God's Word

He said..."It is finished"

Hosanna!

Wanted to post Corrinne May's "33" but i can't find a good youtube link! haha!

Oh well! shall share this then! =D



I loved this simple yet uplifting song the instant i first heard it!
It's also cuz the multiple key changes really lift up my soul!
Anyways, it was awesome how things came together at META!
Eileen first mentioned that she had this laser light thingy,
and I felt inspired to use it, so just asked her to bring it for us,
then...i couldn't really find a use for it in the first 2 days of worship,
but on hearing that we would be doing this song for the final worship,
it all came together in my head, divinely inspired as i saw this picture...
of the ENTIRE hall, from being lighted up with stage lights,
then the lights fading off, so only the lyrics were seen,
then after that, even the lyrics going black and...
the laser lights "dancing" in the pitch black...
And i got so super excited about it!! =D hahaha!

But...of course, there were challenges!
Firstly, it was hard to visualise it without anybody in the hall,
but i felt certain enough in my visualisation to just risk it!

Then...the worship team had too little time to practice,
so I couldn't tell them about what the stage team had planned until the last moment!
Thank God for Eeleen who was all for it!
They had to prep for it by putting their chords on their iphones! haha!

And then, as the song was playing, timing was everything,
and it seemed as if my team was pretty unsure about this whole thing,
but yeah...I told everyone to just trust me...
so...first verse...everything on...
then transposed verse, the lights began to come down...
next transposed verse, the laser lights started...
chorus, pitch black, and dancing lights to Hosanna!!
It was so so so awesome, and I felt such Joy within my soul!

Lord God, if this is just a foretaste of worship in Heaven,
I've been so awesomely blessed & privileged to taste it a little here...=)
Thank you Lord! =)

the _____ of it all...

I guess, i wish we lived in a less _________ world

if only, what we knew was all that's it...

but then, it's not...

so...it goes on and on and on,

and the further and wider it spreads, 

the more this whole thing changes...

and the more it becomes serpentine in nature...

I've given up already.

And God, I've already expressed that you're my defender,

just wished I could be more patient about this,

and that i can pretend that it's not what it is...

but i can't...it really is one of the worst...

most sucky feelings to be stuck feeling so...crimped up...

I hate the anvil the most today...& the unrelenting hammer

Maybe, you've made up my mind for me already...

I really don't think that i'm made for this now...

there is a tenderness that should not be trampled by those who do not treasure it

or then, nothing but hardness will remain...

Perhaps I really cannot do this anymore...

What i prayed with MCI last week, maybe that was for me too

not ready

not appreciating this

spent

="/

just wanna be ___________

all Yours...

6:8 the numbers You gave

Beauty for ashes

"There are some tragedies that are too big for a heart to hold, and they defy any description that makes sense. Time weaves its way through the shock, the hurt, and the inexpressible feelings, and one day you discover that in the process of daily survival, you have instinctively made decisions (good & bad), defined your theology, formed an opinion about God, and determined that you will either curl up and die emotionally or you will choose life

The terrifying but truthful fact is that, in choosing life, you realize it will never match the kind of life that was in your carefully thought-out plan for your future. It will force you to view the people around you differently. The brokenness will challenge you to new levels of personal compassion. It will melt your pride, diminish the importance of your carefully designed agenda, and it has the potential to develop an unshakable faith that defies rationality." 

~Carol Kent~

~~~~~~

Plunging in now...You are better...so much better...

Take it Lord...take what ever little is left...

Circumstances may appear to wreck 

our lives and God's plans,

but God is not helpless among the ruins

~Eric Liddell, Olympian & Missionary~

learning points

I'm learning once again that words have the power of life & death
And when they are released, we have no control over what is heard,
neither do we have a choice where it goes, nor what ripples that causes,
the only thing we can do is manage our own reactions,
and trust God's hand in it...

We've no righteousness of our own, so God is truly our defender...

Think my heart is beaten senseless truly...
When all I've fought for is actually seen as needless, meaningless...
Maybe that's why God in His sovereignty made me reread afew posts back...
Are my intentions pure, and what's been placed in my heart to do...does it honour God?
Man isn't to be my judge, because God will be the one doing the judging,
As long as I've that sense of conviction that it is a God-given task, need I be understood?

To answer that question...
Wish I could say that I'm strong enough to say that "it truly doesn't matter..."
Guess I can stand being misunderstood, and mistaken...from others
Still...I think I want and always hope to be understood...
maybe it's the sense of hopelessness, standing alone, that pierces...

So...i'm back to the question, need I be understood?

Lord, I'm not sure...
But I trust in your Character and Goodness,
your Person and Being,
none of me...

Jeremiah never did understand why, he was just obedient
Job went through more than I did, and he never cursed you
David, shepherd, psalmist, warrior, king, fought countless battles...
Christ, ridiculed, spat on, pierced, nailed to a cross, abandoned by all his disciples...
Yet, they stayed the course...help me to stay the course, Lord

On my re-reading trip...this is what hit...
http://rudydavid.blogspot.com/2011/11/follow-thread.html

Jesus says, "Follow me. I'm going to take you on a journey, and I don't want you to turn to the left or to the right. I want you to put me first; i want you to keep trusting me; to stick with me, not turn back, not give up, turn to me in all the disappointments and injustices that will happen to you. I am going to take you to places that will make you say, 'Why in the world are you taking me there?' Even then, I want you to trust me." The path Jesus takes you on may look like it's taking you to one dead end after another. Nevertheless, the thread does not work in reverse. If you just obey Jesus and follow it forward, it will do it's work. MacDonald, author of "The Princess and the Goblin", put it like this in another story: "The one secret of life and development, is not to devise and plan...but to do every moment's duty aright...and let come-not what will, for there is no such thing- but what the eternal Thought wills for each of us, has intended for each of us from the first." And in yet another: "You will be dead, so long as you refuse to die" That is, you will be dead so long as you refuse to die to yourself. Follow the thread. You say,"That sounds pretty hard," and you're right. How can we possibly follow the thread? It's simple but profound. Jesus himself does absolutely everything he's calling us to do. When he called James and John to leave their father in the boat, he had already left his Father's throne. "He left his Father's throne above, so free, so infinite his grace." And later he's going to be ripped from his Father's presence, on the cross. It's going to look as if your thread is taking you into dead ends, places where you'll get bloody, where the only way to follow the thread looks like it could crush you. But don't try to go backward. Don't turn to the left, don't turn to the right. Jesus Christ's kingship will not crush you. He was crushed for you. 

 He followed his thread to the cross so you can follow yours into his arms.
& yes, even though it doesn't feel good at all...i'll still follow...='/ 

2 Corinthians 4 (The Message)

1-2 Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God. 

 3-4 If our Message is obscure to anyone, it's not because we're holding back in any way. No, it's because these other people are looking or going the wrong way and refuse to give it serious attention. All they have eyes for is the fashionable god of darkness. They think he can give them what they want, and that they won't have to bother believing a Truth they can't see. They're stone-blind to the dayspring brightness of the Message that shines with Christ, who gives us the best picture of God we'll ever get. 

 5-6 Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful. 

 7-12 If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! 

 13-15 We're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," we say what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise! 

 16-18 So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

"...Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” Job

Fit for service...

This is what it's all about, a homecoming...
if you felt this too, then you must imagine what the future holds...
can't wait for that homecoming =)



If I'd been more fit, i'd be experiencing the wind in my hair in about 6 hours...
True, it may still be raining, and i could be regretting it,
but i highly doubt that would be the case...
The gladness of heart I'd have to be running would erase that!
I would be a man on a mission, and that would be to finish strong,
in the very same year that my ankle was broken

Who'd remember that it was just earlier this year i was on crutches?
I doubt it'd be significant but this was my battle, my war...
And I never doubted I would be back...
Not being able to race is just a minor setback...
Playing ultimate frisbee, going on jogs, all these i've loved again...=)
I want to be fully back, and even more resilient because of that injury...

Amidst all of these, and the past few days...

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart; 

   test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me, 

   and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139: 23,24

nothing to hide...

Since i've already been raw, open & honest yesterday
Let me continue in this vein today...

How we treat the things people say is always a matter of the heart,
it can be that we get defensive, fight everything, and demand that we're right,
and then there is the other extreme, taking everything in, and being battered in the process,
i believe there is a biblical way...

"...test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil" 

1 Thess 5:21-22

In line with yesterday also, maybe i missed out on a crucial point,
When i mentioned pain, hurt and all, did it make God seem sadistic? capricious?
If it does, it may show the constant misunderstanding of God we all hold...
No, God is not sadistic, nor capricious, nor evil...
He is in the process of shaping, moulding and making us more Christlike, and this can be painful. Why? Because sin is ingrained in our nature, and it takes radical surgery of the soul to eradicate it.
The outcome and the purposes of God are wonderful...stay the course

~~~~~

Through the reflection time, I couldn't help but feel something was missing...badly
And when I prayed about it, i got a finger upon something deep...
When our goal is to see Christ glorified, we have a natural desire to serve well, and better,
however, maybe sometimes we have a vested, personal, self-interest, and that surely gets in the way

"We may as well face it: the whole level of spirituality among us is low. 

We have measured ourselves by ourselves until the incentive to seek higher plateaus in the things of the Spirit is all but gone...

[We] have imitated the world, sought popular favour, manufactured delights to substitute for the joy of the Lord and produced a cheap and synthetic power for the power of the Holy Ghost."

-A. W. Tozer-

I think what was missing was that, Christ was not exalted...
He DEMANDS a higher standard, A WHOLLY CONSECRATED SURRENDER,
We can hardly give that without rebelling, and thus we struggle, fight and justify ourselves
Are we able to just trust and obey, when the Holy Spirit speaks, and compels?
OR do we ignore, question, doubt, procrastinate?

Have we experienced that pure Joy that comes from obeying and following the Shepherd?
He is the Lover of our souls, and yet we are easily distracted, like sheep walking away from the flock
I think that within our heart, God has given us a God-sized vacuum that no one but Him can fill,
and we will constantly struggle when we do not give Him his rightful place

I want to tell everyone that You're the only ONE

So take my heart

and make it new

make it true

And make it like you

Take my hands

I lift them high

They’re yours not mine to do

Do what you will

Do what you will

Clarity

I hear the questions without answers
and when they are vocalised like that,
they also show the depth of confusion within,
I sense your heart friend, but maybe you do not

Today, eventhough there was great clarity and truth,
It was also, from the start, a tackle from the blindside,
Should I have taken offense at that, probably...
But, i've always given a listening ear, so i did today too...

Let me confess first, the first thing i did upon returning home
was to turn off the lights, still my heart, and find rest...
I did not expect to feel so battered, but feel it i certainly did
On the one hand, perhaps you feel i deserved it, but did you even think otherwise?

There are reasons for people to lash out,
and I do not judge people based on that,
but once the emotions fade, i take a long hard look at myself, and the situation
is it just? it is right? was God's righteousness upheld?
By my actions & responses first, then by yours...

I accept any criticism that is just & right,
and i've always been willing to change & apologise if i'm wrong,
today, I refuse to take offense and I choose to put myself on the anvil,
I don't expect you to understand why, I can see you'd choose to fight back
But i've learnt that God is my Righteousness, so i need not...
Any injustice He will clear, any unjust charge will slip off...
The hardest thing to do...is to wait on God, allowing pain to do it's work,
and choosing not to respond so that in all of this, God shows up truly

However, let me stand up and say this as clearly as possible,
there is a reason why deep in the souls of man, we crave for truth, for justice
and it is within our own hearts that God has chosen to engrave
His Name, His character and His desires...

You ask the question of "why", but you ask it in the wrong way...
When we ask with the question always centering on us,
it is asking and demanding that God give us answers
we already assume the posture of a victim...
We fail to see that if we see the "why" from God's perspective,
it cannot fail to be the most loving, gracious & wonderful thing to happen.

Since the beginning of time, there have been multiple ways to sin, abuse and fail
Redemption has come freely, but there is only One Way...

There are many ways to build a house, but if you fail to set the foundations right
it may seem nice and beautiful, but will crumble when the ground shifts

In working in the lives of people, what is the work of workman?
Sometimes it is righting something within, reinforcing the walls, placing pillars aright,
It is to hear the Master's voice clearly, and then follow...
It is a job for those willing to forget themselves, in service of God...and others
You must be willing to suffer hurt for others, be misunderstood, maligned even...
And even in the end, do not expect thanks, you may be vilified and charged...
all you will have to keep you going, will be the clearest sense of God working,
of the clarity of God's purposes in a persons life...

Doesn't this seem utterly stupid? It probably will...if we see it from our self-serving perspective
But not if your life is hidden in Christ, and your righteousness in Him alone...

How would Stephen know that his martyrdom would stir Saul into Paul the evangelist?
Why would almost all the disciples die painful deaths, to reach unbelieving peoples?
How would Jim Eliot, Nate Saint and the others know that to reach the Auca's, they would be be killed first, and then their families who came after would successfully bring Christ to the Auca's?

How rational was it for the people to want a conquering King,
and how did they feel with Christ on that cross?
How would they know that Christ came not to save us from our existence,
He came for a greater purpose, to save us from death itself, so we'd spend eternity with Him

Rationality? There may have been none...
Love, wisdom, concern, grief, pain...plenty...but they all served His purposes
Our lives are not meant to be seen through the lens of happiness or sadness,
they are meant to be seen through the lens of eternity, eternal Joy or eternal separation....

So my dear friend, why boundaries...
Let me answer you clearly, because the chasm is deep, wide...and eternal
We choose today and each day whom we serve, and we display it through our choices...
there is only one bridge across that chasm, and it's the person of Christ
And when He asks us for a commitment, he doesn't just want part of us...he wants ALL of us
If it pains you to give Him that, don't question God, don't question others, ask yourself "why"?

And you must also know, the boundaries that are in place, are ones of Love...
If God didn't set such boundaries, we would not sense a right or a wrong,
we would not sense good or evil, we would not have a sense of direction or lostness,
you see...boundaries are loving, it means that we would know where the cliff edges are...

You know, if God were to speak, He would tell you that even in spite of everything He loves you...
In your questions, in your doubt, in your rebellion, in your utter disrespect, in your tantrums...

And today too, I'll bring that message to you too...
We love not because it is easy or simple, but because it costs...way way more than we can pay
it is a gift that is given freely, not always accepted gracefully or thankfully, yet still given freely
And at the end of the day, it'd still be there...the only question is...do you accept it?

So, friend, at today's end...let me get out of the way...
I apologise if i've offended you, please find it in your heart to forgive me
I'm not perfect, i do not claim to be, nor do i want to seem that way...
I've taken your words and considered them, and God will use it to refine me as needed,
May my imperfections not obscure what is real, true, and loving...
And I hope that in this open letter to you, you see and sense God
How He is real and important, and how He is better than life itself

In His Love & mine,
R

*if this makes no sense, it's not meant to really...
This is me writing in stream of consciousness...
to all the people that matter at this moment...

Pensive

There was once, that i asked God...why must we have feelings?
It seemed like a sadistic act of an all-powerful being,
because, yes, eventhough there were depths of Joy,
yet...in the pain, there was also great despair and grief.

And in a world where nothing is perfect,
it seems that emotions threaten to negatively overwhelm most,
and more often than not...we fail to deal adequately with them,
most of the time swinging from one wicked extreme to the other

And God in His goodness, has never shielded me from pain,
neither has He withheld His Love or comfort, even in my frustration.
And because of that, i sense an assurance...just in being able to give Him my questions
Knowing that in voicing them, I have a Saviour who has gone through interminable questioning

Grief is not foolish, and when i get overwhelmed by emotions, like today,
I simply have to keep reminding myself of that...
that when things shock us with such forcefulness,
we need to have an outlet so that we do not erupt later on...

My outlet has always been a standard one,
crying out to God, writing it out to process thoughts, asking for prayer
and while i know some may not understand grief, or loss, or pain,
yet, the process of asking for help, looking to God, that all helps...

And i've found that grief, when it's given it's proper time,
always helps a person - whether to be more tender, more focussed,
stronger, more vulnerable, turn towards important matters,
turn away from trivial matters, the process of grieving a loss...it clarifies...

So today, aside from raw emotions and an extremely tender spirit,
I come away with a sense of knowing what is important...
A renewed sense of purpose: I need to continue working with people,
because we never know when the opportunity to might pass...

We need to be faithful: because we each have an alloted time,
and if we're not intentional to use it as God intended, then we're just wasting it
If i have a choice between personal pleasure or ministering to a person's pain,
I will choose to help the other, so that in giving, my healing also begins

In my sadness, I need to carve out the time to seek God in the deep recesses of my heart,
there is no need to push it aside, act like a hero, pretend to be brave...
the choice to be real, allow the pain to work its way, and not hide,
all of these will contribute to allowing the pain to do its refining work...

A deep reservoir of emotions also means...
a tenderness that can be overwhelmed,
yet, do not look down on it...because a hardening of heart is "usual"
tenderness isn't, it is a precious gift...hold on to it...='/

Tears that come unbidden,
means a heart that becomes unladen
so wash over all that is within,
cleanse, purify, sharpen, polish...make new...

Some day soon, that gem will shine again,
and this time it will glisten and gleam,
shiny, reflecting the light and showing it's deep hue of colour,
and it'd be all the more beautiful then, because of the washing it goes through now...

Sometimes, i find it so hard to articulate my heart and thoughts,
that maybe the best is the random bashing of this keyboard...like in my last post...
however, today i find my voice via a song in another language, my favourite chinese song...
and i'm reminded again...even in my groanings, God truly knows...




禱告，因為我渺小；
禱告，因為我知道我需要明暸，你心意對我重要。
禱告，已假裝不了；
禱告，因為你的愛我需要；
你關懷，我走過的你都明白。


有些事我只想要對你說，因你比任何人都愛我；
痛苦從眼中流下，我知道你為我擦。
在早晨我也要來對你說，主耶穌今天我為你活；
所需要的力量你天天賜給我，你恩典夠我用。

wah...sad upon sad...

really deflated and can't do a thing,
can't play/enjoy...dun know how to...
can't bear to go to the wake at this moment...

& sad upon sad...

what was that i once mentioned about the uninvited?
guess it tests how certain, how sure, how steadfast we are...
when all around is shifting sand...
is there a solid rock i stand on?

jnawo;vnc;uawgerifya8wh3pfkasnvlam sldjv98hw38fhawmcmsa,cpq9UEFPOAJSJAKSDMCLAJP;SJ

loss

hmmm...another death from church...
yet one more sudden passing this week...

I don't take such shocks very well...
this is hard...

='(

Thrill of a lifetime

There is a certain transcendence that gives such a calming feel...
It truly is rich beyond compare, and the gift of it is...immeasurable

I've wondered, what is the song in your heart, the one that goes unsung?
As the words, music, art, beauty or something else resonates within...
have you ever thought...why does that strike such a chord in me?

Some get killed by the questions without answers,
I find it more restful and appealing to let questions stay,
to live in some uncertain moments...
as long as I remember my life is in the hands of a Loving God! =)

As i reflected on Pastor L's sermon on waiting...
some other thoughts hit also...

There used to be a song that said...
All God's promises are Yes & Amen...
I'm not too sure what that truly means...
but i know that amidst our myriad questions,
God sometimes says wait, or He may seem to remain silent

And in my experience of it,
this kind of waiting is the most trying,
the most difficult, because we get anxious and fidgity
and it makes us question more, even question God himself

And when it does...it shows up more of what is within us,
more than than what is in God.
Behind our questions, we find our desires, wants, longings,
we find our insecurities, the lack of trust, our ugliness.

I love how George MacDonald explains it...

"Thy hand unloved its pleasure must restrain.

nor spoil both gift and child by lavishing it too soon"

And wow, what wisdom is contained in that...
The hand of Love, that wonderfully loving hand...
must, in some cases, be a hand that is firm, one that says "NO!"
because it is in exercising that restraint, that true Love is evidenced

The 2nd part of that is phrase is the telling part...
because if pleasure is unrestrained, it will spoil both gift and child
And wow, how like children we are to always fail to understand this
We are always clamouring for and wanting what we want...
ignorant to the fact that we may not know best,
that what we feel is good, will actually harm us...
and...Father really knows best...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was a long day...spent in fruitful labour,
demanding, stretching, yet...fulfilling...
There are somedays that 24 hours feels insufficient,
but more so, because our souls find it hard to rest in God

I'm at rest now, happily drained...
feeling like i wanna express more of myself into words,
but finding no better words to utter anymore...
and maybe, even in this dilemma, I find...
God speaks through His Spirit...
and i realise that, even with words,
i could never express all that i wanted to...
it would just be a fleeting expression of the depth of all that is within
And i find myself content in the...non-expression of it...
because, ultimately, i'm glad that He understands even my voiceless groans
and in my soul, He knows, He simply...knows...=)

Loved...

Consolidation

Some seasons feel like death, others like a fresh beginning

There is a common thought, that it's in the "normalcy" of life,
that we really live out what we believe to be our faith

Some are content to live out Mon-Sat differently from Sunday,
others try their best to remember to be "good" yet frequently forget...

Then, there are those who effortlessly live out what they have,
because they are living in the knowledge of true Joy, real bliss,
a blessedness of knowing that they are Loved in spite of themselves,
fully cognizant of the grace extended to them, yet not taking it for granted.

And truly, most of us struggle with that...
there is an intellectual assent that God "ought to" be first,
but the practice of that is severely handicapped,
mostly because our hearts are all aflutter with our distractions

There are many things that compete for our affections,
and really, we find it easier to love these things...
because they are more tangible, they grant us a pleasure we desire,
there is a longing to fulfill our eyes, and our senses...

One thing that i've learnt, and am still learning through the years,
we are given the ability to choose, and we can choose to see God or miss Him,
frequently, it's not that God is silent, but that...we have chosen to ignore him
Or we doubt when it is plain, and then we stumble on our unbelief...

Maybe it's not that we ought to value the struggle with God,
we should properly value...the surrender of ourselves...
That we should try not to just be led by the emotions or desires of the instant,
but as we take a step back, maybe we'd see God in every moment...

"Love of God is pure when joy and suffering 

inspire and equal degree of gratitude" 

Simone Weil

It may not be our plan, our desire...
but if it is His, then why do we doubt His goodness? His Love?
I like how C.S. Lewis puts it...

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;

we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be"

But even as we wonder, can we trust...really trust?
I think that God is in the business of stretching us...
Growing us in faith, in Love, and in the depth of our devotion to Him,
if we cannot Love Him with our whole being,
we will fail miserably if we try to love anything else too.

Dearest Lord Jesus,

I'm learning that You alone can rescue us from ourselves,

May the deepest depths, our furthest flung selves

be covered over by your boundless grace...

enthralled by your marvelous Love...

and may we give you our highest Praise! =)

Forever Exalted!

There's something that I love about the simplicity
yet...immense complexity of a 2-part harmony,
coupled with that wonderful acoustic ring...

Shane & Shane does this beautifully
in their brilliant, bright vocal range...all the time

& woah...what kind of guitar playing is that!
One of my favourite songs, totally "Shane-ized"!!

God, YOU are truly exalted! 

My soul sings for You! =)

Follow the thread

This is an extract from "King's Cross" by Tim Keller...
So wonderful a picture that it just had to be shared, 
I'm rediscovering a love for fairy tales...
fantastical tales by the pen of wonderful writers!

Following the thread

About 150 years ago George MacDonald wrote a children's book called "The Princess and the Goblin". 

Irene, the protagonist, is eight years old. She has found an attic room in her house, and every so often her fairy godmother appears there. When Irene goes to look for her she's often not there, so one day her grandmother gives her a ring with a thread tied to it, leading to a little ball of thread. She explains that she'll keep the ball.

"But i can't see it," says Irene.

"No, the thread is too fine for you to see it. You can only feel it." With this reassurance, Irene tests the thread.

"Now, listen," says the grandmother, "if ever you find yourself in any danger...you must take off your ring and put it under the pillow of your bed. Then you must lay your forefinger...upon the thread, and follow the thread wherever it leads you."

"Oh, how delightful! It will lead me to you, Grandmother, I know!"

"Yes," said the grandmother, "remember, it may seem to you a very roundabout way indeed, and you must not doubt the thread. Of one thing you may be sure, that while you hold it, I hold it too."

A few days later Irene is in bed, and goblins get into the house. She hears them snarling out in the hallway, but she has the presence of mind to take off her ring and put it under the pillow. And she begins to feel the thread, knowing that it's going to take her to her grandmother and to safety. But to her dismay, it takes her outside, and she realizes that it's taking her right toward the cave of the goblins.

Inside the cave, the thread leads her up to a great heap of stones, a dead end. "The thought struck her, that at least she could follow the thread backwards, and thus get out...but the instant she tried to feel it backwards, it vanished from her touch." 

The grandmother's thread only worked forward, but forward it led into a heap of stones. Irene "burst into a wailing cry," but after crying she realizes that the only way to follow the thread is to tear down the wall of stones. She begins tearing it down, stone by stone. Though her fingers are soon bleeding, she pulls and pulls. 

Suddenly, she hears a voice. It's her friend Curdie, who has been trapped in the goblin's cave! Curdie is astounded and asks,"Why, however did you come here?" 

Irene replies that her grandmother sent her, "and i think i've found out why."

After Irene has followed the thread and removed enough rocks to create an opening, Curdie starts to climb up out of the cave-but Irene keeps going deeper into the cave. Curdie objects: "Where are you going there? That's not the way out. That's where I couldn't get out."

"I know that," says Irene. "But this is the way my thread goes, and i must follow it." And indeed the thread proves trustworthy, because her grandmother is trustworthy.

~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~

When Jesus told the disciples, "We're on the way, follow me," they had no idea where he was going. They thought he was going from strength to strength. They had no idea.

Imagine sitting down with a seven-year-old and saying to her, "I'd like you to write me an essay on what you think it's like to fall in love and be married." When you read the essay, you will say it isn't very close to the reality. A seven-year-old can't imagine what love and marriage will be like. When you start to follow Jesus, you're at least that far away. You have no idea how far you'll have to go.

Jesus says, "Follow me. I'm going to take you on a journey, and I don't want you to turn to the left or to the right. I want you to put me first; i want you to keep trusting me; to stick with me, not turn back, not give up, turn to me in all the disappointments and injustices that will happen to you. I am going to take you to places that will make you say, 'Why in the world are you taking me there?' Even then, I want you to trust me."

The path Jesus takes you on may look like it's taking you to one dead end after another. Nevertheless, the thread does not work in reverse. If you just obey Jesus and follow it forward, it will do it's work.

MacDonald, author of "The Princess and the Goblin", put it like this in another story: "The one secret of life and development, is not to devise and plan...but to do every moment's duty aright...and let come-not what will, for there is no such thing- but what the eternal Thought wills for each of us, has intended for each of us from the first." And in yet another: "You will be dead, so long as you refuse to die" That is, you will be dead so long as you refuse to die to yourself. Follow the thread. You say,"That sounds pretty hard," and you're right. How can we possibly follow the thread? It's simple but profound. Jesus himself does absolutely everything he's calling us to do. When he called James and John to leave their father in the boat, he had already left his Father's throne. "He left his Father's throne above, so free, so infinite his grace." And later he's going to be ripped from his Father's presence, on the cross. It's going to look as if your thread is taking you into dead ends, places where you'll get bloody, where the only way to follow the thread looks like it could crush you. But don't try to go backward. Don't turn to the left, don't turn to the right. Jesus Christ's kingship will not crush you. He was crushed for you. 

He followed his thread to the cross so you can follow yours into his arms.

King

"The hands of the king are healing hands, and thus shall the rightful king be known" 

JRR Tolkien, Lord of the Rings

Been a season of refreshing the soul,

and Tim Keller's "King's Cross" has been life-giving!!

In so many ways, and let me just share some...

The gospel isn't advice: It's the good news that you don't need to earn your way to God; Jesus has already done it for you. And it's a gift that you receive by sheer grace - through God's thoroughly unmerited favour. If you seize that gift and keep holding on to it, then Jesus' call won't draw you into fanaticism or moderation. You will be passionate to make Jesus your absolute goal and priority, to orbit around him; yet when you meet somebody with a different set of priorities, a different faith, you won't assume that they're inferior to you. You'll actually seek to serve them rather than oppress them. Why? Because the gospel is not about choosing to follow advice, it's about being called to follow a King. Not just someone with the power and authority to tell you what needs to be done - but someone with the power and authority to do what needs to be done, and then offer it to you as good news.

Jesus is saying, "Knowing me, loving me, resembling me, serving me must become the supreme passion of your life. Everything else comes second." 

The king is calling...now, will you follow?

"I've come home at last! this is my real country...This is the land I've been looking for all my life"
C S Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia

Loved as you are...

Because today...the reminder is that the gospel is Good News,
not just to the perishing...

It is a heavenly Love song...
From God to His beloved...us...



The kingdom story is about restoration, redemption, Love
He has made all things new

God cares!

Wanted to write another long post...but i'm kinda exhausted today...
But...spotted this awesome video...may it speak to us all...deeply

thoughts that linger

One of the ways that God speaks to me, is when stuff lingers...
I mean, I think that it's natural, when stuff linger; they matter,
I've stopped doubting, started asking more of God each time it happens
I want to know what God is teaching so that i can learn...

I've been thinking hard on several topics & enjoying it...=)
I think there is a certain pleasure & joy in the rigours of the mind
taking a prolonged think on a subject so that more facets take shape
It intrigues me, how many things have multiple angles...

As I was thinking on personal vision & God's timing,
it also struck me that selfish desires & fear surely colour my thoughts
But when things are surrendered back, it becomes clearer
& I think that there are some walks that need to be shared

I'm thinking that...in life, we're called upon to have many things...
A vision, dreams, plans, desires, relationships, "be a leader"...etc
while that helps some people, for others, it greatly hinders...
I've seen examples of both driven & non-driven individuals,
and i do not think one is better than the other...

The driven person is typically, also fighting a battle with himself,
they have many dreams, desires and aims, but they frequently fall prey to "more"
trying to acquire what they do not have, in hope that the next goal is better,
If this is not watched out for, all we build is a self-centered gospel...
one based on tangible achievements, one based on looking "successful"
it is a house of mirrors that may not show up true character within

The non-driven individual is almost diametrically opposite...
they appear to have no plan, are haphazard, living for the moment,
because they fail to see ahead, they frequently repeat mistakes,
go through lessons again, beat themselves up for those,
and it leads to a cycle of berating themselves, being their own worst enemy
They live life to the fullest now, but think that they scarcely have a future hope

Are either of these good or bad? Is any one of these better than the other?
I think that...those are the wrong questions to ask...
If we think on it, those are behaviours that we are born with,
yes, we will grow, learn & mature, but we each have a personality,
that will always show up in the way that we do things...

But as i've been thinking on it...driven or non-driven is not the issue,
if we look at both of those examples, there is a certain bent towards..."self"
the driven man, becomes proud, almost narcissistic...building up "self"
the non-driven man, compares with others, tears himself down...
while it is undoubtedly painful, it is still a relentless focus on "self"

So...I think that the greatest gift we can give any individual,
is the ability to realise that we can break out of any such cycle,
that we do not have to be self-centered or anthropocentric...
but we need to learn to be God-focussed (Theocentric)

If...in each of our situations, we learn to focus on God,
and not ourselves, I think that we would learn better lessons...
about ourselves, about God, and about how He is constantly moulding us

As i've been grappling with such questions,
I've also been hearing God speak, so allow me to share...
I'm not sure anyone can be shoe-horned into categories...
I have a driven side and also a side that is not driven,
& i puzzle myself too sometimes! HAHA! =)
But in application of the above,
I realise that "self" needs to be surrendered,
so that God can speak clearly...

And yes, as I've been seeking God, it's clear He is speaking,
the question He always asks is..."Are you listening, Rudy?"

...If you seek great things for yourself, thinking, “God has called me for this and for that,” you barricade God from using you. As long as you maintain your own personal interests and ambitions, you cannot be completely aligned or identified with God’s interests. This can only be accomplished by giving up all of your personal plans once and for all, and by allowing God to take you directly into His purpose for the world. Your understanding of your ways must also be surrendered, because they are now the ways of the Lord.

I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say, “Lord, this causes me such heartache.” To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world. Doing this creates for me my own cozy “world within the world,” and God will not be allowed to move me from it because of my fear of being “frost-bitten.” 

Taken from my devotional "Utmost for His Highest" Nov 10, 2011

I've no real ambitions when it comes to work & life, 

I dislike standing on a stage, I shy away from applause and grandstanding,

I much prefer a shadow role, one like sound, photography etc

Yes, I can do public speaking/singing, but I do not really enjoy it...

But i realise i can communicate onstage...

So i do it only...but firmly and foremost on my mind, it's for Christ's glory 

I've no real desire to change the world by having mega rallies, 

and going to the world to speak with millions hold little appeal...

My gifts and talents lie more in caring for individuals, 

I desire depth, to really know one person, more than getting to know hundreds

Parties sap me, but having just one good conversation helps alot! 

I prefer to journey with people through life...living through my life,

pointing the way, supporting those who need, spurring those who struggle

I fight for the underdog as much as I love those who are brilliant stars...

But...and this is another clear application for me...

knowing all of the above about myself, does little...

if it prevents me from taking a step of faith when God calls

I quote from my devotional above again...

I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say, “Lord, this causes me such heartache.” To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness.

So yes, i'm learning this lesson in this season in life...and as i posted the video yesterday, truly, let me learn what it means to live fully with You in my life Lord! =)

snowballing...

Hmmm...wonder of wonders...
A tiny little speck is turning into a snowball of uncontrollable motion,
I wish I really could just tell everyone to just relax and take that chill pill,
It's not like i'm dead (yet) or anything remotely close...
I'm just taking some steps in that totally expected direction,
and I'm kinda surprised at the effect that it is having...

C'mon, this is my journey to steward right?
Isn't my journey, mine to walk through properly?
I wonder why people are telling me that it is a bad time,
that i'm inconveniencing others, and all that jazz...
please lah...if you really saw how hard this is for me,
how much more soul searching I need to do...
then maybe you'd realise...what you see as "inconvenience",
is what i'm going through daily...magnified a hundred times

I take nothing for granted, not anymore...
and I wish that for everyone too...
that we would wake up to smell the roses,
take time to bask in the gorgeous sun, or play in the rain,
give thanks for the tiny things, like colour, or dew or pain,
We give thanks for too little, complain too much and blame too often

And where i am right now is...bemused
because i see people telling me, but...we do not go there...
you need to do this, then do this, and then do this...
and then finally you can go do this...
Well...maybe we have tried to box God up for too long,
and that's why we see Him, sense Him...less and less...

No no no...i think that God exists outside of our comfortable boxes,
I think that He is inexplicable, and therefore sometimes, incomprehensible,
because we struggle to understand Him, that's why we try to control everything else,
well...maybe not so...maybe God in His sovereignty, chooses to break our boxes,
throw us outside of our safe little confines, so that He can show us the wonders out there

This reminds me of Noah's ark...
How claustrophobic it must have felt for all those animals and Noah's family,
from freely roaming the earth, to being cooped up in an ark,
possibly no real sunlight since it was raining so much...

And then I marvel as I imagine their wonder of seeing the rainbow,
and then of the freedom of being set free FROM the ark...
The ark saved them, but it was not meant to hold them forever...
it was mainly to keep them safe for awhile...

I wonder, how many of us are staying in Noah's Ark,
because we have been there so long, we've forgotten we're made for the world?
Not for ourselves, not for our pleasure, but for the King's Glory!
To proclaim Him, make Him known, and let the nations be glad

I think this is something valuable, not to be forgotten...

Selflessness

I love public holidays, mainly cuz i get to sleep in happily! =D

Woke deciding that i needed to get this out today,
and while it's not an original thought,
it was a wonderful reflection and something mighty helpful!
Read this in my devotion...

"Perhaps the quality of love that embodies all the others is selflessness, or not demanding our own way. We can't fake selflessness for long because eventually our human nature kicks in and tires of putting others first. True love is difficult to keep up because it requires constant checks on the deep-down condition of our spirit. Most people are too...well, selfish, to put much effort into it.

We can be fooled into thinking mere affection or giving a compliment or thinking good thoughts equals love. However, love gives up its comforts to meet someone else's needs, and not just once or twice, but over and over again with relentless faithfulness. Love extends itself to others instead of hoarding its goodness, and sacrifices itself in favor of someone else. Unselfish love is redundant, really, since true love cannot be selfish.

Developing a lifestyle of love takes time to learn because we prefer to receive love rather than give it, that is, until love is perfected in us. If you want to appreciate giving more than receiving, take heart in the unselfish direction that one desire is already leading you, and ask God for opportunities to develop selflessness." 

Taken from my devotional, November 6th...thank you Lord!

"Love is not measured by how many times you touch each other

but by how many times you reach each other" 

Cathy Morancy

wonder...

And if you were filled with the wonder of the wanderer, what would you wonder?

There is a certain mist or fog that is getting thicker...
and because it doesn't clear up...
it is just getting murkier and more stinky...
Some say it's just the haze, i think it's something more

I'm sensing that one day, when it emerges...
the Loch Ness monster will be a huge...disappointment
more than a figment of imagination,
it will appear just like a vapour, and vanish just as quick

And sometimes, i wonder...what would the wanderer feel?

The ease by which the embankment becomes a floodplain,
it's something i've never seen so I'll not expect it...
but now that i know it can and will happen...
the waiting for that tidal wave seems pretty much...suffering

yet, when it happens, and it shifts everything,
will I want to be around to help pick up those pieces?
some go about leaving nary a ripple...
others leave a tsunami trail, nothing is ever the same

Oh, to wonder, just like the wanderer...

there...like catharsis; words, songs & inspiration flow...
but they flow on & on, never staying long, never pooling up,
as if there is some incessant force urging it on...
but all it really is, is a restlessness within, that is not filled...

anytime there is that hole, that emptiness within,
whatever else that creeps in to fill that, that is sin to us...
no matter how good, how beautiful, how breathtaking,
and how can you sit in the seat of mockers, when you know...
you know where that hole is, in relation to your own life...

Wander, Wonder, Wanderer...journey away no more. 

don't know why...

Tomorrow, November,
Begins the last 2 months of this year,
a year in which i've spent 5 months out with an injury,
yet been to the US, Malaysia to come
yet had Vietnam cancelled, Dec marathon...prob not running,
and lots of other disappointments...along the way

I like this Coldplay video, because sometimes...
I really wish i could live life backwards...
running through and savouring the moments in reverse,
i wonder what i would have seen then,
and what i'd catch that i first missed



Sometimes it feels like running in circles, chasing shadows...
Go so far and then back to the start,
run a race and then remember it's part of the whole race of life
And sometimes, we fail to see what we ought,
but we see what we'd rather not...

Today, i have a sense of loss...
and rather than ignore it, i think it's time to live in it,
work through it, and then learn out of it

I mourn the loss of every wasted moment,
and the dreaded ticking clock...
it can never be taken back,
yet i know that i've spent each moment as i chose...
that cannot be taken away from me

We will naturally have many things to regret,
And i surely do...a broken foot,
a colossal price to pay,
my worst ever physical injury in all my life...
took me out for months,
& i suffer the effects even now from the weather!

Missing out of Vietnam, leading a sports mission trip,
and why? because of the foot also...
So many things to regret, be angry about, get upset...
but no longer, i think those were hard moments but i've had good ones too!

The 5 month break was a good one, a needful one,
discovered the depths of friendships...
those who cared and those who mattered most
Remembered my frailty yet God's goodness,
and it gave me a sense of how to minister...
even if i were ever incapacitated...

It also showed me my natural bent...
the one to serve, the deep love that is within,
the part of me that is fiercely loyal,
and the strong independent streak

It's been a really fruitful few months back,
leading change, and seeing God work in NTU
and in individual's lives...
I wonder how much they even see the change...
yet i do, and i give thanks for it! =)

In the 5 months out, it only deepened my desire to pray,
the sense that prayer is not an "add-on"
but it truly is the greater, invisible work...
the hand of God that is present yet unseen!

These last 2 months are gonna be fast and furious,
Preparing for summit, youth camp,
a christmas that is as good as over...
and then Crusade META conference...

Setting the platform for transformation,
trusting to see the King's Glory!
and working hard at it!
Gosh...it's gonna be a rush!

Amidst all of these...
Lord, I give you all my moments again,
the bad, disappointing, terrible ones,
and the good, fabulous & thrilling moments
In your hands, you craft them all into your beautiful tapestry
Thank You! I Love You

What can i give you?
What can i say?
This is my song of worship to you =)

Musical highway

haha! today was a little funny and freeform! =)
Been on a little youtube ride and it's been so fun i think i should share some of it! =D

Started with this today, a new song from Mercyme, but the funky tune grew on me
(it may grow me out of it though! HAHA!)



Then the funkyness got me reminded of this!



And also...this!



& i ended on this nice lil note! =D
Steven Curtis Chapman, singing about his daughter!
LOVE IT!

Gonna move...

Kinda taboo to start a post this way...
but when everything everyone is looking for is just...change
Is it an innate discomfort at being...who God made us to be?

There always seem to be people around who are wandering about,
lost & uncertain, not finding their way but still pushing forward...
We see it in the rat race, that push to attain that million, that house...
that promotion, that grade...we want to "make it"

But what if those crazy things get us even more lost?
and I mean this in the eternal sense...
Maybe the most insidious lie is that we can make, move, attain all,
that in our hands we can create all we need or buy it...
However, what if this is all false?

I think that we really really are forgetful creatures,
running back to place our security once again on sinking sand,
but once that crumbles, we once again have no more such security.

That's the problem.

I kinda think differently about this...
In life, i value my pathfinders & signposts
If i were to liken myself as an individual,
I'd wanna be a tracker...

I'd trace the ancient paths, to discover the pearls of wisdom,
to find out the WHY behind WHAT we do...
I see God's Word, the bible as my signpost, a chronicle of faith,
it shows me what happens to those who follow God, and those who don't

Eventhough i'm good at leading change, i think that needs to be God-led,
As we follow God, we'd know that we're going in the right direction
If not...it'd just be like those mentioned above, a rather senseless wandering

I value pathfinders; people who have been constant in their love for God,
through the painful moments, through the good ones too
They evidence a faithfulness, a fidelity that echoes their deep Love
Pathfinders in my life have blazed the way...
they've shown me what it means to have a personal relationship with God,
how to really seek Him with ALL my heart,
and in doing so, they have given me the best lessons ever
That with God, all things are truly possible
and I need to value & guard this relationship with Him...

So many things will determine to steal that place of priority,
interesting new experiences, delightful pleasures,
there are so many appeals to our senses...
even the guarded soul would be under siege
what more the battlefield for an unguarded soul
no wonder we are told to put on the Armour of God!

I'm determined to move with the Spirit of God,
not just cave in and do stuff that is comfortable,
I need to follow the way with God in this picture,
not just move to what "everyone else" is doing,
I know where the firm foundation is...
so that means forsaking all other distractions...

I ask for simple faith, some trials to keep me sharp,
Love enough for every moment,
A desire & depth of relationship that surpasses mere friendship
Thank You Lord

In Christ Alone

Rarely do i have such wonderful days to sleep in,

rest this tired body, the aching foot, the joyful yet weary soul...

When i decided to follow Christ wholeheartedly, 

giving my every moment, spending my vocation serving others,

I probably didn't count on all these things i'd see & know,

and it has been a wondrous journey! =)

I've been so richly blessed beyond measure!
Yes, here in this expensive and inflated country, 

My means are meager, the sum i earn - a mere pittance,

however, i count it a blessing that...with little...

i still have the desire to give, the desire to bless other nations,

raising kids like my world vision one, 

and of course other missionaries who find it even harder than me,

Why are we not richer with our giving,

why do those who have more, find it harder to release it? 

Questions that blight my soul...

because I see injustices that shouldn't happen

But...there are days that delight my soul, 

when i see someone rise up, and make a stand, 

choose to use what they have to make a difference...

Today, i'll celebrate one celebrity example =)

Brian Littrell, who used to be part of the Backstreet Boys,

you brought a deep sense of home to me when i heard this,

it's not a new song, but you did a beautiful rendition of it! 

And i heard you won a Dove award? Well done! Keep shining for Christ! =)

The dancing enhanced the whole message, 

but really...it was the lyrics that hit me most...=)

So beautiful...thank you so much Lord Jesus

If i've forgotten to say it often enough recently, I LOVE YOU

In Christ alone will I glory

Though I could pride myself in battles won

For I’ve been blessed beyond measure

And by His strength alone I’ll overcome

Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands

But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

Chorus:

In Christ alone

I place my trust

And find my glory in the power of the cross

In every victory

Let it be said of me

My source of strength

My source of hope

Is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory

For only by His grace I am redeemed

For only His tender mercy

Could reach beyond my weakness to my need

And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more

And to count my gains but loss to the glory of my Lord

Stay on the anvil

Stay on the anvil

makes me think...

Wow...this is 33mins long, but really impactful & thought-provoking...
Do we have the tenacity to go on asking important questions like he does?

Gosh...I'm really very angry...
angry at you, crazy, stupid, reckless driver!!

How could you be such an irresponsible person?
Your lane is a NON-TURNING LANE!!
There was a stop line, a speed camera,
and a turn signal that was RED!! RED!! HELLO!?!?

The cars with the right of way were still going,
us pedestrians (also with the right of way)
were happily walking with our green man

And you...numbskull...
you had to shoot a red turn signal?!?!
& in your panic when you saw the oncoming cars
you SPED UP when heading towards us?!?!?

You really should not be on the roads...
It's not a matter of having your triangle plates up,
it's not a matter of lack of awareness...
please...in your hands...the vehicle was a weapon!

YOU almost KILLED a whole bunch of pedestrians with your driving!
For the safety of everyone, and most of all for yours...
you should just GET OFF the roads!

Yes, I'm angry, and that's why i'm ranting...
but gosh...my sore ankle is reminding me that i have a right to be angry!
I really wanted to throw my drink at your car...
if you hadn't sped off, i'd have done that instinctively...

You broke so many traffic regulations,
almost knocked down people,
then sped off like a coward after the fact...
dude...you shouldn't be on the roads...
please get yourself off it for everyone's sake...

*ANGRY*

“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.”
― G.K. Chesterton

On a flight of whimsy today, maybe i'm here, maybe i'm there...maybe i'm totally nowhere...who knows?

Emancipation

Did you ever see as He does...

from the first light of dawn to the last one of dusk

Can you ever hear those cries that pierce, 

when nowadays, we live with our ears all stuffed...

Will we ever feel like He does...

or do our hearts only cringe for ourselves, and no one else...

Faith as a child...

Following...not trying to do our own thing

The pride of man makes following hard,

especially when we desire our own interests more than His

Watch...to see Him at work

Unplug...to listen

Remain Tender...so that you'd feel as He does

 

Rest...to remain, to abide, to stay in that place who only One reigns.

pinched

Whatever happened to uncomplicated obedience?
Maybe in all our smarts, all of our cleverness, we have lost this simplicity.

I think it is a shame...
and i think that it is my shame too...

If I had been faithful to follow,
maybe i'd be on a distant shore already,
ready and doing all that I envisioned over there

But really, who is to know?
Maybe my light & momentary trials are lighting a path untrodden
As I see the fruitfulness within my team,
the Joy of spending our efforts doing the right thing,
I think that all the efforts to restructure and to reach NTU has been...wonderful

Yes, it has taken alot out of me,
and it continues to be a strain, yet...
the Joy deep within is also there and never fading!
I'm thankful =)

Of yesterday, and the events that happened...
sigh...i wonder...and i wonder...
but is this one of those things that i'd never know?
really really dislike the way things turn out...

I always feel an affinity to the old testament prophets...
how did they find the obedience to do such bold, yet weird things?
How did they allow themselves to be ridiculed (Hosea), made fun of (Noah),
degraded (Jeremiah), stoned, shamed, mocked and most of all...
how many tears did they shed...?

My devotion today stood out for me...
The "Go" of Renunciation | My Utmost For His Highest

I think that i've come to the point where i understand...
tears can be selfish ones, or tears can be selfless ones...
& really...those shed on behalf of others always play a role far greater than we know,
I wonder in my darkest times, as i do this for others...
does anyone do it for me?
As unimportant & as irrelevant as that question may be...
I still feel it, maybe because when i reach such moments...
I know that i've reached that place of God where...
there is a glimpse of what His Love did on the cross...
the depth of His anguish...not just pain, but real soul deep wrenching
maybe, when we have finally plumbed such depths...
maybe then...do we finally understand calvary Love.

My confession...there are times that i want to feel God badly,
but I want it on my terms...i wish that He would send somebody tangible to do it,
someone to say those right words, provide the presence i need, that helping hand,
the whiff of kindness, the warmth of a smile, the sunlight that breaks through the clouds
& there are gracious wondrous days that this silent prayer is answered...
but of course, there are others that it isn't...

I don't rant & rail...and I've come to appreciate His sovereignty & Love.
Sometimes i realise that just looking to my own needs is what is making me whiny,
and other times, it's the sudden realisation that i'm missing God in all of this...

I like this different version, because it exhorts the character of God,
before we begin to sing of how Great He truly is!



Today...even though it still is...I give You Thanks...cuz i see your Hand