Clarity

I hear the questions without answers
and when they are vocalised like that,
they also show the depth of confusion within,
I sense your heart friend, but maybe you do not

Today, eventhough there was great clarity and truth,
It was also, from the start, a tackle from the blindside,
Should I have taken offense at that, probably...
But, i've always given a listening ear, so i did today too...

Let me confess first, the first thing i did upon returning home
was to turn off the lights, still my heart, and find rest...
I did not expect to feel so battered, but feel it i certainly did
On the one hand, perhaps you feel i deserved it, but did you even think otherwise?

There are reasons for people to lash out,
and I do not judge people based on that,
but once the emotions fade, i take a long hard look at myself, and the situation
is it just? it is right? was God's righteousness upheld?
By my actions & responses first, then by yours...

I accept any criticism that is just & right,
and i've always been willing to change & apologise if i'm wrong,
today, I refuse to take offense and I choose to put myself on the anvil,
I don't expect you to understand why, I can see you'd choose to fight back
But i've learnt that God is my Righteousness, so i need not...
Any injustice He will clear, any unjust charge will slip off...
The hardest thing to do...is to wait on God, allowing pain to do it's work,
and choosing not to respond so that in all of this, God shows up truly

However, let me stand up and say this as clearly as possible,
there is a reason why deep in the souls of man, we crave for truth, for justice
and it is within our own hearts that God has chosen to engrave
His Name, His character and His desires...

You ask the question of "why", but you ask it in the wrong way...
When we ask with the question always centering on us,
it is asking and demanding that God give us answers
we already assume the posture of a victim...
We fail to see that if we see the "why" from God's perspective,
it cannot fail to be the most loving, gracious & wonderful thing to happen.

Since the beginning of time, there have been multiple ways to sin, abuse and fail
Redemption has come freely, but there is only One Way...

There are many ways to build a house, but if you fail to set the foundations right
it may seem nice and beautiful, but will crumble when the ground shifts

In working in the lives of people, what is the work of workman?
Sometimes it is righting something within, reinforcing the walls, placing pillars aright,
It is to hear the Master's voice clearly, and then follow...
It is a job for those willing to forget themselves, in service of God...and others
You must be willing to suffer hurt for others, be misunderstood, maligned even...
And even in the end, do not expect thanks, you may be vilified and charged...
all you will have to keep you going, will be the clearest sense of God working,
of the clarity of God's purposes in a persons life...

Doesn't this seem utterly stupid? It probably will...if we see it from our self-serving perspective
But not if your life is hidden in Christ, and your righteousness in Him alone...

How would Stephen know that his martyrdom would stir Saul into Paul the evangelist?
Why would almost all the disciples die painful deaths, to reach unbelieving peoples?
How would Jim Eliot, Nate Saint and the others know that to reach the Auca's, they would be be killed first, and then their families who came after would successfully bring Christ to the Auca's?

How rational was it for the people to want a conquering King,
and how did they feel with Christ on that cross?
How would they know that Christ came not to save us from our existence,
He came for a greater purpose, to save us from death itself, so we'd spend eternity with Him

Rationality? There may have been none...
Love, wisdom, concern, grief, pain...plenty...but they all served His purposes
Our lives are not meant to be seen through the lens of happiness or sadness,
they are meant to be seen through the lens of eternity, eternal Joy or eternal separation....

So my dear friend, why boundaries...
Let me answer you clearly, because the chasm is deep, wide...and eternal
We choose today and each day whom we serve, and we display it through our choices...
there is only one bridge across that chasm, and it's the person of Christ
And when He asks us for a commitment, he doesn't just want part of us...he wants ALL of us
If it pains you to give Him that, don't question God, don't question others, ask yourself "why"?

And you must also know, the boundaries that are in place, are ones of Love...
If God didn't set such boundaries, we would not sense a right or a wrong,
we would not sense good or evil, we would not have a sense of direction or lostness,
you see...boundaries are loving, it means that we would know where the cliff edges are...

You know, if God were to speak, He would tell you that even in spite of everything He loves you...
In your questions, in your doubt, in your rebellion, in your utter disrespect, in your tantrums...

And today too, I'll bring that message to you too...
We love not because it is easy or simple, but because it costs...way way more than we can pay
it is a gift that is given freely, not always accepted gracefully or thankfully, yet still given freely
And at the end of the day, it'd still be there...the only question is...do you accept it?

So, friend, at today's end...let me get out of the way...
I apologise if i've offended you, please find it in your heart to forgive me
I'm not perfect, i do not claim to be, nor do i want to seem that way...
I've taken your words and considered them, and God will use it to refine me as needed,
May my imperfections not obscure what is real, true, and loving...
And I hope that in this open letter to you, you see and sense God
How He is real and important, and how He is better than life itself

In His Love & mine,
R

*if this makes no sense, it's not meant to really...
This is me writing in stream of consciousness...
to all the people that matter at this moment...