same, same but different

I was just reading some articles a friend referred...

it was amazing and insightful, things i'd forgotten and needed to remember

First, a declaration...I'm an introvert...

I think that the most common misconception is that i've many friends so...i'm not one

But yeah, if you really know me, you'd find i display ALL the classic traits of one.

Like...i prefer deep talks over chats with many people, 

solitude, reading & writing is my preferred way of relaxing

I think before I talk and do not get anxious or panicky easily 

And yeah, reading the article reminded me that, introverts need not be shy, or antisocial,

but it is actually a way we are wired and what we VALUE

And yes, i find that really true! 

I get awkward at big gatherings, and it's not easy for me to break that shell

We have a preference for depth over small-talk, 

and getting to know someone takes effort because we remember details,

and as a result, we get tired after talking to several individuals. 

That's why we withdraw after awhile, and are not the life of the party

So as not to belabour the point, i'm gonna be posting one article...

http://briankim.net/blog/2007/10/top-5-things-every-extrovert-should-know-about-introverts/

And yeah, since the majority of the world is extroverted, 

I felt the need to just put this out, so introverts do not get so misunderstood...

explains some things for sure! 

Above all, seeing as children of God means that we do not look at differences in a harsh light,

but we celebrate our unique strengths and talents, and we function as a body!

Does an abrupt end to a video hinder the rest of the message?
I hope not...
Let's Love as Jesus does!

Hand, feet & heart are going...

The bible...in Kimyal

We first screened this video at METAMORPHOSIS 2011,
It is a simple video, but so so so wonderful...



In our land of many bibles, various translations, we forget so many things...
What is the bible to you today?

Is it merely a book? or is it the truly inspired Word of God?
See the Kimyal people receiving the bible in their language...
Do you value His Word like they do?
Do you cherish this precious gift you have?

Devoted

Sarah-Ann did a good job with her message on "Devotion" today...
and really, what she shared about whole-hearted devotion was really apt,
especially because I could see that some did struggle with it...

Thereafter, the noise level and fellowship was really awesome!
I think that there are so many things to enjoy, and i really should do this more
Each time has it's season, it's season has it's beginning,
and each beginning will usher in an end...a turn in the seasons...

Thank You Lord for blessing me with today, with everyday...
I look back and remember those halcyon days...
I gaze forward expectantly, hoping to see the promised land,
but i hear you say...linger, wait, relish, be a sensate, take it all in...I will

Thank You for the days, and thank you for the small tender acts of Love and mercy,
I appreciate all of this so much today...
I was tired the whole of today, I feel the sneezes coming on...
Thank You for uplifting conversations, Thank You for my wonderful guys =)

I Love to see you guys step up, and I love the vigour and intensity you have now,
I see a fire within, to make a difference in the campus, and I'm thrilled!
There is a marvelous beauty to have been in this whole process of raising...
and the thrill that Debbie had? I know it's bursting forth from me too...

13-14 Don't be afraid to correct your young ones; 

 a spanking won't kill them. 

A good spanking, in fact, 

might save them from something worse than death.

Proverbs 23:13-14 (The Message)

No need to dwell on successes, or to mope over spilled milk,
there is time enough for that...when time immemorial finds me...

Today, i hear a fateful clarion call...
but it is the most unexpected one...Rest...
REST in me...ABIDE in the vine...KNOW the Faithful One...
and Oh Lord, You NEVER let go of me...Thank You Abba =)

I Love You

So i stay near the door...

Found this wonderful piece from Samuel Shoemaker,
one of the spiritual leaders who influenced the Alcoholics Anonymous movement,
And this so articulates a Christian's journey,
the tension and paradox of a life lived WITH God yet FOR people,
it shows the heart of a lifesaver, one who takes the Great Commission seriously

He is able to express the things that my heart feels, yet is unable to say
and when He mentions about the one, the two, the ten...that's all i aim for also,
not the millions, not the multitudes...
I just want to guide one hand to the door latch, pray for the one that needs it,
help the one that God lays upon my heart,
and then...watch as God works with them! =)

Each one is precious in God's eyes,
may we love those that God has given to us...

43-47"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. 

 48"In a word, what I'm saying is, Grow up. You're kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." Matt 5:43-48 (The Message)

SO I STAY NEAR THE DOOR
An Apologia For My Life

By the Reverend Canon Samuel Moor Shoemaker, Jr., D.D., S.T.D.

I stay near the door.
I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out.
The door is the most important door in the world –
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There’s no use my going way inside, and staying there,
When so many are still outside, and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where a door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it -
So I stay near the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door – the door to God.
The most important thing any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands,
And put it on the latch – the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man’s own touch.
Men die outside that door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter –
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live, on the other side of it – because they have found it.
Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him -
So I stay near the door.

Go in, great saints, go all the way in –
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics –
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, or sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms,
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in,
Sometimes venture a little farther;
But my place seems closer to the opening -
So I stay near the door.

There is another reason why I stay there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great, and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia.
And want to get out. “Let me out!” they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled
For the old life, they have seen too much;
Once taste God, and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.

The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving–preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door,
But would like to run away. So for them too,
I stay near the door.

I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door,
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply, and stay too long,
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him, and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there, too.
Where? Outside the door –
Thousands of them, millions of them.
But – more important for me –
One of them, two of them, ten of them,
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
For those, I shall stay by the door and wait
For those who seek it.
"I had rather be a door-keeper..."
So I stay near the door.

what a difference a year makes...

Wow...was just thinking back with some friends...
and came to the realisation, that exactly one year ago, at this date...
I was sitting in a hospital bed with a broken ankle
waiting for my the swelling to subside, and the op to insert the metal plate...

I can hardly remember my emotions then...
but i do remember the myriad thoughts running through my head...
Can I walk properly again? Would i be able to play football?
When i'm old, how will the ache be like with a metal plate?
How would i be able to look after myself post-op?
3 months off the foot then 3 months physio...pain, pain, pain...
What would i be able to handle? When would the pain stop?

Now...looking back...I realise that, i've forgotten the pain, but none of the lessons!
Those were formative moments for me, to be broken (in the physical sense)
yet...sensing & seeing God's goodness all around me

Thank you for those who came alongside to help me in any way!
Big shoutout for those that came to visit me (even as i was sleeping!!)
Thank you for those who dropped me messages and notes!
And yeah...those who gave me gifts and even belated birthday gifts! haha! (better late than never!!)
Special thanks to David Chan and family for caring from moment one,
and for letting me live in your cosy home for afew months, i'm privileged to call you friends!
Thank you those who always popped by to visit, my brothers, the Leongs, other Doverites!
Thanks for all of you who helped me in any small way through out my disability!

Thankfulness is a lost and forgotten art, so even though it's been a year,
I still want to write a special note of thanks to all of you, to let you know, i did not forget! =)

Want to share a verse that hit me with the force of a ton of bricks!

A God-loyal person will see right through the wicked 

 and undo the evil they've planned.

Proverbs 21:12 

This somehow encouraged me greatly, 

of how...certain things we will never really know, 

yet at the end of the day, one thing remains

and clinging on to God through all seasons, 

is the best way to see His hand of faithfulness!

No brokenness can really truly break us...

as long as we know we're in the Master's hands! =)

Willing obedience

Today was yet another lesson from God...
and it's from my devotion...
This has been a good season of listening in,
and learning...and same themes...

37 For no word from God will ever fail.” 

 38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. 

 “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her. 

Luke 1:37,38

Without context, this would be a nondescript verse,
but this is the context,
imagine a young girl, who is a virgin, having to bear a child...
a young unmarried girl who gave birth, would probably remain unmarried (due to customs then)
If her own father rejected her, she could be forced into begging or prostitution to survive,
her story of being pregnant by the Holy Spirit, risked her being labelled as "crazy"...
there would be ridicule from the people around her, since how did she get pregnant?
and then, she had Joseph, who has to believe that she was a virgin, and YET pregnant...
Would he doubt? Or would he believe? Adultery was a crime, and he could leave her...

It's amazing the odds stacked against this girl, Mary,
but...her simple response was a faith-packed one...
"May your word to me be fulfilled"
Simple truth, simple faith, simple obedience

And I believe God is asking us to return to that place of simple trust,
one of childlike faith, and the step that may be hardest for most...
because we have learnt to doubt, and our faith falters...

Yet, just as Jesus obeyed, we see that Mary, also obeyed...
Willing obedience...how important that is...

This is my favourite skit guys production...

Do you believe you are God's Masterpiece?

Are you willing to go through the hammer & chisel?

seismic rumblings...

There are certain tectonic shifts that are pretty troubling...

I see that there has been a shift in emphasis from character to personality
style over substance, image over ethics, subjectivity over truth...

When things like that get eroded away, we are left with little of worth, little to trust.

If we are not careful, even worship becomes self-absorbed, about what "we" can do,
instead of WHO we worship...

If we cannot bring people where we have not been,
then I worry...because God desires for us to be in relationship with Him,
and then worship will come naturally as an outflow,
not of manufactured sounds, or forms,
but a natural thanksgiving, and grace recognition from a grateful heart
But...how many are in a vibrant, communing relationship with Christ?
I think that is the hard question that God asks us...
Because we have competing passions, and too many lovely distractions

Today...when the sermon was preached...only one thing struck me...
And it struck me because of youth camp...
our theme this year is John 10:10b...

But further on it says this...John 10

11 “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 

 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father— and I lay down my life for the sheep 

 17 The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. 

18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.”

Yesterday, the lesson that struck me was on obedience, and today, the theme continues,
of how the good shepherd lays down his own life for his flock,
yet now, why would a shepherd do that for silly sheep? Do they even appreciate it?
Would they even know of such a sacrifice? Or would they happily go about their wanderings?
I think that the sheep really know little or nothing of the shepherd's love...=/

And how awesome it is that the shepherd does it willingly..."of my own accord"
Why would a shepherd do that? who can fathom a man facing a bear or a lion, and fighting it off?
All for the same sheep who maybe never even saw the threat coming...and continued wandering

Jesus the good shepherd did it all because of the command He got from His Father,
and that's all the motivation that was mentioned in the bible, Jesus didn't need any more than that,
He did all that God commanded, logical or illogical, prudent or imprudent,
He did not care if he was foolish-looking, mocked, or lost his own life...
He lay it down, as God the Father commanded, for His Kingdom purposes...
He obeyed, at all cost, all for the Father, all for Love, all for us...
And now, if He were to ask us to do so too...would we?

I write this today...as part of ongoing learnings, of what God is teaching me
but even as i write, i feel that this is not just for me today,
and I want to say, i'm praying because i feel burdened specifically for you & you,
I sense that there is something that is being kept out of the light,
what is being hidden is not hidden from God, call it what you may
i think there are compromises...justifications...choices of will...
& i think God's nudging is getting more insistent...do you sense it?
i would gently & lovingly urge you...please...please...
do not harden your heart, heed God's promptings...not your own passions or desires...
we are all selfish creatures, and that's why we're asked to crucify our selfish nature
Do not be led astray by an inferior counterfeit, when God wants to give you, Himself

The good shepherd laid down His divinity, crown and glory...
exchanged it for frail flesh, blood that was shed, a heart that was broken,
If He did it for us, He counts us as worthy, as His beloved, as His...

You are His Beloved,
My Beloved is mine, and I am HIS...
His banner over me is LOVE

yearn...

Why was Jesus the perfect man, and the perfect example? 

Simply because He lived a life of unswerving devotion, simple love,

and...this is probably the hardest for us to believe and live out...perfect obedience

I think that in the past few months, 

the hardest thing I've seen and learnt is that,

obedience has a price, 

and when God calls us to that, 

He simply asks...

no guilt trips, no persuasion, no glib words, no smart comebacks

and then He waits patiently for the response...

The heart that is ready to follow, pays the cost, and goes,

while the one that does not, shrinks back, and shrivels up

How many sweat drops of blood did Jesus shed in Gethsamane?

How long did He struggle with God for? 

We do not know those answers...

We just know Jesus obeyed, and thus became our atonement on that cross.

And the struggle today is the same, 

it's not about sin, or about evil influences, 

it's always been about us...

more accurately, the war has always been within...

God asking us if we'd obey him, 

us struggling so hard because our mortal flesh wants something else so much,

and then it's a tug of war within our desires, and we see the flesh rear it's ugly head

"We are convinced that the gap holding back most believers is not the gap between what they know and what they don't know. 

It's the gap between what they know, and what they're living.

Many Christians are trafficking in unlived truth.

They are educated beyond their obedience."

~Dave Browning~

At the end of the day, God has given us enough so that we KNOW, 

but the KNOWING, does not mean we are DOING what God asks of us

It is a question of obedience & disobedience...

In our fleshly nature, we will always struggle...

God says to give it up, but we fight to hold on...

and in the holding on, what was once good...turns ugly...

To obey, just to obey...

Such a simple word, yet it takes a lifetime of surrender to learn it

freed to feed...

Wow...stunned by amazing poetry once again,
I'm gonna just share a lil snippet,
but seriously...poetry is a lost art,
no one does it the way the classics do it...this I miss...

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
Whisper of running streams, and winter lightning.
The wild thyme unseen and the wild strawberry,
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.

                                    You say I am repeating
Something I have said before. I shall say it again.
Shall I say it again? In order to arrive there,
To arrive where you are, to get from where you are not,
    You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstasy.
In order to arrive at what you do not know
    You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.
In order to possess what you do not possess
    You must go by the way of dispossession.
In order to arrive at what you are not
    You must go through the way in which you are not.
And what you do not know is the only thing you know
And what you own is what you do not own
And where you are is where you are not.

~T.S Eliot~
Taken from III "East Coker"
(No. 2 of 4 Quartets)

I like it, because, here...he manages to plumb the depths of mystery,
and come out with some truth, and along the way...
made the unfathomable, just a little bit more understandable! =)

The Christian message is full of paradoxes,
yet, the paradoxes do not take away anything from God,
in fact, maybe because of the mystery with which God works through them,
these seemingly baffling mixes of things, actually confirm how wonderful He really is!
You truly are amazingly lovely Lord! =)

“Wash and make yourselves clean. 

Take your evil deeds out of my sight; stop doing wrong. 

Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. 

Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.” 

Isaiah 1:16,17

so the world may know you reign in us...

Sometimes we forget that as much as the church is a hospital for the wounded,
it is also a rescue boat for those that are grieving, hurting and dying

It is not a luxury yacht club where the best and richest come to wine & dine,
nor a place where only the best dressed and well kept are welcome

Just as Jesus dined at the table with tax collectors, sinners and prostitutes,
so...the table of the Lord (in our churches) should be a safe haven for these.

Yet, so often we forget, and in turn, we judge, condemn and shun,
we turn a blind eye, a cold shoulder or a disparaging glare...

If we fail to see rightly,
the house that the Lord desires...could simply fall into disrepair
From a place of refuge, a hiding place...
it could turn into a house of mirrors, falling apart at the first rocks thrown

It's time to redeem that which God has made,
and to return back to His redeeming purpose for who we are
Time to make a stand, make a difference, fight for those who are weak,
courageously facing those battles that need to be fought,
so that in the end, we truly shine as lights in the darkness,
as valiant warriors, defending and advancing for the King's Glory!

 

to be your hands & feet...

There is a certain beauty in being broken...

And then being remoulded by the potter's hands

Was talking with a dear brother last night, 

and hearing his heart for the people that he serves,

and I recognise the deep love that he has within, 

a tenderness that is real yet hard-won, 

a compassion that isn't just words but has been forged in action

there is little time for regret and for being stumbled by others...

When we see how broken a world we serve,

we begin to understand that being Jesus to the world,

simply means loving in a way no one sees or understands

Is Jesus ALL you need? or is He just one among many?

Do you believe Jesus is the Answer? Or do you think otherwise?

Would I be willing to be Jesus' hands & feet to those who do not yet know?

I answered the call of Isaiah 6:8, those many years back,

and it is the same stirring i feel in my heart once again...

"Here I am, Send me"

¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, 

   because the LORD has anointed me 

   to proclaim good news to the poor. 

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 

   to proclaim freedom for the captives 

   and release from darkness for the prisoners, 

² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor 

   and the day of vengeance of our God, 

to comfort all who mourn, 

 ³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion— 

to bestow on them a crown of beauty 

   instead of ashes, 

the oil of joy 

   instead of mourning, 

and a garment of praise 

   instead of a spirit of despair. 

They will be called oaks of righteousness, 

   a planting of the LORD 

   for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-4

Moleskin

There's just something wonderful about Moleskins!

The New Year is here, and it's a leap year...
Will having an extra day make any difference?
Perhaps it might...
Each year, the older we get, the slower we become, the more intentional we should get,
This year, maybe cuz of the broken foot last year...
I appreciate the need to do things differently...

To continue to laugh heartily, yet deepen in feeling it
To extend compassion everywhere, and to make a difference that way
To lead, learn, and forge ahead with the people entrusted to me
To be a difference maker, in the spheres I'm given...
To Love: Agape, Storge, Phileo, Eros, in a deeper manner (God willing)
And to deepen in intimacy with Christ daily

It starts with laying down a marker
And looking back, I hope this is the best ever kind of marker...
A spiritual & physical milestone which marks the journey of the inner life!

God's Word

He said..."It is finished"

Hosanna!

Wanted to post Corrinne May's "33" but i can't find a good youtube link! haha!

Oh well! shall share this then! =D



I loved this simple yet uplifting song the instant i first heard it!
It's also cuz the multiple key changes really lift up my soul!
Anyways, it was awesome how things came together at META!
Eileen first mentioned that she had this laser light thingy,
and I felt inspired to use it, so just asked her to bring it for us,
then...i couldn't really find a use for it in the first 2 days of worship,
but on hearing that we would be doing this song for the final worship,
it all came together in my head, divinely inspired as i saw this picture...
of the ENTIRE hall, from being lighted up with stage lights,
then the lights fading off, so only the lyrics were seen,
then after that, even the lyrics going black and...
the laser lights "dancing" in the pitch black...
And i got so super excited about it!! =D hahaha!

But...of course, there were challenges!
Firstly, it was hard to visualise it without anybody in the hall,
but i felt certain enough in my visualisation to just risk it!

Then...the worship team had too little time to practice,
so I couldn't tell them about what the stage team had planned until the last moment!
Thank God for Eeleen who was all for it!
They had to prep for it by putting their chords on their iphones! haha!

And then, as the song was playing, timing was everything,
and it seemed as if my team was pretty unsure about this whole thing,
but yeah...I told everyone to just trust me...
so...first verse...everything on...
then transposed verse, the lights began to come down...
next transposed verse, the laser lights started...
chorus, pitch black, and dancing lights to Hosanna!!
It was so so so awesome, and I felt such Joy within my soul!

Lord God, if this is just a foretaste of worship in Heaven,
I've been so awesomely blessed & privileged to taste it a little here...=)
Thank you Lord! =)

the _____ of it all...

I guess, i wish we lived in a less _________ world

if only, what we knew was all that's it...

but then, it's not...

so...it goes on and on and on,

and the further and wider it spreads, 

the more this whole thing changes...

and the more it becomes serpentine in nature...

I've given up already.

And God, I've already expressed that you're my defender,

just wished I could be more patient about this,

and that i can pretend that it's not what it is...

but i can't...it really is one of the worst...

most sucky feelings to be stuck feeling so...crimped up...

I hate the anvil the most today...& the unrelenting hammer

Maybe, you've made up my mind for me already...

I really don't think that i'm made for this now...

there is a tenderness that should not be trampled by those who do not treasure it

or then, nothing but hardness will remain...

Perhaps I really cannot do this anymore...

What i prayed with MCI last week, maybe that was for me too

not ready

not appreciating this

spent

="/

just wanna be ___________

all Yours...

6:8 the numbers You gave

Beauty for ashes

"There are some tragedies that are too big for a heart to hold, and they defy any description that makes sense. Time weaves its way through the shock, the hurt, and the inexpressible feelings, and one day you discover that in the process of daily survival, you have instinctively made decisions (good & bad), defined your theology, formed an opinion about God, and determined that you will either curl up and die emotionally or you will choose life

The terrifying but truthful fact is that, in choosing life, you realize it will never match the kind of life that was in your carefully thought-out plan for your future. It will force you to view the people around you differently. The brokenness will challenge you to new levels of personal compassion. It will melt your pride, diminish the importance of your carefully designed agenda, and it has the potential to develop an unshakable faith that defies rationality." 

~Carol Kent~

~~~~~~

Plunging in now...You are better...so much better...

Take it Lord...take what ever little is left...

Circumstances may appear to wreck 

our lives and God's plans,

but God is not helpless among the ruins

~Eric Liddell, Olympian & Missionary~

learning points

I'm learning once again that words have the power of life & death
And when they are released, we have no control over what is heard,
neither do we have a choice where it goes, nor what ripples that causes,
the only thing we can do is manage our own reactions,
and trust God's hand in it...

We've no righteousness of our own, so God is truly our defender...

Think my heart is beaten senseless truly...
When all I've fought for is actually seen as needless, meaningless...
Maybe that's why God in His sovereignty made me reread afew posts back...
Are my intentions pure, and what's been placed in my heart to do...does it honour God?
Man isn't to be my judge, because God will be the one doing the judging,
As long as I've that sense of conviction that it is a God-given task, need I be understood?

To answer that question...
Wish I could say that I'm strong enough to say that "it truly doesn't matter..."
Guess I can stand being misunderstood, and mistaken...from others
Still...I think I want and always hope to be understood...
maybe it's the sense of hopelessness, standing alone, that pierces...

So...i'm back to the question, need I be understood?

Lord, I'm not sure...
But I trust in your Character and Goodness,
your Person and Being,
none of me...

Jeremiah never did understand why, he was just obedient
Job went through more than I did, and he never cursed you
David, shepherd, psalmist, warrior, king, fought countless battles...
Christ, ridiculed, spat on, pierced, nailed to a cross, abandoned by all his disciples...
Yet, they stayed the course...help me to stay the course, Lord

On my re-reading trip...this is what hit...
http://rudydavid.blogspot.com/2011/11/follow-thread.html

Jesus says, "Follow me. I'm going to take you on a journey, and I don't want you to turn to the left or to the right. I want you to put me first; i want you to keep trusting me; to stick with me, not turn back, not give up, turn to me in all the disappointments and injustices that will happen to you. I am going to take you to places that will make you say, 'Why in the world are you taking me there?' Even then, I want you to trust me." The path Jesus takes you on may look like it's taking you to one dead end after another. Nevertheless, the thread does not work in reverse. If you just obey Jesus and follow it forward, it will do it's work. MacDonald, author of "The Princess and the Goblin", put it like this in another story: "The one secret of life and development, is not to devise and plan...but to do every moment's duty aright...and let come-not what will, for there is no such thing- but what the eternal Thought wills for each of us, has intended for each of us from the first." And in yet another: "You will be dead, so long as you refuse to die" That is, you will be dead so long as you refuse to die to yourself. Follow the thread. You say,"That sounds pretty hard," and you're right. How can we possibly follow the thread? It's simple but profound. Jesus himself does absolutely everything he's calling us to do. When he called James and John to leave their father in the boat, he had already left his Father's throne. "He left his Father's throne above, so free, so infinite his grace." And later he's going to be ripped from his Father's presence, on the cross. It's going to look as if your thread is taking you into dead ends, places where you'll get bloody, where the only way to follow the thread looks like it could crush you. But don't try to go backward. Don't turn to the left, don't turn to the right. Jesus Christ's kingship will not crush you. He was crushed for you. 

 He followed his thread to the cross so you can follow yours into his arms.
& yes, even though it doesn't feel good at all...i'll still follow...='/ 

2 Corinthians 4 (The Message)

1-2 Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we're not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don't maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don't twist God's Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God. 

 3-4 If our Message is obscure to anyone, it's not because we're holding back in any way. No, it's because these other people are looking or going the wrong way and refuse to give it serious attention. All they have eyes for is the fashionable god of darkness. They think he can give them what they want, and that they won't have to bother believing a Truth they can't see. They're stone-blind to the dayspring brightness of the Message that shines with Christ, who gives us the best picture of God we'll ever get. 

 5-6 Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful. 

 7-12 If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best! 

 13-15 We're not keeping this quiet, not on your life. Just like the psalmist who wrote, "I believed it, so I said it," we say what we believe. And what we believe is that the One who raised up the Master Jesus will just as certainly raise us up with you, alive. Every detail works to your advantage and to God's glory: more and more grace, more and more people, more and more praise! 

 16-18 So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

"...Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” Job

Fit for service...

This is what it's all about, a homecoming...
if you felt this too, then you must imagine what the future holds...
can't wait for that homecoming =)



If I'd been more fit, i'd be experiencing the wind in my hair in about 6 hours...
True, it may still be raining, and i could be regretting it,
but i highly doubt that would be the case...
The gladness of heart I'd have to be running would erase that!
I would be a man on a mission, and that would be to finish strong,
in the very same year that my ankle was broken

Who'd remember that it was just earlier this year i was on crutches?
I doubt it'd be significant but this was my battle, my war...
And I never doubted I would be back...
Not being able to race is just a minor setback...
Playing ultimate frisbee, going on jogs, all these i've loved again...=)
I want to be fully back, and even more resilient because of that injury...

Amidst all of these, and the past few days...

²³ Search me, God, and know my heart; 

   test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me, 

   and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139: 23,24

nothing to hide...

Since i've already been raw, open & honest yesterday
Let me continue in this vein today...

How we treat the things people say is always a matter of the heart,
it can be that we get defensive, fight everything, and demand that we're right,
and then there is the other extreme, taking everything in, and being battered in the process,
i believe there is a biblical way...

"...test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil" 

1 Thess 5:21-22

In line with yesterday also, maybe i missed out on a crucial point,
When i mentioned pain, hurt and all, did it make God seem sadistic? capricious?
If it does, it may show the constant misunderstanding of God we all hold...
No, God is not sadistic, nor capricious, nor evil...
He is in the process of shaping, moulding and making us more Christlike, and this can be painful. Why? Because sin is ingrained in our nature, and it takes radical surgery of the soul to eradicate it.
The outcome and the purposes of God are wonderful...stay the course

~~~~~

Through the reflection time, I couldn't help but feel something was missing...badly
And when I prayed about it, i got a finger upon something deep...
When our goal is to see Christ glorified, we have a natural desire to serve well, and better,
however, maybe sometimes we have a vested, personal, self-interest, and that surely gets in the way

"We may as well face it: the whole level of spirituality among us is low. 

We have measured ourselves by ourselves until the incentive to seek higher plateaus in the things of the Spirit is all but gone...

[We] have imitated the world, sought popular favour, manufactured delights to substitute for the joy of the Lord and produced a cheap and synthetic power for the power of the Holy Ghost."

-A. W. Tozer-

I think what was missing was that, Christ was not exalted...
He DEMANDS a higher standard, A WHOLLY CONSECRATED SURRENDER,
We can hardly give that without rebelling, and thus we struggle, fight and justify ourselves
Are we able to just trust and obey, when the Holy Spirit speaks, and compels?
OR do we ignore, question, doubt, procrastinate?

Have we experienced that pure Joy that comes from obeying and following the Shepherd?
He is the Lover of our souls, and yet we are easily distracted, like sheep walking away from the flock
I think that within our heart, God has given us a God-sized vacuum that no one but Him can fill,
and we will constantly struggle when we do not give Him his rightful place

I want to tell everyone that You're the only ONE

So take my heart

and make it new

make it true

And make it like you

Take my hands

I lift them high

They’re yours not mine to do

Do what you will

Do what you will

Clarity

I hear the questions without answers
and when they are vocalised like that,
they also show the depth of confusion within,
I sense your heart friend, but maybe you do not

Today, eventhough there was great clarity and truth,
It was also, from the start, a tackle from the blindside,
Should I have taken offense at that, probably...
But, i've always given a listening ear, so i did today too...

Let me confess first, the first thing i did upon returning home
was to turn off the lights, still my heart, and find rest...
I did not expect to feel so battered, but feel it i certainly did
On the one hand, perhaps you feel i deserved it, but did you even think otherwise?

There are reasons for people to lash out,
and I do not judge people based on that,
but once the emotions fade, i take a long hard look at myself, and the situation
is it just? it is right? was God's righteousness upheld?
By my actions & responses first, then by yours...

I accept any criticism that is just & right,
and i've always been willing to change & apologise if i'm wrong,
today, I refuse to take offense and I choose to put myself on the anvil,
I don't expect you to understand why, I can see you'd choose to fight back
But i've learnt that God is my Righteousness, so i need not...
Any injustice He will clear, any unjust charge will slip off...
The hardest thing to do...is to wait on God, allowing pain to do it's work,
and choosing not to respond so that in all of this, God shows up truly

However, let me stand up and say this as clearly as possible,
there is a reason why deep in the souls of man, we crave for truth, for justice
and it is within our own hearts that God has chosen to engrave
His Name, His character and His desires...

You ask the question of "why", but you ask it in the wrong way...
When we ask with the question always centering on us,
it is asking and demanding that God give us answers
we already assume the posture of a victim...
We fail to see that if we see the "why" from God's perspective,
it cannot fail to be the most loving, gracious & wonderful thing to happen.

Since the beginning of time, there have been multiple ways to sin, abuse and fail
Redemption has come freely, but there is only One Way...

There are many ways to build a house, but if you fail to set the foundations right
it may seem nice and beautiful, but will crumble when the ground shifts

In working in the lives of people, what is the work of workman?
Sometimes it is righting something within, reinforcing the walls, placing pillars aright,
It is to hear the Master's voice clearly, and then follow...
It is a job for those willing to forget themselves, in service of God...and others
You must be willing to suffer hurt for others, be misunderstood, maligned even...
And even in the end, do not expect thanks, you may be vilified and charged...
all you will have to keep you going, will be the clearest sense of God working,
of the clarity of God's purposes in a persons life...

Doesn't this seem utterly stupid? It probably will...if we see it from our self-serving perspective
But not if your life is hidden in Christ, and your righteousness in Him alone...

How would Stephen know that his martyrdom would stir Saul into Paul the evangelist?
Why would almost all the disciples die painful deaths, to reach unbelieving peoples?
How would Jim Eliot, Nate Saint and the others know that to reach the Auca's, they would be be killed first, and then their families who came after would successfully bring Christ to the Auca's?

How rational was it for the people to want a conquering King,
and how did they feel with Christ on that cross?
How would they know that Christ came not to save us from our existence,
He came for a greater purpose, to save us from death itself, so we'd spend eternity with Him

Rationality? There may have been none...
Love, wisdom, concern, grief, pain...plenty...but they all served His purposes
Our lives are not meant to be seen through the lens of happiness or sadness,
they are meant to be seen through the lens of eternity, eternal Joy or eternal separation....

So my dear friend, why boundaries...
Let me answer you clearly, because the chasm is deep, wide...and eternal
We choose today and each day whom we serve, and we display it through our choices...
there is only one bridge across that chasm, and it's the person of Christ
And when He asks us for a commitment, he doesn't just want part of us...he wants ALL of us
If it pains you to give Him that, don't question God, don't question others, ask yourself "why"?

And you must also know, the boundaries that are in place, are ones of Love...
If God didn't set such boundaries, we would not sense a right or a wrong,
we would not sense good or evil, we would not have a sense of direction or lostness,
you see...boundaries are loving, it means that we would know where the cliff edges are...

You know, if God were to speak, He would tell you that even in spite of everything He loves you...
In your questions, in your doubt, in your rebellion, in your utter disrespect, in your tantrums...

And today too, I'll bring that message to you too...
We love not because it is easy or simple, but because it costs...way way more than we can pay
it is a gift that is given freely, not always accepted gracefully or thankfully, yet still given freely
And at the end of the day, it'd still be there...the only question is...do you accept it?

So, friend, at today's end...let me get out of the way...
I apologise if i've offended you, please find it in your heart to forgive me
I'm not perfect, i do not claim to be, nor do i want to seem that way...
I've taken your words and considered them, and God will use it to refine me as needed,
May my imperfections not obscure what is real, true, and loving...
And I hope that in this open letter to you, you see and sense God
How He is real and important, and how He is better than life itself

In His Love & mine,
R

*if this makes no sense, it's not meant to really...
This is me writing in stream of consciousness...
to all the people that matter at this moment...

Pensive

There was once, that i asked God...why must we have feelings?
It seemed like a sadistic act of an all-powerful being,
because, yes, eventhough there were depths of Joy,
yet...in the pain, there was also great despair and grief.

And in a world where nothing is perfect,
it seems that emotions threaten to negatively overwhelm most,
and more often than not...we fail to deal adequately with them,
most of the time swinging from one wicked extreme to the other

And God in His goodness, has never shielded me from pain,
neither has He withheld His Love or comfort, even in my frustration.
And because of that, i sense an assurance...just in being able to give Him my questions
Knowing that in voicing them, I have a Saviour who has gone through interminable questioning

Grief is not foolish, and when i get overwhelmed by emotions, like today,
I simply have to keep reminding myself of that...
that when things shock us with such forcefulness,
we need to have an outlet so that we do not erupt later on...

My outlet has always been a standard one,
crying out to God, writing it out to process thoughts, asking for prayer
and while i know some may not understand grief, or loss, or pain,
yet, the process of asking for help, looking to God, that all helps...

And i've found that grief, when it's given it's proper time,
always helps a person - whether to be more tender, more focussed,
stronger, more vulnerable, turn towards important matters,
turn away from trivial matters, the process of grieving a loss...it clarifies...

So today, aside from raw emotions and an extremely tender spirit,
I come away with a sense of knowing what is important...
A renewed sense of purpose: I need to continue working with people,
because we never know when the opportunity to might pass...

We need to be faithful: because we each have an alloted time,
and if we're not intentional to use it as God intended, then we're just wasting it
If i have a choice between personal pleasure or ministering to a person's pain,
I will choose to help the other, so that in giving, my healing also begins

In my sadness, I need to carve out the time to seek God in the deep recesses of my heart,
there is no need to push it aside, act like a hero, pretend to be brave...
the choice to be real, allow the pain to work its way, and not hide,
all of these will contribute to allowing the pain to do its refining work...

A deep reservoir of emotions also means...
a tenderness that can be overwhelmed,
yet, do not look down on it...because a hardening of heart is "usual"
tenderness isn't, it is a precious gift...hold on to it...='/

Tears that come unbidden,
means a heart that becomes unladen
so wash over all that is within,
cleanse, purify, sharpen, polish...make new...

Some day soon, that gem will shine again,
and this time it will glisten and gleam,
shiny, reflecting the light and showing it's deep hue of colour,
and it'd be all the more beautiful then, because of the washing it goes through now...

Sometimes, i find it so hard to articulate my heart and thoughts,
that maybe the best is the random bashing of this keyboard...like in my last post...
however, today i find my voice via a song in another language, my favourite chinese song...
and i'm reminded again...even in my groanings, God truly knows...




禱告，因為我渺小；
禱告，因為我知道我需要明暸，你心意對我重要。
禱告，已假裝不了；
禱告，因為你的愛我需要；
你關懷，我走過的你都明白。


有些事我只想要對你說，因你比任何人都愛我；
痛苦從眼中流下，我知道你為我擦。
在早晨我也要來對你說，主耶穌今天我為你活；
所需要的力量你天天賜給我，你恩典夠我用。

wah...sad upon sad...

really deflated and can't do a thing,
can't play/enjoy...dun know how to...
can't bear to go to the wake at this moment...

& sad upon sad...

what was that i once mentioned about the uninvited?
guess it tests how certain, how sure, how steadfast we are...
when all around is shifting sand...
is there a solid rock i stand on?

jnawo;vnc;uawgerifya8wh3pfkasnvlam sldjv98hw38fhawmcmsa,cpq9UEFPOAJSJAKSDMCLAJP;SJ

loss

hmmm...another death from church...
yet one more sudden passing this week...

I don't take such shocks very well...
this is hard...

='(

Thrill of a lifetime

There is a certain transcendence that gives such a calming feel...
It truly is rich beyond compare, and the gift of it is...immeasurable

I've wondered, what is the song in your heart, the one that goes unsung?
As the words, music, art, beauty or something else resonates within...
have you ever thought...why does that strike such a chord in me?

Some get killed by the questions without answers,
I find it more restful and appealing to let questions stay,
to live in some uncertain moments...
as long as I remember my life is in the hands of a Loving God! =)

As i reflected on Pastor L's sermon on waiting...
some other thoughts hit also...

There used to be a song that said...
All God's promises are Yes & Amen...
I'm not too sure what that truly means...
but i know that amidst our myriad questions,
God sometimes says wait, or He may seem to remain silent

And in my experience of it,
this kind of waiting is the most trying,
the most difficult, because we get anxious and fidgity
and it makes us question more, even question God himself

And when it does...it shows up more of what is within us,
more than than what is in God.
Behind our questions, we find our desires, wants, longings,
we find our insecurities, the lack of trust, our ugliness.

I love how George MacDonald explains it...

"Thy hand unloved its pleasure must restrain.

nor spoil both gift and child by lavishing it too soon"

And wow, what wisdom is contained in that...
The hand of Love, that wonderfully loving hand...
must, in some cases, be a hand that is firm, one that says "NO!"
because it is in exercising that restraint, that true Love is evidenced

The 2nd part of that is phrase is the telling part...
because if pleasure is unrestrained, it will spoil both gift and child
And wow, how like children we are to always fail to understand this
We are always clamouring for and wanting what we want...
ignorant to the fact that we may not know best,
that what we feel is good, will actually harm us...
and...Father really knows best...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today was a long day...spent in fruitful labour,
demanding, stretching, yet...fulfilling...
There are somedays that 24 hours feels insufficient,
but more so, because our souls find it hard to rest in God

I'm at rest now, happily drained...
feeling like i wanna express more of myself into words,
but finding no better words to utter anymore...
and maybe, even in this dilemma, I find...
God speaks through His Spirit...
and i realise that, even with words,
i could never express all that i wanted to...
it would just be a fleeting expression of the depth of all that is within
And i find myself content in the...non-expression of it...
because, ultimately, i'm glad that He understands even my voiceless groans
and in my soul, He knows, He simply...knows...=)

Loved...

Consolidation

Some seasons feel like death, others like a fresh beginning

There is a common thought, that it's in the "normalcy" of life,
that we really live out what we believe to be our faith

Some are content to live out Mon-Sat differently from Sunday,
others try their best to remember to be "good" yet frequently forget...

Then, there are those who effortlessly live out what they have,
because they are living in the knowledge of true Joy, real bliss,
a blessedness of knowing that they are Loved in spite of themselves,
fully cognizant of the grace extended to them, yet not taking it for granted.

And truly, most of us struggle with that...
there is an intellectual assent that God "ought to" be first,
but the practice of that is severely handicapped,
mostly because our hearts are all aflutter with our distractions

There are many things that compete for our affections,
and really, we find it easier to love these things...
because they are more tangible, they grant us a pleasure we desire,
there is a longing to fulfill our eyes, and our senses...

One thing that i've learnt, and am still learning through the years,
we are given the ability to choose, and we can choose to see God or miss Him,
frequently, it's not that God is silent, but that...we have chosen to ignore him
Or we doubt when it is plain, and then we stumble on our unbelief...

Maybe it's not that we ought to value the struggle with God,
we should properly value...the surrender of ourselves...
That we should try not to just be led by the emotions or desires of the instant,
but as we take a step back, maybe we'd see God in every moment...

"Love of God is pure when joy and suffering 

inspire and equal degree of gratitude" 

Simone Weil

It may not be our plan, our desire...
but if it is His, then why do we doubt His goodness? His Love?
I like how C.S. Lewis puts it...

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;

we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be"

But even as we wonder, can we trust...really trust?
I think that God is in the business of stretching us...
Growing us in faith, in Love, and in the depth of our devotion to Him,
if we cannot Love Him with our whole being,
we will fail miserably if we try to love anything else too.

Dearest Lord Jesus,

I'm learning that You alone can rescue us from ourselves,

May the deepest depths, our furthest flung selves

be covered over by your boundless grace...

enthralled by your marvelous Love...

and may we give you our highest Praise! =)

Forever Exalted!

There's something that I love about the simplicity
yet...immense complexity of a 2-part harmony,
coupled with that wonderful acoustic ring...

Shane & Shane does this beautifully
in their brilliant, bright vocal range...all the time

& woah...what kind of guitar playing is that!
One of my favourite songs, totally "Shane-ized"!!

God, YOU are truly exalted! 

My soul sings for You! =)

Follow the thread

This is an extract from "King's Cross" by Tim Keller...
So wonderful a picture that it just had to be shared, 
I'm rediscovering a love for fairy tales...
fantastical tales by the pen of wonderful writers!

Following the thread

About 150 years ago George MacDonald wrote a children's book called "The Princess and the Goblin". 

Irene, the protagonist, is eight years old. She has found an attic room in her house, and every so often her fairy godmother appears there. When Irene goes to look for her she's often not there, so one day her grandmother gives her a ring with a thread tied to it, leading to a little ball of thread. She explains that she'll keep the ball.

"But i can't see it," says Irene.

"No, the thread is too fine for you to see it. You can only feel it." With this reassurance, Irene tests the thread.

"Now, listen," says the grandmother, "if ever you find yourself in any danger...you must take off your ring and put it under the pillow of your bed. Then you must lay your forefinger...upon the thread, and follow the thread wherever it leads you."

"Oh, how delightful! It will lead me to you, Grandmother, I know!"

"Yes," said the grandmother, "remember, it may seem to you a very roundabout way indeed, and you must not doubt the thread. Of one thing you may be sure, that while you hold it, I hold it too."

A few days later Irene is in bed, and goblins get into the house. She hears them snarling out in the hallway, but she has the presence of mind to take off her ring and put it under the pillow. And she begins to feel the thread, knowing that it's going to take her to her grandmother and to safety. But to her dismay, it takes her outside, and she realizes that it's taking her right toward the cave of the goblins.

Inside the cave, the thread leads her up to a great heap of stones, a dead end. "The thought struck her, that at least she could follow the thread backwards, and thus get out...but the instant she tried to feel it backwards, it vanished from her touch." 

The grandmother's thread only worked forward, but forward it led into a heap of stones. Irene "burst into a wailing cry," but after crying she realizes that the only way to follow the thread is to tear down the wall of stones. She begins tearing it down, stone by stone. Though her fingers are soon bleeding, she pulls and pulls. 

Suddenly, she hears a voice. It's her friend Curdie, who has been trapped in the goblin's cave! Curdie is astounded and asks,"Why, however did you come here?" 

Irene replies that her grandmother sent her, "and i think i've found out why."

After Irene has followed the thread and removed enough rocks to create an opening, Curdie starts to climb up out of the cave-but Irene keeps going deeper into the cave. Curdie objects: "Where are you going there? That's not the way out. That's where I couldn't get out."

"I know that," says Irene. "But this is the way my thread goes, and i must follow it." And indeed the thread proves trustworthy, because her grandmother is trustworthy.

~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~

When Jesus told the disciples, "We're on the way, follow me," they had no idea where he was going. They thought he was going from strength to strength. They had no idea.

Imagine sitting down with a seven-year-old and saying to her, "I'd like you to write me an essay on what you think it's like to fall in love and be married." When you read the essay, you will say it isn't very close to the reality. A seven-year-old can't imagine what love and marriage will be like. When you start to follow Jesus, you're at least that far away. You have no idea how far you'll have to go.

Jesus says, "Follow me. I'm going to take you on a journey, and I don't want you to turn to the left or to the right. I want you to put me first; i want you to keep trusting me; to stick with me, not turn back, not give up, turn to me in all the disappointments and injustices that will happen to you. I am going to take you to places that will make you say, 'Why in the world are you taking me there?' Even then, I want you to trust me."

The path Jesus takes you on may look like it's taking you to one dead end after another. Nevertheless, the thread does not work in reverse. If you just obey Jesus and follow it forward, it will do it's work.

MacDonald, author of "The Princess and the Goblin", put it like this in another story: "The one secret of life and development, is not to devise and plan...but to do every moment's duty aright...and let come-not what will, for there is no such thing- but what the eternal Thought wills for each of us, has intended for each of us from the first." And in yet another: "You will be dead, so long as you refuse to die" That is, you will be dead so long as you refuse to die to yourself. Follow the thread. You say,"That sounds pretty hard," and you're right. How can we possibly follow the thread? It's simple but profound. Jesus himself does absolutely everything he's calling us to do. When he called James and John to leave their father in the boat, he had already left his Father's throne. "He left his Father's throne above, so free, so infinite his grace." And later he's going to be ripped from his Father's presence, on the cross. It's going to look as if your thread is taking you into dead ends, places where you'll get bloody, where the only way to follow the thread looks like it could crush you. But don't try to go backward. Don't turn to the left, don't turn to the right. Jesus Christ's kingship will not crush you. He was crushed for you. 

He followed his thread to the cross so you can follow yours into his arms.