pinched

Whatever happened to uncomplicated obedience?
Maybe in all our smarts, all of our cleverness, we have lost this simplicity.

I think it is a shame...
and i think that it is my shame too...

If I had been faithful to follow,
maybe i'd be on a distant shore already,
ready and doing all that I envisioned over there

But really, who is to know?
Maybe my light & momentary trials are lighting a path untrodden
As I see the fruitfulness within my team,
the Joy of spending our efforts doing the right thing,
I think that all the efforts to restructure and to reach NTU has been...wonderful

Yes, it has taken alot out of me,
and it continues to be a strain, yet...
the Joy deep within is also there and never fading!
I'm thankful =)

Of yesterday, and the events that happened...
sigh...i wonder...and i wonder...
but is this one of those things that i'd never know?
really really dislike the way things turn out...

I always feel an affinity to the old testament prophets...
how did they find the obedience to do such bold, yet weird things?
How did they allow themselves to be ridiculed (Hosea), made fun of (Noah),
degraded (Jeremiah), stoned, shamed, mocked and most of all...
how many tears did they shed...?

My devotion today stood out for me...
The "Go" of Renunciation | My Utmost For His Highest

I think that i've come to the point where i understand...
tears can be selfish ones, or tears can be selfless ones...
& really...those shed on behalf of others always play a role far greater than we know,
I wonder in my darkest times, as i do this for others...
does anyone do it for me?
As unimportant & as irrelevant as that question may be...
I still feel it, maybe because when i reach such moments...
I know that i've reached that place of God where...
there is a glimpse of what His Love did on the cross...
the depth of His anguish...not just pain, but real soul deep wrenching
maybe, when we have finally plumbed such depths...
maybe then...do we finally understand calvary Love.

My confession...there are times that i want to feel God badly,
but I want it on my terms...i wish that He would send somebody tangible to do it,
someone to say those right words, provide the presence i need, that helping hand,
the whiff of kindness, the warmth of a smile, the sunlight that breaks through the clouds
& there are gracious wondrous days that this silent prayer is answered...
but of course, there are others that it isn't...

I don't rant & rail...and I've come to appreciate His sovereignty & Love.
Sometimes i realise that just looking to my own needs is what is making me whiny,
and other times, it's the sudden realisation that i'm missing God in all of this...

I like this different version, because it exhorts the character of God,
before we begin to sing of how Great He truly is!



Today...even though it still is...I give You Thanks...cuz i see your Hand