A sunday like the past...

"Now God designed the human...
to run on Himself...

God cannot give us a happiness & peace apart from Himself,
because it is not there.
There is no such thing."

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Didn't manage to go to church today, amidst the hustle & bustle of moving.
I really dislike uprooting myself & having to plant somewhere else.
It feels so unsettling & the transition stress gets to everyone...
I wish my mum would be less cranky & forceful...
it's not helping anyone, the way she pushes to get her way in all things.

However, i'm reminded in the midst of all this, that God is here,
present, available, loving, and giving Grace & showing His Mercy in all things.

Despite the one major hiccup, everything else was done more than satisfactorily!

I like the quote above, God made us to run on Himself...=)
I think in the moments where i can't go to church (like today),
i'm reminded of the privilege it is to worship together,
& how corporate worship in our day is frequently taken for granted...

But i remember a time when i wasn't allowed to go to church,
when i had to sneak off just to attend, and come home ready to face the music,
those were bittersweet days, i treasured the deep intimacy opposition brings,
and then when the bitter moments hit when i got home,
it was always a practical test of this new Love that I found in Christ
Those humbling days tested yet taught me the most i've ever learnt.

Seeing people in other nations with no freedom to corporate worship,
those have also been humbling times...

imagine looking over your shoulder, knowing secret police are around,
having to talk in harsh whispers, and sing in muted tones...
no wonder when given the chance to worship in a fellowship,
they burst out with such gusto & tears running down their cheeks...

I think privilege is a great honour & a blessing,
but i also think that any privilege shown or given to us,
can never solely be for our benefit only...
I think God's heart is bigger...and it's meant to bless more than just me

I've just had a rather weird experience of this...
Liting, who has cancer, has been calling it a privilege...
& by the facebook notes she writes & shares to others freely...
she is really living it out and showing the world what it means to be blessed
I would struggle to call it a privilege, but she does & she lives it out well!
My privilege has been that she's my friend, my courageous friend,
I'm glad to know someone who exemplifies Christ like that.

"Our task is to be faithful to the calling of the cross:
to live in God's new world as the agents of His love,
and to pray that the cross we carry today
will become part of the healing & reconciliation of the world"
~N.T. Wright~

I realised that i almost never say..."I'll try, i'll work harder on it etc"
I just tell people..."I'm learning..."
It kinda fits in more with my ethos, that i need to keep learning,
be humble, acknowledge my mistakes & shortcomings,
& work at it so i learn to be a better man cuz of them.

so today...
I'm learning...that when tests, trials & temptations come,
they are opportunities to advance in faith, hope & Love,
I must do everything i can to stand firm (Eph 6:13),
& press on toward the goal of the upward call of God (Phil 3:14).

We learn by doing...& become what we do

"Superficiality is the curse of our age.
The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem.
The desperate need today is not for a great number of intelligent,
or gifted people, but for deep people"
Richard Foster, Celebration of Discipline

And maybe...being deep, sometimes just means seeing as God does...that ALL our work is important to Him, because He Love us to our every little bits...=)

"The devil has so blinded men that he has persuaded them to believe that in little things they do not have to worry where God is honoured or served: and this is accomplished on the pretext that such things are of the world. When a man works in his labour to earn a living, when a woman does her housework, and when a servant does his duty, one thinks that God does not pay attention to such things, and one says that they are secular affairs.

Yes, it is true that such work is proper to this present & fleeting life; however, that does not mean we must separate it from the service of God"
John Calvin

We are biblical people, so we ought to live biblically...
In Ezra 7:10, he lays it out so simply...We ought to "...study the law of the Lord, and to practice it, and to teach His statutes & ordinances to Israel"

Study, Practice, Teach
Ok...i'm learning to do that more...

& haha! i just saw this, so i shall add this in as a reminder...

There are 3 marks of a great person:
One who is a great thinker
One who is a great lover
One who is a great doer

yeah...hopefully i'll grow in all 3 areas well! =)

"Only he who believes is obedient,
and only he who is obedient believes"

~Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship~

true

I like my devotional lots...because of the truth it brings to light...
So...let me reproduce the whole chunk of it here...

You finally did it!
After months of dreaming & preparation & effort;
you finally finished the gift you believe to be the lifelong dream for someone you love.
What a joy it was to create!
Sure it took lots of effort.
Sure it required your heart-and-soul passion.
But your efforts reveal your deep love,
and you hope your loved one will see your heart in the gift.

Never once do you consider how you would feel if the receiver took your gift and walked away, ignoring you while showering kisses all over the object of your efforts

Unfortunately, that happens often.
We do it to others, and it happens to us.

Unfortunately, that's the response God gets from most of humankind.
What must He think when He sees people loving His miracles more than Him?
To add insult to injury, He knew even before He created the world,
that we as a creation would be more inclined to worship His gifts, than Him,
yet He lavishes us with signs of His love anyway.

Why do we do this to Him?
The reasons are endless & shameful.
We are arrogant & proud, ungrateful & lazy,
and we love to take, take, take when we know
someone is willing to give, give, give.

How much better when that someone is God Himself,
who has more riches that we can fathom & loves to shower them on us.
What a deal for us!

However.

God knows a key truth that is a secret to those whose hearts are still blinded in "take mode":
We miss out on His very best gift...
A close relationship with Him
when we have our eyes plied to the next greatest miracle cure for our every want.

The people in Lystra missed seeing God because they were so awed by His miracle.
The true miracle is God's love for us;
His actions on our behalf only serve to point us to Him.
Don't favour the evidence of His love, over the Lover Himself.

"Lord God, I'm awed by your Love, because it reveals your greatness. I worship You only, and I thank you for the gifts that show who You are!"

"To love a gift, love the giver"
Anonymous

In line with what i've been learning recently...
when we learn to put first things first...
When we learn to Love God well & Love Him fully,
that enables us to Love the gifts that He gives...
We love rightly because those are secondary, yet we can love them fully too.
There is a divine order to our loves & passions too!

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened."

Romans 1:20,21

Invisible, yet known...that's God right there.

"Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."

1 Tim 1:17

And we sometimes wonder why He remains unseen...
I think...it's not that He is unseen...
just that we refuse to see Him in ALL that we have...
We're blessed, but miss it...

Yeah! =)

I love the organisation i'm with, because we have such a clear sense of calling!

Even in the midst of tragedy, just like the Trapped Chilean Miners that were just freed, somehow we still managed to find our way there & bless them!

I'm proud to be part of a group that Loves people like Jesus does, and finds all ways to reach them even if they are literally stuck in the depths of the earth!

Those shirts that EVERY one of the miners wore when they emerged?
They all bore the name of Jesus! & I hope the Word entered their hearts too!

If you can't see what is written on the shirt,
it says "Gracias Senor, Thank you Lord!"
& there is a verse on the back!

For the full story...read...

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2010/10/14/the-story-behind-the-chilean-miners-jesus-t-shirts/

unwelcome news...

This post wasn't supposed to be about this...
then...i got the unwelcome news from mum...
& it seems like my world just got thrown upside down...

And so...
the day has come...

11th Oct - Family gets key to Hougang

Mum demands we pack up & go...in 3 days...
So...come thursday...is our first move...isn't that MAD?

& she expects us to finish by next week...
be totally moved...

How do i work & pack everything in 3 days?
Does she expect me to drop everything just like that?

this is madness, & it really causes me so much stress...
my daily commute to & fro is gonna be 3hrs...
i'm geographically far away from most of my friends,
& the travel to church is again...a ghastly distance...

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh...

I dun wanna complain...but i can't take it...='(

Why move so quickly?
Didn't i just move back home in January?
Why move in the MIDDLE of my peak season?
And how do we pack without any boxes?

I suddenly remm all the frustrations I've felt with my family,
& now this frustration is threatening to make me boil over!

wwwwwhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyy...

I just wanna...

UUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What is First?

"One of the most salient features of our culture
is that there is so much bullshit"

~Harry Frankfurt~

Before you think I'm in a funk,
& angry with the world...
please realise that this is quite biblical!

In Philippians 3:8 it says...
"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ"

That word "rubbish" in bold,
is skubala in Greek.
& is politely translated as "refuse", "dung" or "rubbish"
But in fact, it is EVEN more offensive!
It refers to nastiness & decay,
it is a coarse, ugly, violent word implying
worthlessness, uselessness & repulsiveness!

In a culture where people are talking about...
things they know nothing about...
where skepticism flourishes,
& the possiblity to know objective truth is denied.

Where the tendency is to accept something as true,
not because it is rational,
but rather because it feels good
& fits with or confirms our prejudices.

"It is this lack of connection to a concern for the truth,
this indifference to how things really are,
that I regard as the essence of of bullshit"
~Harry Frankfurt~

I feel that we live in a culture of false seductions,
where what is virtuous, right, pure & true...
is replaced by the profane, wrong, filthy & false...

Our view & the value of Love then changes & melds with the times...
it becomes conditional, situational, momentary, unfaithful...
we strip from the very word...the intense meaning within,
& we leave a shell of empty sensations...a void...
one that we try to fill with what we can find...
be they people, pleasures, thoughts or desires.

"Look what a mess we've made of love."
Switchfoot, "Ammunition"

No wonder, eventhough Christ came to die for us,
we fail to recognise such divine love,
& we fight tooth & nail to reject what is contrary to our senses,
we CANNOT believe that someone, GOD, would do this for us...
that He would give His greatest & best, for such as us...
But...it's precisely because it is counter to our nature...
that proves that it IS God!

And when we do...
God can begin to transform us,
from within...with His Love

"The life of Saint Augustine has special appeal
because he was a great sinner
who became a great saint"
~R.S.Pine-Coffin~
Introduction to Confessions



*Love the violin intro! & the cresendo
this song never fails to send tingles through me*

YET...for me,
There is One can bring a Joy deeper than this...

C.S.Lewis puts it this way...
"You can't get 2nd things by putting them 1st;
you can only get 2nd things only by
putting 1st things 1st."

(*I broke some literary rules above when i put numbers in there,
instead of spelling it out but they serve to illustrate this point much better!)

What is your heart captivated by, friend?
What is FIRST in your life?
I fancy that not many people read this blog anymore...
but yeah...this is as much a reflection as it is a challenge!

I've decided to put God first all the time,
& sometimes that means I surrender my desires,
sometimes other things take God's place...
& I have to painfully give them up...

Sometimes I forget Who is first,
then I ignore when He prompts me,
the restoration process gets rocky,
but the supreme Joy of seeing Him back as First...
is always...ALWAYS...worth it!

It is a journey,
a process, but it is worth it...

When was the last time you told God you Loved Him?
When was the last time His Love overwhelmed you?
When did you last experience His Grace, Mercy & Forgiveness?
When was the last time you bowed your knees in awe of Your King,
the Lamb who came to be your Living Sacrifice.
I feel deeply & I felt it again today...so unexpectedly...
but fully surrendering to it all...felt...wonderful =D



First things First always...

Then Second can have its place...
We have to love things in the right order
& in the right magnitude

how can it be...

"For my people have committed two evils:
they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters,
to hew for themselves, cisterns,
broken cisterns that can hold no water"

Jeremiah 2:13

The commentary of a life lived imperfectly,
a homily of brokeness, drawing from rancid waters
Somehow, life at it's wane feels just like that...

Happiness & despair...emotions that come unbidden,
one to be welcomed, the other to be disdained...
Somehow, we "feel" in our being that one is more right than the other
We run from one, into the arms of the other...
But...what if we have gotten it wrong?

Happiness while easily welcomed & sensational in feeling,
can help to dull the senses & turn what is good...
into what is selfish...self-seeking, inward looking...

Despair or pain, or struggle, while unwelcome...
help us to identify with those who are struggling,
those who are presently not coping well...
it can help us foster compassion & genuine Love...
A Love that moves into action, not just words...

I think that God placed Happiness & Despair as emotions,
not for good or bad as we think it...
but for us to be sharpened in our Love,
no matter the circumstance.
And when we learn that...we get a glimpse of God

There is a surprising nugget of wisdom in this quote by Bob Dylan...

"You know...these are yuppie words,
happiness or unhappiness.

It is not happiness or unhappiness,
it's either blessed or unblessed."

Perhaps we have been misled, and we totally miss it...
How blessed we are to be able to feel...
how blessed we are to be able to enjoy happiness,
how blessed we are to be able to share someone's despair,
how blessed we are when our Love compels us to honour God more,
to respond to Him in deep gratitude, to Love Him more.

But so many times we do exactly the opposite...

"For my people have committed two evils:
they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters,
to hew for themselves, cisterns,
broken cisterns that can hold no water"

Jeremiah 2:13

We forsake the Giver of every good gift,
we forget about Who He is, what He has given
the Sacrifice that He gave...

they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters,

and we worship the sensations, the gifts, the talents,
We crave, covet & desire something, someone more...

to hew for themselves, cisterns,

Our hearts have grown cold, and closed to His voice...

broken cisterns that can hold no water

And we never realise where we fall...

"How can it be...
That You were the One...
on the Cross?
Lifted for all OUR shame...

How can it be?
The scars in Your hand...
are for ME?"
:"(

You are the King of all...
& i forgot to tell you today...

But i will now...

I love You Lord
More than Life,
More than happiness,
More than despair...
I'm blessed...
because YOU Love me...

"Such is each one as is his love"
St. Augustine

unwelcome

din feel too good,
tried to sleep early...

just woke with an unpleasant fright...
found myself in a cold sweat...

saw it was my phone...
unwelcome news...

dunno if i can go back to sleep...
praying for you & your family...

Fickle Feckle...

In life, there are too many people who drop words that mean well,
that are actually just tickling our hearts...causing a flutter...
but they make little ACTUAL difference

Empty promises, nonexistent actions, wispy words...
I think we're supremely fickle that way...

In fact, today is probably the perfect analogy...
i woke smelling this burnt smell that wouldn't go away,
& looking out the window...it was a haze that made everything dreary,
I think loose empty words feel so much like that to me...

Maybe that's why my supreme comfidence comes in another form,
another conversation, one that is real & marked by promises.

I've always wondered why to some, prayer is just an afterthought...
whereas to me...it's like my life-blood...
I flounder, grow weary & restless easily without centering,
get distracted, think weakly, reason poorly, without that...

Yet...i get refreshed, energized, catching a new perspective...
each time i center down...
Talking to God on behalf of others is also very fulfilling...
It seems to me to be the more "practical" help in some sense,
because in so many situations, i'm really...just utterly powerless

Saw this on the Resurgence...
And i resonate with it...
I think our lives are weaker, less passionate,
When apart from God.

Our inner life is always frail...
We should always take steps to Him,
Not just in our moments of weakness
but especially in the "mundane" of life...
because God Loves every minute detail of our lives!

Reminiscing...

Feeling so so under the weather today...
Nothing seems right...
sleep helps, but i wake with a throbbing head...
resting more in the hope of getting better faster...
hope it isn't a vain hope...

But yes, decided to think back on some merry things...
and...i really miss my childhood...the good parts of it...

I remember the sense of freedom & adventure i've always had,
receiving my keys in primary school, a wallet, & some change...
I loved the times thinking of how to scrimp & save...
running home? drinking just plain water?
eating a big breakfast in the morning?
skipping lunch? Thinking up tons of my own games...

I loved being that officer in our primary school games,
playing our mini-battles & war games,
getting all sweaty & dirtied without a care...except for later! haha!

Loved rounders in the pre-primary rooms,
with the secret aim of kicking that wallet up on the roof,
just so we could go climb it in order to retrieve the wallet!
Illicit thrills like that, knowing we might be disciplined for it...
well...they just added to the excitement of it all! =)

Loved my playground moments too...
the REAL playgrounds, where SAND was the norm,
not rubber like they are now!
Thoroughly enjoyed climbing up the swing,
perched atop that rail, sitting on the throne of the castle,
taking in the lay of the land, and feeling on top of the world!
Such a literal Joy that was!
Of course, there were thumping down to earth moments,
sometimes, climbing badly, or just slipping off...
but yeah...sand is a pretty good friend!
Got more than my fair share of scrapes & bruises,
but nothing broken, so...NO WONDER i enjoyed it always! =P

Eventhough it was frequently empty when i got home,
home was a haven of fun also!
Enjoyed those moments of freezing my own ice packs to suck on,
running up 14 floors instead of taking the lift,
thinking i was the hero, rushing up a tower,
monsters not far behind, safety not far ahead! haha!

I remember my room & the balcony,
climbing on to the grill to play, and to be like Tarzan! haha!
& I hazard that some will be asking right now...who is that!?!?! HAHA!

Chores were mundane little tasks...
but haha! With my sister & I, nothing was ever mundane!
I remember the assignment to clean the kitchen! HAHA!
We plugged the drainage hole, flooded the kitchen,
and then proceeded to slip & slide all over the place! HAHA!

As i recall, mopping the house was similar too! =)
We sloshed soap water about and then proceeded to slip & slide first,
then mop it all up later! HAHA!
Such fun making our own little joys!

The task i always remember, washing the dishes!
There was always a procedure to it...

dump the food, scrape it clean, rinse...
soap & scrub, front & back, in & out...
dip rinse, visual check, towel dry!
Dry on the rack, place it well...dun crack anything!
DONE!

Sure...there were some unhappy days of childhood,
but none that i'd wanna write out,
shall dwell on the happy & try to get well in a jiffy!

Exciting what goes through a boy's mind! =D
& yes, amazing what i can recall when sick like today...=P

God's word for today was...interesting...

"Let me show you how letting go
& hanging on work together"

Lesson drawn from Luke 9:24

Serendipity...

Nothing but Your will for me...