Life...less...

It's hard to see you weaker than normal and finding everything hard...
It was sad to hear you say last night..."We were young once hor..."
And seeing Ee Ee here to spend the night with you...just brings it full circle.
Family. Health. Heart. Strength. Bonds. Fear. Illness. Weakness. Dizziness.

Divorce. Single parent. Left with nothing. Broken bone. Stroke. Heart attack. Ruptured appendix.
How much can a person take? Apparently...A LOT.

Rebuilt Life. Remarried. Multiple properties. 4 children. Travelled everywhere.
Yup...seen it and marveled at it.

All in one person. Mum.

I have no real coherent thoughts,
just a sense of needing to pen stuff down lest I forget...
But today, more than anything, I just have emotions that I need to release...more than words.

These lyrics aren't really fitting, yet the emotions of this hit the spot...



Not going to let you go, until you know the Saviour I Love.
Nope...no way.

Finality

Never felt more mortal and all shook up...
then in these past few months...

Mum's health scare, with that double whammy,
Stroke and heart attack...

Then the personal scare that I had...
my first earthquake over in that beautiful land...

And now, once again...Mum with another sudden health ailment,
sometime seemingly minor, but dangerous to someone just a month after her major scare.

I think I've had too much to contend with in just the past few weeks,
it's scarily obvious to me how much my candle is being burnt both ends...

And the surprises keep coming...so i have to find my rest in You alone
Remembering that in You, there is a Peace that surpasses understanding

God, I thank You for the strength to write that letter before I flew,
I trust that the long letter would achieve what You would want it to.
Mum is precious to You and may You continue to turn her heart back to You.
And for the rest of the challenges, I lay it at Your feet right now...
I cannot handle another one, but I know You can handle it all...
Thank You for the surprising and wonderful conversation earlier
Thank You for friends like that who care and who remember...

Tonight I place my heart in Your hands,
All the work and the things yet to be done...I lay it before You
All the pressures and surprises, I trust You are there before me
May all that threaten to overwhelm be stayed by the Power of Your Name.
I rest in Your divine rest, may the day be brighter and more blessed as You intervene

irrationally practical

Just cuz everyone else is doing it, doesn't make it right

Time to don the battle gear, and enter into the fray...
It's been awhile but thank You for the opportunity

There are no words for me to say,
truly, i see the struggle of theology and practicality...
But I still say, what you believe about God MUST come out in your actions

Don't sell yourself (and someone else) short
I thank you for some dignity and self-respect
now, let's work on this WITH God, and let's press in...
the battle is long and hard, but it will always be worthwhile

Time to contend for what we believe in...
New battles coming my way...
hoping for new victories and new companions too...
Lord, you know what i need better than I know it myself even
please send me the way I ought to be going, teach me to follow there too.

Prayer is the battle of unseen proportions
The invisible which empowers the visible
Time to get with the program and spar it out well
Blood, tears and sweat are par for the course,
But the strength and the skills it builds are more than worth it
Hang in there, persevere, the battle is at hand

Not my own...

Am so thankful for the chance to reflect on this passage for this whole week...
it is a privilege God, one that I hold dear and am thankful for.

It is a reminder of sharing, and of giving...
Sharing in your heartbreak and pain,
and also, giving of our best when we remember we are not our own.

I have struggled much this week...
Be it when it was the late late nights and deep deep talks,
or it was the visioneering for the future...
I will miss this when I no longer get to do it
This life with it's joys, are not complete without the pains too

Maybe that's what God meant when He demonstrated Love at Calvary.
There is so much I wish the people would just do,
don't think so much, deliberate for the perfect plan, just do.
Do and see that the Lord is good and HE has it planned.

And when i meet the stone wall of cold resistance,
the ones that are man made barriers and limitations,
I wish that I had the strength and energy to be compassionate,
yet also strong enough to point it out and tear it down.
Sadly, I know...I have become too tired to help in that manner or fashion...
I have had to change and work in a different God-directed manner.
One that is of less consequence to others, yet massive consequence to me.
It means a certain dying, and a yielding to simple obedience.

No wonder they say the invisible battles are the ones that are the hardest.

God, grant me the serenity in these times to do as you would...
help me to want what you want and to surrender my stubborn will to it
Help me be refined even as I reflect and deliver the messages you give
Teach my heart to be still and not impatient for the time ahead that is to come.

Show me what you mean when you say, you are good, and your love endures forever.
Mould me into that kind of a vessel and vassel for you.

thank you for the lessons of this week
the privilege of it too...
Grant me grace for the ones to come
May I not hurt like this for nothing...

I miss...
and I miss...
But I know you are good.
thank you.