Simplicity

It was such a joyful trip, to be out there in the mission field once again,

seeing the faces of people hungering for God, (where is it here?)

watching those who are sick & hurting be ministered to, and grateful (is this forgotten here?)

playing with those to whom everything can be a toy (we need MORE here...)

bringing joy to individuals just by adding colour pencils to their life (we want iphones/ipads here) 

Is it fair to compare? Maybe? Maybe not? But we miss the learning if we never see...

In the field, I saw once again, a clamour of hearts knowing that they lack SOMETHING,

but back home, once again, i'm struck by the harsh opinions & SELF-sufficiency we have,

In the field, I saw unconditional Love, imperfect community, but very self-less,

yet the moment I returned, there was the harshness of conditionality, selfishness, and hurt...

I find all of this such a harsh juxtaposition...

I yearn for simplicity...

Where Your Glory is the Only consideration...

not how we look, not OUR glory, 

YOUR fame, not any others...

Turn this generation back to You Lord.

I thank You once again Lord, for the divine burden for those who have never heard of you...

Much more than it is for those who have heard of You a million times...

Please keep me on the straight and narrow where I can be most effective for your glory

I know I fight the disappointment of seeing people run for their own glory instead of Yours,

but help me not to grow jaded, weary or cynical, but help me to turn nations back to You Lord.

Simply because I Love YOU, and nothing more...

Today, I thank You for the 13 hearts that You turned back to yourself in Cambodia,

and also, for the privilege that Yuming, Evelyn, Ashley & myself had, 

to have front row seats to your miracle of salvation, 

and for the pleasure of joining in Your work of turning hearts back to Yourself.

You are simply amazing God! =)

discombobulated

Good that it was proven that the safeguards put in place were needful,

but maybe not good that it was the safeguard that experienced the first failure...

or is it really so?

God, sometimes, really cannot fathom your ways, 

I know I heard you right but the way of failure was out of left field,

I'm glad that the proper mentoring systems were in place, 

and that what people disliked about accountability has proven helpful

I cannot understand why people cannot grasp our good intentions, 

that is until failure hits, and then the understanding also dawns.

I think everything is more than salvageable, 

and the effort should be taken to make all things right and good. 

The choice to, will of course lay in personal choices, 

but i have the hope that both will make the right and mature decision.

God, I also know that you will use the refining fire to refine and transform,

so...today, i pray that you will make all things beautiful again, 

and to a greater depth and degree than previously was there

make deep the roots and the wells, and may you overfill it always

Make clear the cisterns, 

purge out the impurities,

may they come forth as gold and silver, 

refined and polished to reflect your glory
AMEN

demise

Oh wow...2 deaths in one night...

No matter how many times,
and how much hope and assurance I personally have,
the thing is...I think my heart is always gonna hurt for those who hurt,
you said that I'm always remarkably tender for a reason,
I hesitate to put it so nicely and neatly...
maybe I hurt because I have experienced loss...
too many times...in too many ways...
and maybe that makes me feel it more

I thank God that you did not suffer long,
but yet again, the loss of another awakens my senses again,
Enjoy your rest uncle Ben, you have earned it....
and your heritage of faithfulness is evident for all to see.

May your children and your children's children,
be blessed because of the footprints that you left behind.

true that...

best & worst

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, 

it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, 

it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, 

it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, 

it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, 

we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, 

we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - 

in short, the period was so far like the present period, 

that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, 

for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

~Charles Dickens~
Opening paragraph of "A tale of Two Cities"

Do you not feel...

when you see something like this...=/

Tears & anger are powerful...

Even more so...intercession & thanksgiving

Humour is just one outlet...

laughter hides the tears...

just like it hides everything else...
applause breaks from men mean nothing

I know that I'm weak, so...
...this one thing I do...

...this i know...
You are

I AM

intense...

Last night was the start of an intense few days...
It can be intensely stressful, intensely healing, or intensely restful...
depends on what God brings up...hmmm...

Some thoughts on my mind today
It is definitely a thankless job seeing people through their toughest times,
or it can just be their youngest times, rawest times or ugliest times

I see so many, and I know their backstories well...
but while I rejoice for them at where they have grown to,
there is a tinge of joyful sadness, when I know they have forgotten the awful past,
yet also the way God worked, and also, how gratitude is a gift from Him

We live in too privileged a society...you were right when you said that L
So many options, no need to consider, so a complacency sets in...
The struggle to build deep, lasting foundations is a slippery one...
Speak too untactfully, and the moment is lost...
Speak too hesitantly, and the fact is buried/brushed aside
Never speaking, means compromising, what kind of foundation is that?

I watched Coach Carter again several nights back...
and it reminded me of what I'm standing for, and against
It is worth it to rebel against low standards, stand firm for God's truth,
demand something greater from others...especially if they are stuck in mediocrity
We have forgotten, or never appropriated our identity in Christ if we walk in fear,
yet, if we have a proper awe and reverence of God, it permeates our walk and our work
there is no need to be overbearing, overpassionate or extremely intense...
God's fragrance does...simply...permeate...

This weekend away, brings it's own challenges...
but I think the break is good, it is perfect...
I need it, because the week has been intense enough,
my emotions are shot...the ministering has taken a toll...

my oakleys have their first visible damage,
and yesterday was the first day completely in contacts...
Random things and happenings, all of which I give thanks for...
Pastor has been asking...Who ministers to the ministers?
And apart from the perfect answers we can give...
do we understand the heart behind the question?

We understand better the appeal of being a star,
the (seeming) prestige that comes from being "known"
when actually the longing of every human heart is to be known,
we all have that in differing measure, and suffer the effects of it too

I have a tacit disregard for just the things that are "on display"
this week, i found a kindred spirit in BL, as we bought shirts together,
we both look for the story behind a design, the meaning, the depth...
we can be called geeky, nerdy, quirky, weird or knowledgeable...
but one thing thats true is that our discussions are never uninteresting!

I love depth, and serendipity, because they speak to me of God,
when complexity is layered into simplicity, we marvel...
when beauty is wrapped up in ashes, we frown and look away
when love is wrapped up in pain, we turn away
Similar events different reactions...
If God is unchanging in nature, then who is the fickle one?

Rocks in shoes...

This is where the discipleship journey is toughest...
Walking with people through sin, pain & suffering
Hurting people, hurt people...proven time and time again
This day, I recognised the words from your hurts, so I ignored it...
May that happen each time it needs to,
God, give me Grace for each step...

I have no wisdom, none like the One you need,
so...turn there, look upon Him...
When you choose to, and be shaped by Him
I know your contenance will change...as it reflects His

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank You Lord for a little gem of a day
For the bright sparks of people illumined by You,
or people who are willing to conform to your moulding
I see such openness and God, may you use it beautifully

Thank You for the good that came before the bad
Thank You for right times, right places and right conversations
May the morning bring more light, more Grace, more Agape,
But most of all, may it bring more of You dear Lord

=.../

It's deja vu, times two...
I've had this sensation before,
Like an onlooker I should ignore
Wish I could do something more

Why should this keep happening?
Or why must this mess keep getting messier?
Questions with no answers...
so maybe the best is just to plod on...

I said I'd pray for you & I will,
because for today i know...
it is no shock, yet it is no thrill...
but the pain will be...sadly...real

But His Grace is sufficient for you,
and I know that this time was better than last,
Walking with you both through both of those,
taught me so much more, more than I'd ever know...

So...to journey with you, that was a privilege,
and now, for my own journey, may it be great...
I just noticed that little footprint you left...
and gosh, who knew, what a little flutter it left!

I look on in expectation,
not to push on, but to pray on,
I trust that God makes beautiful things,
and each of you are one...
but I'm looking for my own beautiful one,
because there is a time and place, and now is mine

God, your Grace is enough
so may it prove so...
May we be your beautiful instruments
bringing light and beauty,
not pain and calamity,
& each mis-step, may You turn it around Lord.

Trusting You tonight for those hearts,
Thank You for this season of prayer
Thank You for 10,000 reasons to praise You
Thank You that I know from both sides so I can intercede...

Thank You Lord

Wonder...full...

Just back from seeing a home, a beautiful one...
And each tile I stepped on was worth $2100,
because it's a home which is worth 4 million now,
should I be feeling something extraordinary?
My only thought was..."WOW!"
And then it quickly shifted to how beautiful heaven must be...

While beauty captures me,
I realise that the trappings seem hollow,
Everything without Jesus is nothing
Jesus plus nothing equals Everything...

I wonder if anyone in Youth noticed what I said today,
I wonder if they remembered that I spoke almost the EXACT same words,
it was just several weeks back, and I wonder if it seemed familiar at all...
to anyone...

God, sometimes, in instances like these, I wonder why the message is repeated,
then I remember that you want us to remember, you want us to know...REALLY know
Truth is Truth, but Truth needs to be ingrained, and Truth needs to be lived out...
When You repeat something, it is not nagging, it is Your Grace for us...
Your patience at our slowness of heart and of mind...

But today God, I am impatient...or maybe I am anxious...

Lord, bless this generation, with ears to listen, hearts to obey, the will to follow,
May they have a deep Faith in You that does not faint or falter,
Mark them as practitioners of Truth, and not just dabblers in it
Immerse them in your Love, that they may be transformed by You.

We Love only because You first Loved us,
Lord, let Your Love pour forth and land on fertile soil,
May it reap a harvest, 30, 60, 100 fold...
Like dear Alexander prayed that day...
Simple faith...may you honour that God

May their eyes and gaze always be fixed on you,
that they may not be swayed by a multi-million dollar home,
but may their desire be to honour you, and to Love you more...
because we have an eternal dwelling in You that far outweighs any here.

Lord, bless us to honour You better. Amen.

Just Keep Pedaling

Just Keep Pedaling

bifurcation

The weekend away was...needed

Glad to have gotten it,

though the irony was...

I scheduled my silent retreat...

but it was during the noisiest F1 weekend. haha!

I'm a user of technology,

maybe even love it abit too much,

love how it helps connect,

yet also, aware of how it distracts

No body wants to talk, really talk anymore,

not the shallow, update life kinda talk,

but those deep, no holds barred, authentic soul release kinda chats,

maybe the facade seems to hold too strong...

I was reminded that, perhaps, as I feel this...That it's also on God's heart...

Like, how the God of the universe knows our deepest heart cry,

and yet, we seldom talk to Him about it, turning instead to others,

to "wise counsel" or sometimes, worse still, an unfounded anger at Him.

The greatest work is the work of prayer,

the steady discipline of seeking time with God,

the model of Jesus was that way, 

turning away from crowds, going off alone, 

I wonder, in using a sanctified imagination...

what did Jesus do in those times with God?
Was it spent in silence and solitude? A deep soul rest in God?

Was it spent in lament and tears? At the blindness or stubborn will of men?

Was it intercession and thanksgiving? A time of spiritual war in the heavenlies?

Was it a time of worship and awe?
Turning His eyes from the earth's broken condition to Heaven's perfect splendor?

And what was it like...when Jesus returned from the mountain to minister to others?
Did He feel He was leaving someplace better for someplace worse?
Did He have to force Himself to make that choice to enter into others sins?

Was it easy for Him to exercise Love even when people mocked Him?

Ed P. mentioned that when we are weak, Christ is strong...

Jesus, God himself...constantly chose to be weak, humble, and obedient,

taking on the form of human flesh...

And the irony? 

Us humans, in weak flesh, thought we were God, judging Christ,

and crucifying Him and attempting to eradicate His divinity...

How can it be? And yet, we try to do it everyday still...

We think that we are God, thinking we know better...
when that is surely not the case...
Neglecting to go to our knees, or to even ask God what He thinks

don't you think that saddens His heart?

I know it does, and I know that I've failed too,

But God, my struggle in this is leading where I have not been,

I trust in You and I'm following, but I also know that I can't do it alone,

so Lord, same prayer, pls raise up a generation of Faith-filled believers,

ones who believe in You more than they do in themselves, 

people who are whole-hearted for you, not playing half-hearted games,

ones who will hunger for and devour your living word, 

so that it may emerge from their lives in actions that astound others,

I believe that You raise up each generation to stand on the shoulders of those before,

Lord, I am a generation before, and I'm willing to give a leg up to those ones, but...

where are they Lord? Forgive my blind eyes or unbelief of the moment...

Please raise them up to be fearless yet humble, faithful yet unwavering,

Lovers of God, not lovers of the counterfeit pleasures of this world...

Lord, thank You for loving us and covering us with Your righteousness, 

teach us to live out Your victory daily and so honour You constantly. AMEN

sleeplessness...divine

Eventhough it was a really late night, and an extremely sleepless one...
Thank You...Thank You Lord for depositing that into my heart
and for speaking the things of You, exhausting my heart,
wringing it dry, yet, speaking so FULLY...Thank You

I still do not have the exact picture yet, of what it will be...
but i must say, I find it such an irony that you gifted me...
a person from a broken home...
the desire to build one that is so vast, wide & varied

I know nothing of what we are about to embark on...
and yet, You reminded me, that's been the case all the time so far,
I have always NOT known...but learnt along the journey
The only thing vital thing I needed to know, I've always known...
You, Lord

Privilege

“Truth is stranger than fiction, 

but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; 

Truth isn't.”

~Mark Twain~

Life is beautiful,

because You are

Thank You Lord!

phoria

But God lets men have their playthings, 

 like the children they are, 

 that they may learn to distinguish them from true possessions. 

 If they are not learning that he takes them from them, 

 and tries the other way: 

 for lack of them and its misery, they will perhaps seek the true! 

 "Donal Grant" (1883) 

 ~George MacDonald~

disturbed sleep, dreams...

Woke up in the most startling of ways,
from something too real and too close to home

I'm thinking of you, all the things you "know"
and wishing for you to know all those things on His heart
May the tenderness of Jesus break through
in the most counterintuitive way possible...
because of Love...His...everlasting

I'm wishing the dream was not as real as it was,
though in my heart I feel that it is so...
Saddened by it, broken also...
But knowing means a responsibility
and I will help bear your burdens in prayer
you need never know

I see the flaws of each so starkly...
because in contrast to the grace we've received
how can we even compare?
How can we remain unchanged and ungiving?
His Grace is sufficient for me,
for it is made perfect in my weakness, my incompleteness
In You, we are made righteous,
so we no longer have to live with a false sense of self-righteousness
strip us of all such pretense
show your glory Lord.

I surrender all...  =".
This morning, this is my simple prayer
Lord, use it for Your Glory

I'm hopeful even in trepidation,
on a firm foundation even in a raging storm
His anchor holds me upon the solid rock
Cornerstone, precious Jesus Christ, You alone

Adjustment

Thank you for that message today...it was needed and apt

Thank You for the public note, that unknowingly encouraged my heart



Somehow, I see and believe in dreams and in people,
even after being slammed by them time & again,
sometimes in malice, sometimes in ignorance...
Where did this strength to believe come from?
Only You Lord

Where others see problems and fear,
I see reality and trust God for better days,
We are in a battle for precious beloved souls,
yet, how come we determine to fight our allies first?
Things I can't understand...

I've given it all to You Lord
laid it on the line, now use it all as you will,
nothing is wasted in your kingdom
and I trust that you will use every moment for your Glory
All Yours God....

There is a strength of conviction, that comes from doing more than knowing,
A faith that grows by stepping out in trust, without looking back and hesitating...
In seeing brokenness, whether of family units, homes, financial situations or health,
I've also seen pillars of strength, individuals who determine to follow God,
Whoever said this journey would be easy?

I love the examples of people who have encountered God,
how it is never a matter of money, looks, image or something else that age can steal away,
But I love the radiance in their spirit that soars in adversity, in lack, in want...
because then...they find that Jesus is truly all that they want or need.
Such a realisation renders even the most destitute, rich beyond measure.

I pray for that rich depth of relationship for all whom i come into contact with,
Lord, may I never portray the mediocre, lackluster portrait of Faith that takes away your Glory
May the next generation possess a depth of relationship with You that colours their life,
may they never be satisfied with half-heartedness, only sincere full-hearted devotion
May they Love You more deeply each day

Vitality

Am in a thinking mood today,
and something just made me think...
I have been really blessed so far...

What is my measure of being blessed?
I think I only have one...
That the ones I love will be spending eternity with God.

So far, that has happened with Granny, and my father...
Those I know are sealed by God himself! =)

But today, i find myself thinking...and...doubting,
what if...despite all efforts, mum still refuses to know the God i love?
What if...my sisters and dad also...walk in a manner that forsakes God?

I can feel that sadness already, but i will not give up...
We never give up on the ones we love...we can't

Are you willing to be Christian only if it costs you nothing?
No...I choose to be one, a Christ follower, even if it costs me EVERYTHING,
because God gave His best, Jesus Christ for me, and nothing else i do is even a sacrifice.

More and more, I've been thinking for the tomorrows I may never see,
And planning for them...thinking ahead, bringing others where I hope to be,
and helping them reach for heights that they thought unattainable...
Help me see with eyes that are sanctified, I need your help!

Give me strength for this journey,
wisdom to act and lead...
courage and boldness to do what needs to be done,
a sense of justice, of love, of Holiness...
that You may be exalted above all else.

God, about that other thing...
You know what is in my heart...
I continue to trust in You.
Lead me as You know best.
Thank You!

The Life of Freedom

The Life of Freedom 

1 Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. 

 2-3I am emphatic about this. The moment any one of you submits to circumcision or any other rule-keeping system, at that same moment Christ's hard-won gift of freedom is squandered. I repeat my warning: The person who accepts the ways of circumcision trades all the advantages of the free life in Christ for the obligations of the slave life of the law. 4-6I suspect you would never intend this, but this is what happens. When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit. For in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love. 

 7-10You were running superbly! Who cut in on you, deflecting you from the true course of obedience? This detour doesn't come from the One who called you into the race in the first place. And please don't toss this off as insignificant. It only takes a minute amount of yeast, you know, to permeate an entire loaf of bread. Deep down, the Master has given me confidence that you will not defect. But the one who is upsetting you, whoever he is, will bear the divine judgment. 

 11-12As for the rumor that I continue to preach the ways of circumcision (as I did in those pre-Damascus Road days), that is absurd. Why would I still be persecuted, then? If I were preaching that old message, no one would be offended if I mentioned the Cross now and then—it would be so watered-down it wouldn't matter one way or the other. Why don't these agitators, obsessive as they are about circumcision, go all the way and castrate themselves! 

 13-15It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then? 

 16-18My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence? 

 19-21It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom. 

 22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. 

 23-24Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified. 

 25-26Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.

That was Galatians 5 in The Message...

And nothing speaks truth like the Word of God does.

missing...

祷告 因为我渺小
祷告 因为我知道我需要

有些事我只想对您说
您比任何人都爱我

主耶稣, 今天我为您活
我所需要的力量
您天天给我
您的恩典够我用

Your Grace is enough for me

Each time i find words lacking,
this somehow pops into mind

Gonna be a long night today,
praying that the rest tomorrow will be good and complete.
I'm so not used to this office routine...
missing heading out there...

and missing the dinner i could've had today with the NTU team

missing...so so missing...

^^

cough til bleed...win

back to back to back meetings

Relentless compassion
Unceasing tenderness
Divine love

If I were to write a life...would that be your priorities?

Lord, I gave it all today...use it for your glory

Tchouckball and Fridays at the alma mater were awesome
God give me the wisdom, strength and love i need...
I see so much that I believe in, yet so much that is being stolen away too
May you sow into the heart of every individual...
and may they respond to you in love...
not forsaking you or placing you in the second place...