Pensive

There was once, that i asked God...why must we have feelings?
It seemed like a sadistic act of an all-powerful being,
because, yes, eventhough there were depths of Joy,
yet...in the pain, there was also great despair and grief.

And in a world where nothing is perfect,
it seems that emotions threaten to negatively overwhelm most,
and more often than not...we fail to deal adequately with them,
most of the time swinging from one wicked extreme to the other

And God in His goodness, has never shielded me from pain,
neither has He withheld His Love or comfort, even in my frustration.
And because of that, i sense an assurance...just in being able to give Him my questions
Knowing that in voicing them, I have a Saviour who has gone through interminable questioning

Grief is not foolish, and when i get overwhelmed by emotions, like today,
I simply have to keep reminding myself of that...
that when things shock us with such forcefulness,
we need to have an outlet so that we do not erupt later on...

My outlet has always been a standard one,
crying out to God, writing it out to process thoughts, asking for prayer
and while i know some may not understand grief, or loss, or pain,
yet, the process of asking for help, looking to God, that all helps...

And i've found that grief, when it's given it's proper time,
always helps a person - whether to be more tender, more focussed,
stronger, more vulnerable, turn towards important matters,
turn away from trivial matters, the process of grieving a loss...it clarifies...

So today, aside from raw emotions and an extremely tender spirit,
I come away with a sense of knowing what is important...
A renewed sense of purpose: I need to continue working with people,
because we never know when the opportunity to might pass...

We need to be faithful: because we each have an alloted time,
and if we're not intentional to use it as God intended, then we're just wasting it
If i have a choice between personal pleasure or ministering to a person's pain,
I will choose to help the other, so that in giving, my healing also begins

In my sadness, I need to carve out the time to seek God in the deep recesses of my heart,
there is no need to push it aside, act like a hero, pretend to be brave...
the choice to be real, allow the pain to work its way, and not hide,
all of these will contribute to allowing the pain to do its refining work...

A deep reservoir of emotions also means...
a tenderness that can be overwhelmed,
yet, do not look down on it...because a hardening of heart is "usual"
tenderness isn't, it is a precious gift...hold on to it...='/

Tears that come unbidden,
means a heart that becomes unladen
so wash over all that is within,
cleanse, purify, sharpen, polish...make new...

Some day soon, that gem will shine again,
and this time it will glisten and gleam,
shiny, reflecting the light and showing it's deep hue of colour,
and it'd be all the more beautiful then, because of the washing it goes through now...

Sometimes, i find it so hard to articulate my heart and thoughts,
that maybe the best is the random bashing of this keyboard...like in my last post...
however, today i find my voice via a song in another language, my favourite chinese song...
and i'm reminded again...even in my groanings, God truly knows...




禱告，因為我渺小；
禱告，因為我知道我需要明暸，你心意對我重要。
禱告，已假裝不了；
禱告，因為你的愛我需要；
你關懷，我走過的你都明白。


有些事我只想要對你說，因你比任何人都愛我；
痛苦從眼中流下，我知道你為我擦。
在早晨我也要來對你說，主耶穌今天我為你活；
所需要的力量你天天賜給我，你恩典夠我用。