Away...

Gonna be heading to do my ICT in afew hours, may be back this weekend, but yeah...it's til 30th April...

Don't really feel ready for it, though yeah...ok, maybe it is abit of a needed rest also, assuming i get to rest abit!

I'm glad that many things got settled this past week, many unexpected events, and plenty of much needed friend times this week...this in addition to a very good, very practical study on Philippians. Love it when God speaks thru His word, and yes...I have to say, i identify with the Philippians and yes, definitely with Paul also...

May the Lord continue to speak and show His amazing Love to me, and to all whom I love especially this week! =)

Opened eyes...

Panacea - i think writing is that to me...i find that i need to write notes, type out thoughts, blog, journal, send smses...anything to help me express myself! =) it's almost all through the medium of writing...and lately, i've had little time to do that.

But yes, times with people have been fruitful!

Pastor talked about people living lives of quiet desperation, and I identify with that in so many people...people who are discontent with the current status quo, yet...they do nothing about it!

Or if they do something about it, they do it exactly like what Pastor said too...by taking things into their own hands. This usually manifests in some self deluded, circular, roundabout way of justifying things, that is so convoluted precisely because it has no logic! It is just an attempt to impute some logic and legitimacy into a situation that is flagrantly rebellious to God, and sadly...that just shows the deception present in our lives.

God has an ultimate aim for our lives, one that is Good, Pleasing, Perfect, one that is bathed in Hope, fills us with Expectation, gives us a clear vision of Love, and causes us to be Awed by Him!

But i've realised this paradox...though anyone can recognise this Abundant life in others...when they try to SEIZE it with their own self-centered means, when there is a refusal to pay the price of Patience, the discomfort of Perseverance or the sting of Pain...the thing that is captured is a frail veneer, a mere facade...it may look good on the outside, but the inside is ugly, the foundation is crumbling, and in the times of trouble, it will not stand firm.

God's way of the furnace, though it is painful, uncomfortable and seems like death...well that is where the shaping, moulding and sharpening happens...it is where the dross is burnt away and what remains is a true reflection of who we are...i love what God says...

"The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart." Proverbs 17:3

I am saddened by prodigals, but the fact is that we all are prodigals...
Seeing self-deception, self-desire, selfish motives (almost everything SELF...)
pains me, but i know that God sees it in each of us too...& that tears at my heart

I don't know how much i do not know, the unanswerables that are often seen in life,
Yet the mysteries of Life that God never gave answers to...
i know that HE holds those ESPECIALLY close to His heart.
And in Him I trust! So i know that if He didn't give the answers, it's for good reason.

When i can't see God's hands, I determine to trust in God's heart.

I think of God's undeserved Grace to me & His unmerited Favour,
and I cannot fail to be humbled & grateful...
And there was once in my life that i asked...constantly..."why God, why?"
Why die for me if i'm a sinner? Why bother? Why waste yr Grace & Favour?
And then, one day...the answer came..."So that you can show it to others too..."
Simple words, yet wonderfully painful to execute...
When an offense hits, when it is unforeseen, sudden, unexpected,
when the pain is unbearable, untenable, insulting...
when everything crumbles for no foreseeable reason...
and despair, despondence, anger & bitterness hit...
Grace & Favour...seems the most out of place then...
but it is what is most needed, and the hardest to do...
And that is why...WE MUST...
If we believe in God, if we know the sacrifice of Christ...
We have to make the choice to do as Jesus did,
even if we're in pain, anger or our every fiber screams against it.
And yes...do it despite how we feel...

Worship is an act of Choice,
The Choice to Praise in Pain,
to Worship Him on the Throne,
To say that He is in Control in the mess of our lives,
It is an act of Surrender...
We do it not cause of how we feel

God who holds us in the palm of His Hand,
He is too marvelous to be awful,
Too Loving to be capricious,
So Gentle that He will never force us,
yet, He is Firm, Strong and a Sure Foundation.
In Him there is no Shadow of Turning! Woohoo! =)

For the praises of men, i will never ever stand,
For the kingdoms of this world, i'll never give my life away...

But for Him who stands above it all,
Who gave Himself for me...
For Jesus, the sacrifice Lamb,
For Him, I will say..."Here I am, Send me"