high & lifted up

He mentioned this today...

"A leader has to give up his rights...

A Christian has to be the same..."

And I agree,  we are not our own,
we are bought at a price...the highest price
and if God thought we were worth His Son on that Cross,
then no "sacrifice" we can give would even be a real "sacrifice"

Thank You Lord for another long day...
had to cast a vote to determine a seat in parliament,
then settle lunch for the 12 of us...
sit in and help with that meeting with the new leaders
and rush down, a little late for worship
but getting in that talk...and hearing those words above...

It's really days & nights of giving everything...
and I count it a final privilege to be asked to teach again soon...
It is funny that no one will appreciate something until it is gone
and sadness seems to be the catalyst for appreciation...
something is wrong there isn't it?
but no...tonight is not the time to think about it.
I'm thankful just for an outlet...


And for the reminder too...
We are beholden to serve, not for anything or anyone...
Anytime our heart wavers, we should check our motivations...
Is it for God or for man?


May our heart never be graven to another image...only to You

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: 

Take your everyday, ordinary life—

your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—

and place it before God as an offering. 

Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. 

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. 

Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. 

Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. 

Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, 

God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. 

Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

Thank You Lord

Farewell...

It's starting...and there is nothing to stop it...

and though I know it's good, yet it's painful...

Said goodbye to the Servant team on Wednesday night,

and it was a great and wonderfully encouraging time...

And said goodbye to the rest on Thursday...

that was a proper thanksgiving time and it was another great time

Lord, Thank You for the responsibility & privilege to serve in NTU

it was a marvelous time being on mission with you...

seeing a whole bunch of people captured by You,

and living out their lives for Your Glory...

I hope so much for that to happen where I'm going to now,

my heart is so... ... ready for You...

May you please be that for them too...

Turn their hearts to you, so that they may know You first and most.

I'm starting to grieve, and this time...

there is no need to stop it...it is a good time to let go...

NTU times were great, Lord, and you showed up...

I'm thankful and broken by your Grace...the paradox of that =)

The depth of the friendships and relationships are amazing...

Lord, I really thank You for showing me such awesome people,

and for encouraging my heart by Your work in their lives, 

I thank You for transformations and for the passion You inspire

Actually...I am at a loss for words at this moment...

yet I feel my heart bursting at the seams with emotion...sigh

Thank You Lord, that you gave me their words to keep...

I treasure that lots, and I pray that their lives will continue to glorify You,

May You empower them to stand on the work of the generations before them,

and may this generation surpass ours in faithfulness to Your call...

farewell...

after the floor...

14 We know that we have passed out of death into life, 

because we love the brethren. 

He who does not love abides in death.

15 Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; 

and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. 

16 We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; 

and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. 

1 John 3:14-16

After so many days of sleeping on the floor...

my back hurts like crazy...

camps are never easy on the body or constitution,

but for all those aches, the intensity is all worth it! =)

Probably my last summit for my foreseeable future,

and I was glad to be given the privilege to open up the teachings,

in articulating a simple lesson, it also helped to solidify all i've learnt

and in doing so, it also showed how sovereign God truly is

There were such precious moments in this camp,

ones that I know I will miss dearly...and this real community

The last night was really emotional...blessing them was such a joy

it's not even an official thanksgiving or farewell yet...but i'm teary eyed all the same

Thank You Lord for blessing this community,

that the hard work poured into it over the past 3 years have really blossomed,

there is no greater satisfaction then the sense of having been faithful

and then there is the measure of a person who has been changed =)

Thank You Lord also, for that illuminating talk yesterday...it suddenly makes sense again

Thank You for the verse above and especially 1 John 3:16...a reminder that we love cuz of You

The sense that I had last year was right, totally right...on all the sides of the coin...

the thing about Love, is that we never know if it'll lead us to a deep abiding Joy, or to the cross

we only know that we follow the voice of the master...

I've done that and  yes, though there have been waverings in those emotionally tough times,

yet I'm glad that it has not shaken but only served to strengthen all that I know & believe of Him

It was worth it...totally worth it, because now it makes even more sense...=)

Being misunderstood, being vilified, having been spoken of behind my back...

I've had a defender, God himself, all the time, even when I didn't feel it

& now, it feels worth it, because I see what it was for...

It is the deepest of ironies that the beloved would fail to see what was done,

but we should not be surprised, because that was exactly what happened on the cross too

Who is to know when trust became hate, and then became hurt

the shock that came was the realisation that you never meant the promises you gave

the callousness of that, the utter disregard for another person...that was a shock

 you do not bother...at all, so yes, maybe it truly is just a game...enjoy yourself 

That phone call you rang to me one night last year...

It's happening again, but this time, you will be totally oblivious

because they are several who are standing on your behalf, no longer just one

that I guess is a good thing...

"When you cannot see God's hands, trust His heart"

A phrase I've always loved, and really leant on...

And I'm glad that it has always proven right and true

because my redeemer is faithful and true...

10 For God is not unjust so as to forget your work 

and the love which you have shown toward His name, 

in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints.

Hebrews 6:10

Thank you Lord ="|

late nights...

1. Have to stay up to finish it...
It's difficult because it is final...
formally closing a chapter of my life
and because it is...it's hard...
and it's also deeply emotional

2. Wednesday is a 12 hour work day,
relentless plannings, and meetups
And I need sleep...but it's ok...
I think the satisfaction of it...is...helpful

3. I read this on tumblr today...
"It's hard to trust someone,
especially when the ones you trusted the most,
were the ones that betrayed you..."
And I felt that pang again...
It is true...it has happened time & again
& I wonder if I have a target strapped to my back...
"backstab me, it's free, do it cuz it's fun..."

Actually, I've no idea why you would intentionally do it,
and yes, this is really sad to say, but it worked...
Maybe not in the way you expected,
yet I know that the acts of malice did achieve its purposes,
it cruelly reopened wounds and rubbed salt into them...
and may you live in the awful bliss of knowing that it did...

I wish you'd have done acts of love instead...
but we do not always get what we wish for
Giving & extending forgiveness is one thing...
I've done it for you, for you (dad), for you & for you,
but really...forgiving does not equate to forgetting,
there is an element of pain to it all...
it's like, you never forget the agony of natural childbirth,
the searing shock of a scald or the excruciating pain of a fracture/dislocation
there are things that can bring that up unbidden...unconsciously...

I don't even know why I'm writing this out tonight...
maybe it's meant to be a panacea...
maybe...tonight, it is all overflowing...
maybe you have to know...
what...you...did...just isn't right...

What did it feel like to be Horatio Spafford...
losing his fortune in the great Chicago fire?
Wanting a relief from that...
but finding out that he lost 4 daughters in a shipwreck?
Did he feel like Job of the bible?
Did he question or curse God?
I don't know those answers...
but i do know he wrote this song...
And it is a song of future promise...
a trust in our God who does not fail...
And a song to himself...

I will be honest,
you did hurt me...deeply
but I have a choice...
so...God help me, but may it be this...
="|

It is well...with my soul...

M.... Y...

fleeting thoughts

aiyah...had the most stunning epiphany before sleeping...
now i know, that's why they say...keep a notebook handy!
I drifted off to bed without taking it down, and now it's lost!
but...oh well...I'm still thankful for the first cool night in ages! =)
think that was why I knocked off so quickly!
But no regrets! haha! Awesome rest cuz it wasn't hot for once! =)

Sharing devotion in awhile,
then the whole day evaluation starts...
and...today is the day I submit the letter,
and it becomes official...mixed feelings utterly

Even amidst all the mixedness,

can't afford to NOT give thanks...

Thank You Lord

I know You lead me to green pastures,

and I'm following...=)

imago dei

"It is always true to some extent that we make our images of God.

It is even truer that our image of God makes us.

Eventually we become like the God we image.

One of the most beautiful fruits of knowing the God of Jesus

is a compassionate attitude towards ourselves...

This is why scripture attaches such importance to knowing God.

Healing our image of God heals our image of ourselves."

~Brennan Manning~

Deep passages such as these, really do help me to anchor well...

There is such a sense of depth, a sheer simplicity to truth...

yet also, an overwhelming feeling of how unfathomable it is.

That is...until we remember that God is a God who can be known...=)

"I don’t concern myself with matters too great
 or too awesome for me to grasp.
 Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself..."
Psalm 131: 1 & 2

Finding rest today was great, it was simply...wonderful

Not just a physical rest, but a real soul rest...it was much needed

It is another long day tomorrow, but i'll take it a step at a time

The reminder is that...a soul at rest, not grasping at straws, 

will be one that is ready to respond when God whispers.