Praise from the past, for the present & the future!

The power of remembering transcends its evocative nature.
It is about more than simply recollecting or reliving.
Remembering pulls the past, with all of God's presence,
into our present and future.
At its best, it reconnects us to God and His activity in our lives.
Remembering puts things into perspective,
reminds us that God was present,
acted mightily in our lives before,
and promises to do it again.
It reminds us, when we remember
~Nancy Ortberg~

I look back and recognise that God has been in every aspect of my life past, present and i know for certain...the future too! I didn't always have such a perspective, but there is an unmistakable Joy that i have in living life this way now. A life of faith, of dependence on the Holy Spirit, on being granted the Joy of participating in an eternal work. This, to me, is the life worth living!

I was scanning my Birkman report, and i still find it so interesting that my social service scores are almost maxed out! Together with musical & literary interests! There was a time that i was uncertain on all of these giftings...but now, i'm sure of them and i try to use them well! =) It's wonderful to be able to use everything i have, enjoy it and see how it is helping others too! =) Triple whammy combo!! YEAAA-AH! =)

Sometimes...i wonder, why does it take so much for us to express ourselves...has the asian culture suppressed us so much that it is anathema to be people of expression, simple gratitude, extravagant love...Are overlooked kindnesses, a simple taking-for-granted, muted appreciation, false modesty, are these more acceptable and therefore...par for the course?

^16-17This is how we've come to understand and experience love: Christ sacrificed his life for us. This is why we ought to live sacrificially for our fellow believers, and not just be out for ourselves. If you see some brother or sister in need and have the means to do something about it but turn a cold shoulder and do nothing, what happens to God's love? It disappears. And you made it disappear.

^18-20My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.

^21-24And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we're doing what he said, doing what pleases him.
1 John 3: 16-24 (The Message)

חסד

I discovered the little word symbol above...
and I want to remember it...
it looks so simple..
like a 70n (seven-zero-n)
but it's not that...
in Hebrew...it means so much more...
3 little symbols...TONS of MEANING!

In gratitude, I want to say...
I Love You Lord!

introspection...

It's been a really long week and a week of much interesting stuff!

Mon & Tues: Love Movement at the Forum
Wed: Soccer interest group
Thurs: Soul2Soul Concert

This has been the most physically taxing in awhile!
Plenty of early days, long nites, all in a frenzy of activity!

Many times of dealing with conflict, working things out,
helping others thru, and also realising failings in all of us...

Discovery of, or rather deepening of a paradox:

Those we love have the ability to hurt us the most,
and they sometimes do...
and yet...because we love them,
we have the ability to overlook offence...

Somber thoughts those are...
because, i see how it is true in my life
In my times of introspection, i see that...
in the past, i have had the ability to "overlook" (in inverted comma's)
because...that meant i would just try very hard to ignore it,
or to come up with a reason for it and not blame the other person
It sorta...just hid the pain and the hurt i felt, and didn't address it.
It seemed the noble thing to do, the right thing even,
but it did not mean forgiveness, or an apology from anyone...
these small matters had the ability to snowball & erupt later...

But i've progressed along the path,
and seen how flawed this has been.
Now, to overlook means something else to me,
i try very hard to be honest with myself (it's painful sometimes)
acknowledging the emotions of it all...(hurt, pain, anger, bitterness etc)
finding out WHY the emotions emerged...
then determining if it is something i should tell the person
(if i can't do it in Love, if anger or something remains...then better not to)
or is it something i can just handle by myself.

Handling it well means that i struggle with myself,
move from those initial emotions back to a position of Love,
being able to forgive in the process, and letting things go...
It has demanded a certain "forgetfulness",
the ability to really forgive & forget, and loving back normally...

This week brought back many memories,
some of smiles, some of pain...
but when i look back, and ask God,
i'm glad that most were handled well,

Sometimes it seems that there's no fairytale,
that things just seem bleak, dark & empty...
but i always remember...
Stories are never wonderful and perfect,
they are always ups & downs,
valleys & peaks,
what makes a fairytale, a fairytale
is that...at the END of the story,
when it comes to an end,
it ends well!
and we anticipate such an ending,
LOVE it even more, because of the ups & downs before

I live a fairytale life, because thru the ups & downs,
i still sense the Love of God, His leading thru it all...
and i still have that sense of expectancy for the future!
I want to continue living like that! =)
Not looking to what i do not have,
but recognising the abundance i've been gifted with! =)


07 In You.mp3

In this world, but not of this world...

Just afew mins ago...just had what i consider to be the weirdest 3min conversation ever...

Mum: What you doing? ...ok...give me $10 ok?
Me: Mmmmm...$10? ok...but why?

Mum: Tomorrow, TOTO grand prize is $10 million, i bought for everyone in the family, even your sisters, so you buy also ok? just give me $10...
Me: Errrrrmm...but i don't want to gamble

Mum: Aiyah..this is not gambling, you put in $10 for a chance to win $10 million, then you don't have to worry about money forever! Such a good opportunity!
Me: It's ok mum, i would rather not

Mum: [laughing] where got anyone so GONG wan? It's just $10!!! Got chance to get rich but dun want? [laughs] dun be silly lah...dun be gong lah...
Me: I'm just not interested in gambling mum, sorry

Mum: ok lor...but if your sisters win the $10million, you don't go and ask them for money uh!
Me: don't worry, i won't

[click]

yes...laughable conversation i know...
I REALLY wish i had the wisdom at the moment to have said something more, to have told my mum that i've already won the greatest prize in Christ Jesus, and that i'm not excited by games of chance or lured by the prospect of riches.

I can see my mother's point of view...that she wants the best for me, that she genuinely loves me that's why she asked, that she wants me to be a man who is rich and lacks nothing. But that's not the point really...

Sure...in any form, way or manner of reasoning, you can easily argue over the point...like...
1) if you buy TOTO and you strike, then God is blessing you!
2) but...its a game! the money is just a nice bonus...
3) ...winning can be a testimony! just give everything away!
i'm sure we can think of more justifications...

But why buy in the 1st place?
What's the intention of the inward heart? riches?
Does winning TOTO some how glorify God?

Or... are we saying...
by NOT winning TOTO...means we're not glorifying God?
(Utter nonsense!)

I know that i've won the greatest prize in Christ, and that satisfies me completely...
I refuse to be lured by games of chance, or enchanted by the appeal of riches...

I was reflecting on something earlier...

"Be in this world, but not of this world..."

And yes, i'm struck by the aptness of how God prepared me for this moment, and i'm glad i did not compromise, reason it out and say...it's just $10...

I think, being in this very practical, efficient & economically driven time, $10 to win $10 million seems to be a "no-brainer" kind of decision! Of course! Just do it! Seize the chance!

But God searches and looks to the intentions of a man's heart...not to find a perfect heart, but to see if there is a heart that takes Him seriously, and desires to do what He wants more than anything else.

Tests can come in the smallest of forms ($10), and in the most unexpected ways (3 min phone call) but when the time comes, the test is still the test...where is your heart, pilgrim?

Lord, You are the sovereign Lord who knows our every battle, struggle & weakness, you know us even better than we know ourselves. Abba, grow us to be a generation of disciples of Christ who brook no compromise, who will not allow little deceptions to weaken us.

Cause us to constantly lean on You and to depend on Your Holy Spirit to guide us moment by moment. We know that the battle is ongoing, we may have victory today but we still have to be on guard the very next moment, teach us to be dependent on your guidance and never to rely on our own strength.

Lord, we know that ultimate victory is in your hands, You've conquered the grave, so teach us to live this victorious life daily! Let us shine as your light and testimony, being IN this world, but NOT of this world, allow us to be Your fragrance, living life by your precepts so that the world may know of you King Jesus! AMEN!

Uncle Sank

In memory of

Nedunghat Sankaran
"Uncle Sank"
22 May 1926 - 15 Jan 2009

Staff Emeritus,
1st local Singaporean staff

Teacher, Pioneer, Pilgrim,
Example, Inspiration, Mentor,
Spiritual Multiplier,
He finished well...

I'd rather have Jesus than silver or gold,
I'd rather be His than have riches untold,
I'd rather have Jesus than houses or lands,
I'd rather be led by His nail-pierced hand,
than to be the king of a vast domain or be held in sin's dread sway
I'd rather have Jesus than anything this world affords today.
~Rhea F.Miller~

http://discovery.sccc.org.sg/
http://nedunghat.wordpress.com/

Ordinary man, Extraordinary life
Dearly Loved, Fondly Remembered
He lived his life to Glorify God

different cries from different hearts

Today...i saw a boy take a tumble and fall...
He let out a howl and then started crying from the pain

It was probably painful and scary...
but in it, i observed something that really spoke something to me

When he first fell, his scream and crying was as much from the shock & pain, as it was a cry for help and for his mum to come.

After his mum picked him up, the screams toned down considerably, but the crying took on a renewed intensity & ferocity.

I think...that's the way it is with all of us isn't it?
When something happens, we cry out for help from the ones whom we know love us.
And only in that place of safety, do we dare to cry & release all that we feel...
No wonder we are to learn from children.

16"Do you hear what these children are saying?" they asked him.
"Yes," replied Jesus, "have you never read,
" 'From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise'?"

Matthew 21:16

How it must feel to be in the position of the mom at that point in time...
heartbroken, yet also knowing the child came to you cuz he loves & trusts you.

Wow...high praise indeed
Lord, you show us the most surprising things sometimes =)

Thankful

Been looking back on the year, as part of reflections and consolidating my thoughts, and i can't help but feel thankful! =)

I've had the distinct feel that I REALLY knew what season last year was, and joined Him at work! And it was just such a sweet thing when it all culminated into that transition into a new season, it just turned out to be so marvelous and such a wonderful plan that only Abba could orchestrate!

Mmmm...God uses the anvil & hammer sometimes, and He wields it skillfully! It never is a comfortable thing yet, the end product is always more beautiful, better, stronger, and more complete! Wonderful!

Short, thankful post...=)

Journalling & sometimes ranting

Today...was a session on Journalling & I took home unexpected stuff i think...

Like how there is a difference between my journals and blogging...it's not that i'm 2 people, just that i don't release every thought that i have on my blog. Although sometimes it is really extremely tempting to...

Today is one of those days. So i shall...since it is my blog...i shall not apologise...

Today is a day where i just see such a generation of hurt people, who are determined to try to hide behind fading facades. If it is fading, let it fall, let others love you...Let God love you.

Are we nurturing a generation that is ungrateful, who are driven by the way others think rather than how God thinks? Do we have vast multitudes who have plenty, and give from their abundance...or do they really know what it means to give when it hurts?

Instead of thankfulness, thanklessness raises it's ugly head. We look out for the things we want to see, and we head for them, more for the pleasure of the moment than because it is the right thing to do.

We use people and chuck them aside, instead of savouring and cherishing each precious gift of friendship. Or other times, we just leave them on the scene of neglect, not caring 2 hoots what happens. Why do we do that? Why?

Promises are broken. Things are done only in times of convenience instead of because they are a priority. We handle every urgent thing, and forget every IMPORTANT one. Sorry's are easy to say...so much so that it loses it's meaning. Don't apologise if you don't mean it. I'd rather that brutal honesty really...

Instead of encouraging (giving courage), we discourage (take away courage) and slimeball others in the name of fun. Off colour jokes are not fun, jokes that create rumours and create laughing moments...they last just for a moment, if friendship is forever, dun risk the eternal for a temporal laugh.

Don't fear being left out, away from the "popular" ones...be more concerned that you surround yourself with friends who are real...people who will stick closer during a crisis. Not someone who is a friend in fun, but in danger runs...

Being solitary doesn't mean being lonely...it is in those moments where we have nothing & no one, those moments where nothing helps. Those are the moments that God wants for Himself. If we never give them to Him, the Only One who answers. Then who are we to expect answers of God? He wants to give, we refuse to receive. Sad, stubborn, stiff-necked us...

If we care what others say and think all the time, we allow them to shape our thinking, dressing, our person. I care not for that...i should only have one opinion that i seek & His alone i will find. If God clothes the fields...why should i worry? (Matt 8)

Real love tells the truth, even the unpopular truth.
It's confronts in Love. It hammers and hits home painfully.
It dares to risk all.

Today...cuz of what Judy shared, i'm sharing this...this is the way i write in my journal...I write it not to condemn anyone, i write it because i'm writing to myself.

I'm looking at myself, and seeing the ugliness that resides within, and i am challenging myself to break these mindsets. To trust God for an authenticity and a reality that comes from knowing and seeing His ways. If these thoughts somehow bring up something in your minds too. Maybe God has a purpose in showing you the areas i struggle with too.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."
Proverbs 27:6
I rather the pain from a friend than kisses from an enemy.

Dare to love and to be a real friend.
The love you give and receive is a reality that will lead you closer and closer to God as well as those whom God has given you to love.

Henri J. M. Nouwen

and the record continues breaking...

A father and his young daughter were great friends and much in each other's company.
Then the father noted a change in his daughter.
If he went for a walk, she excused herself from going.

He grieved about it, but could not understand.
When his birthday came, she presented him with a pair of exquisitely worked slippers, saying,
"I have made them for you."

Then he understood what had been the matter for the past three months, and he said.
"My darling, I like these slippers very much, but next time buy the slippers and let me have you all the days. I would rather have my child than anything she can make for me. "

Some of us are so busy for the Lord that He cannot get much of us.
To us He would say,
"I know your works, your labor, your patience, but I miss the first Love."

G. Campbell Morgan


Making the unspecial special,
and the special unspecial,
what curious & disgusting paradoxes we are.

What is life?

Today...after Christmas service, had lunch with the others at Holland V and waited for the longest time for our meal to arrive!

WT, Ah Seng & my meal was the last to arrive cuz they didn't happen to mention that they are run out of linguine...gosh...and it was a pretty surreal time there. I was hungry, though not anymore by the time the food came. And yeah...instead of moving too much around, i just basically sat there to stone.

I just felt such a sense of ...blehness...

thought it was cuz of fatigue, since i didn't sleep much! But my afternoon nap didn't really help much, woke up, returned the car then went for dinner...and that's when it hit me...as i looked around, i could not help but feel "bleh..." or maybe...more accurately, it was a sense of despondency, a sense of sadness...

I think it started when Ben Ooi mentioned something as he read the Liveline article on foreign workers here, and he told me how his heart was wrenched by this group of people...well...it set me thinking, and in the evening, as i was getting dinner, i was so struck with compassion for the lady who got me my yong tau foo, she has a gnarled hand...one that is stuck in a certain clench...and she was hard at work on Christmas, serving customers like me. Does your soul cry out for such as these...i know that Jesus' does

It struck me that it was just like that when Jesus came so many years ago...everyone was busy, going about life as usual, when the greatest gift was delivered and presented to us. It was such an "unknown" event, yet the most earthshaking event also...

Makes me value what i do even more...i dun care if i'm just a tiny drop in an ocean...even if i make just a small indiscernable ripple, i care no longer...it's not about me, it's about doing what i'm compelled to do, using my life to honour God in the best way possible. It is tempting sometimes to look at what i "do-not-have", yet i also see that alot of times, being content with doing my best for the least, for the lost, for those who have no capacity to repay me, that is what makes my heart truly soar...it's like...a little bit of heaven looking into those eyes and feeling that unfettered flutter in my heart. Maybe that is why i like to look people in the eye...i'm looking for heaven, to give it or to connect with some kindred soul who has that apart from the trappings of the world.

Lord Jesus, today, i realise the reality of the poverty of a world without you anew, and i see how poor i am when i overlook it too. In the richness of Christ, allow me to have a greater sense of how to live my life to the fullest, give my best, my riches, my all to bear for your kingdom work. I desire to show the Love of Christ, the fullness of Joy in You, the abundance You give, and the freedom of spirit You release, Lord, teach me so that i may show it with my life. In every season, for every reason and purpose you call me to, be glorified through me. In Jesus' blessed name i pray, AMEN

musings...

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

Edmund Burke

Irish orator, philosopher, & politician (1729 - 1797)

Been pondering some of these issues...
of how much that goes on,
goes on cuz we do nothing to put a stop to it.
Of how it is in our hands to do something,
but many times we relinquish our responsibility...
to speak up, to do something, to make a difference.

We let things slide, try not to disturb the status quo,
we value being accepted more than pointing out wrongs...
I wonder what Jesus would do in some of these ethical dilemmas...

Then i remember...
He who as a boy, spoke with such wisdom in the temple that people listened,

I remember the Jesus who turned the temple upside down,
when he saw that it was being used as a marketplace more than a temple.

I remember the man who ate at the table of "sinners",

who valued the harlot who broke a vial of nard over his feet,
and cleaned his feet with her hair...

He who called a man (Zaccheus) down from a tree, and in doing so...
transformed a tax collector into a man who loves...

I remember a Jesus who spit into dirt, made mud paste,
& healed a blind man through the application of the mud...

I remember Jesus who carried His own cross up to calvary,
to die there for the sins of men, and who uttered...
"Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do..."

I see all these, and i can't help but notice that Jesus never "did nothing..."
He never let evil triumph by being invisible.
Jesus was visible, His actions spoke volumes of His Love,
His obedience, His utter passion for individuals...

May this generation be a generation that seeks the Master's renown!
One that speaks up, acts out of Love, and makes a difference because of Christ!

SC Singapore Marthon'08

The run yesterday was...eventful! =)

Was battling diarrhea the previous few days and when i woke up and had to go to the washroom at 2am on raceday...i thought "die lah...there goes the run..."

At that point, i had pretty much decided to forgo the run, just wake at 3am, for the sole purpose of chauffering Donovan and Tiffany Tan to the race. Still, the old determination kicked in when i woke again at 3am, so i decided, just dress as if you are running and see how you feel at the start line. =)

Whilst waiting for Don, i reviewed the race course, and saw that we loop back to the finish line, so i decided, ok...i will try out that loop, if i'm feeling terrible, then i'll stop and just cheer them on, so yeah...told Don the plan, that i may just drop out cuz i was unwell...it was abit of a downer.

Well...to cut the long story short, i did the loop, felt pretty alright, and decided to continue, of course, it was still a hard run for me! Had to concentrate quite abit on my tummy, and i didn't really make much conversation with Don, unlike during our Sundown run. And oh yeah...i had to make 2 pitstops along the way! But yeah...i was prepared so those were pretty good and quick stops! The only worry was dehydration, so i made sure to keep drinking and drinking, and the gels we brought helped alot! =)

In the end, somewhere 3 to 4km from the end, i told Don, "Go ahead, i'm done, but even if i'll walk all the way, i'll surely finish...don't let me hold you back." At that point, cuz of the hot sun and the queasy tummy, i decided that i needed the water, the slower pace and probably the washroom again! So yeah...Don went ahead, and i couldn't find a washroom until i reached the esplanade!! hahaha! but yeah...by then i was grinning cheek to cheek already, the esplanade is just about 1km from the finish...nothing at all! So yeah...even took time to sms Rufus from the washroom "Sorry i'm late, but i'll be there soon! I'm in the Esplanade washroom" hahaha! my attempt at humour! (i just missed the timing i said i'd hit!)

the last bit of drama was really just before the finish line! about 200m away, when my left calf start spasming! yeah...cramp...totally the wrong time!! But yeah...i rubbed it down a little and carried on jogging! Seeing the guys 100m from the end was a boost! and i heard that the shots were pretty nice!! HAHA! =)

After this experience, finishing a marathon with diarrhea and having to visit the washroom twice, someone please smack me if i ever say i'm gonna run when sick! =) haha! but i think that i re-learnt some parts of myself, the steely determination part, and the practical "know-my-limits, yet wanting to push the limits" part, determination brought me to the 38+km mark, before the practicality kicked in and i knew it was not sensible to push anymore.

Mmmm...on reflection, this was a great run for many reasons, chief of which was facing and conquering obstacles, and yeah...i'm not any worse off for it, the only after effects i have from the run is a slightly sore left knee (which i'm icing down) and yeah...even did some light exercise and cycling this morning to get the muscles moving, so woo...overall, a good day yesterday! =)

I'm a happy camper! =D

Drawing near...

The story of Abraham rings out to me in this season...

Did Abraham not feel anything when God said..."Give me Isaac"?
Can it be that he was so heartless?

I can scarcely think so...

I think of him,
the struggle of emotions he must have felt,
the pain almost like mortal stabs to his heart...
the unbearable walk up the mountain holding Isaac...
the inner tears that he shed as he lay him down...
the trembling hands, shaking legs...
mirroring the broken heart...
what pain it must have been...

and then what Joy...JOY...JOY

The delight of seeing the ram, the sacrifice that God prepared...

the test of hardest Faith that Abraham had to go through...

Wow!
I wait in expectation,
You know my heart Lord
I trust in You

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth,
will grow strangely dim,
in the light of His Glory & Grace

Writing is my remedy...

I've found that writing really does help me express myself,
yeah...of course, sometimes i write cryptically,
but that's just cuz i'm expressing my thoughts to myself.

Words really do bring me a sense of comfort,
it also is something i appreciate!
Those who know me, know i love notes,
letters, books, articles, stimulating reads.

Things can come to me through email,
snail mail or handwritten...
I appreciate them all!
When did my obsession with words begin?

I'm not too sure...maybe when i was young,
reading those tales of old, they sparked a curiosity that's never sated
Now when i write, it can be crystal clear,
wonderfully cryptic or sometimes beautifully poetic.

Words just express what i want to say,
and when they don't, the rant helps me release anyways!
HahahA! Win-win situation!

I embark on a mighty busy planning week ahead...
doesn't help that i'm falling ill
but yeah...hope the planning goes well,
and i get better...
i wanna run!!!!

Ok...random posts seem to be the order of the day!
hahaahah!

Thanksgiving

The 4th Thursday in November, that's when Americans celebrate Thanksgiving

I've been thinking on it, and i've been keeping my eyes open.
So often, we lack a grateful thankfulness

We take so many things, so many people for granted.
Is it only after they are gone that they will be looked upon fondly?

A day to celebrate and give thanks, that's a cool idea,
yet, at the same time it can be done totally bereft of meaning too.
We can thank yet totally lose the meaning behind it.
Totally invalidate it in the next instance...

Yet...doing it honestly, without ulterior motive,
just for the utter pleasure of appreciating someone.
That...that is a gift that keeps giving...
one of those things that God places in our hands to steward

I thank God for all i've been through,
in all of them my eyes have been opened
now...I appreciate so many things in life,
attributing them rightly as gifts from God.

Yesterday, i made a very hard decision,
one i struggled to make...
I wanted so much to just do what i wanted to do...
but i chose not to in the end...
the drive to the airport was a hard one...
possibly an angry one...
yet...upon reaching, i know i did the right thing
I think that being a minister of reconciliation means all these hard decisions.

Picking them up & then going for a leisurely dinner,
catching up and being adults among adults...
those are breakthroughs that i've wanted for so long.
They are finally here...Thank You Lord.

I think of what i've seemingly "missed out"
and i count it all loss for the sake of Christ.

Thanksgiving...Truly...a Thanksgiving...
Lord i really thank You...
I see this as step one...
building that bridge cuz there is a harder one ahead.
Yet...i trust in You.

I walk on, this battle, the one that i'm put in to mend...
it was never mine, it was before me...
though i suffered from it, it was still a blessing
Now...this unique position is mine...
Only cuz You gave the ministry of reconciliation...
Forgive me if i complain...
Lord i need a measure of Grace only you can give

Grant me that wisdom, that courage...to do the right thing always.

no other fount i know...

Who's there left standing when the smoke clears?
Life is a fleeting adventure, one meant to be lived fully, uncomplicated...

Why then do we complicate matters?
So many things, people, issues assault just when it's time to slow down.

It's effortless to lose something,
especially painful if it's a person, someone...

Today...i had that sense of what it meant to lose, and lose big...
piled on top of everything else...it was just a bunch of too much emotions.

God, You who conquered the grave, you who are mighty to save...
I trust You, especially when things are hard...when the chips are down.

You know where I am now, in You, i'm never lost.
I trust and lay my life in your hands.

How i wish for ______, for ______, for _______
You see the depths of my heart and You know what i need.
Above all, You know i desire You far more than any of those.

I've plumbed the depths of my heart Lord,
Ready and waiting for the moment you call,
I'm primed for action, ready to move...
but i'm waiting on You.
Keep me there until Your time is right for me.
I do not want to move without You.

Do it again! =)

A child kicks its legs rhythmically through excess, not absence, of life.
Because children have abounding vitality,
because they are in spirit fierce and free,
therefore they want things repeated and unchanged.

They always say, Do it again;
and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead.
For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony.
But perhaps God is strong enough...

It is possible that God says every morning,
Do it again, to the sun;
and every evening, Do it again, to the moon.

It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike:
it may be that God makes every daisy separately,
but has never got tired of making them.

It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy;
for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.

G. K. (Gilbert Keith) Chesterton

Sometimes, in the absence of words,
those of others say it better =)
Do it again!

I do not want to lose that sense of wonder,
that delight in the little things,
the marvelous privilege of enjoying my King,
the sense of Joy being able to walk & run with Him,
the way that He made us,
to worship, exalt & to thoroughly ENJOY Him!

Wow!
Do it again, Lord!

I love it when you do!
Thank You! =)

The Discipline of Secrecy...

Dallas Willard, writing about the spiritual discipline of secrecy Jesus espouses in the Sermon on the Mount, says, “[O]ne of the greatest fallacies of our faith, and actually one of the greatest acts of unbelief, is the thought that our spiritual acts and virtues need to be advertised to be known... [S]ecrecy, rightly practiced enables us to place our public relations department entirely in the hands of God... [W]e allow him to decide when our deeds will be known and when our light will be noticed.”

When we desire godly secrecy, Willard goes on to suggest that love and humility before God will develop to the point that we’ll not only see our friends, family, and associates in a better light, but we’ll also develop the very Christian virtue of desiring their good above our own.

Paul expressed this very truth to the Philippian church when he told them to “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4).

Extracted from
"The Joy of Living Secretly"
Margaret Manning

A good name is more than a label...

"Life, like war, is a series of mistakes,
and he is not the best Christian
nor the best general who makes the fewest false steps.

He is the best who wins the most splendid victories by the retrieval of mistakes.

Forget mistakes;
organise victories out of mistakes."
~F W Robertson~

Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord, to thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move at the impulse of thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for thee.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for thee.

Are you willing to give Jesus your remote control?

If you were a wise man, one with insight, foresight,
blessed with the temerity to make decisions that others wouldn’t,

...would you be willing to relinquish all trust in your own wisdom,
and let someone else take over?

If you were a rich man, with all the resources that the depth of your pockets can muster,

...would you stop thinking in terms of economy,
and place all control you had in the hands of another?

If you were a mere mortal man, blessed with nothing more than common sense, a heart of love, hands that serve,

...would you do the uncommon,
love the unlovable, serve your enemies?

I find that for myself...
frequently, the first thing that happens is that an excuse reaches the tip of my lips.
Sometimes, it comes out...
In my better moments, it doesn’t.

“I’m not...wise enough, ....or rich enough, ...or possess enough information to make a decision.”

But actually...the honest, hard-to-face truth is...
Who we are, is who we are through and through...
The answers to the BIG questions are the same ones that you give to the small decisions

When someone asks you for a favour? What is your response?
When a guy pushes his way past you brusquely, identify your emotions?
When people around you are noisy & distracting, what runs through your mind?

What if you were asked to switch the channel?
Or turn down the volume?

(Cuz the King of Kings & Lord of Lords, Jesus himself wanted to meet with you!)

Are you willing to give Jesus your remote control?

If only i was a shooting star...

En el caos, en tormenta sé que sigues
siendo Dios. Cuando siento que soy débil me
das la gracia para seguir.
Al oír tu dulce voz, cantaré esta
canción.

No hay nadie como tú, sólo Cristo.

One day as he was walking by the sea, he saw a small boy who, with the help of a shell, was emptying water from the ocean into a hole he had dug in the sand.

"What are you doing, son?" asked Augustine. He was impressed by the naive answer, "I'm going to empty all the sea into this hole."

Augustine smiled. An inner voice, however, was saying to him, "You are trying to do the same thing by thinking you can understand the depths of God with your limited mind."

Augustine

I don't understand Lord, i really don't...

But still...
i'll obey
cuz it's You.

haha!

Caught 'Robots' earlier on the tv, originally thought that it could have been better, but then, when i began to see the clever puns, the really smart way of how they did their jokes, i could tell that it was not going to be an animation-driven kinda movie, but a storyline-driven one! =) Not bad!

Later on, the animation made sense too! Now i know why the Robots were not all sharp and fabulous looking at the start! =) They had to be that way, so that the show was good and 'realistic' to the setting!

Will not say too much about it except that it was good holiday fun! =) This is one of the last jokes...about how they made up a new dance...

Jazz plus Funk
Junk...

HAHAHAH! =D I like it cuz it is simple humour, yet also deeper! =)
Like...how can 2 great dance styles (Jazz & Funk), create something like Junk? hahah!
It either redefines what "Junk" is, or is a parody of what we do frequently...
which is...we do not recognise greatness initially, calling it junk!

So much of the time, we forget how much depth we each possess! Like how even in the simple creation of a sentence, there can be plenty of hidden meanings & innuendo. I love the symbolism of the Chinese language, where every brushstroke and combination has a specific meaning, which when put together, literally "paints" a picture of the word! Wow!

We are all component parts...some parts that we understand, some that we don't. Don't call what you have Junk...you just may not understand it yet. It could be a fusion of Jazz & Funk!

God makes no mistakes! =)

Intelligence plus character -
That is the goal of true education
~Dr Martin Luther King, Jr~

...this post continues where the previous one left off...haha!

5-8Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them—living and breathing God!

Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about SELF than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored.

Romans 5:5-8 ~The Message~

haha! =) I like the way that God continues to speak through the days, continuing His revelation, speaking in such a real manner, illuminating more & more truth. Thank You Lord!

Re-tuning

19-23Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!

24-25You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally.

26-27I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself.

1 Cor 9: 19-27 ~The Message~

I think it's hard to keep bearings in this world sometimes, and i hate the way that it is so easy to look away. Bad company corrupts good character (1 Cor 15:33), but alot of the time, we never stop to examine what is "bad".

Gossip is re-labeled as sharing of information,
Put downs or insults as "witty conversation",
bad behaviour is excused as "personal preference"
Uninhibited fun replaces quiet reason
Personality is mistaken for character

After "overlooking" every small quirk, we lose our bearings, our very moral standard is out of sync...the moral compass has gone awry.

My take home from 1 Cor 9: 19-27
- Keep your bearings in Christ
- Train hard
- No sloppy living
- Stay alert and in top condition

No loose living...

love gives it's best...always...

“Love is not affectionate feeling,
but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good
as far as it can be obtained”
~C.S Lewis~

It's one of those days, i finally get in a great unbroken sleep,
some much needed rest and then some thinking time.

Sometimes, I feel like i've given, and given, looked out for others, come alongside so many, laughed with those who laugh, cried with those who cried, felt for those who are hurting, walked with those who just need someone to...then i wonder...who is there for me.

Those most cynical moments flash by, and thankfully, most times they flee just as quickly.

No wonder the responsibility to steward and to shepherd is a lonely one. I suddenly picture the solitary shepherd on a hill, overlooking lush greenery, taking care of the many sheep that are happily grazing, all the time with senses on high alert for the lion or the bear.

It made me think...why would the shepherd do it? Such a lonely, thankless task, thrown into danger, exposed to the elements, having to find grazing pastures, water, even needing to contend with those stray sheep he's protecting?

I think...it's all for Love.
Love that protects, shields, covers, provides...
Love that wants the best for those they love.
It's inexplicable really,
but it sometimes shows,
in the things you really care about.
I've always wished the best for people,
wanted the greatest for them,
nurtured & encouraged toward that aim,
i don't understand why some choose to envy,
to compete, to look at numbers,
to desire individual accolades...

For me, when you win, we win.
We never play insignificant roles,
because every role is significant
Victories are never a solo effort.

To paraphrase C.S Lewis...
"Love is...a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good
as far as it can be obtained”

I'll not give to God something that cost me nothing.
I think i'm really finding out much more about myself.
How i really go ALL out in what i believe in...
how much i hate compromise,
how when i discover something, i will press in to lay hold,
how i can discipline myself to focus in,
inspite of the pain, or the pleasures that may distract
And on the flipside...how much i hate that also,
how standing by everything i believe & trust in,
also means standing apart, cutting aside a desolate trail...
it means getting bruised, pierced & bloodied.
I'm thankful for trailblazers with me,
teams of others that God sends.

Thankful also for learning what it means to give...
time, effort, desire, tears, self, heart...
there are so many more things more valuable than money

“Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.”
~C.S Lewis~






Thank You Dad

For Giving Jesus first of All
So that we might obtain what we do not deserve
Your Grace still amazes me...

Walk on through...

Wow...just been amazed by the word of God lately, how powerfully real & applicable it is!

I think God knows each time i feel the battle again, he really knows (as in...i get a sense that He is alongside too) cuz something else will along to show me that God knows and God cares!

Was talking to a fellow servant of God on monday, and we were just reflecting on how paradoxical it is...we all have different gifts, and it's amazing when it's used the way it's meant to. But oh...how it is hard to steward some gifts! Part of my gift is really coming alongside people who hurt, who suffer, who have gone through certain experiences, I happen to have that compassion, that empathy, and yet a sense of reality and how to progress on even through the haze...but that doesn't make it any easier. The struggle is still REAL, the pain is still INTENSE, the actions and reactions NOT always RATIONAL, all this is part of the battle.

For those who are given the privilege to bear someone else's burdens, i think...only fellow sojurners will realise the full weight, the depth, and the intensity of it. There are times, you kinda almost lose yourself in prayer, just to find yourself back at square one, wondering...how long more oh Lord? Will you still be silent?

I found my answers to that question awhile back, but i love the way i discovered it today. God knows, and He is there with us. When we earnestly struggle, He's also earnestly struggling...we may not enjoy it cuz we WANT the answers, He does not enjoy it cuz He KNOWS the answer, and WHY we need to go through it.

Who has the harder job? I think His is infinitely harder, His Father's Heart for us definitely rends and is pained as He looks on us with His Eyes of Love.

He does not withhold any good thing from us, so...therein is the promise, the promise of a GOOD thing, the glimpse of the sunshine after the rain, and the rainbow that it brings. Can you hang on and trust in that? Trust not in man, or in chariots or in horses, but trust in the Lord?

As you go through the furnace of fire, and then the shaping of the hammer & anvil, and the final process, the sudden plunge into cold water to harden the blade.

It is true.
God works IN a person,
before He works THROUGH the person.

Thank You Lord.
Higher ways i've never known,
My trust in You, forever honed

transience...

Been abit bogged down by so many things happening...and pardon the morose nature of this post...but yeah...i need to let it out abit. Perhaps in a lil bit more abstract a manner...

Is this the end of an era?
or the start of something better?

I heard about Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter, tragically killed several months back by a careless accident. And then today, i heard that Delirious was disbanding at the end of 09...

Gosh...these are the 2 influences that have helped me alot in this journey of truly knowing God in worship in a real, deep & intensely personal manner. Some people like bands or musicians cuz of the way they sound, or the way they portray themselves. Me...i've always looked for something deeper, the way that they worship, the way they show their heart. It's an intangible, but i've always been able to tell when people are truly worshipping, or if they are putting on a front. And i think these 2 are GREAT examples of what it means to be truly in worship, truly exuberant, yet...wholly surrendered to God.

The emotions i felt on hearing the sad news above, just mirrors the condition of my soul at this moment in time i guess...cuz of myriad reasons, none mentionable here, but the condition and the temporary nature of transient emotions, shall not get me down.

I'm here, choosing to let the emotions go, choosing to trust that the Lord has a wonderful, efficacious plan, and i look on in expectation. There is a wonderful exhilaration...to be able to hold on to something, Someone...when the tough things really start falling...to sense a trust, a blessed assurance that things will turn out just as He plans, come what may...

I give my testimony tomorrow at breakthrough prayer...and yes, it has been a breakthrough, thank you for never giving up on me Lord...Thank you

I hold on to You, Lord Jesus, my Majesty...whatever may come...

Reason to worship =)

Some seasons of life are just...speechless...
because there are no better words to describe it...
but i must try...for my own sake, so that i remm it always.

Thank you Lord!
For dinner & divine chats on Friday with Linus & Teck...
For Sat..pride...utter absolute heart-bursting pride for all of them!
Today...the message thru Daniel interpreted by Gordon Wong...
The lessons that are reinforced and re-iterated

Thank you Lord

Be Thou My Vision indeed...

All of my life, In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

=)

You are my Reason

A different kind of man...

"Unfortunately, much to my mother's disapproval, I will not be walking in the opening ceremonies. I realize that everyone is different and that maybe it won't hurt others to walk in the ceremonies. However, knowing myself, I know that if I set the tone of my Olympic mission as one in which I am there to just enjoy the experience and not really go after the competition, then I will struggle. I am a very all or nothing type of guy. I am either training hard or not training, I am either very disciplined or not disciplined at all. This is something I have been working on since my college days. I would like to become a more rounded individual but I still have this all or nothing tendency. So knowing that about myself, I know that I must pass up the opening ceremonies so that I can truly give myself the best shot out on the roads two weeks later."

~Ryan Hall~ 2008 Olympic Marathon runner (USA)

It's been awhile since my last post, been abit too exhausted by all the goings-on of matriculation, changing roles, portfolios, exciting new areas of exploration and of course, the work generated by all of that!

I like what Ryan Hall said above, i love that this is a man who loves God, who knows himself, recognises his tendencies and works with them instead of against them!

Passion is nothing if not for a single-minded pursuit of something. Ryan is willing to forgo the spectacular & much hyped-up opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics, he's willing to forgo the chance to march in as an athlete, to be known as one who represents his country, all because his eyes are fixed on the goal.

To me, this amount of dedication, self-knowledge (knowing his tendencies), and single-minded focus, this is rare, and the mark of a man who knows that he is running for far more than to represent his country in the Olympics, far more than for personal recognition, the Olympics is BIG, and a wonderful opportunity, yet...after it is over, life will continue on as it has always, life will continue to be lived, and the joys will continue to come after that!

Seen in the longer term perspective, the opening ceremony is like...celebrating REACHING the Olympics! Obviously, to Ryan, that ISN'T the goal, he will not celebrate yet, he will not enjoy the show yet, his work is NOT done! He will continue to work hard, train hard, run the race that his country sent him to run, and celebrate when his job is done! Why do i get a sense that i will enjoy seeing Ryan's smile at the closing of the Olympics? =D

We are NOT unaware...

Thinking abit more on mishandled emotions...how debilitating that would be, and how we should not 'give the devil a foothold' because of unhealed or mishandled emotions...

'"In your anger do not sin":
Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
and do not give the devil a foothold.'
Eph 4:26-27

The solution given to us seems quite simplistic...

"Submit yourselves, then, to God.
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
James 4:7

"Be self-controlled and alert.
Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1 Peter 5:8-9

"in order that Satan might not outwit us.
For we are not unaware of his schemes."
2 Cor 2:11

Not only are we aware of the schemes that the evil one has, but we have victory over them by Jesus' authority, and a promise that God himself will not allow us to be harmed! Wow!

'He replied, "I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven.
I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions
and to overcome all the power of the enemy;
nothing will harm you.'
Luke 10:18-19

Mind, Heart, Beauty, Crown...

The new batman movie, "The Dark Knight" really set me thinking...
Shall try not to have any spoilers...but yeah...no promises, anyways...this blog is where i ramble and process my thoughts as i type...so...here goes

There was a part, where it was implied that some people ought not to have choices, that they have somehow lost their right to a choice...I thought that was such a subtle & poignant insight.

Are we really caged? Without a choice?

We may scoff at the simplemindedness of it all, but how many times have we also said...
"But i have no choice...", "It's not that...But...", "I cannot...", "But then uh...", alot of times, the context that we use such phrases is when we have (in a sense) "given up our choice"

In such an instance, we have chosen (notice the word...CHOSEN...) to be thrown about on the whim of others, or it could be said that we have effectively surrendered our choice to something/someone else, to let ourself be tossed about by circumstances beyond us. Is it true we do not have a choice? I don't think so...

While it may be true that sometimes the choices others make can affect us, but it doesn't mean that we have "lost our choice" in that sense. After going through what i consider to be the toughest personal experience of my short life...i know that while other people can affect you, at the end of the day, the CHOICE of how you react to that is totally yours to own. That choice can never be "given away" or blamed on someone else...there is no blame to shift there.

For a time, choices, thinking, actions may get skewed and thrown haywire by all the emotional anguish, the tangible yet intangible pain, the suspicion and mistrust bred may come out in unexpected ways, yet...over time, and by CHOICE...as we submit, face and deal with what we have to...the CHOICE matures, grows, sharpens us.

The CHOICE not to...only leaves us in that place of hurt, suspicion, resentment, the recurring cycle of living nightmares caused by bad CHOICES. We always have a choice, and the choice of how to react to bad, uncomfortable, unexpected situations is one of the hardest yet most important ones to appropriate.

Chaos may seem to be just a thin line away from sanity, the potential for darkness seems nearer then the potential to be light. That may seem true because we are born with the inclination to sin, but even if this is a daily battle, it doesn't mean that it is one that we are destined to fail at. The victory won on the cross by Jesus, is also the license for us to put on His robes of Righteousness, to turn in our ashes for His Beauty.

Sometimes, the person we have to forgive and love once again...is ourself first...can we look in the mirror that God puts in front of us and not turn away? The mirror that searches far more than just the outward appearance, but gazes right into the depths of our hearts?

It is always darkest just before the dawn...
The realisation of how evil & sinful we can be, is what humbles us & brings to that place where we realise what true beauty is & can be...

You have won my heart... You have given me life... Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty, & wear forgiveness like a crown

At the foot of the Cross - Kathryn Scott


Life may seem crazy at times, but God is in control, can you trust that?

Looking down the narrow road...

"What is to give light must endure burning."
~Victor Frankl~

The road you take will always be bumpy and narrow, nevertheless, don't ever take the wide, easy road. That leads to death. It is hard to achieve what you desire with your little willpower, instead, allow something/someone supernatural to change your life.

I choose...Jesus.

Sometimes, all we need is something or someone to speak the truth into our lives, to call a spade, a spade. To help us lay out all the cards, recognise that we can't do much, decide what we can focus on, and then entrust the rest to God.

“The one thing you can’t take away from me
is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me.
The last of one’s freedoms is
to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance.”
~Victor Frankl~

I choose...Jesus.

Some people express best in art, some in photos, some in gifts, mine...i do it best in writing.

There are so many things that distract & pull us off track. It can be the many (merely) good things that we're doing, or those nagging (seemingly) inconsequential matters, maybe...duties, responsibilities, commitments, or it can be people that we care for, relationships that matter, people who help define our significance (admit it, it's true!).

But the way thing that helps is like what they say in driving...look far, look forward. The narrow way really requires concentration, but as you look along the path, it is so much easier to realign, and to line up towards that vision of the Cross, the vision of the future.

Things in the present, will sort themselves out...because God is in the details, our gaze on eternity ought to guide our present decisions. So...to everyone seemingly stuck in a rut, gutted, in the desert place, filled with questions or warring deep inside...

Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will go strangely dim
in the light of His glory and grace.

I choose...Jesus.

Human BEING!

This recent Freshmen Orientation Camp (FOC) was themed...

"Fixed On Christ" (FOC!)

The metaphors, games, messages all held the theme of running this race with our eyes focussed, constantly fixed on the author & perfector of our faith!

It was a good camp for me...=) Entered camp with a little bit of fatigue because i realised that i've been living our of a suitcase for almost 2 months cuz of reservist, church camp, vietnam, student leaders retreat, then now...FOC. Woah...then got a pretty musty smelling room so had to vent it for almost a day, and even then it still had some funny smells!

Well...entering camp with fatigue wasn't a good thing, i had tasks to do, people to interact with, the freshies to welcome, what's more, during camp i started getting chills, that led to a fever and then a really rumbly tumbly stomach later! So...knowing i had limitations, i decided to pray and prioritise! Decided that i should be there for all the devotions & group interaction times, then i would film all the major interesting stuff, and then for the rest i would try to grab some rest and try to recharge up!

Turned out really well! Because i was able to scout out the places & get thorough briefings of the games, the filming was rather sharp, and targetted! No waste of time or resources! (I'm thankful!) Alot of times in camp, it is a whole mish mash of work, of DOING. Yet in this camp, i had a good reminder of needing to concentrate on the PEOPLE! So...along the way, the breakfast times & devotions were good! Sometimes, i was the only staff around, yet, i could tell that God put me there with an insight or perspective that was helpful and that made all the battling of the illness worth it!

Worship under the stars was great! =) And during the prayer time, i put down my duties, stopping all the tasks at hand and went to share life with some guys, just BEING there...it was a great time just lying down on the running track & listening to HW, being a listening ear and then...the time after with the new guys, hearing their fears, worries, expectations, yet Joy at being in NUS...all that reminded me that we're made to be human BEINGs, not human DOINGs.

So many times, we forget & allow work, the great many important things that we're doing, well...we look at all these things and think that they define us, when they really don't! Take them away & are you the same person as you are without the tasks? Strip them away, and who are you deep within?

I know that i'm a deeply introspective person, willing to think, examine, pray through situations...BUT sometimes i forget...and get caught up in the murkiness of things, yet most times...these times of deep thinking bring me deeper into a knowledge of who God is...what He means when He says He is...I AM, how a phrase like "Be thou my Vision" has layers of meaning that we have yet to even grasp, how do we plumb the depths of our hearts except by being willing to face the ugliness, the flaws, the things that we've hidden (even from ourselves!), it's only when we slow to take stock, to BE instead of DO, to just be still...that's when life takes on DEEPER meaning. And I would rather a DEEPER life with God, then a shallow one, any day...

the reluctant post...

This is one post that i promised to write, and now, as i'm about to write it...i'm living it out in a certain sense! I could easily wish not to be where i am, but the paradox is...being here is better than not being here. Let's see who understands this post...

"All gracious affections that are a sweet odour to Christ and that fill the soul of a Christian with a heavenly sweetness and fragrancy, are broken-hearted affections.

A truly Christian love, either to God or men, is a humble, broken-hearted love. The desires of the saints, however earnest, are humble desires. Their hope is a humble hope; and their joy, even when it is unspeakable and full of glory, is a humble broken-hearted joy..."

Jonathan Edwards (The Religious Affections p.266)

The people & things that we care about the most, are the ones that also have the capacity to burden our hearts the most. That is the nature of Love.

For me to explain this, i have to share abit.
I realise that i really do care about people, and the care that i have for them is not just a molly-coddle, nice all the time, serving others, lovey dovey love. It has a great many such moments surely and i'm greatful for them, but it also has the part of saying the hard thing, asking the difficult questions, protecting, nurturing, doing the tedious and utterly thankless job of walking people through their mistakes and disasters, unwise decisions, helping to unravel a tangled mess, and sometimes bearing with injustices/faults not of your making.

None of this is easy...

It is even harder when you truly love, because when you truly Love, your heart breaks at each care-frontation, your mind races through all the possible scenarios (good & bad), you pray feverishly, battling with God, preferring the easy way out but knowing that is a kop out, not good for either you or the other party. Uneasy sleep, a sense of unfinished work, a low-grade uneasiness in the tummy, feelings flip-flopping everywhere, brave sometimes, squeamish in other moments.

The struggle with self is as real & extremely painful, as if this were your own battle too, as much as it is the other person's battle. And yeah...at the end of the day, after the struggle (sometimes...while still IN the struggle) you reach the point where all barriers, all pride, all pretence, all control is surrendered, you reach a point of brokenness, a sense of a crossroad. What is important is about to be put on the line...a friendship might have to be risked, the other person's reaction might be unpredictable, somethings have to be unmasked, brought out into the open, the truth might prove to be a searing blow...will it be a fatal one?

We are humbled.
Beaten by the unpredictability & the unknown...coming back, full circle to trusting in the God above, relying on a faith borne out of previous such struggles with the Lord. Knowing that as He leads...He will guard the interaction and the outcomes. Then...something like a spark is ignited, was it obedience that caused it? Was it the hard struggle? Or is it because once pride & self has been beaten out, all that remains is what is pure? That is where true Joy is found! One not dependent on situations or outcomes, but one based solely on Him who does not fail (no matter the outcome)

Looking back, the heart that has pondered & gone through all of this struggle...that is the heart that is prepared, refined, stripped of every pretence, removed of pride, broken of every expectation, extinguished of the desire for the praise of men, humbled, on his knees in prayer, hoping...praying...trusting...not knowing, just desiring what God wants, obeying Him, waiting, hoping, persevering, and knowing His matchless Joy even in it all.

Woah...just read a startlingly similar post...so i'm changing this part,
..."Everything i am, for Your Kingdom's cause!"

Personal note to those i love, the moments when i've had to do those hard things, ask those hard questions, those are never easy moments for me, i do them knowing that the irony is that it may cause a rift between us, a chasm of misunderstanding, a fallout of nuclear proportions, and yet, after the intense struggles...i do what Love demands. And then pray for the best. It's not easy, but i do it cause i Love you, & i do not expect anyone to understand what it demands of me. It's so interesting if you think about it...how Love actually DEMANDS an action, and how inaction (which is an action by itself!) indicates a lack of love. Love really is Sooooo multi-faceted...it's truly amazing! =) And yes, no matter what, I love loving people! Don't think that can ever be changed, and i'm thankful for that gift! =D

Until today, i've barely had the words to describe this...but i'm glad i did today.

Thanks Mav, for asking me to write about the quote...=)
It brought me here, though i'm not sure i answered you! ooops!

Realism

Been hearing certain words pop up, and being bandied around.
Words like optimism, pessimistic, fatalistic, too idealistic....

And it just caused me to think and to reflect,
these sit down times, or times when something just HITS...
these are valuable times for me
they remind me that we see things in part,
and alot of the times, we catch just a little of what is happening
Without pausing to reflect, such moments can just pass us by.
And the learning we could have gleaned from them...
gone in a flash. I don't want that...

Optimism & Pessimism
Seems that everyone is talking about the extremes,
but have we missed the point in doing that?

God in the bible, describes Himself as "I AM"
And that has been on my mind...
Even as He is Alpha & Omega,
the beginning & the End...
He is still the everpresent God with us..."I AM"
How wonderful is that!!

If we are optimistic to a fault, we might live in fairytale land,
Pessimistic to a fault, then we live in gloom all the while...
I think the middle ground, the balance between both
...Realism, being Realistic, being REAL...
that is what we are truly missing nowadays.

We need to bravely reflect on the past,
hope expectantly for the future,
and live COMPLETELY in the Present.

Nothing in my world takes place by accident,
everything is part of a larger plan,
totally, completely...
shaped by the Master's Hand

=)

Funny how we are sometimes...

There is no success without sacrifice.

If you succeed without sacrifice,
it is because someone has suffered before you.

If you sacrifice without success,
it is because someone will succeed after.

Adoniram Judson

There is something unmistakable in God's Truth, Thank You Lord.

I struggle sometimes...
Needing to know that there are fruits after a long labour.
Wanting to sit back to enjoy after long bouts of stress & work.
Worrying like a parent, anxious over how their kids will turn out.
There are times of insecurity that hit, like...what does the future hold?
Other times of seeing the ugliness and unbelief that arises in situations.

Who has no such struggles? No one, i dare to venture.

We all long for, desire, care for the things that are on our hearts.
And there i think is where i'm part of the problem. Thinking that i know better, thinking that what i want is what God wants. When there are so many "I's" involved, it should ring a loud alarm within, of the chaos and insanity inside that is trying to grab and grasp what it can.

How can i try to grasp at straws when the one who can, is the one who flung the stars out into the sky? Is it better to leave it in His hands or take it in mine?

Been carrying a picture of bliss in my head & heart these days.
One where i'm a child, cheerily walking along the beach, Dad by my side...and when i'm tired, stretching out my arms and there...letting Dad pick me up and carry me along. Falling asleep there knowing that i'm safe in His embrace, and that He will not drop me.

But sometimes, i see that i'm a willful brat...struggling to get out of His arms, wanting to feel the sand under my feet...thinking that dashing into the surf would be fun and that Dad is depriving me of it by carrying me. I only find out how wrong I am when i get tossed aside by the unfeeling waves...ending up choking, sputtering out sand and crying out for Dad's comforting presence.

It is always that...can we trust in His heart & His Hands unfailingly?
It is hard, but the more barriers we tear down, the more we demolish those thoughts that set itself up against God, the more able we will be...to rest in that Loving embrace that He gives.

and THAT is what i desire. =)

Love Song from the nameless man Interrupted

When ours are interrupted, His are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless or wasted or unendurable) "toward the goal of true maturity" (Rom 12:2 JBP). ~ Elisabeth Elliot~

I thank God for the encounters this week, so many unplanned meetings, the surprises, the sharings, the heart-to-heart talks...so many divine moments...gosh...just how do you explain them apart from God? It was somehow a really tough week still, and maybe that is what the week in Vietnam was to prepare me for.

If you never try you never know...the Goodness of God, the Lightness of His Yoke, the way God desires to be I AM...not I Was, Or I'm Coming...But I AM. The ever present, always REAL, deeply intimate desire that is always within.


There will always be disappointments, doing the RIGHT thing may not be the easiest or the most enjoyable thing, but doing it...just cuz it is RIGHT, that is reward in itself. Do it...the feelings will follow, the Joy inexplicable, the lightness in yr feet, the smile that radiates out of nothing.

What am I gonna say, when You make me feel this way?

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Cor 1:3-5

WOW! This is beautiful!

Lanjut

I'm finally back from the rest breaks...=)
Glad and ready to plunge back into what i love!

Church Camp at Lanjut was like a refresh break, a time that redeemed an earlier, more painful camp. The lessons learnt thru the scamble of being a last minute worship leader, the divine encounters with God. The amount of last min help rendered, even from back home (to prepare my chinese powerpoints, thank you!). All...very humbling, and very demonstrative of the Love of God, shown thru the hands of men! Thank you all, and thank You Lord.

Even though i didn't get to go for the morning beach runs i wanted, the Lord had something better planned! =) The first morning i awoke to the disappointment of an overcast sky and an invisible sunrise. The 2nd day, i almost didn't want to wake, but i'm glad i did! Walked to the beach when it was just grey and dreary, and as i sat there contemplating on the sand, my eyes were drawn to a specific post in the prayer labyrinth, one which spoke to me tremendously...the one about how a source of immense pain, can be healed, coated over lovingly, painstakingly, by the fluids (reminded me of tears...), the intense effort of the one being hurt, and of course, who can fathom the invisible hand of God at work? And there...a pearl is formed.

Patience, Perseverance, Trust in God.

Felt intensely contemplative as I moved from that prayer station...and the next one, woah...that was the one that was God speaking to me, as only He can! =) I was singing the songs, worshipping with the worship set for the closing session in my head, thinking about "The Wondrous Cross", then "I Pray"...and i noticed that at this specific prayer station, the sentence did not seem complete...like the sand that was stabilising the base was obscuring the last line. So i used my finger to push the sand aside...and the last line just brought me to tears...all i needed to hear, all that my heart was longing for, addressed in just one line...as only He can do.

Looking up, seeing the sunrise just breaking through...just filled my heart with ardent Love!

You are indescribably amazing God!

Patience, Perseverance, Trust in God.

FINISHERS!

Yeah! My beautiful racetag! =) I think it is absolutely the "cheo-est" that i've ever seen! Personalised to boot! Woo! =D

The race was great! Everything i would have wanted it to be! =) Great run, great companionship, lots of laughs, when the 3 of us are together, even the whining is hilarious! We chatted lots, prayed on the run, cut and weaved, grabbed bottles of water, & my mistake was to grab the concentrated 100PLUS! HAHAHA! I'm sure the rest of the runners were pretty amused by our crazy dialogues! Musta felt abit like the Mr Brown Show Live! =D

Running past Camelot was a boost for me! hahahah! I started disturbing Don & Ah Seng..."Ah Seng OEI?", "Don OEI!!" & it was truly hilarious when Ah Seng grunted his response! HAHA!

The worst part was probably the pedestrian bridges, everyone slowed and walked, bridges ought not to be part of a marathon course, they really kill the knees!

I enjoyed the last 4km...dropped into this zone where i just kept moving and cycling my legs almost on autopilot! That was cool! My race almost ended about 200m from the end, i landed wrongly cuz i kicked a speed hump, and had to slow a lil! But thank God my legs took it well!

In the end, we achieved what we wanted! =) Starting and ending our first marathon together! I can't wait for our marathon finisher photos! We crossed the finishing line together, arms locked! Literally brothers-in-arms! =)

And oh! Thanksgiving! We prayed for good weather, that it will not rain as we run, and the amazing thing was that the moment we crossed the finishing line, the first drops of rain landed! It was pretty surreal tasting the finish, in the floodlights as you see rain coming down! Felt like a triumphant movie ending! HAHAHAH! So drama!

Finished my fitness goal for the year, in advance!
Thank You Lord!