last day of 2012

This is the last day of the year...
It really feels like an ending
but also, a beginning

An ending...
to youth being on Sat,
to the internships
to the busy year (though this continues)
to losses & drains...

A beginning...
I've been so heartened by the parent's responses to the move so far!
It is so encouraging to think that we will have a lot of new faces
Will we be able to get in touch and assimilate all of them? I hope so!
Pray pray pray, I hope that happens more for us
Love: not just the lovey dovey feelings part, but more...the graft of it

I'm feeling abit messy now,
perhaps it's the throbbing thumb...
but yeah, i think perhaps it's also the sadness
of loss...the interns have to go, things are changing, we adjust...
Think we are all more than abit sad...yet, I'm also personally...thankful
Hopefully today, when they get to do whatever they want with me will help =)

Loss, more than my fair share this past year...
leaving NTU, someone's misunderstanding last year to the impact this year,
having to change pace, adjusting to life like that,
the work and ministry always places demands on individuals,
we serve & give, and get hurt & suffer, get misunderstood & spoken against,
yet the response has always been...love, forgive, continue, do the needful, trust God.

Sometimes I think my idea of faith is too simple for some,
but I think that's kinda what makes it strong and real for me.

Today, I can't do everything, but I'll do what I can...
Tomorrow, i may not have the manpower, but the work is still there...
So i will continue on, to do what I can, and pray that God sends help

All hands on deck...that is the rallying call...
thankful for tomorrow to sort out these thoughts
and...to sleep in...haha

Words

Amidst everything today...
handshakes to times together...
the surprise of that beautiful face and greeting
S, you reminded me that God's timing and surprises are best
I believe that too =)

The thing that went deepest was the answered prayer
Of an unmentioned hope, and one that was fulfilled
the words that saw the unseen work, the love contained within
thank you =)

First time in many years that this was not a personal retreat day
Spent it meaningfully from dawn til dusk...
...thank You Lord

Great to worship You on my birthday too,
a rememberance of Jesus the same...
and how that song holds such significance...
Thank You Redeemer...
may my heart hold your passion,
may my hands move at your holy prompting
to see the lost return to the Father

that's a birthday wish...

k

Gave my all this year...

Mission trips
Major transitions
Personal changes
Mentoring of individuals and the interns
Coaching teams
Growing in knowledge & application
Seen & sensed more,
Prayed more, spoke less

Leaving, yet helping
Staying yet wandering

Intimacy
Surrenderedness

Gave my all up til today

Glad...

overwhelmed

consumed

also...fatigued

but it's worth it

Thank you for the talk today...

You were the spark that made it meaningful today JT

Thank You

Lord, thank You for tonight! =D

You blessed my heart in some really unexpected ways today!

The coaching was terrible, yet you salvaged it...
Practice doesn't make perfect...
Practice just makes HABIT,
and we should know what we are practicing,
make sure those are the right things!

The night was a struggle,
a bodily one, cuz i was so tired out
but i thank you for the unexpected dinner,
the blessing of transport to and from,
and the conversation/catch-up that happened
May You continue your healing work Lord!

Thank You for the unexpected words from Cyn,
those were a sweet affirmation of who you made me to be!
And I did not expect to hear that! =)

And then, the bolt out of the blue!
Thanks for the blessing that little conversation with Yong En gave!
Did not expect thanks or to hear that it transformed his life,
but thank You Lord that you did it!
And Thank You Lord for challenging and changing his perspectives!
That is marvelous!
Thank You for friendships that helped push all of it through also!

You have blessed me beyond measure,
Thank You!

What is Christmas?

“God loves you just the way you are, 

but He refuses to leave you that way. 

He wants you to be just like Jesus. ”

~Max  Lucado~

Thank You Lord

That you became flesh,

I learnt something newly profound today

Your sufferings and trials...

they were mine

personal...

for me

cause of me

me

Though we are not to be self-centered,

we ought to be floored at how personal that is...

Just like Love

it isn't and can't ever be a foreign concept

but it is totally tangible, 

so tangible that it's totally taken for granted

It also tastes best when given

Matthew 5 (The Message)

43-47 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’

 and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ 

I’m challenging that.

 I’m telling you to love your enemies. 

Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. 

When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, 

for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. 

This is what God does. 

He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, 

regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. 

If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? 

Anybody can do that. 

If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? 

Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. 

 48 “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. 

You’re kingdom subjects. 

Now live like it. 

Live out your God-created identity. 

Live generously and graciously toward others, 

the way God lives toward you.”

We have so much...
so so much,
yet the tendency is to look at  and lust for what we do not have.

I've been more concerned with those who have nothing
and as i look there, and pour my efforts into it,
i'm feeling abit of what they are feeling...
how ungracious we are as a society,
how unloving we are to those who need it most,
how the poor, destitute, scorned and shamed,
continue to be the same now, as they were in Jesus' age.
Are we growing in grace?

Christmas is about Christ
Honour Christ
By living like Christ

2 quotes...

Need to think today...so doing it here...

Heard/saw 2 quotes yesterday that have kept me thinking til now

Quote 1 was an insightful statement, deep in it's truth, incisive
It pointed out how responsibility and rights are inversely linked,
how the granting of one, also means that the other is affected.
I liked the statement because of it's truth, and how it pointed out a reality i feel.
Yet it was also a heavy statement, because of the implications meant...
The more responsibility i have, the less rights i should expect.
It is dying to self, for the sake of others...for the sake of the Gospel.

Quote 2...I cannot wrap my mind around it
But i think it was mentioned in response to quote 1 above
And it spoke of how if a person was focussed on others...
they would have no time for self-pity...hmmmm...really?
But somehow I sense that's not the reality...

I think the spiritual reality is that...when we work as for God,
we will extend ourselves for others, and in the process,
we DO get tired, weary, and over-extended...even amidst the Joy!
I think the truth is that, in those moments, when we are weak...
the devil will attack our worth, with despair and self-pity...
it happens, and we should know about the reality...
so that we do not despair, so we understand our weakness,
so that we turn to God in those moments, so we rest and recover.

Simple platitudes, and statements which speak of an ideal situation,
may seem to just gloss over a very real human struggle/reality.
I don't think that is what we are in the business of doing...
We should give answers to heart questions as much as we can
so that at the end of the day, people may see that God is there in their struggle,
Love has never abandoned them, and that Christ is the greatest gift,
but we are the ones who sometimes/frequently forget...

Okay...my thoughts are clearer now...
In the first instance, I instinctively reacted against quote 2,
because it spoke of an ideal, not grounded in reality/experience,
it was a trite answer to a complex answer...one that stirs up more ire

Quote 1 hit home clearly because eventhough it was a tough statement to stomach,
it pointed out a reality, and prepared the listener to take it that way,
and it prepares us for the way forward...I think that is the nature of truth...
it points out something we dislike to see, yet also causes a breakthrough,
so that light cascades upon a situation and the path is clear for the journey ahead.

Quote 1 & 2, thanks for making me think... 

pffft...

spent...yet joy-filled

It's not about the gifts, toys, presents, time, energy, effort, strength, dirt, injuries, blood...

It's about the intangibles...
A change in mindset & perspective,
the ability to look beyond the immediate & instant,
the trust and faith that little things make a BIG difference,
a prayer for the receiver,
a heart for others.

The war for hearts and minds,
is always a long slide downhill...
since human nature drifts towards the comfortable, easy, lovely, fun...
but it is a battle worth fighting,
and if Jesus could see that in a rag tag 12,
then we should not give up too easily
Persevere beloved ones...
May your life be His too

agathōsunē

Autumn winds blow...

So Nature deals with us, and takes away 

Our playthings one by one, 

and by the hand Leads us to rest so gently, 

that we go scarce knowing if we wish to go or stay, 

Being too full of sleep to understand 

How far the unknown transcends the what we know.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow~

Experts in aging make a distinction between passive aging and purposeful aging. 

Successful, purposeful aging calls for continued involvement, 

relationships, discipline, and an attitude of faith.

Pressing onward...

Remembering the future,

plunging further in,

falling exhausted towards the tape is better,

than failing and pulling up short...
There is work to be done,

do it.

Simplicity

It was such a joyful trip, to be out there in the mission field once again,

seeing the faces of people hungering for God, (where is it here?)

watching those who are sick & hurting be ministered to, and grateful (is this forgotten here?)

playing with those to whom everything can be a toy (we need MORE here...)

bringing joy to individuals just by adding colour pencils to their life (we want iphones/ipads here) 

Is it fair to compare? Maybe? Maybe not? But we miss the learning if we never see...

In the field, I saw once again, a clamour of hearts knowing that they lack SOMETHING,

but back home, once again, i'm struck by the harsh opinions & SELF-sufficiency we have,

In the field, I saw unconditional Love, imperfect community, but very self-less,

yet the moment I returned, there was the harshness of conditionality, selfishness, and hurt...

I find all of this such a harsh juxtaposition...

I yearn for simplicity...

Where Your Glory is the Only consideration...

not how we look, not OUR glory, 

YOUR fame, not any others...

Turn this generation back to You Lord.

I thank You once again Lord, for the divine burden for those who have never heard of you...

Much more than it is for those who have heard of You a million times...

Please keep me on the straight and narrow where I can be most effective for your glory

I know I fight the disappointment of seeing people run for their own glory instead of Yours,

but help me not to grow jaded, weary or cynical, but help me to turn nations back to You Lord.

Simply because I Love YOU, and nothing more...

Today, I thank You for the 13 hearts that You turned back to yourself in Cambodia,

and also, for the privilege that Yuming, Evelyn, Ashley & myself had, 

to have front row seats to your miracle of salvation, 

and for the pleasure of joining in Your work of turning hearts back to Yourself.

You are simply amazing God! =)