Pinpricks of Light...

A true emergency shocks us into the necessity of action; from then on, the greatest danger...is inaction...

To many, TOO MANY...
the safest place is one in the dark, hidden, kept away, impersonal...
it can seem the most intimate, pleasurable or the best place...
but the dungeon, that dark prison is never where we're meant to be

I've seen a better way...
When Light enters that dark dungeon of despair...
Illumination may be blinding, painful to the senses, a shock to the system,
yet it also shows the squalid conditions, the pitiful state of things,
and best of all, it shows that there is a way out of that place,
...if you're willing to trust & obey...

Sigh...
I think one of the great challenges of my role,
is that i can NEVER coerce or convince, i can only point the way,
and then wait...to see if the choice is taken, or the person remains...
My pain is in watching the struggle, feeling helpless,
wishing i could take the reins, & having to fight that urge to...

I have to remm that my feeling & emphathy are off the charts high...
almost maxed out, and while that reminds me that i'm in the best job fit,
it also is a caution for me to manage that well, so that burn out doesn't hit.

Feeling for others is seriously strenuous,
youthful days may never feel the strain,
but waning days surely do...

RickW put it succintly when he said...
he'd never put someone on his staff who hadn't been through hurt,
because it meant they never saw God come through for them.

Drudgery is on the finest touchstones of character there is.
Drudgery is work that is very far removed from anything to do with the ideal -
the utterly mean grubby things; and when we come in contact with them,
we know instantly whether or not we are spiritually real.
~Oswald Chambers~

It's never been about the struggle, or despair, pain, hurt,
when you look beyond that, beyond that dungeon, that prison...
it's ALWAYS been about...

Who do you trust?
What are you looking for?
Is that worth it?

Do you KNOW, REALLY KNOW, Who's been holding you all this while?

I know a person has turned the corner when my gut resonates deeply...
The amazing change that comes from an overflow of knowing God,
the Joy that emanates is a Christ-like one,
the serenity of soul is a delight to sense,

and the striving...
& struggling...
simply...
ceases
.

=)

These words in the video above caused a tingle in my soul...

"Jesus' ministry was where people were,
We've got to minister...
where people are at..."

It takes great courage, deep love,
& a fortitude of heart to wade into the mess of people's lives,
yet it also requires a tenderness, humilty,
surrenderedness...
a warrior who isn't afraid to cry

My Joy is Christ,
The privilege has been to see God work,
& sometimes being His hands & feet,
His mouthpiece even...

I reserve certain terms because to me,
they are special, set apart,
And God, you surpass them all =)

Delight & Joy abounding,
Freedom & upliftedness,
Restedness, calm, and a smile!

Thank You Lord!
I LOVE YOU

Rights or responsibilities...

So often we fight for our perceived "rights"...
the right to speak up, the right to an opinion,
the right to be who we are, the right to be different...
there are so many "rights"...but are they REALLY right?

I've been stewing on things...
and i've decided that "rights"...
the concept of it is correct, yet...our application is flawed.
Many times, we fight NOT for what is right...
but for our PERSONAL RIGHTS...
It ends up being tremendously selfish,
and extremely self-serving...

Yet there was the One who showed us the better way,
He had ALL the RIGHTS of Divinity, Sonship & Love,
& yet He chose to give up those "rights"...

In doing so, Jesus showed us the meaning of Love,
the meaning of sacrifice, the meaning of selflessness.

I think that "rights" are over-rated,
and the more i learn the lesson of surrender,
the more i understand how liberating it is to have no "rights"...

When we see that we have no right to be angry,
no right to be frustrated, no right to be petulant...
then we begin to finally take responsibility for our actions.

Claiming a "right", like a birthright...
gives us an easy excuse for cutting corners & not working hard.
Taking responsibility for ourselves means working hard,
but reaping those rewards also...

Would you prefer an angry, petulant, tantrum-throwing kid?
Or one who is responsible, clears up after himself, and helps others?

So many times, when we claim our rights, we become like a petulant kid,
but when we take responsibility, we think for ourselves & for others,
and make better decisions then...

I think God showed a better way...
& though it isn't the natural way,
it surely is the better way...

I'll follow His way...not yours...

Slow slide...

They forgot the God who saved them, who had done great things… (Psalm 106:21)

The slight slippery slope seems just like a minor challenge, at first
until you reach up high and find there's no where to go...
and then...looking back down a slippery slope,
or up...where it continues to extend...
you find a certain limbo...
In there, you'll find out what you've been relying on,
what has been your false image,
and it may lead to...

a lostness of heart, a dampening of spirit
a growth in disbelief...
a vanishing Joy

“In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the LORD’s hand in Egypt!” (Exodus 16:2-3)

Forgetfulness naturally leads to complaint & ungratefulness...
We find outselves looking more & more to "our" ability,
but was it ever "ours?"
We find ourselves slipping...it could be in language,
it could be in thoughts, and also in action.

We wallow & stir ourselves into a frenzy...
looking to & trying to get any relief from all we feel...
forgetting once again, that the Answer...is never far away

Many times he delivered them, but they were bent on rebellion and they wasted away in their sin. But he took note of their distress when he heard their cry; for their sake he remembered his covenant and out of his great love he relented. (Psalm 106:43-45)

There is One who ALWAYS remembers & never forgets, never forsakes us...

Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever. (Psalm 106:1)

Turn your eyes upon Jesus...
Look full in His wonderful face,
& the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
in the light of His Glory & Grace

A rushing full stop...

The heart that broke over your sin,
breaks also over your hurts.
As only the heart of God can do,
its brokenness brings you wholeness

Encountering the truth of God each day is somewhat of a Joy,
And also of somewhat of a conviction...=P
So many times I tempted to hurry along and rush out of the house,
giving in to the tyranny of the clock.

But when set as a priority, & discipline,
the truths of God come alive again.
Apart from Him, we can do...nothing
Busyness is never an excuse,
nor is laziness...

God cares even when i don't,
that is conviction enough.
But to FEEL that God cares when i don't,
that kind of Grace really breaks my heart.
And i'm glad it does...
Because it reminds me of intimate Love,
God's kind of Love,
and the One that i never want to live apart from.

We may ignore, but we can nowhere evade,
the presence of God...
He walks everywhere incognito.
And the incognito is not always hard to penetrate.
The real labour is to remember to attend.
In fact, to come awake.
Still more, to remain awake.
~C.S. Lewis~

Help me constantly keep awake to You Lord! AMEN

To satisfy the soul...

"In comparison with this big world,
the human heart is only a small thing.

Though the world is so large,
it is utterly unable to satisfy this tiny heart.

Man's ever-growing soul and it's capacities
can only be satisfied in the infinite God.

As water is restless until it reaches its level,
so the soul has not peace until it rests in God."

~With & Without Christ~
Sadhu Sundar Singh

sigh...

Truth

Obedience always brings blessing
Obedience always brings heartache

Contradictions? or Polar-opposite truths?

to be continued...

Broken hearts, broken lives...

The first Love experience, heady...tumbling, falling, totally bowled over...
Seems like everyone is talking about something like this,
Matchmaking, love manufactured, love that is momentary...
No wonder we have lost the wonder and the chemistry of Love

Set to a diet of sappy unrealistic romance novels,
equally fantastic dream worlds of hollywood...
No wonder we look for instant microwave-able Love,
and run at the first sign of a stink...

It seems that no one talks about broken hearts,
or of broken lives...yet if we look carefully...
we see these wanderings, of people meandering...
the walking wounded, limping...loveless...

or so it seems...

I submit to you, that Love is NOT merely a heady experience,
it might come in that form, and knock you over...
but that mainly is a superficial, shallow love that serves ANY masters,
I think that is...desire running amok...creating havoc

Love that is TRUE Love...is one that is tried by fire,
seen not in sweet nothings, flirting or friendliness,
Love of the TRUE nature...gives...sacrifices,
is meek, is unseen...& so...often...taken for granted.

I submit, Love that knows not brokenness,
Love that sees only the rose-hued tint & misses the storm clouds,
that...that is a love that comes from imagination, fantasy...make-belief...
it can be apprehended only as much the cloudy mists of a distant hill...

Can you understand Love if it means loving a criminal, or a lunatic?
What does it mean when Love produces a lavish portion of sweat, blood & tears?
Do you understand the refined Love that pours out from a broken heart?
Does your heart break, like a body is broken?

I've a great sense of my sinfulness...
And it leads to brokenness...
yet it can never measure with the unfathomable
the greatest measure of Love i've EVER known...

God, in His infinite Love...
He broke His OWN heart...
He tore His OWN body...
He SENT His only Son, Jesus Christ...
to die for me...sinful, unworthy me...

We stone, curse, mock & ridicule Him...even now, daily...
We hammer those nails in mercilessly by our careless living,
We live nothing like redeemed people who evidence His Love...
We deserve no such sacrifice, no such gift, no such Love...

Jesus KNEW He was the sacrifice lamb,
He knew the was dying for useless, unrighteous dung...
He saw & heard the petty bickering and hurtful talk...
He felt each insult, laugh & assault on His character...
yet He still went...to the Cross...for us

God gave His best, His Only BELOVED Son...
A man totally unblemished...
In exchange for dirty, unrighteous, ungrateful sinful men...
people like you & me...

Who has the right to say Love is that airy feeling,
a light-headedness, a sensation that brings instant delight...

No...

LOVE, true Love...
was a broken body...Jesus Christ,
A broken heart...Our Father God,
for a broken life...Mine...

This depth of Love in brokenness, so far surpasses any I've ever seen...
& I acknowledge this as True Love, the TRUEST LOVE i've EVER known...

Thank You Lord Jesus
Thank You Abba Father

I'm learning...

Intentional Disciplemaking Church (IDMC) Conference 2010 has been a blessing even in just it's first session tonight.

Edmund Chan never fails to illuminate deeply yet keep it simple...It truly is a gift!

He shared and articulated so many things that resonated within me, and yes, i think i need to blog it down because it is extremely important!

"To get into the Word is to cultivate a DELIGHT in the Word,
a DEVOTION to the Word
and a DISCIPLINE in the Word"
~Edmund Chan~

Delight, Devotion, Discipline...keywords that strike a chord in me,
because that is what i've always wanted to see, and worked to achieve,
and i see it articulated out for me now! wow!

And i like the way they all end with "...the Word"
And a little nugget of truth that was masterfully teased out of the text...
why "...the Word"?

Well...because "...the Word" is all about Jesus, He is the LIVING word, risen from the dead, ALIVE, living and active! And Delight, Devotion & Discipline...those keywords, they find their meaning in RELATIONSHIP...A LIVING & ACTIVE RELATIONSHIP with JESUS, the Word!

That's why we can Delight in, be Devoted to, and be Disciplined in knowing Him better!
All done through studying and digesting the Word of God!

I especially like the way that he described Discipline...
Most do not associate a relationship with discipline, but it is the most important!
We can never go TOO deep into the word.
We live in a very visual world, but the most important world is the unseen one.
& the most precious commodity us ULTIMATE Truth, found only in the Word.

However, being in an instant society, we want everything done quickly, and fast.
But...there is no such thing as instant growth or instant maturity.

Knowing the Word (Jesus), is like any other relationship...
It takes time, it takes effort, it takes DISCIPLINE

Are we willing to center down on Jesus each & every day, or do we allow days to slip into neglect and unknowingly run dry...is the Discipline there, or does it need to be cultivated?

If we see the bible as a book, we will not hunger for it...
but if we realise that it's the most important RELATIONSHIP we can have,
the one Truth that everything else is going to be built on...
Isn't it worth it to build that RELATIONSHIP with the Word (Jesus) daily?
Isn't it such a privilege & a pleasure to call God friend?

I want to share the devotion that was shared...but i'll leave that for tmr...
Day 2 of conference begins in afew hours...and the Word is exciting me! =D

Thank YOU Lord!
I see that my previous crankiness was a humbling preparation,
to prepare my heart for Your Word & Your Work in my life!
Thank YOU for loving me so much!

Revelatory Serendipity

Tired.Despondent.Weary..Cranky.Beaten.Fatigued.Hurt.Irritable.Fallen.Trudging.Hungry.Blur.Angry.Battle-scarred

It's inevitable that we feel such a way sometimes...
And unsurprisingly, those moments hit hardest when we're most drained...

I just returned from climbing Kinabalu, and that taught me many more valuable lessons...
I probably felt all of the above emotions...in ever-increasing measure, the further up the mountain we went. And it was not just a matter of fitness, it was altitude sickness, it was watching the landscape go from lush & luxuriant, to barren & devoid of life above the frost line. Those lessons probably cannot be completely shared here, yet...they are real ones.

I've been asked...
Why do you run marathons?
or climb mountains?
or challenge yourself this way?

Why? Good question...
I don't know...but maybe, i learn more when i do these challenges than when i don't

Each marathon was a test...

of discipline...to be able to rack up long training runs way before the marathon

of perseverance...not giving up before the finishing line
of trust...in people, in me, and in God

Climbing Kinabalu was also another such test
It was hard, but not murderous.

And through all the marathons & mountains...
There are some enduring things that i'm apprehending now...
After going through such extremes of emotions and hardship,
i've realised that most of what i go through nowadays...i'm better prepared
At least, mentally, physically & spiritually, i know i've been through tough days,
Pain, despair, and all the other things that hinder...are overcome-able
Perseverance just means putting one foot after another...
And after the pain and the struggle, it will all be worth it...

But the best lesson?
KNOWING that God is FOR me, He is WITH me, and He'll never leave nor forsake us even in our weakness...


After all...the sun always rises & the majesty of a sunrise, can hardly be captured by a camera...but it can be indelibly etched upon my heart & in my mind


And there is beauty, even in the shadows...

This is the shadow that Kinabalu casts on the land...

Simply Amazing