reflections on retreat day...

I'm supposed to be on retreat today...and i am

However, i realised that i have a dissatisfaction in my soul,
something that is aching in me...and i need to get it out...

I realise that...i'm beginning to develop a dislike,
something i can't really describe...but something i rankle over

It's like this...
So many times we have this fascination with the NEW, the FRESH,
something that seems interesting because of the ingenuity of it,
someone who is the flavour of the moment because they look great or communicate well,
We look for the immediate "WOW", and ask to be "boomz'ed"...

But i get a sense of dissatisfaction & let down when i realise that it's nothing new...
that all i got was false marketing, a nice facade to creaky old insides...
the deception, sleight of hand, beautiful exterior...all hid a bankrupt inside

Casting Crowns wrote a song "Stained Glass Masquerade",
about how we look around and everyone seems so perfect...
yet that isn't true, we all are IMPERFECT,
YET...we all pretend and hide our hearts like everything is ok...
Hiding our insides, eventually kills us outside too...

I refuse to be a "happy, plastic person"...
If i have hurts, pains, and am about to fall apart,
i will say it, ask for prayer, cry for help, get support...
I would rather admit being weak in the first place,
rather than ask for help in picking up broken shards later...

So...for you who see my rawness, the times i ask for help, for prayer...
you're those i trust and love most, those whom i feel safe with...
and i hope that you feel safe with me in your everyday or your most hurting moments too...

I think that beauty doesn't really mean perfection,
weakness is a subtle, humble beauty when it is in loving hands...
think of a baby...under someone's loving, adoring gaze

Beauty is taking what we have and making something beautiful of it...

Mother Theresa had really gnarled and abused feet,but it was most beautiful

...because she wore them out loving the orphans of calcutta

Nelson Mandela seemed to have wasted his prime productive years in prison,

but he broke apartheid with his beautiful sacrifice

Steven Curtis Chapman writes beautiful songs to glorify God,

and the most beautiful ones emerged from the heartache of losing his beloved daughter

Times of retreat...help me to reflect, to draw out my inner man...
They help me to search deep within,
and identify the arenas that God is working on...
Today, i see the message clearly...
He started with me identifying a dissatisfaction...
and from there led me to a place when He is showing me truth...

Can you stand naked & unashamed before God & man?

Gilead

A place, a person, an experience...

Firm, sturdy, seemingly unshakeable...
yet fragile, cracked...a disaster waiting to happen

Witness the tragedy, feel the gravity,
caught up in a maelstorm,
still, peace is in its eye...

When disaster swirls, and foes lay await in ambush,
Questions arise, much more than answers provide,
but in the midst of adversity,
tranquility transcends...

Are there any quick fixes?
That is not the right question...

will you...allow the slow work to be done?

The hand that strikes, seems harsh,
but it is the hand that loves most, & hurts most,
and where on the one hand, Love strikes...
on the other hand, Help is extended...

I wonder what's your response?

Peace within...the storm will be stilled
For scraped knees & a battered soul...the Healer is near
Vicious taunts, mud-splotched garments...He will take them all
In the dock, or at the gallows, you have a redeemer
Love...He has NEVER left you.

you are loved...
all the way to the Cross