excuse me pls...

Someone should teach me how to forget...
maybe then, I would be clearer in some ways

Or maybe i just need to act blur, or fake stupid...
but none of the above things are consistent with who i am

Some people can live with a huge degree of incongruency, inconsistency,
I somehow can't...I need to have my inner life & outer one, one & the same

How we define value is how we live it out, isn't it?
But why can some live in utter confusion & chaos...

how did Jesus bear knowing all that He knew?
What was on His mind as He waited & wept, when Lazarus died?

How can we love the Lord who did miracles & gives us good gifts,
& then turn our back on, and mock the one on the cross...

It's so easy to play with God, flirt with Him sometimes,
when He speaks, we doubt, hesitate & fear...
but when gifts drop in our laps, love unconditional is shown,
we quickly forget, fail to be thankful & then forsake the giver again...

Going to church makes you a christian,
only as much as sitting in a Carl's Jr makes you a hamburger...

We are NOT what we wear, what we proclaim, or what we seem,
We ARE what we DO, what we LIVE, what we LOVE

Our hearts are easily misled, quickly enchanted, easily distracted,
how quickly we forget, forsake and then are left forlorn...

Easy words lead to empty promises, which tear an invisible rift
Isn't it an irony? We expect God to heal, while we go on destroying

Convenience is such a contemptuous evil...
Intentional Love does the hard thing

Cheap flattery, witty flirtatious lines...will be shown up as lies
truth may hurt for awhile, but it's also healing & redemptive

We follow people, and forget Christ,
when we should follow Christ, and introduce them to Him

Selfishness is celebrated, exalted & constantly trumpeted,
where selflessness is taken for granted, trampled & casually discarded

Excuse me please...
It's time to wake up!

In the most simple declaration of divine sadness i've ever read...

God himself said..."My people have forgotten..."

='(

stunning it is...
that we can break the heart of God so easily...
and be so oblivious of it

May we know You more this day Lord
Please unlock the deaf ears,
open the blind eyes...
incline every cold heart back to You
AMEN

Walk in Nehemiah's shoes...

I wonder how Nehemiah felt when he conducted his first survey of the broken down walls of Jerusalem? The bible records that he did it under cover of darkness...and people have conventionally thought that he did it to prevent detection from enemies...

However, what if there were other reasons...
in chapter 2:11-12...just WHAT did God place on Nehemiah's heart?
it's never stated, just that he went with a few men under the cover of darkness...
Maybe it was the rebuilding of the wall...maybe it was something else...

Maybe he did it in darkness because, then...
he could see the true state of the wall,
feel the terrifying weight of the darkness,
see with his senses what his eyes could not see...
can you imagine walking the dung gate in the dark?
they say when you deprive some senses, the others heighten
gosh...who can tell the assault on his senses...
Smells funky, can't see much, every sound like an attack,
maybe in that whole night of his journey...
He was experiencing a dark night of his soul,
abit like Gethsamene for Jesus
feeling what it means to be without light,
darkened senses, to feel...fear...
And maybe...just maybe...the night was effective cover for tears
like Jesus' own anguished sweat drops of blood...


I think we think too small of God...
When He planted something on Nehemiah's heart,
I think it was a God-sized task...
yes, the building of the wall was a great task...
but men could do it (and they did it!!)

In the process, the Jews who did it were encouraged,
they were empowered, they were ministered...
Building up the individuals...a mammoth task...done by God!

BUT...Maybe, and maybe i'm even thinking too small here...
but what if...the God-sized task that was placed on Nehemiah's heart,
was the rebuilding of the wall, the strengthening of individuals,
the reformation of a nation, the REVIVAL of belief in God!
I think that might have been it...REVIVAL

Where throughout, the people had a sense of their abilities
a sense of what they might do with their strengths, gifts and talents.
Yet at the end of the day, the most important thing...
was that they regained a sense of WHO God is...
The great I AM...He who could, and WOULD...
do all that is needed to rescue His people, build them up,
and once again, remind them that in Him...
all other problems are small, tiny, utterly meaningless! =)

Will you walk in Nehemiah's shoes?
Do you see your broken Jerusalem wall?

Are you able to lift your gaze further...
to see that God has called you to be a Holy Nation,
A royal priesthood, A people belonging to God,
Who called us out of darkness & into His marvelous light? (1 pet 2:9)

We ARE,
because He IS,
the GREAT
I AM

laugh or frown?

Hmmm...i dunno whether to laugh or to cry! =|

this silly little rubber thing at the bottom of my crutches...
it looks like nothing, just a little rubber thing...
like a shoe for my crutches...
but whoever could fathom such an important role for it!

i used to figure that yeah...it gave me more traction,
helped me to navigate water and muddy situations better...
well...today...the little rubber shoe tore...
and i was thinking how it looked so funny!
just a show with holes! had some "character" woo! =P

then...just after that...
when i started to move around...
i realised that metal on floor contact...
makes tons of grinding noises...
scratches on the floor...
and worst of all...that crutch slides every which way...
never fell/threatened to fall so many times in sucha short time...
sigh...so now, the toilet is my greatest threat since it's wet and all
and i dunno if my family can find the rubber thing now,
shops close in afew mins...but hopefully we can find it!

God...HELP!!!

Youthphoria history...

Hearing from Wendy last week...
then Rufus...i think i should also share...
before history gets forgotten...

But i don't know where to start...

Standards

Was in a ponder moment earlier...
then i saw a quote that really gave me pause...

And as i thought about it,
the unmistakeable plea of something deeper emerged...

So often, we have a certain measure,
a standard that we have, hidden, unconscious even,
but it is there within us...

We want certain things...
friends of a certain kind (funny, good-looking etc)
things that are special, unique, individual,

Deep within, we hide an inner complex...
wanting to be superior, smarter, better,
pride, selfishness and other things hide within...
do you even know what is within you?
Alot of times, we don't...
because we are able to deny it easily...

However, what we cannot ignore is this...
We have a certain standard, a way to "measure",
now...where did that ever come from?
And why is it there?

I love the way God convicts and moves...
And today i have one simple thought,
one that i hope will help illuminate the rest of the thought...

This world says we must have a certain standard of living...
it leads us to want to acquire more, have the best things,
and when we cannot, it leads to a desirous lust of the eyes,
sometimes even to a deadly green-eyed envy...

However God has never asked nor measured us any such way...
Instead of a standard of living...I think God would ask us...
How is your standard of Giving?

If the God of the universe, started creation by an act of Giving...
Giving us light, water, trees, animals, life...
and if He crowned creation by creating Man,
then isn't giving supposed to be deeply ingrained in us?
Sadly...it isn't...

But God had a final, supreme act of Love...
When He GAVE His son, Jesus Christ as the atonement for sin,
In this ultimate act of giving, God redeemed us fully...
Now...this free gift is laid on us...to give...

When our eyes are set on the wrong things,
we can completely & totally miss the point...
but if we know the abundance & the gift that we have,
then we also know God, who gives us all that we need,
and He is a God who can be trusted to give richly...=)

i'm learning that...
The greatest gifts we can ever give...
are the free ones...
Love, Time, words, effort

Free gifts...but immensely costly, & hard

& maybe the beauty is captured...
in the way that God made this...
So that no one can have an excuse...
I never had this...i never had that...
We have ALL been given a heart to love,
& the same 24 hours each day,
an ability to talk, write, paint, create, or just be there
and people with whom to bless them with...

Is your standard of living more important
than your standard of giving?

How are we giving with all that we have?

somedayswonder

racked with a splitting headache,
& another wrenching -ache,
One of a physical nature, beyond control
the other of cheap words & badly broken promises

Congruency, a long obedience...
the same-old, same-old...
seems to hold no value for a microwave age,
on-demand fun, a roving eye for the next thrill

like a ball out of left field...
sudden gut shots hurt the most
little twitches that used to not matter,
suddenly become amplified, snowballed...

If we look for the tangible, we get the tangible,
if we look for the intangible, we see gold...or sometimes...none
What obscures what? White covers black? or Black over white?
You say there is no answer? I say there is...

From a relativistic view, nothing is certain...
then, to even make such a statement debunks itself.
We live by laws beyond our control...
gravity, electromagnetic fields, light, sound...

Darkness can only exist because the Light isn't present,
So in any situation, Light, illumination is needed...
then darkness will simply have to flee...
Light beats back the darkness...

And that's true now too...
When we see, ignore the darkness, it is fleeting,
Look for God's light and fan that forth...
We are ALL made in God's image, everyone of us,
so there is none that is "more worthy"...
or one that is "more despised"...
Our measure is Love...
and we are all Loved by the King...
some just know it better than others.
And those who know it better...have a responsibility...
a responsibility NOT to hoard it,
but to demonstrate that gift to others,
to show it...to draw others out of the darkness,
to show the world what true Light looks like.

somedaysiwonder...
isheavenreallylikeasweetmaplesyrupkiss?

broken & poured out

3 While He was in Bethany at the home of Simon the leper, and reclining at the table, there came a woman with an alabaster vial of very costly perfume of pure nard; and she broke the vial and poured it over His head
Mark 14:3 (NASB)

22 While they were eating, He took some bread, and after a blessing He broke it, and gave it to them, and said, "Take it; this is My body."23 And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, and they all drank from it.24 And He said to them, "This is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many.
Mark 14:22 (NASB)

This short passage in Mark 14 really spoke & challenged me today...the first is the lady who broke the alabaster jar of perfume, worth a years wages...she gave her BEST and her ALL as a gift...then it was Jesus later on, who broke the bread for the last supper...and He was showing us that He was going to GIVE us His all! wow...stunned and amazed at these 2 stories and the same pictures used...BROKE (Alabaster jar & bread)...POURED OUT (Perfume & blood of the covenant)...

And the other key words, both were COSTLY, and both were...GIFTS...wow...WoW...WOW!

To live a life that is BROKEN & POURED OUT

Concise

I love it when things are broken down to it's simplest & truest form, when done succintly...it is plain wonderful!

It's easy to confuse fasting with a hunger strike,
to get God to do what you want.

Pray that God will empty YOU of all that is YOU,
and fill YOU with all that is HIM.

Simple, short, true...

Isaiah 58 (The Message)
5 Do you think this is the kind of fast day I’m after:
a day to show off humility?
To put on a pious long face
and parade around solemnly in black?
Do you call that fasting,
a fast day that I, God, would like?

6 “This is the kind of fast day I’m after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts...

9 Then when you pray, God will answer.
You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’
A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places
“If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people’s sins,
10 If you are generous with the hungry

and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.

11 I will always show you where to go.
I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones. (!!!!)
You’ll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.

Was surprised by God this morning =)
Precisely because of this passage in Isaiah,
and especially verse 11 above! =D
Firm muscles & strong bones!! haha!
Truly God knows EXACTLY what i need,
exactly what I have been asking for...
and He put it into His LIVING WORD,
eons before I even knew i needed it...gosh...
The way that You Love is truly amazing God!

What can i say but...I Love You Lord! =D

the longest Psalm

Today...i read the longest Psalm in the Message version...
and once again, just by pure reading, things are striking me! =)

Want to just share the things that hit...
because this way...the word of God speaks for itself! =)

1 You’re blessed when you stay on course,
walking steadily on the road revealed by God.
2 You’re blessed when you follow his directions,
doing your best to find him.
3 That’s right—you don’t go off on your own;
you walk straight along the road he set.
4 You, God, prescribed the right way to live;
now you expect us to live it.
5 Oh, that my steps might be steady,
keeping to the course you set;
6 Then I’d never have any regrets
in comparing my life with your counsel.

12 Be blessed, God;
train me in your ways of wise living.
13 I’ll transfer to my lips
all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
14 I delight far more in what you tell me about living
than in gathering a pile of riches.
15 I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you,
I attentively watch how you’ve done it.

20 My soul is starved and hungry, ravenous!—
insatiable for your nourishing commands.

32 I’ll run the course you lay out for me
if you’ll just show me how.
33 God, teach me lessons for living
so I can stay the course.
34 Give me insight so I can do what you tell me—
my whole life one long, obedient response.

41 Let your love, God, shape my life
with salvation, exactly as you promised;
42 Then I’ll be able to stand up to mockery
because I trusted your Word.

66 Train me in good common sense;
I’m thoroughly committed to living your way.
67 Before I learned to answer you, I wandered all over the place,
but now I’m in step with your Word.

71 My troubles turned out all for the best—
they forced me to learn from your textbook.
72 Truth from your mouth means more to me
than striking it rich in a gold mine.

79 Let those who fear you turn to me
for evidence of your wise guidance.
80 And let me live whole and holy, soul and body,
so I can always walk with my head held high.

95 The wicked lie in ambush to destroy me,
but I’m only concerned with your plans for me.
96 I see the limits to everything human,
but the horizons can’t contain your commands!
97 Oh, how I love all you’ve revealed;
I reverently ponder it all the day long.
98 Your commands give me an edge on my enemies;
they never become obsolete.
99 I’ve even become smarter than my teachers
since I’ve pondered and absorbed your counsel.
100 I’ve become wiser than the wise old sages
simply by doing what you tell me.
101 I watch my step, avoiding the ditches and ruts of evil
so I can spend all my time keeping your Word.
102 I never make detours from the route you laid out;
you gave me such good directions.
103 Your words are so choice, so tasty;
I prefer them to the best home cooking.
104 With your instruction, I understand life;
that’s why I hate false propaganda.
105 By your words I can see where I’m going;
they throw a beam of light on my dark path.
106 I’ve committed myself and I’ll never turn back
from living by your righteous order.

Oh yes...today marks 1 month into recovery of this broken ankle!

because this speaks better!

⁵Meanwhile, all the other people live however they wish,
picking and choosing their gods.
But we live honoring God,
and we're loyal to our God forever and ever.

^6-7"On that great day," God says,
"I will round up all the hurt and homeless,
everyone I have bruised or banished.
I will transform the battered into a company of the elite.
I will make a strong nation out of the long lost,
A showcase exhibit of God's rule in action,
as I rule from Mount Zion, from here to eternity.

Micah 4:5-7 (The Message)

I find myself at a loss for words...
the good sort of lost for words =)
Because, sometimes, we just are...
& it's best to be speechless before the King =)

He is the I AM

The Message in Galatians

Read through the 6 chapters of Galatians in the Message version, and I just want to capture some stuff that stood out to me in the reading! =)

Chapter 1: I like Paul's passion, and how emphatic he is as he says this!!

^10-12Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ.

Chapter 2: Paul shows his firmness in the gospel & his lawyer skills

¹⁴But when I saw that they were not maintaining a steady, straight course according to the Message, I spoke up to Peter in front of them all...

^15-16We Jews know that we have no advantage of birth over "non-Jewish sinners." We know very well that we are not set right with God by rule-keeping but only through personal faith in Jesus Christ. How do we know? We tried it—and we had the best system of rules the world has ever seen! Convinced that no human being can please God by self-improvement, we believed in Jesus as the Messiah so that we might be set right before God by trusting in the Messiah, not by trying to be good.

^17-18Have some of you noticed that we are not yet perfect? (No great surprise, right?) And are you ready to make the accusation that since people like me, who go through Christ in order to get things right with God, aren't perfectly virtuous, Christ must therefore be an accessory to sin? The accusation is frivolous. If I was "trying to be good," I would be rebuilding the same old barn that I tore down. I would be acting as a charlatan.

^19-21What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.

Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

You know...there are 4 more chapters to Galatians, but...i realised that i can't summarise them or make it any more concise without killing Paul's excellent case for faith and how we are children of the promise! Please...go read Galatians in The Message version, you'll find that it translates it so nicely, and so readably, that it makes a whole new sense of the unchanging gospel!

Loving my times reading The Message from God once again! =D nice!

passé

ouchie...

*writing this in the midst of pain...so...i dunno what i'm typing lah...

When I broke my leg, I made this silent vow not to mention it too much...like, i know my life is gonna be badly affected by it, having to change routines, learn how to manage small things like arranging for water to be available, food, looking where i step etc...

So yeah...even though my life does revolve around this...handicap, yet i've not complained too much, but today is gonna be my complaint post...because i really really feel it today!! grr!

Woke this morning with my leg feeling really stiff & painful...it was the whole leg, and i could hardly move! Scared me a little, but after giving it a massage, the aches lessened to the point where i coud get out of bed, yet...the pain was still there.

Later on, i contemplated leaving the house...going out to visit because i've been so utterly bored, totally missing interaction, feeling like a chump...but then the skies started to threaten, and the thought of waiting in the rain for a cab was...untenable, so there goes the plan...

And then the worst bit...was doing my leg stretches then i realised my skin was peeling, took me awhile to realise the the skin is now flabby because my muscle has atrophied & shrunk, and the skin is now peeling cuz of that...and putting both my legs together, it is really a sad sad sight...one muscular, normal leg, and the other...lifeless and toneless.

The doctor's review is on 28th Feb, then i'll know if the bone is healed enough, and if i can put any weight on it...but now til the 28th is a REALLY long time...i wonder what my leg muscles will atrophy til...it is a sad sad sight seeing your own body waste away...and have no way to change it...

And yeah...one really bad side effect? I'm starting to get cramps in those unused muscles, and the worst is that i can't ease the cramp because i can't really manipulate my foot, so i have to bear it or try to massage it our gently...all this just adds to the distress...sigh...='(

yeah...feeling abit down & sorry for myself today, i'm determined not to let it get me down, and i wanna fight back, and recover better, but for now, i've to surrender this...the bone has to heal, then i have to rehab to regain full range of motion, only then can we talk about regaining strength...so yeah...gonna be weak for some months yet...have to face that reality head on

It's almost a month already, so that's one month down! i'm finding ways to cope...come on now, dun wallow in despair...give it your best Rudy...long journey but you can do it!! look upwards...

I wish I could say things were normal & I'm doing wonderful, but though i think i've coped well this past few weeks, I do get my bad days too...today is truly one of those...God, help me deal with the pain and the cramps, the sleepless nights & painful ones, the lack of help and no more Isaac/Joy/Isaiah to play & laugh with...I think those were truly wonderful days of blessing...thank you Lord!

Please pray if you see this...there are bad days & today is really one of those...='|

emancipation

*any mandarin in this post is borrowed from a dear friend...

I read this in “My sister’s keeper” by Jodi Picoult

“I don’t believe in living my life expecting the worst”

Sounds like one of the best summaries ever for a life...
but isn’t that purely a utopian idea? idealistic yet unrealistic?

Doesn’t living like that open ourselves up to living an illusion? or more accurately, a delusion?
Life is filled with ups and downs, if we only look for the up...and miss the downs...aren’t we missing the other part of the journey also? Life is the sum of the whole, not just the good or bad.

Additionally, holding on to that kind of a thought, won’t it just lead to faulty thinking? like...instead of making the most of our current situation, won’t we just wallow? or just wait? instead of taking active steps to move out of the situation or to learn more in those down moments? This inclination to ignore takes passivity to a whole new level

The lady who uttered that sentence...she walked into a fire station, in an octupus suit...why? because she did not ever live life expecting the worst, so...when her house burned down,
that was all she had left to wear...somehow...a very fitting picture & very congruent with her philosophy of life. Lady Octupus...i'm not sure whether to laugh or to cry, but the absurdity stands out doesn't it? That was a very shrewd social commentary hidden in the book, succintly compressed into several paragraphs...

it's better to live life in terms of eternity...both sides of eternity, that means looking forward to heaven, but knowing that there is an eternal Hell for sinners too...I don’t plan for the worst, but I do think through the things that might happen, and prepare somewhat for them, as much as i prepare for the successes & the Joys in life, forethought helps...and understanding our human weaknesses and limitations helps too...somethings that we can’t do...we just have to trust God for...Growth is all about walking on, in trusting God, and in taking those steps He has charted...in faith...

"I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery" Exodus 20:2

Egypt is on my heart, especially after seeing the pictures of Tahrir Square in the ST, and having been there, meeting people and now hearing some of the thoughts...the unrest, confusion & fear is palpable. Violence has always been a part of the culture, & in flashpoint moments like these, it gets really dangerous. My friends...i'm praying for you also. Your freedom is eternal & secured, but maybe, now, God is setting the rest of the captives free!!

On another note...

wet = slippery
fungus = slimey/slidey
achey arms = weak
broken ankle = dangerous
slip...die...
why?

="(
*ouch

可能..最痛的不是表面所失去的。

The travesty of Love

*Disclaimer: I dunno where this came from, but it all amalgamated in my mind late last night/early this morning...And yes, these are sometimes my best times of thinking and reflection!

The Travesty of Love

There is a certain travesty in Love, if we only love because it was easy, then wouldn't that just be a cheap love?

If we love only because of the euphoric feelings, then won't we have a multitude of false loves?

If we only loved those who loved us, then isn't tt just plain natural?

Love is believing in someone, even when they don't believe in you...& especially when they don't believe in themselves

When there is a celebration, all who love a good party will be there! But only those who truly love will make time to truly celebrate the important ones, to turn the mundane & simple (water) into the finest & most meaningful (wine), just for them.

In the midst of tragedy, the travesty of Love shows up best, not only would someone turn up to share the pain, wait in agony (He wept, remember?)...before performing the ultimate miracle

Love is...making a relationship work after being treated cruelly,
showing the other that they remain Loved inspite of any unlovable, selfish actions...

I think true Love has to be...different, counter-cultural, it loves the sinner, the fallen, the broken, the unworthy, the undeserving & those who least expect it...

It's demonstrated by actions & by words, spoken to empower, acted upon by surrender & sacrifice...beautifully demonstrated on the cross of calvary, in the person of Jesus Christ!

That is LOVE