the sprinter who ran...

how i wish...one day...
that this inarticulate silence will be broken

No...not mine, yours...

place a band-aid on a haemorrhage
Just so you can smile, yet inside you...cry...

And you think no one knows?

it's not the loud rowdy laughter we hear,
but the sudden disappearances and withdrawals...

you are Loved beyond any measure...but, do you know?



Those words above in bold? If they meant for you from God,
How would you react? why would you even run from Him?

Life on hold...

It's been awhile...maybe too long...

I believe that the church is not just a place for whole people,
but also a hospital for the hurting, and yet...it seems sometimes...
people believe that only those who have "made it" reside there...

nah...i beg to differ...
it's the place where authentic people reside,
scars, warts, struggles and all...
overcomings, imperfections and victories shared.

I've had a little bit of an extended journey these past months

Eventhough many saw it as a good rest for me,
i think nobody really could understand the other parts of it,
the feeling of being alone or forgotten when I could do nothing...
the times where i craved fellowship or people who cared...

Genuine emotions definitely needed genuine outlets...
and i'm thankful i had some...
those who came alongside when i needed them,
others i just grabbed onto when i felt most desperate...

We all have struggles, some just hide them,
others cover over them...i believe that i need to be open abt them,
that's the only way to really recover out of it...
Of course, not sharing indescriminately, but to those who genuinely care,
and those who can really understand...

Been feeling this restlessness for awhile,
not something i can fully articulate,
but something i've tried to describe...
like "I want to run", "I miss the feeling of the wind on my skin"
and i think i've found good outlets...
but none like this one...



Thank God for that little unplanned visit to the library,
where i chanced upon this book, about Matt Long,
how he was crushed by a bus, and...
even despite his battered body...
managed to complete an Ironman...

In reading his book, some of my own frustrations were voiced,
some of my fears erased, some of my mental blocks smashed...

Leaving the hospital within 3 days,
Lifting my leg early on,
pointing my toes up & down,
going for staff summit,
placing weight on the injured foot...
gaining strength to go out for a whole day,
taking the bus, the MRT,
being able to bathe without the need for a chair
starting to walk without a crutch at all...
I set a goal every week...and i've met them all...

and now, my goal is this...
I started this year with a broken ankle,
but God willing, i want to end it with a marathon...

Sounds easy to some,
but right now, at this point...
i'm hobbling, unable to jump, unable to run...
but i want to get there...
I have this metal plate and pins permanently,
but i should not let it dictate my life,
And just like i told the youths on Saturday...
just like God said in 1 Tim 4:8...
"TRAIN yourself for Godliness"...

Life is meant to be that way too...
We TRAIN to be something...not just try to be that...
so...I'll TRAIN and not just try...
For Godliness, for physical & emotional well-being
this season is just getting started =)

The mandarin song i love best...

Some days are just... ... ...

And another language

just seems to give voice...

and be more eloquent

and that's how it sounds like,

when God speaks...

祷告 因为我渺小
祷告 因为我知道我需要
有些事我只想对您说 您比任何人都爱我

主耶稣，今天我为您活
我所需要的力量 您天天给我
您的恩典够我用

limp, raggedy doll...

Life to some is like a box of chocolates...

And maybe that box of chocolates says so much...

You need never think of it,

it's ok to just pick and choose...

because chocolate is chocolate...

it has no feelings, and each is no different from the rest...

Tell that to a child who has never tasted chocolate

Wait a moment...Have you ever met one like that?

I have...

and it was priceless to see that glow in her eyes,

just after the first taste...=)

But you know what...

she gave the very next bite to the one next to her,

and she continued to share it with those other kids...

she had tasted a piece of heaven,

and it delighted her heart to share it, and share it...

until she had nothing left for herself...

="/ she taught me Love that day...

I've seen the ugly hand of privilege,

picking and choosing, just because it can.

But i much prefer the eyes of innocence,

which recognises a gift, and shares it til it is gone.

I long for simpler days...

I'm finding my days too rich, too filled with things,

and then the things that really matter...

they become insignificant...although they really aren't.

This election season, i've refrained from making comments,

but now that it's almost over...let me say some things...

the right to free speech, also comes with a responsibility...

too many times, we see politicians give us half-truths,

some give us empty promises, and others empty reassurance.

There is no nobility in what i've witnessed...

when one slings mud, it spatters all over the place...

like it or not...we all get dirty...

Why make such a statement now?

because it's also the armchair commentators,

those who slam & complain on their facebook walls,

those who mock with your videos and pun-filled lines,

you've contributed to society being what it is today...

Instead of hiding behind empty rhetoric,

spewing forth derisive comments, and veiled innuendo,

I think that in your cleverness...

you've also forgotten that people can see through you

Your sense of "righteous indignation",

is just a cover for your misplaced sense of privilege.

The "equality" you strive for,

just code for a veiled xenophobia...

We've forgotten that we are nothing...

and to nothing we will return...

This sense of "rights", "privilege", "equality"

and whatever else...is actually...a longing for home

A home that cannot fully be seen here,

but in Christ, the longing for home...

will be fulfilled in time to come.

The way i see it now...

we may vilify politicians and those in the spotlight,

but is your life able to bear the scrutiny of the limelight?

Why cast the first stone, when you know aren't any better?

Some treat this whole thing as a game,

and maybe they do because life to them...IS a game...

Momentary pleasure supercedes any thoughtful consideration

Living "in the moment" turns out to mean....

PLEASURE...NOW!!

Yet, living in the moment actually means something deep...

in the ancient languages...the moment could be "chronos"

that is where we take chronology from...

Yet, Time also has this "Kairos" element...

A divine meaning, the instance where you live,

when it seems that everything was leading to this moment,

or every moment henceforth will never be the same!

But "Kairos" is meant to be a state of constant being,

not just that one single instance!

We have taken a wonderful divine concept,

and changed it to just living for certain "moments"....

A life lived in Christ is meant to be living & active...

beautiful, wonderful, and constant...

just like a relationship, just like Love...

That what Christianity is...

A relationship with the Living God.

Why settle for anything less?

Let's not cheapen it...

I find that when we treat life as a game to be played,

we also begin to treat things as important,

and forget the importance of people.

Just like children at play,

we sometimes see something new,

and we gravitate towards it...

and we somehow miss that we've trampled

& flung away those toys we've had no more use for...

By the time we miss it or are looking for it...

it might've fallen into neglect,

just like Woody in Toy Story...

Torn, battered, forgotten for Buzz Lightyear.

why bother trying to pick up broken shards...

when you never treasured it before it was shattered?

Thankfully in stories like these,

there is always some redemption

I like the Jesus kind of redemption more,

He came and eventhough he was riled against,

spat upon, scorned, mocked and beaten.

Tempted, tormented by anguish,

yet He never gave up on Loving us...

The cross was an instrument of torture,

yet Christ hanging there...became a symbol of Love

The ultimate kind of sacrificial Love.

Did we miss the point then? yes...

Do we miss the point now? surely...

But I think God likes fairy tales...

now...what about us?