So i will continue on, to do what I can, and pray that God sends help

All hands on deck...that is the rallying call...
thankful for tomorrow to sort out these thoughts
and...to sleep in...haha

Words

Amidst everything today...
handshakes to times together...
the surprise of that beautiful face and greeting
S, you reminded me that God's timing and surprises are best
I believe that too =)

The thing that went deepest was the answered prayer
Of an unmentioned hope, and one that was fulfilled
the words that saw the unseen work, the love contained within
thank you =)

First time in many years that this was not a personal retreat day
Spent it meaningfully from dawn til dusk...
...thank You Lord

Great to worship You on my birthday too,
a rememberance of Jesus the same...
and how that song holds such significance...
Thank You Redeemer...
may my heart hold your passion,
may my hands move at your holy prompting
to see the lost return to the Father

that's a birthday wish...

k

Gave my all this year...

Mission trips
Major transitions
Personal changes
Mentoring of individuals and the interns
Coaching teams
Growing in knowledge & application
Seen & sensed more,
Prayed more, spoke less

Leaving, yet helping
Staying yet wandering

Intimacy
Surrenderedness

Gave my all up til today

Glad...

overwhelmed

consumed

also...fatigued

but it's worth it

Thank you for the talk today...

You were the spark that made it meaningful today JT

Thank You

Lord, thank You for tonight! =D

You blessed my heart in some really unexpected ways today!

The coaching was terrible, yet you salvaged it...
Practice doesn't make perfect...
Practice just makes HABIT,
and we should know what we are practicing,
make sure those are the right things!

The night was a struggle,
a bodily one, cuz i was so tired out
but i thank you for the unexpected dinner,
the blessing of transport to and from,
and the conversation/catch-up that happened
May You continue your healing work Lord!

Thank You for the unexpected words from Cyn,
those were a sweet affirmation of who you made me to be!
And I did not expect to hear that! =)

And then, the bolt out of the blue!
Thanks for the blessing that little conversation with Yong En gave!
Did not expect thanks or to hear that it transformed his life,
but thank You Lord that you did it!
And Thank You Lord for challenging and changing his perspectives!
That is marvelous!
Thank You for friendships that helped push all of it through also!

You have blessed me beyond measure,
Thank You!

What is Christmas?

“God loves you just the way you are, 

but He refuses to leave you that way. 

He wants you to be just like Jesus. ”

~Max  Lucado~

Thank You Lord

That you became flesh,

I learnt something newly profound today

Your sufferings and trials...

they were mine

personal...

for me

cause of me

me

Though we are not to be self-centered,

we ought to be floored at how personal that is...

Just like Love

it isn't and can't ever be a foreign concept

but it is totally tangible, 

so tangible that it's totally taken for granted

It also tastes best when given

Matthew 5 (The Message)

43-47 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’

 and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ 

I’m challenging that.

 I’m telling you to love your enemies. 

Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. 

When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, 

for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. 

This is what God does. 

He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, 

regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. 

If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? 

Anybody can do that. 

If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? 

Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. 

 48 “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. 

You’re kingdom subjects. 

Now live like it. 

Live out your God-created identity. 

Live generously and graciously toward others, 

the way God lives toward you.”

We have so much...
so so much,
yet the tendency is to look at  and lust for what we do not have.

I've been more concerned with those who have nothing
and as i look there, and pour my efforts into it,
i'm feeling abit of what they are feeling...
how ungracious we are as a society,
how unloving we are to those who need it most,
how the poor, destitute, scorned and shamed,
continue to be the same now, as they were in Jesus' age.
Are we growing in grace?

Christmas is about Christ
Honour Christ
By living like Christ

2 quotes...

Need to think today...so doing it here...

Heard/saw 2 quotes yesterday that have kept me thinking til now

Quote 1 was an insightful statement, deep in it's truth, incisive
It pointed out how responsibility and rights are inversely linked,
how the granting of one, also means that the other is affected.
I liked the statement because of it's truth, and how it pointed out a reality i feel.
Yet it was also a heavy statement, because of the implications meant...
The more responsibility i have, the less rights i should expect.
It is dying to self, for the sake of others...for the sake of the Gospel.

Quote 2...I cannot wrap my mind around it
But i think it was mentioned in response to quote 1 above
And it spoke of how if a person was focussed on others...
they would have no time for self-pity...hmmmm...really?
But somehow I sense that's not the reality...

I think the spiritual reality is that...when we work as for God,
we will extend ourselves for others, and in the process,
we DO get tired, weary, and over-extended...even amidst the Joy!
I think the truth is that, in those moments, when we are weak...
the devil will attack our worth, with despair and self-pity...
it happens, and we should know about the reality...
so that we do not despair, so we understand our weakness,
so that we turn to God in those moments, so we rest and recover.

Simple platitudes, and statements which speak of an ideal situation,
may seem to just gloss over a very real human struggle/reality.
I don't think that is what we are in the business of doing...
We should give answers to heart questions as much as we can
so that at the end of the day, people may see that God is there in their struggle,
Love has never abandoned them, and that Christ is the greatest gift,
but we are the ones who sometimes/frequently forget...

Okay...my thoughts are clearer now...
In the first instance, I instinctively reacted against quote 2,
because it spoke of an ideal, not grounded in reality/experience,
it was a trite answer to a complex answer...one that stirs up more ire

Quote 1 hit home clearly because eventhough it was a tough statement to stomach,
it pointed out a reality, and prepared the listener to take it that way,
and it prepares us for the way forward...I think that is the nature of truth...
it points out something we dislike to see, yet also causes a breakthrough,
so that light cascades upon a situation and the path is clear for the journey ahead.

Quote 1 & 2, thanks for making me think... 

pffft...

spent...yet joy-filled

It's not about the gifts, toys, presents, time, energy, effort, strength, dirt, injuries, blood...

It's about the intangibles...
A change in mindset & perspective,
the ability to look beyond the immediate & instant,
the trust and faith that little things make a BIG difference,
a prayer for the receiver,
a heart for others.

The war for hearts and minds,
is always a long slide downhill...
since human nature drifts towards the comfortable, easy, lovely, fun...
but it is a battle worth fighting,
and if Jesus could see that in a rag tag 12,
then we should not give up too easily
Persevere beloved ones...
May your life be His too

agathōsunē

Autumn winds blow...

So Nature deals with us, and takes away 

Our playthings one by one, 

and by the hand Leads us to rest so gently, 

that we go scarce knowing if we wish to go or stay, 

Being too full of sleep to understand 

How far the unknown transcends the what we know.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow~

Experts in aging make a distinction between passive aging and purposeful aging. 

Successful, purposeful aging calls for continued involvement, 

relationships, discipline, and an attitude of faith.

Pressing onward...

Remembering the future,

plunging further in,

falling exhausted towards the tape is better,

than failing and pulling up short...
There is work to be done,

do it.

Simplicity

It was such a joyful trip, to be out there in the mission field once again,

seeing the faces of people hungering for God, (where is it here?)

watching those who are sick & hurting be ministered to, and grateful (is this forgotten here?)

playing with those to whom everything can be a toy (we need MORE here...)

bringing joy to individuals just by adding colour pencils to their life (we want iphones/ipads here) 

Is it fair to compare? Maybe? Maybe not? But we miss the learning if we never see...

In the field, I saw once again, a clamour of hearts knowing that they lack SOMETHING,

but back home, once again, i'm struck by the harsh opinions & SELF-sufficiency we have,

In the field, I saw unconditional Love, imperfect community, but very self-less,

yet the moment I returned, there was the harshness of conditionality, selfishness, and hurt...

I find all of this such a harsh juxtaposition...

I yearn for simplicity...

Where Your Glory is the Only consideration...

not how we look, not OUR glory, 

YOUR fame, not any others...

Turn this generation back to You Lord.

I thank You once again Lord, for the divine burden for those who have never heard of you...

Much more than it is for those who have heard of You a million times...

Please keep me on the straight and narrow where I can be most effective for your glory

I know I fight the disappointment of seeing people run for their own glory instead of Yours,

but help me not to grow jaded, weary or cynical, but help me to turn nations back to You Lord.

Simply because I Love YOU, and nothing more...

Today, I thank You for the 13 hearts that You turned back to yourself in Cambodia,

and also, for the privilege that Yuming, Evelyn, Ashley & myself had, 

to have front row seats to your miracle of salvation, 

and for the pleasure of joining in Your work of turning hearts back to Yourself.

You are simply amazing God! =)

discombobulated

Good that it was proven that the safeguards put in place were needful,

but maybe not good that it was the safeguard that experienced the first failure...

or is it really so?

God, sometimes, really cannot fathom your ways, 

I know I heard you right but the way of failure was out of left field,

I'm glad that the proper mentoring systems were in place, 

and that what people disliked about accountability has proven helpful

I cannot understand why people cannot grasp our good intentions, 

that is until failure hits, and then the understanding also dawns.

I think everything is more than salvageable, 

and the effort should be taken to make all things right and good. 

The choice to, will of course lay in personal choices, 

but i have the hope that both will make the right and mature decision.

God, I also know that you will use the refining fire to refine and transform,

so...today, i pray that you will make all things beautiful again, 

and to a greater depth and degree than previously was there

make deep the roots and the wells, and may you overfill it always

Make clear the cisterns, 

purge out the impurities,

may they come forth as gold and silver, 

refined and polished to reflect your glory
AMEN

demise

Oh wow...2 deaths in one night...

No matter how many times,
and how much hope and assurance I personally have,
the thing is...I think my heart is always gonna hurt for those who hurt,
you said that I'm always remarkably tender for a reason,
I hesitate to put it so nicely and neatly...
maybe I hurt because I have experienced loss...
too many times...in too many ways...
and maybe that makes me feel it more

I thank God that you did not suffer long,
but yet again, the loss of another awakens my senses again,
Enjoy your rest uncle Ben, you have earned it....
and your heritage of faithfulness is evident for all to see.

May your children and your children's children,
be blessed because of the footprints that you left behind.

true that...

best & worst

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, 

it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, 

it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, 

it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, 

it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, 

we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, 

we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - 

in short, the period was so far like the present period, 

that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, 

for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

~Charles Dickens~
Opening paragraph of "A tale of Two Cities"

Do you not feel...

when you see something like this...=/

Tears & anger are powerful...

Even more so...intercession & thanksgiving

Humour is just one outlet...

laughter hides the tears...

just like it hides everything else...
applause breaks from men mean nothing

I know that I'm weak, so...
...this one thing I do...

...this i know...
You are

I AM

intense...

Last night was the start of an intense few days...
It can be intensely stressful, intensely healing, or intensely restful...
depends on what God brings up...hmmm...

Some thoughts on my mind today
It is definitely a thankless job seeing people through their toughest times,
or it can just be their youngest times, rawest times or ugliest times

I see so many, and I know their backstories well...
but while I rejoice for them at where they have grown to,
there is a tinge of joyful sadness, when I know they have forgotten the awful past,
yet also the way God worked, and also, how gratitude is a gift from Him

We live in too privileged a society...you were right when you said that L
So many options, no need to consider, so a complacency sets in...
The struggle to build deep, lasting foundations is a slippery one...
Speak too untactfully, and the moment is lost...
Speak too hesitantly, and the fact is buried/brushed aside
Never speaking, means compromising, what kind of foundation is that?

I watched Coach Carter again several nights back...
and it reminded me of what I'm standing for, and against
It is worth it to rebel against low standards, stand firm for God's truth,
demand something greater from others...especially if they are stuck in mediocrity
We have forgotten, or never appropriated our identity in Christ if we walk in fear,
yet, if we have a proper awe and reverence of God, it permeates our walk and our work
there is no need to be overbearing, overpassionate or extremely intense...
God's fragrance does...simply...permeate...

This weekend away, brings it's own challenges...
but I think the break is good, it is perfect...
I need it, because the week has been intense enough,
my emotions are shot...the ministering has taken a toll...

my oakleys have their first visible damage,
and yesterday was the first day completely in contacts...
Random things and happenings, all of which I give thanks for...
Pastor has been asking...Who ministers to the ministers?
And apart from the perfect answers we can give...
do we understand the heart behind the question?

We understand better the appeal of being a star,
the (seeming) prestige that comes from being "known"
when actually the longing of every human heart is to be known,
we all have that in differing measure, and suffer the effects of it too

I have a tacit disregard for just the things that are "on display"
this week, i found a kindred spirit in BL, as we bought shirts together,
we both look for the story behind a design, the meaning, the depth...
we can be called geeky, nerdy, quirky, weird or knowledgeable...
but one thing thats true is that our discussions are never uninteresting!

I love depth, and serendipity, because they speak to me of God,
when complexity is layered into simplicity, we marvel...
when beauty is wrapped up in ashes, we frown and look away
when love is wrapped up in pain, we turn away
Similar events different reactions...
If God is unchanging in nature, then who is the fickle one?

Rocks in shoes...

This is where the discipleship journey is toughest...
Walking with people through sin, pain & suffering
Hurting people, hurt people...proven time and time again
This day, I recognised the words from your hurts, so I ignored it...
May that happen each time it needs to,
God, give me Grace for each step...

I have no wisdom, none like the One you need,
so...turn there, look upon Him...
When you choose to, and be shaped by Him
I know your contenance will change...as it reflects His

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank You Lord for a little gem of a day
For the bright sparks of people illumined by You,
or people who are willing to conform to your moulding
I see such openness and God, may you use it beautifully

Thank You for the good that came before the bad
Thank You for right times, right places and right conversations
May the morning bring more light, more Grace, more Agape,
But most of all, may it bring more of You dear Lord

=.../

It's deja vu, times two...
I've had this sensation before,
Like an onlooker I should ignore
Wish I could do something more

Why should this keep happening?
Or why must this mess keep getting messier?
Questions with no answers...
so maybe the best is just to plod on...

I said I'd pray for you & I will,
because for today i know...
it is no shock, yet it is no thrill...
but the pain will be...sadly...real

But His Grace is sufficient for you,
and I know that this time was better than last,
Walking with you both through both of those,
taught me so much more, more than I'd ever know...

So...to journey with you, that was a privilege,
and now, for my own journey, may it be great...
I just noticed that little footprint you left...
and gosh, who knew, what a little flutter it left!

I look on in expectation,
not to push on, but to pray on,
I trust that God makes beautiful things,
and each of you are one...
but I'm looking for my own beautiful one,
because there is a time and place, and now is mine

God, your Grace is enough
so may it prove so...
May we be your beautiful instruments
bringing light and beauty,
not pain and calamity,
& each mis-step, may You turn it around Lord.

Trusting You tonight for those hearts,
Thank You for this season of prayer
Thank You for 10,000 reasons to praise You
Thank You that I know from both sides so I can intercede...

Thank You Lord

Wonder...full...

Just back from seeing a home, a beautiful one...
And each tile I stepped on was worth $2100,
because it's a home which is worth 4 million now,
should I be feeling something extraordinary?
My only thought was..."WOW!"
And then it quickly shifted to how beautiful heaven must be...

While beauty captures me,
I realise that the trappings seem hollow,
Everything without Jesus is nothing
Jesus plus nothing equals Everything...

I wonder if anyone in Youth noticed what I said today,
I wonder if they remembered that I spoke almost the EXACT same words,
it was just several weeks back, and I wonder if it seemed familiar at all...
to anyone...

God, sometimes, in instances like these, I wonder why the message is repeated,
then I remember that you want us to remember, you want us to know...REALLY know
Truth is Truth, but Truth needs to be ingrained, and Truth needs to be lived out...
When You repeat something, it is not nagging, it is Your Grace for us...
Your patience at our slowness of heart and of mind...

But today God, I am impatient...or maybe I am anxious...

Lord, bless this generation, with ears to listen, hearts to obey, the will to follow,
May they have a deep Faith in You that does not faint or falter,
Mark them as practitioners of Truth, and not just dabblers in it
Immerse them in your Love, that they may be transformed by You.

We Love only because You first Loved us,
Lord, let Your Love pour forth and land on fertile soil,
May it reap a harvest, 30, 60, 100 fold...
Like dear Alexander prayed that day...
Simple faith...may you honour that God

May their eyes and gaze always be fixed on you,
that they may not be swayed by a multi-million dollar home,
but may their desire be to honour you, and to Love you more...
because we have an eternal dwelling in You that far outweighs any here.

Lord, bless us to honour You better. Amen.

Just Keep Pedaling

Just Keep Pedaling

bifurcation

The weekend away was...needed

Glad to have gotten it,

though the irony was...

I scheduled my silent retreat...

but it was during the noisiest F1 weekend. haha!

I'm a user of technology,

maybe even love it abit too much,

love how it helps connect,

yet also, aware of how it distracts

No body wants to talk, really talk anymore,

not the shallow, update life kinda talk,

but those deep, no holds barred, authentic soul release kinda chats,

maybe the facade seems to hold too strong...

I was reminded that, perhaps, as I feel this...That it's also on God's heart...

Like, how the God of the universe knows our deepest heart cry,

and yet, we seldom talk to Him about it, turning instead to others,

to "wise counsel" or sometimes, worse still, an unfounded anger at Him.

The greatest work is the work of prayer,

the steady discipline of seeking time with God,

the model of Jesus was that way, 

turning away from crowds, going off alone, 

I wonder, in using a sanctified imagination...

what did Jesus do in those times with God?
Was it spent in silence and solitude? A deep soul rest in God?

Was it spent in lament and tears? At the blindness or stubborn will of men?

Was it intercession and thanksgiving? A time of spiritual war in the heavenlies?

Was it a time of worship and awe?
Turning His eyes from the earth's broken condition to Heaven's perfect splendor?

And what was it like...when Jesus returned from the mountain to minister to others?
Did He feel He was leaving someplace better for someplace worse?
Did He have to force Himself to make that choice to enter into others sins?

Was it easy for Him to exercise Love even when people mocked Him?

Ed P. mentioned that when we are weak, Christ is strong...

Jesus, God himself...constantly chose to be weak, humble, and obedient,

taking on the form of human flesh...

And the irony? 

Us humans, in weak flesh, thought we were God, judging Christ,

and crucifying Him and attempting to eradicate His divinity...

How can it be? And yet, we try to do it everyday still...

We think that we are God, thinking we know better...
when that is surely not the case...
Neglecting to go to our knees, or to even ask God what He thinks

don't you think that saddens His heart?

I know it does, and I know that I've failed too,

But God, my struggle in this is leading where I have not been,

I trust in You and I'm following, but I also know that I can't do it alone,

so Lord, same prayer, pls raise up a generation of Faith-filled believers,

ones who believe in You more than they do in themselves, 

people who are whole-hearted for you, not playing half-hearted games,

ones who will hunger for and devour your living word, 

so that it may emerge from their lives in actions that astound others,

I believe that You raise up each generation to stand on the shoulders of those before,

Lord, I am a generation before, and I'm willing to give a leg up to those ones, but...

where are they Lord? Forgive my blind eyes or unbelief of the moment...

Please raise them up to be fearless yet humble, faithful yet unwavering,

Lovers of God, not lovers of the counterfeit pleasures of this world...

Lord, thank You for loving us and covering us with Your righteousness, 

teach us to live out Your victory daily and so honour You constantly. AMEN

sleeplessness...divine

Eventhough it was a really late night, and an extremely sleepless one...
Thank You...Thank You Lord for depositing that into my heart
and for speaking the things of You, exhausting my heart,
wringing it dry, yet, speaking so FULLY...Thank You

I still do not have the exact picture yet, of what it will be...
but i must say, I find it such an irony that you gifted me...
a person from a broken home...
the desire to build one that is so vast, wide & varied

I know nothing of what we are about to embark on...
and yet, You reminded me, that's been the case all the time so far,
I have always NOT known...but learnt along the journey
The only thing vital thing I needed to know, I've always known...
You, Lord

Privilege

“Truth is stranger than fiction, 

but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; 

Truth isn't.”

~Mark Twain~

Life is beautiful,

because You are

Thank You Lord!

phoria

But God lets men have their playthings, 

 like the children they are, 

 that they may learn to distinguish them from true possessions. 

 If they are not learning that he takes them from them, 

 and tries the other way: 

 for lack of them and its misery, they will perhaps seek the true! 

 "Donal Grant" (1883) 

 ~George MacDonald~

disturbed sleep, dreams...

Woke up in the most startling of ways,
from something too real and too close to home

I'm thinking of you, all the things you "know"
and wishing for you to know all those things on His heart
May the tenderness of Jesus break through
in the most counterintuitive way possible...
because of Love...His...everlasting

I'm wishing the dream was not as real as it was,
though in my heart I feel that it is so...
Saddened by it, broken also...
But knowing means a responsibility
and I will help bear your burdens in prayer
you need never know

I see the flaws of each so starkly...
because in contrast to the grace we've received
how can we even compare?
How can we remain unchanged and ungiving?
His Grace is sufficient for me,
for it is made perfect in my weakness, my incompleteness
In You, we are made righteous,
so we no longer have to live with a false sense of self-righteousness
strip us of all such pretense
show your glory Lord.

I surrender all...  =".
This morning, this is my simple prayer
Lord, use it for Your Glory

I'm hopeful even in trepidation,
on a firm foundation even in a raging storm
His anchor holds me upon the solid rock
Cornerstone, precious Jesus Christ, You alone

Adjustment

Thank you for that message today...it was needed and apt

Thank You for the public note, that unknowingly encouraged my heart



Somehow, I see and believe in dreams and in people,
even after being slammed by them time & again,
sometimes in malice, sometimes in ignorance...
Where did this strength to believe come from?
Only You Lord

Where others see problems and fear,
I see reality and trust God for better days,
We are in a battle for precious beloved souls,
yet, how come we determine to fight our allies first?
Things I can't understand...

I've given it all to You Lord
laid it on the line, now use it all as you will,
nothing is wasted in your kingdom
and I trust that you will use every moment for your Glory
All Yours God....

There is a strength of conviction, that comes from doing more than knowing,
A faith that grows by stepping out in trust, without looking back and hesitating...
In seeing brokenness, whether of family units, homes, financial situations or health,
I've also seen pillars of strength, individuals who determine to follow God,
Whoever said this journey would be easy?

I love the examples of people who have encountered God,
how it is never a matter of money, looks, image or something else that age can steal away,
But I love the radiance in their spirit that soars in adversity, in lack, in want...
because then...they find that Jesus is truly all that they want or need.
Such a realisation renders even the most destitute, rich beyond measure.

I pray for that rich depth of relationship for all whom i come into contact with,
Lord, may I never portray the mediocre, lackluster portrait of Faith that takes away your Glory
May the next generation possess a depth of relationship with You that colours their life,
may they never be satisfied with half-heartedness, only sincere full-hearted devotion
May they Love You more deeply each day

Vitality

Am in a thinking mood today,
and something just made me think...
I have been really blessed so far...

What is my measure of being blessed?
I think I only have one...
That the ones I love will be spending eternity with God.

So far, that has happened with Granny, and my father...
Those I know are sealed by God himself! =)

But today, i find myself thinking...and...doubting,
what if...despite all efforts, mum still refuses to know the God i love?
What if...my sisters and dad also...walk in a manner that forsakes God?

I can feel that sadness already, but i will not give up...
We never give up on the ones we love...we can't

Are you willing to be Christian only if it costs you nothing?
No...I choose to be one, a Christ follower, even if it costs me EVERYTHING,
because God gave His best, Jesus Christ for me, and nothing else i do is even a sacrifice.

More and more, I've been thinking for the tomorrows I may never see,
And planning for them...thinking ahead, bringing others where I hope to be,
and helping them reach for heights that they thought unattainable...
Help me see with eyes that are sanctified, I need your help!

Give me strength for this journey,
wisdom to act and lead...
courage and boldness to do what needs to be done,
a sense of justice, of love, of Holiness...
that You may be exalted above all else.

God, about that other thing...
You know what is in my heart...
I continue to trust in You.
Lead me as You know best.
Thank You!

The Life of Freedom

The Life of Freedom 

1 Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. 

 2-3I am emphatic about this. The moment any one of you submits to circumcision or any other rule-keeping system, at that same moment Christ's hard-won gift of freedom is squandered. I repeat my warning: The person who accepts the ways of circumcision trades all the advantages of the free life in Christ for the obligations of the slave life of the law. 4-6I suspect you would never intend this, but this is what happens. When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love. 

 7-10You were running superbly! Who cut in on you, deflecting you from the true course of obedience? This detour doesn't come from the One who called you into the race in the first place. And please don't toss this off as insignificant. It only takes a minute amount of yeast, you know, to permeate an entire loaf of bread. Deep down, the Master has given me confidence that you will not defect. But the one who is upsetting you, whoever he is, will bear the divine judgment. 

 11-12As for the rumor that I continue to preach the ways of circumcision (as I did in those pre-Damascus Road days), that is absurd. Why would I still be persecuted, then? If I were preaching that old message, no one would be offended if I mentioned the Cross now and then—it would be so watered-down it wouldn't matter one way or the other. Why don't these agitators, obsessive as they are about circumcision, go all the way and castrate themselves! 

 13-15It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then? 

 16-18My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence? 

 19-21It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom. 

 22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. 

 23-24Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified. 

 25-26Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.

That was Galatians 5 in The Message...

And nothing speaks truth like the Word of God does.

missing...

祷告 因为我渺小
祷告 因为我知道我需要

有些事我只想对您说
您比任何人都爱我

主耶稣, 今天我为您活
我所需要的力量
您天天给我
您的恩典够我用

Your Grace is enough for me

Each time i find words lacking,
this somehow pops into mind

Gonna be a long night today,
praying that the rest tomorrow will be good and complete.
I'm so not used to this office routine...
missing heading out there...

and missing the dinner i could've had today with the NTU team

missing...so so missing...

^^

cough til bleed...win

back to back to back meetings

Relentless compassion
Unceasing tenderness
Divine love

If I were to write a life...would that be your priorities?

Lord, I gave it all today...use it for your glory

Tchouckball and Fridays at the alma mater were awesome
God give me the wisdom, strength and love i need...
I see so much that I believe in, yet so much that is being stolen away too
May you sow into the heart of every individual...
and may they respond to you in love...
not forsaking you or placing you in the second place...

deeper...

It begins...

For this new season Lord, 

I entrust all into Your great hands again

I recall hearing this multiple times recently

"Everything rises and falls on leadership"

And I know that while it does make plenty of sense,

and I believe that it rings true... 

But it also demands a re-ordering when God is in the picture...

For the body of Christ, the head...is Christ

The leader is Christ...and therefore He leads...

that is the blessed reality that we can rest in! =)

But as we live in rebellion because of the fall...

we have to recognise that we have hearts that wander,

legs and hands that do illogical things

body parts that try to rebel and gain control of the body.

God is the head and the leader,

rest and lead from there

While this is the hardest to teach,

it is the best to model...

Lord, teach me to model this well

If nothing else, just a Godly reliance on You

a simple faith that trusts...

one that obeys, and follows...

For this season...
help me not only grow deeper in intimacy with you,

help me to bring others along to know You better...
For Your Glory and Your Honour to be known in all the earth.

Thank You Lord

thoughts on random stuff...

In the midst of transition and clearing my thoughts...
it is helpful for me during these seasons to reflect and to clear out what needs to be...

And as i've been clearing room, taking stock...
it's like the process is reflected...in my thoughts, & in my physical spaces

I've realised...I'm in ministry not for the people who are having fun and enjoying it
but i'm here more for those who are hurting and those who don't know it...

It matters little to me the other things that frequently charm others...
but primarily, my heart aches for those who know they are missing something...
And I feel for those who know that their lives are incomplete...
and for those who feel that God shaped vacuum yet seem lost in their fog of life

Maybe that's why self-sufficiency is such a lie...
when we begin to think we need nothing and no one else
that is such a blatant, bold-faced thumb'd up nose at life and at God
And no one REALLY ever says it...they just live like that...

Why is the sacred and the secular divided?
When actually, the secular only has meaning because of the sacred
The implication that our world can exist without God...
is a theory that holds no water...at all...

Maybe that's why we need a community of faith to grow us,
to nurture and to learn more about love...
I feel so........when the feeling of leading alone hits...
but then I must remember, I'm not really alone, the team is being built...

Multiple meetings are now lined up...
i'm gonna get busier and busier...
God, as you line these up...please provide those resources too
I'm unable but I know you are able, thank You!

Heart is abit heavy now...
God you know why...
but yes, time away really will help...
and I thank you for that God =)

high & lifted up

He mentioned this today...

"A leader has to give up his rights...

A Christian has to be the same..."

And I agree,  we are not our own,
we are bought at a price...the highest price
and if God thought we were worth His Son on that Cross,
then no "sacrifice" we can give would even be a real "sacrifice"

Thank You Lord for another long day...
had to cast a vote to determine a seat in parliament,
then settle lunch for the 12 of us...
sit in and help with that meeting with the new leaders
and rush down, a little late for worship
but getting in that talk...and hearing those words above...

It's really days & nights of giving everything...
and I count it a final privilege to be asked to teach again soon...
It is funny that no one will appreciate something until it is gone
and sadness seems to be the catalyst for appreciation...
something is wrong there isn't it?
but no...tonight is not the time to think about it.
I'm thankful just for an outlet...


And for the reminder too...
We are beholden to serve, not for anything or anyone...
Anytime our heart wavers, we should check our motivations...
Is it for God or for man?


May our heart never be graven to another image...only to You

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: 

Take your everyday, ordinary life—

your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—

and place it before God as an offering. 

Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. 

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. 

Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. 

Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. 

Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, 

God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. 

Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

Thank You Lord

Farewell...

It's starting...and there is nothing to stop it...

and though I know it's good, yet it's painful...

Said goodbye to the Servant team on Wednesday night,

and it was a great and wonderfully encouraging time...

And said goodbye to the rest on Thursday...

that was a proper thanksgiving time and it was another great time

Lord, Thank You for the responsibility & privilege to serve in NTU

it was a marvelous time being on mission with you...

seeing a whole bunch of people captured by You,

and living out their lives for Your Glory...

I hope so much for that to happen where I'm going to now,

my heart is so... ... ready for You...

May you please be that for them too...

Turn their hearts to you, so that they may know You first and most.

I'm starting to grieve, and this time...

there is no need to stop it...it is a good time to let go...

NTU times were great, Lord, and you showed up...

I'm thankful and broken by your Grace...the paradox of that =)

The depth of the friendships and relationships are amazing...

Lord, I really thank You for showing me such awesome people,

and for encouraging my heart by Your work in their lives, 

I thank You for transformations and for the passion You inspire

Actually...I am at a loss for words at this moment...

yet I feel my heart bursting at the seams with emotion...sigh

Thank You Lord, that you gave me their words to keep...

I treasure that lots, and I pray that their lives will continue to glorify You,

May You empower them to stand on the work of the generations before them,

and may this generation surpass ours in faithfulness to Your call...

farewell...

after the floor...

14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, 

because we love the brethren. 

He who does not love abides in death.

15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; 

and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. 

16 We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; 

and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. 

1 John 3:14-16

After so many days of sleeping on the floor...

my back hurts like crazy...

camps are never easy on the body or constitution,

but for all those aches, the intensity is all worth it! =)

Probably my last summit for my foreseeable future,

and I was glad to be given the privilege to open up the teachings,

in articulating a simple lesson, it also helped to solidify all i've learnt

and in doing so, it also showed how sovereign God truly is

There were such precious moments in this camp,

ones that I know I will miss dearly...and this real community

The last night was really emotional...blessing them was such a joy

it's not even an official thanksgiving or farewell yet...but i'm teary eyed all the same

Thank You Lord for blessing this community,

that the hard work poured into it over the past 3 years have really blossomed,

there is no greater satisfaction then the sense of having been faithful

and then there is the measure of a person who has been changed =)

Thank You Lord also, for that illuminating talk yesterday...it suddenly makes sense again

Thank You for the verse above and especially 1 John 3:16...a reminder that we love cuz of You

The sense that I had last year was right, totally right...on all the sides of the coin...

the thing about Love, is that we never know if it'll lead us to a deep abiding Joy, or to the cross

we only know that we follow the voice of the master...

I've done that and  yes, though there have been waverings in those emotionally tough times,

yet I'm glad that it has not shaken but only served to strengthen all that I know & believe of Him

It was worth it...totally worth it, because now it makes even more sense...=)

Being misunderstood, being vilified, having been spoken of behind my back...

I've had a defender, God himself, all the time, even when I didn't feel it

& now, it feels worth it, because I see what it was for...

It is the deepest of ironies that the beloved would fail to see what was done,

but we should not be surprised, because that was exactly what happened on the cross too

Who is to know when trust became hate, and then became hurt

the shock that came was the realisation that you never meant the promises you gave

the callousness of that, the utter disregard for another person...that was a shock

 you do not bother...at all, so yes, maybe it truly is just a game...enjoy yourself 

That phone call you rang to me one night last year...

It's happening again, but this time, you will be totally oblivious

because they are several who are standing on your behalf, no longer just one

that I guess is a good thing...

"When you cannot see God's hands, trust His heart"

A phrase I've always loved, and really leant on...

And I'm glad that it has always proven right and true

because my redeemer is faithful and true...

10 For God is not unjust so as to forget your work 

and the love which you have shown toward His name, 

in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints.

Hebrews 6:10

Thank you Lord ="|

late nights...

1. Have to stay up to finish it...
It's difficult because it is final...
formally closing a chapter of my life
and because it is...it's hard...
and it's also deeply emotional

2. Wednesday is a 12 hour work day,
relentless plannings, and meetups
And I need sleep...but it's ok...
I think the satisfaction of it...is...helpful

3. I read this on tumblr today...
"It's hard to trust someone,
especially when the ones you trusted the most,
were the ones that betrayed you..."
And I felt that pang again...
It is true...it has happened time & again
& I wonder if I have a target strapped to my back...
"backstab me, it's free, do it cuz it's fun..."

Actually, I've no idea why you would intentionally do it,
and yes, this is really sad to say, but it worked...
Maybe not in the way you expected,
yet I know that the acts of malice did achieve its purposes,
it cruelly reopened wounds and rubbed salt into them...
and may you live in the awful bliss of knowing that it did...

I wish you'd have done acts of love instead...
but we do not always get what we wish for
Giving & extending forgiveness is one thing...
I've done it for you, for you (dad), for you & for you,
but really...forgiving does not equate to forgetting,
there is an element of pain to it all...
it's like, you never forget the agony of natural childbirth,
the searing shock of a scald or the excruciating pain of a fracture/dislocation
there are things that can bring that up unbidden...unconsciously...

I don't even know why I'm writing this out tonight...
maybe it's meant to be a panacea...
maybe...tonight, it is all overflowing...
maybe you have to know...
what...you...did...just isn't right...

What did it feel like to be Horatio Spafford...
losing his fortune in the great Chicago fire?
Wanting a relief from that...
but finding out that he lost 4 daughters in a shipwreck?
Did he feel like Job of the bible?
Did he question or curse God?
I don't know those answers...
but i do know he wrote this song...
And it is a song of future promise...
a trust in our God who does not fail...
And a song to himself...

I will be honest,
you did hurt me...deeply
but I have a choice...
so...God help me, but may it be this...
="|

It is well...with my soul...

M.... Y...

fleeting thoughts

aiyah...had the most stunning epiphany before sleeping...
now i know, that's why they say...keep a notebook handy!
I drifted off to bed without taking it down, and now it's lost!
but...oh well...I'm still thankful for the first cool night in ages! =)
think that was why I knocked off so quickly!
But no regrets! haha! Awesome rest cuz it wasn't hot for once! =)

Sharing devotion in awhile,
then the whole day evaluation starts...
and...today is the day I submit the letter,
and it becomes official...mixed feelings utterly

Even amidst all the mixedness,

can't afford to NOT give thanks...

Thank You Lord

I know You lead me to green pastures,

and I'm following...=)

imago dei

"It is always true to some extent that we make our images of God.

It is even truer that our image of God makes us.

Eventually we become like the God we image.

One of the most beautiful fruits of knowing the God of Jesus

is a compassionate attitude towards ourselves...

This is why scripture attaches such importance to knowing God.

Healing our image of God heals our image of ourselves."

~Brennan Manning~

Deep passages such as these, really do help me to anchor well...

There is such a sense of depth, a sheer simplicity to truth...

yet also, an overwhelming feeling of how unfathomable it is.

That is...until we remember that God is a God who can be known...=)

"I don’t concern myself with matters too great
 or too awesome for me to grasp.
 Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself..."
Psalm 131: 1 & 2

Finding rest today was great, it was simply...wonderful

Not just a physical rest, but a real soul rest...it was much needed

It is another long day tomorrow, but i'll take it a step at a time

The reminder is that...a soul at rest, not grasping at straws, 

will be one that is ready to respond when God whispers.

all yours...

This season...
every time I work til I ache,
something resounds within to keep going...

And this is a song for the season,
a reminder that the life I have is a finite one,
but I can live it for His infinite glory...

The sound of the infant's heartbeat in the song,
reminds me that all of life has a meaning as long as my heart is beating,
there will be a time of rest, but as long as it is still light, I will press on

It is a journey of fighting for souls, 

each & every one precious in God's sight

even if no one else does it with me, 

I determine to continue...

It doesn't matter...

I remember feeling like this before...

and I remember disregarding that sickening feeling,

pressing on until the light broke through...

Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead
Let Your Kingdom come
Lord break this heart

 And I will live to carry Your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your name

Jesus Your name
 is a shelter for the hurting
Your name
Is a refuge for the weak
Only Your name
Can redeem the undeserving
Jesus Your name
Holds everything I need

answers

Today, i asked the question of "why?"...
and I got several resounding God answers...

No. 1) For this...
And the walk we took was the most divine, unplanned, yet...to me, vision clarifying...
I have seen it, walked the ground, and now, i've seen someone else dreaming with me,
it is more than possible, it is about to be done...press on

No. 2) For this...
The past is never for myself only, but for others...
and the sharing was unexpected, yet...real in the deepest form,
i could see it was no mere intellectual question,
and that it had gone deeper than that...
and yes...God is the God who heals...so He will,
and He is the One who will bring it to pass

No. 3) For her
The sharing was mine,
but the story to be lived is yours
I'm glad it struck a chord...
glad, not in the sadistic sense...
but glad in the sense that you're listening to God
and He is the giver of Life.
Walk through this well with Him...
I've had to battle, and i'm glad my story is helping you now,
may it give you some encouragement along the way

No. 4) For myself...
You are right...I am spent
I need the time away, sooner rather than later,
but it seems I've to work harder than ever at this present moment
I wish it were not so, that I could devote myself a little bit more,
but in order to start well, i have to finish well, and that is my commitment

No. 5) For those who do not care...
A leader does far more than just what is seen...
and it is in walking that lonely, pioneering road...
in turning your back on the things of the moment...
it is in those moments that you really see if you are leading for others,
or are you really leading by following God
The distinction is utterly important...so that we serve His agenda, not ours

Such an educational day...

spent...

wise

Knowing God is more than knowing about Him;
it is a matter of dealing with Him as He opens up to you,
and being dealt with by Him as He takes knowledge of you.
Knowing about Him is a necessary precondition of trusting in Him,
but the width of our knowledge about Him is no gauge of our knowledge of Him.

~J.I.Packer~



Any idea of getting beyond conflict,
outward or inward, in our pursuit of holiness in this world
 is an escapist dream that can only have disillusioning
and demoralizing effects on us as waking experience daily disproves it.

What we must realize, rather,
is that any real holiness in us will be under hostile fire all the time,
just as our Lord's was.

~J.I.Packer~

whitewash or white flag?

I'm amazed and astounded, by what I do not understand...

Let me write to clarify my thoughts...
I'm deeply saddened by this whole issue that is in the papers.
Let me outline the case...I'll be objective...

A girl, 17 years of age at the time, 19 now...
Living the life of a high end prostitute...
By all accounts, she was not an innocent party, but a willing one,
because the last 4 men who were charged, contacted her directly, circumventing the pimp...

Now, there are 48 people charged and named in the papers,
of these, 44 were named along with the pimp,
and 4 without, because they contacted the girl directly.
A point of contentious legality now is...
the girl is not named because of a gag order...
but every one of the men were named so far.
Thus leading them to be judged by the public already.

This is a legally complex case, however, the law of the land makes no sense to me...at all, let me bring out the points that strike me hard...

1) The law states, sex below the age of 16 is a crime, regardless of consent.
But for prostitution (which is legal) the prostitute needs to be at least 18.

The reason all of these men are being publicly named as they are charged is because this girl was 17.
BUT, it's only a crime if she is a prostitute...so we can imply that the courts have already judged her to be that, a prostitute. Most likely because cash transactions were present in every case.

However, consider the other, scarier scenario, if this girl were not a "prostitute", there would have been nothing wrong with her sleeping with 48 men. Really? Is that what our society, our law is saying?

2) The 48 men were named as they were charged, BUT they are not judged yet (No legal punishment given)...yet by virtue of their names and faces being splashed across the newspapers and the net, they have already been judged in the court of public opinion. But...note the difference...the 17 (now 19 year old girl) is NOT named, her name is under a gag order, thereby being protected by the government.

BUT, didn't they already judge her to be a prostitute? (otherwise they could not charge the men)
Isn't she the criminal because she did not disclose her age...& in this case aren't the men, the victims?

And let me bring out another salient point...
By not naming the girl and attempting to protect her identity...
There is a secondary crisis, because people are speculating and names are being thrown around,
Alot of other girls have been named, thereby dragging them through the mud also.
Fair? Not at all...not to these innocent parties.


My point, morally...
Prostitution is wrong, it cheapens a person, whether a person is 16, 18, 21 or whatever age, the law of the land here does nothing to protect...it is of no help at all really...we do not label prostitution as illegal or wrong, and in this case we're protecting it with the law, this just complicate matters further.

*Addition* The other thing I find galling, is that...there is no sanctity of marriage. In the eyes of the law, sex is just that sex...not a product of love, just an animal instinct. Therefore, instead of outlawing sex, the law exists just to protect minors (by the above definition, those below the age of 16) We are truly a secular society. Morality is losing it's grip. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and that union should end in mutual matrimonial bliss.

With such a view, it is no wonder that our secular society does not consider adultery a crime either. It relegates it to the realm of a domestic dispute. Somehow, that doesn't sit well with me. ...sigh...

At the end of the day, let me say this...
I think the girl is NOT innocent, and neither are the guys, none of them are clean. All should be punished. That is why this whole debacle is so distressing...

Yet, in this whole thing, I also see the inadequacy of the Law to protect, or to punish.
It is at best...a blunt instrument, and it is wielded by imperfect men.

That's why I'm thankful that while there is a law...
there is also the Divine Lawgiver, and God is the best & fairest judge.
By the Law, ALL of us are condemned...
Men...displayed in this case, for the lustfulness of their nature.
Women...for their desires of power, control, materialism...
All of that, just a small smattering of our list of offences against God.

But God the all-knowing Judge while He HATES sin with a vengence, also Loves us.
So much, that He gave us Jesus Christ on that Cross to die for our sins.
Christ paid the price, and it has washed us clean...
If ever the point was uncertain, it is clear now...
It was the UNFAIREST exchange, the most UNDESERVED punishment,
but it was done out of the greatest LOVE for the most UNREPENTANT.

In a place without God,
There is only place for sadness,
because apart from Him...
what ever seems good (our laws), can turn out to be, really, bad.

Life & Death

This week, the reality and starkness of the great equaliser, death, hit again...

When I look on, I could not help but notice the sweet, young innocence of a child,
their innate sensitivity to others, yet also, their deep, searching questions...
"Is popo asleep?", "How come she will never wake up?"

Then, there was also the indifferent, glee-filled lives,
those of insensitive, young men, whooping & watching a "spectacle"
no reverence, no care, just poking fun even at someone else's pain

We all have faults...some more obvious than others...
but really, it is our reaction to other people's faults that show us up the most,
I naturally abhor those who mock, create jokes & poke fun at others,
even more so, if it is done behind their backs...
no...I've no tolerance for such nonsense...

I'm seeing a dichotomy in the lives of the people...
and it is scary when they do not appear to see that schism...
there is something tremendously wrong when instead of working on it,
we say that we have to "accept it" because "this is me"...
really?

True that the sin nature resides within each of us,
but it is also true, true-r in fact that the power of God is an overcoming one,
If we say that, "this is me"...aren't we saying we dun wanna try?
That our choice is more important (are we God then?) and that God is powerless?

I simply think this, and I humbly submit this as it is,
we are just selfish, and slaves to our nature...
Talking a good talk, putting on some sort of appearance,
hoping never to be found out, but truly, bankrupt within...
Until the day we dare to admit that we are nothing,
that we can bow our knee to no idol...
and to work on worshipping no one but God...
until that day, we do not truly believe that God is God,
until that point of surrender, we will always live as if WE are God.
We do not say it, but our every action & choice will SCREAM it.

A verse that always breaks my heart...

"In those days there was no king in Israel; 

everyone did what was right in his own eyes." 

Judges 21:25

Are we living life any differently? 

Or is there no King in your life?

"But understand this, 

that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 

2 For people will be lovers of self... 

...5 having the appearance of godliness, 

but denying its power. 

Avoid such people." 

2 Tim 3:1,2,5 

He is jealous for me...

Do we even understand what this means...?

The depth of Love described in such a simple line

the weightiness of the implied question...

 how will you respond to His Love?

Receive or reject?

How come, after receiving...

we can sometimes so easily reject Him?

May He overwhelm & consume, 

as is His divine right...

phone call

Another unexpected phone call to end the day...
God, thank you for thinking I can handle it
without You, i surely cannot...

Why are my senses so acute...
God, gift or torture...I cannot fathom right now...
just use it for your Glory, apart from this, i see no sense in why

"broken, it is broken..." cried the man on the street, 

"The world is broken, and it can't be fixed"

"No, it is glorious, full of richness & fun, 

merry making & carousing" laughed the gleefully rich, young man

One is true because of the other, none can be separated

On a cross on calvary, the man, Jesus, was bent & broken...

so that the richness of His Grace & Mercy would show us His victory

And we forget what Love we live under...

Only in Jesus, can such a broken world,

still flourish in awesome natural wonder.

1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, 

to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—

this is your true and proper worship. 

2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. 

Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—

his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12: 1 & 2

Lord, You've found me

So completely in need of You

I cannot run from You

You are in the highest place

You are in the falling rain,

You are in the mountain peaks

and valleys speak

The wonders of Your Name

You are in the perfect sky

You are in every breath I breathe

You're in every moment

life seems to pass me by

You're my Prince of Peace

You are in the highest place

so long...self

May your dreams & aspirations be ones of sanctified imagination
The ones gifted by the One, not those of desires that glorify self

Pondering today on what God counts as "good"...
and the startling realisation was that...
we have failed to see who He is,
how good He really is...

If we did, the false idols we see before us,
will crumble easily within our hearts...
to reveal the amazing depths of deceit evident within
how come we fail to see these false Gods?

What is the main thought that consumes you?
Is it a passion? for something or someone?
Is it a feeling? based on the moments, or the surprises?
Pull it up, think it further...why do they appeal to you,
Tim Keller plumbs the depths in "Counterfeit Gods",
that in the midst of drawing those things out,
you will begin to see the false God's attached to those things,
it may first masquerade as something harmless, or even God-given,
but when examined, it could be pride, lust, popularity, power,
and we mask it with self-delusion, visions of grandeur,
and many times, it revolves around one thing.
That is your idol, whether it is a hidden idol, or an obvious one.

Next is...are you willing for God to topple that idol?
God had to give Jacob a broken hip, a lifelong limp,
Paul was given a thorn in his side,
Will we give our all, for the One who gave His ALL?

Giving in part, partial sacrifice, is the deception of the current age...

Is your hope in the Lord?

Truly? and absolutely?

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; 

my only aim is to finish the race and 

complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me

—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace."

Acts 20:24