Forgiveness...

Forgiveness...never thought that i would write on this.

The first time i remember needing to forgive, really forgive, it was the most unlikely person...myself. Shortly after accepting Christ in Dec 1996, i realised that i had to break out of the cycle of self-defeat that i was in, and i knew that one of the main obstacles was myself. Why? Because i felt so awful at my past, i disliked the person i was, yet i wanted to hold on to my rebellious streak, and i did not want to be a stodgy christian! And the more God revealed how He wanted ALL of me, the more struggle i had in surrendering and forgiving myself. Yet, each time i was able to forgive myself and trust God to wipe those stains away, Joy unspeakable would spring forth in me, and they would change my tears into smiles...it's amazing how God heals!

That journey of 10 years has brought me up to this point, totally changed, totally different from the person i remember then. But the journey of forgiveness has taken on new meaning also...

In the past year, i've had to learn to actively make the choice of forgiveness over retaliation, bitterness, anger. Never has the testing been so severe, so intense, so painful.

I know that i have a right to be angry, to be bitter, to lash out, yet in my heart...no matter how much it is bleeding, i know that some battles are not mine to begin with. My road is the road of obedience to the King, and being moulded by Him. He will be the righteous Judge, my comfort, my shield, my strong deliverer. His living and active word will be constantly be my answer...

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Colossians 3:12-14 The Message

The same message keeps resounding in songs this season...

"everyone needs compassion, a love that's never failing, let mercy fall on me
everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a saviour, the hope of nations...""

"so take me as you find me, all my fears and failure, fill my life again,
I give my life to follow, everything i believe in, now i surrender..."

"Oh Lord, you've searched me, you know my way,
even when i've failed you, i know you love me..."

"Yr holy presence surrounding me, in every season, i know you love me..."

"A thousand times i've failed, still your mercy remains...
Should i stumble, still...i'm caught in your grace..."

"In the secret of your presence, i know...there...i am restored"

"In the chaos and confusion, i know, you're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness, you give me grace to do your will..."

After all the that the Lord has done for me, forgiven me for, and set me free from...any sacrifice i can lay down pales in comparison to His. He is the one who FORGIVES, and out of His forgiveness, we're always learning to forgive like Him too. I wish i could be better at this sometimes, but forgiveness isn't easy, that's why a Saviour, my Lord Jesus, had to show us how to do it.

God specialises in God-sized tasks and i have to praise Him for this, even though it has been a storm of epic proportions, i know who my God is, and like in Daniel...it says..."the people who know their God will be strong and do great exploits." So i determine, in any circumstance, any thing that happens, i will know God more in that situation, i will seek Him out, He will be my focus instead of how i feel or what i see...

In Christ i have been forgiven, in the process, i've learnt how to forgive myself, and now...i'm on the road and learning how to forgive as Christ forgave me. Long journey, and painful one...but i gladly surrender my SELF into your hands, Lord Jesus, there is no better place to be!

I forgive...do you choose to be forgiven?

the heartache of God...

Does your heart ache when you see someone hurting and in pain?

Do you feel compassion for the hungry, the lost, those who are searching for more?

Or are you just striving, wanting to attain more, running to fun just to ease the pain?

It hurts me to see people live in compromise, splitting their time and talents trying to please everyone else, and in the end, failing to, thereby offending everyone.

When will we learn that there is only one unchangable in this world?

and NO! it is not Change.

It is Jesus' Love.

That Love that offers us Grace,
His unmerited favour.

Mercy,
Shown when He paid the penalty on that cross,

and displayed everyday that we wilfully turn away...

You're either living for God or you're living for yourself,

Don't lie to yourself, examine your life and see which is it.

When God does business with people,

all you can do is hang on, and try to keep up!

Do not compromise on the things that God places in your hands

Too many of us allow doubt to creep in, to dissuade us from doing what we can.

Soon we blame others, conditions, or our circumstances. Eventually, we blame God.

Focus on a BIG God who can do it!
He has won the Victory for us so we need never be afraid!

If we learn to walk in the victory that He has won,

we can take the battle to the gates of Hell.

We can turn the tide of the battle,

turning the heartache of God into His Rejoicing!

Not by our own strength,

But by leaning on the power of the Holy Spirit.

Misunderstood?

Sometimes, i wonder...why do people love to say they are misunderstood?

But then, reality has hit, and yes, it's so easy to be misunderstood...i see so many misunderstandings that have happened in the past, other people's past and my own past...and the sad thing is that they could have been cleared up by clear communication!

So many times, we just presume, assume or just paint our own scenarios, but isn't it better and more direct to just approach the issue/person and work it through? Why keep going in circles or running away? I seriously do not understand the running away thing...why why why...? If you dun wanna be misunderstood, perhaps the best thing to do is to go and clarify things instead of running? Doesn't that sound logical and feel less burdensome? =)

Well...i'm stating it clearly here, i'm a person who is transparent and honest, i'll much prefer direct and honest communication, i simply love spending time with people so yes, i'll make time for conversations...you must know how important you are to me.

So yes, this is an open call, any misunderstandings you have? you know that i'm here to listen...

MAN! do i sound angsty or what? =) hahaaha! Anyways...this is just a belated rant, and not directed at anyone, but yes, been hearing too much of this misunderstood thing, so yups...youth, friends, people i love, yeah...let's not bear grudges or avoid ppl because of misunderstandings, much better to clear things up! Dun allow discord to creep into your relationships yah?

Anyways...i thank God that this has been a season of prayer, and growing in intimacy. Truly He has been guiding me clearly even in just choosing a place to eat or which path to walk in Holland V! Simple things, but all God-moments when in tune and listening to Him!

Lord, this year, as it begins...i pray for all i love, that you shine your light through us, and bless each person we meet. May each of us determine to set our paths according to the plan you have for us, may you teach us to forsake the things that wound your heart, and turn to the things that are pleasing in your sight. I pray for strength for the journey, healing after the wounds, perseverance during trials, your magnificence over our mediocrity, show us your glory and how your Love truly is a Love that never fails us and never leaves us. Turn our attention to you and how we can nurture this relationship more, so that we Love you more and keep growing this Love that we have. Amen!

Authority from my ransomed Saviour...

Was talking to a dear friend today and it just popped out so evidently to me that true authority and leadership are never by virtue of having a position, rank, or seniority. Anyone basing their identity on that, is bound to be small-minded and oppressive.

The only way to fashion true spiritual authority is through trusting and enduring the flames of the crucible and the hammer blows of the master blacksmith. This has been the hardest, toughest, most painful, literally heart-breaking season of my life...and yet, i see how by enduring through the confusion and releasing my desires back to God, He has been entrusting me with His heart for people more and more...this is something i could never experience fully in the past because i was holding back, because i loved in only one dimension...

But...the talk today (though totally unrelated to this post!) was illuminating! (I kinda make funny connections all the time and they make sense to me, but i still have to form them into coherent thoughts for the sake of others! so they understand me! ahahah!)

Oh well, i may have to think to form the thoughts into words, but God has this way of always speaking very clearly! =)

Samuel Brengle said this about Spiritual Authority and Leadership,

"It is not won by promotion, but by many prayers and tears. It is attained by confession of sin, and much heartsearching and humbling before God; by self-surrender, a courageous sacrifice of every idol, a bold uncomplaining embrace of the cross, and by an eternal, unfaltering looking unto Jesus crucified.

It is not gained by seeking great things for ourselves, but like Paul, by counting those things that are gain to us as loss for Christ. This is a great price, but it must be paid by the leader who would not be merely a nominal but a real spiritual leader of men, a leader whose power is recognised in heaven, on earth and in hell."

If that is what it takes...i thank you Lord for trusting me enough to put me through this furnace.

Yup...experienced so many of the things mentioned above, had to surrender til i became less than nothing, but counting those things that are gain to me as loss...this has led me to glimpse so much more of the Lord that i didn't know before. And i'm thankful to God, despite the pain. just like the Casting Crowns song...I'll praise Him in this storm...and i truly have and will continue to do so, because i know my Father loves me and will never bring harm to me.

Sometimes, even what we see as the best things in our lives become our chains, chains that bind us down and hold us back from where we should be. But that's why God gave his son, Jesus Christ, who paid the ransom, broke those chains, secured our hope, became our shield and our portion...so we trust in just one thing, and once our focus changes and shifts back to Him, then...maybe then, He begins to answer those questions we've always been asking, or maybe...those questions lose their importance...and HE continues to make all things beautiful.

There is such a paradox, that even in suffering, we can have joy! Even in hurt, there can be such concern! Even in pain, there can be unselfish love! How unfathomable are God's ways! How wonderful! No wonder He is the Saviour! =)

Christ is either Lord of all, or He is not Lord at all.

Christ is either Lord of all, or He is not Lord at all.

God certainly took me seriously, so seriously that He sent His son Jesus Christ to die for me, so that i can stand before Him sinless and righteous, because of the cleansing blood shed on the cross.

Sometimes i wonder...do i take him seriously? or seriously enough? if God could send His son for me, why do i whine or long for things that really...are miniscule trifles when compared to knowing Him!

It is rather easy to stay in our cliques, go splash money, enjoy holidays, delight in our gifts, avoid responsibility, enjoy the praise of people, take photographs, listen to what we want to, go where we want to because we can...but at the root of it all...if we really look hard at it, examine our motives, isn't the root of it abit narcissistic, selfish, self-centered? at least most of the time?

Martin Luther said...

"No one understands scripture

unless it is brought home to him,

that is,

unless he experiences it."

I thank you Lord, that through this whole process of refining, i can see it better and understand your word, and your heartbeat a little more...

Lord Jesus, i have just a simple prayer this early morning, be...Lord of all.

Interim post!

haha! Been a long while since i posted! been busy with camps and i dunno when i can properly do an updated post! but yes, i thank and praise the Lord!

Youthphoria Encounter camp was great! Underground church did us a huge favour! Praise the Lord! We learnt so so much more about Worship in all aspects!

Crusade Meta camp - Fantastic! Main thanksgiving? the 64 who accepted Christ! Wow! God is how amazing! =)

not gonna do a long update, but yups...praise the Lord for all these, and i'm gonna end with a quote that so tickled me with it's humour and truth!

"God grant me the serenity to accept people who drive me crazy;

the courage to up and get going,

and the wisdom to know you love the bananas out of me even when i screw things up."

~Hugh Myrrh~

yea...How you love us feeble creatures! what a BIG God we serve! =)