don't know why...

Tomorrow, November,
Begins the last 2 months of this year,
a year in which i've spent 5 months out with an injury,
yet been to the US, Malaysia to come
yet had Vietnam cancelled, Dec marathon...prob not running,
and lots of other disappointments...along the way

I like this Coldplay video, because sometimes...
I really wish i could live life backwards...
running through and savouring the moments in reverse,
i wonder what i would have seen then,
and what i'd catch that i first missed



Sometimes it feels like running in circles, chasing shadows...
Go so far and then back to the start,
run a race and then remember it's part of the whole race of life
And sometimes, we fail to see what we ought,
but we see what we'd rather not...

Today, i have a sense of loss...
and rather than ignore it, i think it's time to live in it,
work through it, and then learn out of it

I mourn the loss of every wasted moment,
and the dreaded ticking clock...
it can never be taken back,
yet i know that i've spent each moment as i chose...
that cannot be taken away from me

We will naturally have many things to regret,
And i surely do...a broken foot,
a colossal price to pay,
my worst ever physical injury in all my life...
took me out for months,
& i suffer the effects even now from the weather!

Missing out of Vietnam, leading a sports mission trip,
and why? because of the foot also...
So many things to regret, be angry about, get upset...
but no longer, i think those were hard moments but i've had good ones too!

The 5 month break was a good one, a needful one,
discovered the depths of friendships...
those who cared and those who mattered most
Remembered my frailty yet God's goodness,
and it gave me a sense of how to minister...
even if i were ever incapacitated...

It also showed me my natural bent...
the one to serve, the deep love that is within,
the part of me that is fiercely loyal,
and the strong independent streak

It's been a really fruitful few months back,
leading change, and seeing God work in NTU
and in individual's lives...
I wonder how much they even see the change...
yet i do, and i give thanks for it! =)

In the 5 months out, it only deepened my desire to pray,
the sense that prayer is not an "add-on"
but it truly is the greater, invisible work...
the hand of God that is present yet unseen!

These last 2 months are gonna be fast and furious,
Preparing for summit, youth camp,
a christmas that is as good as over...
and then Crusade META conference...

Setting the platform for transformation,
trusting to see the King's Glory!
and working hard at it!
Gosh...it's gonna be a rush!

Amidst all of these...
Lord, I give you all my moments again,
the bad, disappointing, terrible ones,
and the good, fabulous & thrilling moments
In your hands, you craft them all into your beautiful tapestry
Thank You! I Love You

What can i give you?
What can i say?
This is my song of worship to you =)

Musical highway

haha! today was a little funny and freeform! =)
Been on a little youtube ride and it's been so fun i think i should share some of it! =D

Started with this today, a new song from Mercyme, but the funky tune grew on me
(it may grow me out of it though! HAHA!)



Then the funkyness got me reminded of this!



And also...this!



& i ended on this nice lil note! =D
Steven Curtis Chapman, singing about his daughter!
LOVE IT!

Gonna move...

Kinda taboo to start a post this way...
but when everything everyone is looking for is just...change
Is it an innate discomfort at being...who God made us to be?

There always seem to be people around who are wandering about,
lost & uncertain, not finding their way but still pushing forward...
We see it in the rat race, that push to attain that million, that house...
that promotion, that grade...we want to "make it"

But what if those crazy things get us even more lost?
and I mean this in the eternal sense...
Maybe the most insidious lie is that we can make, move, attain all,
that in our hands we can create all we need or buy it...
However, what if this is all false?

I think that we really really are forgetful creatures,
running back to place our security once again on sinking sand,
but once that crumbles, we once again have no more such security.

That's the problem.

I kinda think differently about this...
In life, i value my pathfinders & signposts
If i were to liken myself as an individual,
I'd wanna be a tracker...

I'd trace the ancient paths, to discover the pearls of wisdom,
to find out the WHY behind WHAT we do...
I see God's Word, the bible as my signpost, a chronicle of faith,
it shows me what happens to those who follow God, and those who don't

Eventhough i'm good at leading change, i think that needs to be God-led,
As we follow God, we'd know that we're going in the right direction
If not...it'd just be like those mentioned above, a rather senseless wandering

I value pathfinders; people who have been constant in their love for God,
through the painful moments, through the good ones too
They evidence a faithfulness, a fidelity that echoes their deep Love
Pathfinders in my life have blazed the way...
they've shown me what it means to have a personal relationship with God,
how to really seek Him with ALL my heart,
and in doing so, they have given me the best lessons ever
That with God, all things are truly possible
and I need to value & guard this relationship with Him...

So many things will determine to steal that place of priority,
interesting new experiences, delightful pleasures,
there are so many appeals to our senses...
even the guarded soul would be under siege
what more the battlefield for an unguarded soul
no wonder we are told to put on the Armour of God!

I'm determined to move with the Spirit of God,
not just cave in and do stuff that is comfortable,
I need to follow the way with God in this picture,
not just move to what "everyone else" is doing,
I know where the firm foundation is...
so that means forsaking all other distractions...

I ask for simple faith, some trials to keep me sharp,
Love enough for every moment,
A desire & depth of relationship that surpasses mere friendship
Thank You Lord

In Christ Alone

Rarely do i have such wonderful days to sleep in,

rest this tired body, the aching foot, the joyful yet weary soul...

When i decided to follow Christ wholeheartedly, 

giving my every moment, spending my vocation serving others,

I probably didn't count on all these things i'd see & know,

and it has been a wondrous journey! =)

I've been so richly blessed beyond measure!
Yes, here in this expensive and inflated country, 

My means are meager, the sum i earn - a mere pittance,

however, i count it a blessing that...with little...

i still have the desire to give, the desire to bless other nations,

raising kids like my world vision one, 

and of course other missionaries who find it even harder than me,

Why are we not richer with our giving,

why do those who have more, find it harder to release it? 

Questions that blight my soul...

because I see injustices that shouldn't happen

But...there are days that delight my soul, 

when i see someone rise up, and make a stand, 

choose to use what they have to make a difference...

Today, i'll celebrate one celebrity example =)

Brian Littrell, who used to be part of the Backstreet Boys,

you brought a deep sense of home to me when i heard this,

it's not a new song, but you did a beautiful rendition of it! 

And i heard you won a Dove award? Well done! Keep shining for Christ! =)

The dancing enhanced the whole message, 

but really...it was the lyrics that hit me most...=)

So beautiful...thank you so much Lord Jesus

If i've forgotten to say it often enough recently, I LOVE YOU

In Christ alone will I glory

Though I could pride myself in battles won

For I’ve been blessed beyond measure

And by His strength alone I’ll overcome

Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands

But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

Chorus:

In Christ alone

I place my trust

And find my glory in the power of the cross

In every victory

Let it be said of me

My source of strength

My source of hope

Is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory

For only by His grace I am redeemed

For only His tender mercy

Could reach beyond my weakness to my need

And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more

And to count my gains but loss to the glory of my Lord

Stay on the anvil

Stay on the anvil

makes me think...

Wow...this is 33mins long, but really impactful & thought-provoking...
Do we have the tenacity to go on asking important questions like he does?

Gosh...I'm really very angry...
angry at you, crazy, stupid, reckless driver!!

How could you be such an irresponsible person?
Your lane is a NON-TURNING LANE!!
There was a stop line, a speed camera,
and a turn signal that was RED!! RED!! HELLO!?!?

The cars with the right of way were still going,
us pedestrians (also with the right of way)
were happily walking with our green man

And you...numbskull...
you had to shoot a red turn signal?!?!
& in your panic when you saw the oncoming cars
you SPED UP when heading towards us?!?!?

You really should not be on the roads...
It's not a matter of having your triangle plates up,
it's not a matter of lack of awareness...
please...in your hands...the vehicle was a weapon!

YOU almost KILLED a whole bunch of pedestrians with your driving!
For the safety of everyone, and most of all for yours...
you should just GET OFF the roads!

Yes, I'm angry, and that's why i'm ranting...
but gosh...my sore ankle is reminding me that i have a right to be angry!
I really wanted to throw my drink at your car...
if you hadn't sped off, i'd have done that instinctively...

You broke so many traffic regulations,
almost knocked down people,
then sped off like a coward after the fact...
dude...you shouldn't be on the roads...
please get yourself off it for everyone's sake...

*ANGRY*

“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”
― G.K. Chesterton

On a flight of whimsy today, maybe i'm here, maybe i'm there...maybe i'm totally nowhere...who knows?

Emancipation

Did you ever see as He does...

from the first light of dawn to the last one of dusk

Can you ever hear those cries that pierce, 

when nowadays, we live with our ears all stuffed...

Will we ever feel like He does...

or do our hearts only cringe for ourselves, and no one else...

Faith as a child...

Following...not trying to do our own thing

The pride of man makes following hard,

especially when we desire our own interests more than His

Watch...to see Him at work

Unplug...to listen

Remain Tender...so that you'd feel as He does

 

Rest...to remain, to abide, to stay in that place who only One reigns.