=)

Wow! Am i tired out today!

But it is a good kinda tired! =D

Today, managed my first real run! HAHA!
Did somewhere near 3km without stopping,

and this is the best since my broken ankle!

Hmmm...so tmr will be the litmus test!

Will see how sore & aching i'd be...

the good kind, or the...i've pushed too much kind! =P

It's coming up to 6mths since the op...

I really ought to be back to sports soon!

Not competitively but recreationally at least!

Not a moment too soon!
I see some mountain hikes,

white water rafting & rockclimbing ahead,

looking forward to that in the US!

I REALLY hope i can do it!

I'd be so bummed if i couldn't!

So yeah...Colorado, please be kind to me! =)

Got so much to clear in this last week...

but i've gotta press in, the finish line is near!

Push on towards the end,

and the US will be a kind break,

one in which to refresh mentally & spiritually!

Think i'm going to bed with a smile on my face! =D

Through rescued ones...

The strength of powerful lyrics,
is enhanced when combined with a melody...

Yet sometimes, it needs to be stripped down,
in order to catch, the depth of meaning

captured by the author's intent...

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You are my supply

My breath of life

And still more awesome than I know

You are my reward

worth living for

And still more awesome than I know

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough

You’re my sacrifice

Of greatest price

And still more awesome than I know

You’re the coming King

You are everything

And still more awesome than I know

More than all I want
More than all I need
You are more than enough for me

More than all I know
More than all I can say
You are more than enough for me

O PRAISE HIM! =D

...to the end

the previous post...

wasn't it plain...EGGs-citing? =P

On a more serious note...

I have just one more line left in me for tonight

I wanna be...faithful til the end

ZZzzzzzz

Bulls-eye
Benedict
Over easy
Poached
Smashed
Scrambled

Testify to Love...forever

Love this song too! =)



For the first time in a really long while,
my wanderlust has acted up,
I'm slightly disappointed to miss the Viet Sports mission,
but the condition of my foot means...no such thing

My last mission was leading that staff team to E last year,
and it seems to have been a really really long time ago...

In a month's time, i'll be away for almost a month...
kinda excited...and this time, really looking forward to it
maybe because i'm sure i'm gonna learn & be refreshed,
but probably also because of all the lost mobility this year

I wonder, truly wonder...if...
but i know ...
and ... did, then it'd be nothing short of ............

In God's hands there is fullness of Joy,
and I have that great sense of that
there's really no greater Joy than to see transformed lives,
and today i thank God for you all!

Kevin and Don...Wow...
When I first started mentoring you both individually,
who'd have expected we'd become so close, like brothers,
and go through so much together!

But yes, I want to give thanks to God for you both,
My constant prayer and petition has been to see the next generation arise,
and i've always prayed that the next one will be better & more faithful than mine
And I'm blessed just by being able to catch a little glimpse now!

I see that you both have been leading the GDOP team well!
And though I've not been to any practices,
on Sunday, i saw a foretaste of what you all have put together,
And most importantly, i see that you've imparted the right things!
More than music, more than showmanship...
you both have guided this team to be right in their hearts first,
to allow worship to flow naturally from within...
not to overplay, or to be a star, but to be humble and to let God lead!
This truly blesses my heart! =)

Kevin and Donovan, both of you have grown tremendously well,
through the toughest moments and through the happiest too!
I'm glad that you've shown a resilient faith,
one that thrives in trial or in prosperity!
Continue to be Men after God's heart
and to multiply that into those you pour into also! =)
i'm proud of both of you! =)

You have been a blessing to me! =)

This is a simple thanks, but a heartfelt one!

Avalon-ing with my Lord...

Have been re-visiting Avalon,
And remembering how impactful their lyrics are...
They really say the words i wish to say but never could express! =)

Like the previous song, "Everything to me"
I love these lyrics...

"ask me why He loves me, and I don't know what to say

But I'll never be the same because He changed my life when He became...

(CHORUS)

Everything to me (everything to me)

He's more than a story (more than a story)

More than words on a page of history

He is the air that I breathe (the air that I breathe),

the water I thirst for (water I thirst for)

And the ground beneath my feet

Oh He's everything, everything to me

We're living in uncertain times
And more and more I find that I'm aware of just how fragile life can be
I wanna tell the world I've found, a love that turned my life around
They need to know that they can taste and see
Now everyday I'm prayin' just to give my heart away (give my heart away)
I wanna live for Jesus, so that someone else might see that He is...

(chorus) everything to me...

How beautiful such lyrics are...gosh...

And today...this hits such a poignant note...

Got the news at tea time today...

that Auntie Pat, fellow worker in Christ,

has gone home to the Lord.

She was faithful to the end,

serving at my alma mater,

Fairfield, even in end stage cancer...

It was a shock to hear the initial news,

and now...the quickness of death hits.

Solomon in his wisdom said that there is a time for everything,

and today, i take some time to mourn...

some time to grieve a loss, and a life given up for the Cross,

It is a sober, and a somber moment.

I wonder at my own mortality...

especially as i'm hardly even on my feet properly nowadays,

but...this is not about me...

I think that there is nothing more fulfilling,

than living out the destiny God has given us...

I think that auntie Pat did that well,

in a harsh, ungrateful environment of the schools,

where Chapel was a platform, yet...

heckling, disrespect, rudeness & rebellion were also shown.

The past few REW's i worked with her,

showed me a true heart for students,

a real affection...I appreciate that...

and I hope others see that too...even in retrospect

And lookin' back over my life at the end,

I'll go to meet You, sayin You've been..

Everything to me
More than a story
More than words on a page of history

Everything to me

at the end of this...

i also want to rejoice...because i know she is in a better place,

a place where she no longer suffers,

and she's now able to enjoy her time with the Lord, fully!

='/

It's uncanny how I can feel so much,

yet to some, this doesn't seem to be outwardly obvious...

Well...since this is an Avalon day,

Let me use this as a personal dedication too...

Every thought, word or deed,

no matter how beautiful, meaningful or touching...

would be nothing without the touch of God in it...

And I want to simply live for that...

For Christ, in Him, in ALL that i do...

I live because You do, and because You gave everything for me.

So...with the beautiful lyrics of "Can't live a day"...

I could live without many things...

but not without you Lord...

I couldn't face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know

I can't live a day without You

Lord, there's no night

and there's no morning

Without Your loving arms to hold me

You're the heartbeat of all I do

I can't live a day without you

Jesus, I live because You live
You're the air I breathe

AMEN

Everything to me...

When these days hit...
feel like chopping my foot off...

I think that there is a certain irony to honesty,
but irony is far better than hypocrisy

Wonder of wonders,
would really have loved to be overseas next week
but no...i've to miss church camp for another event

You spoke to me that day,
and mentioned how leaders lead,
and sometimes, no one follows...
I could sense your hurt and disappointment...

well...it's true...
every good leader goes through that...
Where convictions force people into a decision,
and frequently, the narrow road gets forsaken...
why? because the broad road contains more friends and pleasures,
and it is the safer, more appealing route

But the leader has to lead...
Correct, rebuke & encourage...
but always, ALWAYS...pointing the way to righteousness,
the way to God

I'm concerned, just as you are,
I'm flummoxed by my own loves,
but i still believe...
the right things, done the right way...
will bring about the RIGHT fruits...
so...hang in there...
that was for you, but for me also...

I've seen too much compromise already in my short life...
and i've grown disillusioned with the broad road...
I think a life lived safely, is a life not lived at all...
I'll risk it all for Christ, daily...
A life lived to the fullest extent, to the margins
is much better than one which i have too much leftover...
the goal is to be completely spent each day...
doing the right things, for His glory solely...
I fail frequently, but learn daily too...



I want You to be Everything to me...

the sprinter who ran...

how i wish...one day...
that this inarticulate silence will be broken

No...not mine, yours...

place a band-aid on a haemorrhage
Just so you can smile, yet inside you...cry...

And you think no one knows?

it's not the loud rowdy laughter we hear,
but the sudden disappearances and withdrawals...

you are Loved beyond any measure...but, do you know?



Those words above in bold? If they meant for you from God,
How would you react? why would you even run from Him?

Life on hold...

It's been awhile...maybe too long...

I believe that the church is not just a place for whole people,
but also a hospital for the hurting, and yet...it seems sometimes...
people believe that only those who have "made it" reside there...

nah...i beg to differ...
it's the place where authentic people reside,
scars, warts, struggles and all...
overcomings, imperfections and victories shared.

I've had a little bit of an extended journey these past months

Eventhough many saw it as a good rest for me,
i think nobody really could understand the other parts of it,
the feeling of being alone or forgotten when I could do nothing...
the times where i craved fellowship or people who cared...

Genuine emotions definitely needed genuine outlets...
and i'm thankful i had some...
those who came alongside when i needed them,
others i just grabbed onto when i felt most desperate...

We all have struggles, some just hide them,
others cover over them...i believe that i need to be open abt them,
that's the only way to really recover out of it...
Of course, not sharing indescriminately, but to those who genuinely care,
and those who can really understand...

Been feeling this restlessness for awhile,
not something i can fully articulate,
but something i've tried to describe...
like "I want to run", "I miss the feeling of the wind on my skin"
and i think i've found good outlets...
but none like this one...



Thank God for that little unplanned visit to the library,
where i chanced upon this book, about Matt Long,
how he was crushed by a bus, and...
even despite his battered body...
managed to complete an Ironman...

In reading his book, some of my own frustrations were voiced,
some of my fears erased, some of my mental blocks smashed...

Leaving the hospital within 3 days,
Lifting my leg early on,
pointing my toes up & down,
going for staff summit,
placing weight on the injured foot...
gaining strength to go out for a whole day,
taking the bus, the MRT,
being able to bathe without the need for a chair
starting to walk without a crutch at all...
I set a goal every week...and i've met them all...

and now, my goal is this...
I started this year with a broken ankle,
but God willing, i want to end it with a marathon...

Sounds easy to some,
but right now, at this point...
i'm hobbling, unable to jump, unable to run...
but i want to get there...
I have this metal plate and pins permanently,
but i should not let it dictate my life,
And just like i told the youths on Saturday...
just like God said in 1 Tim 4:8...
"TRAIN yourself for Godliness"...

Life is meant to be that way too...
We TRAIN to be something...not just try to be that...
so...I'll TRAIN and not just try...
For Godliness, for physical & emotional well-being
this season is just getting started =)

The mandarin song i love best...

Some days are just... ... ...

And another language

just seems to give voice...

and be more eloquent

and that's how it sounds like,

when God speaks...

祷告 因为我渺小
祷告 因为我知道我需要
有些事我只想对您说 您比任何人都爱我

主耶稣，今天我为您活
我所需要的力量 您天天给我
您的恩典够我用

limp, raggedy doll...

Life to some is like a box of chocolates...

And maybe that box of chocolates says so much...

You need never think of it,

it's ok to just pick and choose...

because chocolate is chocolate...

it has no feelings, and each is no different from the rest...

Tell that to a child who has never tasted chocolate

Wait a moment...Have you ever met one like that?

I have...

and it was priceless to see that glow in her eyes,

just after the first taste...=)

But you know what...

she gave the very next bite to the one next to her,

and she continued to share it with those other kids...

she had tasted a piece of heaven,

and it delighted her heart to share it, and share it...

until she had nothing left for herself...

="/ she taught me Love that day...

I've seen the ugly hand of privilege,

picking and choosing, just because it can.

But i much prefer the eyes of innocence,

which recognises a gift, and shares it til it is gone.

I long for simpler days...

I'm finding my days too rich, too filled with things,

and then the things that really matter...

they become insignificant...although they really aren't.

This election season, i've refrained from making comments,

but now that it's almost over...let me say some things...

the right to free speech, also comes with a responsibility...

too many times, we see politicians give us half-truths,

some give us empty promises, and others empty reassurance.

There is no nobility in what i've witnessed...

when one slings mud, it spatters all over the place...

like it or not...we all get dirty...

Why make such a statement now?

because it's also the armchair commentators,

those who slam & complain on their facebook walls,

those who mock with your videos and pun-filled lines,

you've contributed to society being what it is today...

Instead of hiding behind empty rhetoric,

spewing forth derisive comments, and veiled innuendo,

I think that in your cleverness...

you've also forgotten that people can see through you

Your sense of "righteous indignation",

is just a cover for your misplaced sense of privilege.

The "equality" you strive for,

just code for a veiled xenophobia...

We've forgotten that we are nothing...

and to nothing we will return...

This sense of "rights", "privilege", "equality"

and whatever else...is actually...a longing for home

A home that cannot fully be seen here,

but in Christ, the longing for home...

will be fulfilled in time to come.

The way i see it now...

we may vilify politicians and those in the spotlight,

but is your life able to bear the scrutiny of the limelight?

Why cast the first stone, when you know aren't any better?

Some treat this whole thing as a game,

and maybe they do because life to them...IS a game...

Momentary pleasure supercedes any thoughtful consideration

Living "in the moment" turns out to mean....

PLEASURE...NOW!!

Yet, living in the moment actually means something deep...

in the ancient languages...the moment could be "chronos"

that is where we take chronology from...

Yet, Time also has this "Kairos" element...

A divine meaning, the instance where you live,

when it seems that everything was leading to this moment,

or every moment henceforth will never be the same!

But "Kairos" is meant to be a state of constant being,

not just that one single instance!

We have taken a wonderful divine concept,

and changed it to just living for certain "moments"....

A life lived in Christ is meant to be living & active...

beautiful, wonderful, and constant...

just like a relationship, just like Love...

That what Christianity is...

A relationship with the Living God.

Why settle for anything less?

Let's not cheapen it...

I find that when we treat life as a game to be played,

we also begin to treat things as important,

and forget the importance of people.

Just like children at play,

we sometimes see something new,

and we gravitate towards it...

and we somehow miss that we've trampled

& flung away those toys we've had no more use for...

By the time we miss it or are looking for it...

it might've fallen into neglect,

just like Woody in Toy Story...

Torn, battered, forgotten for Buzz Lightyear.

why bother trying to pick up broken shards...

when you never treasured it before it was shattered?

Thankfully in stories like these,

there is always some redemption

I like the Jesus kind of redemption more,

He came and eventhough he was riled against,

spat upon, scorned, mocked and beaten.

Tempted, tormented by anguish,

yet He never gave up on Loving us...

The cross was an instrument of torture,

yet Christ hanging there...became a symbol of Love

The ultimate kind of sacrificial Love.

Did we miss the point then? yes...

Do we miss the point now? surely...

But I think God likes fairy tales...

now...what about us?

David Wilkerson

"This God-fearing man was my first Pastor. He was also a friend and a brother in Christ as I worked with the Ministries of Times Square Church in NYC. This man that we saw week in and week out, that sometimes we "took for granted" is now with Jesus! ...When I called all of my friends telling them of this tragedy, many were just broken to tears...The earth was visited by a great man of God, and so many didn't even know it when he was here....He told the truth. He preached the truth, and he lived the truth.
I miss you already, Pastor Dave,
Your brother in Christ for eternity,

Brother George A Bieller, Jr, Delano, CA

I first heard the Gospel through him. My brother took me to Queensway Cathedral in Toronto and he was a guest speaker. I was converted to Christ that night.I am deeply grateful.
"That where I am there you may be also" (John 14)

Kevin

I am speechless... He was a Man that loved the Lord and wasn't afraid to speak the truth. I never got the opportunity to meet him but I have one of his books. I thank God for this Great Man Of God.

He is before the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Love
Raul

Me and my husband both went through Teen Challenge, that is how we met. I will forever be grateful for the way he allowed God to lead him to save thousands of lives. I can't wait to see him again one day!

Megan

Because of his ministry I am no longer a heroin addict but a Pastor in San Angelo, TX reaching out to other drug addicts and lost souls! my prayers to all of Wilkerson's olive ones.

Mike Suarez

I was saddened and shocked to read this. Though Pastor Wilkerson is now with his Lord and Savior; he will be missed by many.
I was saved in the 70s and read The Vision and Cross and the Switchblade. Pastor Wilkerson made a big impact on my young Christian life. David Wilkerson was a true man of faith. His daily blog spoke to my heart and blessed me every morning. I printed out today's blog, as my Son-in-law's father, passed away this morning from cancer. I wanted to give a copy to my Son-in-law, who is not saved. David Wilkerson's words will continue to touch lives. I pray for his wife and rejoice that David Wilkerson is now home. We will see him again.

God Bless,
Shelley, Massachusetts

Wilkerson spoke at Jesus Rallies in Wichita, Kansas when I was in college. His strong convictions encouraged me in my early Christian life. I appreciate the words God gave him that helped shape my life and probably influenced me to heed the call to pastoral ministry.

Kelvin

I am just heartsick. I have received Davids newsletters and followed his ministry since the early 80's. Always right on track with his timely words and sermons. he will be greatly missed. I guess we just never know how each of us will have our home going. I am just full of shock. But at last, he is in the arms of our Father. halleluhia for the legacy David left us. May God continue to raise up mighty men of God, sensitive to the Holy Spirit and not afraid to come against the Powers of Darkness or to speak out against ungodliness that exists in the church and in the world around us. bless his wife , she has had her own battles through the years also. thanks for opening this up for us to comment CT.

Cindy Shipp

Time Square Church was my home for over 14 years. Pastor David was my Pastor and Shepherd for all of those years. I will be eternally grateful for his ministry and the love that he bestowed upon me through my early Christian years. I have a deep love for the Lord. A love that Pastor David exemplified through his preaching and sermons which I studied voraciously. He taught me the meaning of having an intimate relationship with the Lord. Love you Pastor David,
Juliette Hannibal-Bowen

this is the man that lead me to the Lord when I was 17 years old. I will see him again in heaven, I know. thank you for giving to the Lord.

Cheryl

I pray we all can learn to pray and then obey.
Jack Price

Edited & taken from http://ht.ly/4IBhl

Chris Medina did a song..."What are words"
And in the bible itself we find that...
"Life and death are in the power of the tongue"

"When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise."
Proverbs 10:19

I find it an irony that in death, we see life giving words,
yet in life, we give more death than life with our speech...

Words are important to me, always have been,
They convey to me, promises from God & man,
with one stark difference...
that God's promises have never let go of me

time immemorial

Heard the news today...
was struck by it, really...
no...not that LTK is no longer in Hougang,
neither is it that Thor is opening tmr...
Just plain, simple news...
one of a train wreck at Alishan...
the other of uncle Johnny passing away

Those earlier pieces of "news" suddenly seemed like trivialities

Also happened to hear this in bit...
that for a person, they really only begin to discover,
or maybe...really LIVE out what they are meant to at 40!
Life begins at 40...really?

I find that abit hard to believe,
& if it serves to make people feel fine about themselves,
then, i'm sorry, i think it doesn't work...

I think the moment i came to Christ in '96,
i've been on this journey...not so much of discovering,
but more of LIVING out my destiny...finding my calling...

What moved my heart? God's will for mine & the next generation...
What am i passionate about? Individuals, i wanna build deep
How do i live it out? Daily, learning, building, making less mistakes
How? Really? taking faith steps, killing fear, just taking that next step

Why'd i share all that?
Because of another statement that summarises everything...

"Some of you will not be here next year..."
A simple statement...no ill intent...
yet, i took from it a different message from what was intended
I think the Holy Spirit speaks in mysterious ways...

No one except for God knows the length or the breadth of our days,
Yet, i know that i have nothing to fear if i use each day to the fullest,
following and hearing the Master's voice...

No...I don't believe that it will lead me to do everything & burnout,
that is a blatant lie of the evil one
because i know that He has promised to lead me to green pastures,
to restore my soul,

He has promised seasons of work, seasons of rest
All that He requires is that we LISTEN, and follow...
let go of every motive, every burden...
Just trust...wait on Him...and go...when He says so...

It's wonderful to be walking in the Light,
hearing that closely and intimately...
It's something that needs to be worked at...
but He desires it so much MORE than us...='(

Loss is incomprehensible...
We often think of that in our own human terms...
just like i'm feeling it when i think of uncle Johnny...
the sense of sadness, the sudden thought...
that a familiar face is there no longer...
And i remember Uncle Thian Lye...
another awesome man...
and then another...and another...
and they just pour forth like rain...

But really...there is another level to this depth of sadness,
even as i think and miss them, these faithful warriors...
I know that I will see them again when the Lord comes again...

But i feel a deeper sadness because i know that even as i feel this,
God feels it even more about His OTHER children...
those who do not even RECOGNISE Him...
Who can fathom that kind of loss or sadness...
it's like having them within clutching distance...
yet...having them yanked out of the Rescuer's arms at the last moment...
Heart wrenching, terrible, and awesomely painful...
if it were me, i think i might go mad by that constant agony...

But there is time yet...
while it is still day...
for that we need to be faithful to follow the Master's voice,
I'm ready Lord, ears open, hands ready, legs abit weak...yet spirit willing
There is no longer anymore time to waste...

Some are missed more than others...
few are thought of often...except by those closest to them,
some are but a fleeting thought, caught for a moment, wisped away,
and others...they flash by, & we've totally forgotten...
I saw you tweet this wee lil bit today bro...
"when i'm gone, will i be remembered only for jokes & toys?"
No...my friend, no, my brother...
I remember you for...yes! surely your humour!
But i also see your teachability...how you took on change,
radical change to break things, burn things, move on...
And I know you firstly as one of my boys...
someone who is slowly finding himself,
someone that is Loved by God,
and i hope you realised you're loved by us too.
I speak for myself, I'm proud of how you've grown...really...
how your various fasts have been for the good,
how you've struggled much, & also conquered some...
you may say it's nothing to my face,
but that tells me how you're killing pride...
at least taking those steps...i really see it
& i really mean it...and you have been hurt before i know,
no need to be bold...surrender that to God...He knows...
Abandon your self to God, life is only fully lived out there
I know you bro, and i will remember you for the deeper things
those deeper things, because when I pray, I pray those deeper things.

But now, the question is useless...if it spurs us to nothing...
I'll remember you for you...
but yes, you are more than you are right now also...
and you have seen it yourself...
so...

Continue to war in prayer for the soul's of those placed in our care,
speak and give our testimony when it is time...
lead and disciple those who are ready...
cast and reflect that light of God to every place around us and afar...

Do you hear a battle cry?
A divine summons?
I think that it's something that cannot be ignored...
no...no longer...
When the war is not ended, every hand is needed at the line...
the time to rest will be later...

And just a little clip i happened to see...
I know i'm incoherent much...but...
after all in this in an overwhelming little day...phew...

http://www.godvine.com/Christian-Athlete-Takes-a-Fall-But-Still-Wins-the-Race-378.html

For the Honour & Glory...
of our Glorious Redeemer,
Jesus Christ

Familiarity

Need to post to clear my thoughts today,
been pondering about some things and thinking deep

And one such issue is familiarity...
I think the concept of it has always been real,
yet the exercise of it has not.

Let me explain in this way...
I grew up in a broken family,
so...with my father gone at an early age,
Mum had to go out to work & til very late...
thus, we had little semblence of a "normal" family,
there was no time to really do the "family" thing...
meals were rushed affairs, hardly any holidays...
play times were short but intense,
responsibility was learnt early on,
each one of us had to take care of our own keys,
wallet, money, use frugally, & buy food for ourselves.

Family...and familiarity seemed a distant concept,
one ringed by certain boundaries...
and even now, this streak of independence runs deep in us.

Yet, when i came to Christ...
I learnt what it means to be in the family of God,
and i see what it means to share everything...
to help each other out, to bless, and also to be close.

Close in the sense of knowing each other well,
really knowing each others likes/dislikes...
needs/wants...and various other quirks and all
Of course, in that...much grace had to be learnt also!

However, these days, seeing objectively...
I see also that i have my our peculiar brand of familiarity
Maybe i should just ramble on and let my own dysfunction show

I think i have something against an "assumed familiarity",
and i mean...when i see a person making himself "at home",
in the presence or in the household of another.
My peculiar dysfunction tells me that...
When someone says "make yourself at home!"
they mean it, yet also...there is a certain boundary.
I can't draw a line, but i sense that there must be a respect shown,
a courtesy of asking permission, a sense of gratitude,
all these can be shown by simple, "Thank you's", "May I..."
and other assorted displays of love in action.

Maybe this is my own thoughts & assumptions,
& maybe my sense of boundary is usually higher than most...
but i find it awkward to intrude on people,
and I cannot naturally assimilate into the home culture of others.
I feel too great a sense of gratitude, appreciation, and also...
I feel that I have to treat all things with a great amount of respect.
haha! maybe that's why i call it...my peculiar dysfunction...

And yeah, maybe i'm writing today because...
when i see this "familiarity" played out by others...
No one else seems to feel like I feel about it...
they have no problems "making themselves at home",
and taking and using stuff without conscience or even respect...
I dunno...I just simply rankle at that...
I find that i cannot take things that are not mine,
if i want to, i'll ask permission or do without...
I find that i cannot just "assume" blanket permission...
and i will still ask first, especially if i'm using other's things
Maybe my sense of boundary (yours, mine, ours, shared) is showing!

Yeah...so...am i weird or am i weird? hahaha! =P

But in saying so...
I think that i'm very comfortable with who i am...
and this little dysfunction has served me well...
so I don't think i will change it much! =)
I think i'm ole fashioned that way...
Honour & respect for others is basic for me,
and that means...even if I lose out sometimes,
giving that honour & respect for others is still a priority,
rather than just seizing any opportunity to benefit

Since i'm on this...I think yes...
i can suddenly think of how well this "dysfunction" has served me,
I realised that there have been times in the past, i've seen this...

I think sometimes, when we think we know a person well enough,
we begin to feel comfortable and we begin to act based on assumptions,
like "Oh...they won't mind lah", "He will understand", "She will do it!"...
And then, because we act based on these assumptions...
The other party gets upset, or something goes awry...then people get hurt
And it all happened because seeing things the wrong way!

Hmmm...i'm thankful that...because of my "dysfunction"...
this scenario does not happen too often in my life...
Even if i know somebody REALLY well...
Even if deep in my heart i know that they won't mind,
I STILL will ask or pre-empt a person...
I find that...to assume...really does this...
Assume, (ass-u-me)...makes an "ass" of "u" & "me"
I've written this before, but it's the most apt description really!
I try not to act on assumptions...
Yes, if people do not respond or something...
then maybe we HAVE to, but given a choice...
I find it better to take an extra step...to respect the other person.

Somehow...i can't figure out why that is difficult for others,
especially when they know it is a sensitive situation!
Why would some people rather work on the assumption...
rather than take a simple additional step?
Is it pride? Carelessness? Complacency?
I've no idea...but yeah...it happens, more often than it should

I think...there is no conclusion to this thought...
only a pure & honest rambling tonight...
Yet, i find that...at my own bedrock...
I discover that i'm really an old soul at heart...
things like honour & respect are core to me.
Courtesy and graciousness certain hallmarks!
Boundaries help me maintain credibility as a minister,
& I take additional effort to build up integrity.

Why have I done all these? & inconvenienced myself?
I think that...it's no inconvenience when done for the sake of the Cross.
As Paul said..."To do ALL things in order to save some..."
& that sometimes means taking the effort to be above reproach,
especially when dealing with the things that are not ours, but His.
Our stewardship isn't just abt resources, but also...how we live our lives!

It's interesting how simple thoughts can dig so deep! =P

heavy thoughts...

been awhile since i last blogged...

And maybe that's so...because of the things i've been considering
I still can't shake the feeling that something is not right...
and it may look systemic, and huge but i think it's also small scale...

I think that as i take a look at things...
we have gotten everything topsy turvy already...
I have a heart to disciple the generations...
because i believe what is not passed down, will be forgotten,
just like in Kings & Chronicles, where people forgot abt God

Yet, now...i get a sense that this is happening once again

It's no use having mentors and leaders,
if at the end of the day, the disciples do not step up to own their generation
It is futile & fruitless, if a generation grows old...
and the next generation does not take the lead for themselves.

My sad look at this now is that...
our generations of leaders have faltered...
thus, the generations after them are also disappearing
Is it a lost cause? Not yet...but it means this generation needs to step up

I think that we have a very misplaced sense of "Freedom"
Freedom in the real sense...
is NOT the external freedom to gratify every appetite,
it is the internal freedom NOT to be enslaved by our appetites.

Yet...we have gone about it the wrong way...
using our freedom to indulge in excesses and temptations,
therefore leading to a certain deadness of soul...
a certain ruin, within, that we feel...yet cannot grasp

I see it in the simple Sabbath principle...
How many of the people i know, take a proper sabbath?
There are those who work...and they do it everyday
& If for students, study is their work...& they do it daily
then isn't it true that NO ONE observes the Sabbath at all?

There is no day set apart as sacred or Holy unto God...
Also...we ignore that loving command to rest, to play, to enjoy, to recharge...
No wonder we suffer so badly, and then we ask God for strength...
When we fail to already do what we're told, then why ask for more?

We have been slowly killing ourselves...
and we never even notice because we have not been ready to listen...

I want to lay a challenge to everyone...
Have you had your Sabbath rest recently?
Can you even remember when you gave a day to God?

This weekend is a long weekend...apt that it is Easter weekend...
I want to strongly urge all who read this to REALLY take a sabbath...
consecrate a day to God, give it to Him as your act of worship!
Reschedule your busyness, your studies, your work...
As you set apart a day for God...
watch how He will recharge and restore you!
There is a Joy in the Sabbath rest...
that is only given to those who believe, and DO as God says.
If we can't even do it over an Easter long weekend...
something has gone tremendously and horrendously wrong.

I'm taking this from John Ortberg...
God told Abraham to take a walk, Elijah to take a nap,
He gave David a harp and a dance,
And Paul, a scroll and a pen,
He wrestled with Jacob, argued with Job,
Whispered to Elijah, gave Miriam a song,
Gideon - a fleece, Peter - a new name,
Elisah...a mantle..
He was stern with the rich, young ruler,
tender with the woman caught in adultery,
patient with His disciples,
blistering with the scribes,
gentle with children,
gracious with the thief on the cross

God is a hand-crafter...
He does His work intimately, personally...
He desires that relationship...
yet...how often, we cut Him off brusquely

The main measure of our lives is this...
are we living it with God? or without Him?

I hope that we this little post will make people stop...
& make us all consider where we're at...
And to make Jesus the priority...
especially if we have been apart from Him

Why do we treat the One we ought to Love most...like that?

"Be doers of the Word, and not merely hearers"
James 1:22

Praying today for the Spirit of God to fill us with...
Power, Love and a sound mind,
that we will no longer be conformed to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of our mind.
And honour God by offering our bodies as a living sacrifice,
holy and pleasing to God so this may be our true act of Worship.

Then...may we catch a glimpse of those wonders we have been missing...
I wonder how many people saw the Lamb when Desperation Band played?

tired...really tired already...

Min...if you read this...
I write this knowing full well what you wrote on yr blog...
But i'm not handling this well, and i need to say it...

Family is such a tool God uses to sharpen us...
I'm struggling today...& i'm gonna vent it here
better here than anywhere else i can find right now

What do you do when everything seems to be tumbling?
This cycle of endless displeasure is really...terrible...

Going out for dinner yesterday was interesting...
amidst the whole family, i thought all was good & fine,
who's to know, my innocent act of buying bubble tea...
even buying bubble tea could be faulted! gosh!

Come on...you all have mobility, money & availability,
I've not been out for days, how could that possibly rile you?
but i guess when you're determined to, anything can...
I'm sorry i only got one bubble tea, but that was all i could hold

Would it have been so difficult to say it?
I would have gone back to get more if you wanted...
but you never even mentioned anything,
until you decided to pull it out today...

Today...dinner was another drama...
come on, be fair...you all gave no notice at all...
I could not change, wear my boot and do everything...
seeing how impatient you all were already,
and how you were yesterday, of course i'd say go without me...

Who knows...even that can be miscontrued...
I hear from S that you were saying terrible things about me,
how i should pay rent for staying at home,
how i should get my own place...
how i should get married...
yeah...nothing i've not heard before...
just crass to be spewing it behind a crippled man's back

It's not nice and it does nothing to help anything,
really, sometimes i wonder,
what activates the love within your heart
does anything really do so besides money?

but you don't know i came home because of you...
I know that this season is for me to reach you somehow...
I'm failing badly to judging by all these...
yet i still sense that God is saying stay...

So...eventhough i could easily move out,
and i would much rather live independently,
i'm here, stuck in the north east, lonely, sad, irritated,
but i'll stay the course because you all are worth it.

You know...i think i should be honest and just say what i need...
I'm saying here not to be a coward, but because it is safe,
neither am i talking behind your back...
these are things you will erupt at, yet things i need to get out...

Please...you have to begin acting your age...
fancy someone at your age, playing petty games...
stuff like faulting someone over a bubble tea,
refusing to buy a drink because of the same incident,
and then talking behind my back because you took offence.
Gosh...really...this is so primary school...
I wish i could be YOUR parent and teach you...
because i certainly would...

This is not the way i live...
And if you began to even understand me abit,
you would understand that...
this is why everyone finds it hard to stay home with you

I write here because frankly, i'm tired...
and i know i would explode if i talked to you...
not been like that for awhile,
but i guess i need more patience then...

How to tell you that i pray for you?
That how you treat me now isn't important, i can bear it,
just as long as I see you in eternity...

How to show you that i care?
When all you value is the ugly dollar
& it's something I dun have tons of...

How to take all this nonsense?
and yet still show you that i do it because of Love,
& not because i'm your doormat...

How to tell you the sadness i feel?
That you can be so petty over little matters,
& lose your temper when you don't get your way...

Can i tell You (God) that i doubt?
that i feel that everything i do at home is useless,
that i don't know if i can do or be all that you ask me to...="(

Can i say how hopeless i feel?
Caught in a place i don't wanna be,
yet knowing i've to do something here...

Is it ok to say that i fear?
fear that i'll walk out & just give up...
fear that instead of helping, i'm keeping mum from knowing you

Is it alright to say that i'm not alright?
But i still trust that you have it all in your hands...
& in my not-alrightness, you can still make things beautiful

Some say the walk of Faith is a flight of fancy...
I think it's more an acknowledgement of our frailty,
& the trust that we live out,
because we Love Someone more than ourselves.

I fear, doubt, feel weak & powerless...
yet...it doesn't stop me in anyway from trusting You more
This is truly...the walk of Faith isn't it?

who is He?

I think that there has been a fundamental shift...
from an other-centered, community orientedness,
to a more selfish, individualistic perspective

This has permeated deeper than just a single problem,
rooted itself in increasing complexity...
and it is pushing people into cliques and blocks

We have been split and divided,
thus making the body of Christ easier to conquer in parts,
because the previous whole was too strong

If we need more evidence, just see who's been missing...
Tim, A.G, L.C, D.G, I.O, J.J, and there are more...
All this in just the past year, but...i think we hardly notice

I'm hearing more & more about how individual opinion reigns,
i can't understand where the communication has gone,
and helping to clear the air and ease the dissent is tedious

Maybe that's why that lonely, pained night at David's...
struggling with a burden & increasingly heavy thoughts
Glad to have been able to pray through them...

I think that in noticing the shift,
a certain amount of work needs to be done...
I need help, and constant companions...

I sense a battle looming...
One that has already begun in the heavenlies,
moving now into the hearts & minds of people

Even as we pray down the walls,
it's also time to get close and knit together like minds,
talk through & help keep the burning embers together

I think the Gospel has been compromised...
If you think about it...Jesus is most relevant today,
He offers the most practical help for everyday living,
the clearest advice for our futures, our worries, our cares
He's the man who has suffered to show us a definite way,
& the road He painted was one that ALL can follow...
He only asked that we believe!

IF we believe...we trust & we follow,
and we will move by the Holy Spirit's leading.
We will see as He sees, beyond what is the current issue

Maybe we are forgetting how applicable He really is!
We have an empowering God, with a wonderful gift...
But we are just not laying hold of it daily...

How relevant is God today? Read Matt 6
How secure is our future? Jer 29:11
What should we do in obedience? Romans 12:1&2

Why do we not treat the bible as our guide to living?
But more like our last measure, a salve to soothe us,
just something there to turn to when no else helps?

If there is a reason not to be moved or shaken when the world does,
it is only because we stand on a firm foundation that is Christ
and in the promises that secure our past, present & future eternally.

There is a Hope, the promise of a strong tower in our trial
there is a life, promised & sealed by the One who gave His Life,
There is Joy, given because we live in a victory won, not a defeated life!

Here's to praying that people see & hear the rallying call in the bible,
and that we each appropriate the summons to action...
so we live out this vibrant, fulfilling & Joyful Life! =D

Thankful for Fairfield...

Chapelton was great =)

Having been there from the beginning is humbling...
I remember the days at the school Auditorium...
having 2 guests in that very first Fairfield Ignite! gosh...

And it's amazing how we have really ignited!!
Humble start of 2 guests, all youthphorians...
to now...almost a thousand I reckon this last one?
WOW...

And there was just one simple summary point for me in all of this...
the climax...when we sang the school hymn...
that should have been recorded because it sent chills down my spine!

We sang it with a spontaneous gusto,
that no teacher or event could inspire,
sung in no sweeter way than truly in worship,
and in no other manner but to bless!

I love our "live" version best
It was truly awesome...=)
But nevermind, here is the version i found...

Fairfield Methodist School Hymn
http://www.fmsp.moe.edu.sg/data/attach/95/04%20School%20Hymn.mp3

Bless this school, O Lord we pray
Make it safe by night and day
Bless these pupils, bright and gay
Keep them out of evil’s way
Bless the teachers, Lord, we ask
May they find joy in their task
Bless the clerks and servants too
May they serve Thee ever true

May we by Thee guided be
From now till eternity
Bless those who belong to Thee
May they continue to be
Ever faithful, ever kind
Letting God’s light in them shine
Bless us all that we may be
Fit, O Lord, to dwell with thee
Bless us all that we one day
May dwell, O Lord, with Thee

simple truths...

The simplest truths can also be the hardest ones

You can know someone well,
yet...whether you trust them or not,
is totally another matter

Sometimes, prior actions do not mean anything
and it feels like starting over is just the simple, sad norm...

Love that conquers all,
is so simple in talk,
yet simply difficult in action

Fall down, get up,
move on, grow up...
seems right?

NO...

We forget these...
Love means to Forgive,
It also means to deny self,
esteem others, reconcile...

Learning the right things,
means we can finally Love rightly.

Growing means...
Being hurt yet being able to forgive,
Extending forgiveness that is life-giving,
resolving hurts & conflicts...
and blessing and learning instead of...
feuding and holding on to grudges.

I much prefer a simple faith of a child,
I miss the simple, sincere eye to eye,
heart to heart connection that says more than mere words
the simple, pure hug that signifies reconciliation...
and a delight & trust of a child in the throes of Joy
WoooOOOOoooo

Trust
Love
Give

I Do...
now...do you?

you think that's trouble?

Listen close...or you just might miss it
Look intently...or you'll catch nothing
Touch softly...too hard & you might bruise it all
Taste...or you might never get to again...

Who is there when your knees go weak?
For whom does your deepest pander for?
Do you understand why some sights ignite outrage?
And why others inspire a burst of courage?

What do you hold dear and rememeber?
Scars, wounds and hurts?
Joys, ecstatic moments and sweet ones?
Does your life fully embrace both sides of the coin?

Beauty that is skin deep, isn't beauty...
True beauty emerges from within...
Rough edges and scarred knees...
are better than perfect skin, and unblemished hands

I think it's absurd that we want others to fit in...
and yet the mould we give them is an unattainable one
Why bother pretending rather than showing who we are?
And...why do we knock down those who really ARE who they are?

Extend a hand...and it gets smacked away
Lend a ear...and get an earful of nothing
Be there...and there is contempt in that look
There is no right with you...if you even see it...

In certain moments, it become clear why God gives certain gifts,
but to call longsuffering a gift is sometimes, abit of a stretch
we call it perseverence now, but the previous term is better...
it is usually used in the context of suffering...and some do it better

I always remember...Lance Armstrong...
he said that besides being an elite athlete
he had one other thing that he treasures...
the ability to suffer longer & harder than most...

Whoever said that you could stop even if you were the best?
Every climber of everest can attest to the stamina needed,
the mental strength, the inner fortitude & courage required.
If you want to conquer, you have to suffer, and expect it...

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
-- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I used to wonder...why is it that God promised rewards and crowns in the kingdom to come? Why did He seem to dangle to that in front of people? and is that really...enough to motivate people? A promise of rewards in the age to come?

Then I realised the wisdom in that...
The truth is that, since time began...
Man has been trying to better their lot
We have wasted so much to try to attain power, wealth...
Wars, deceit, lies, thievery, they happen for such simple reasons
And yet, we never learn...
Then Jesus came to turn everything upside down...

The King who came to be a servant...
in order that us...worthless slaves might become royalty
The divine exchange was one made totally apart from us
Given as a gift...meant to be treasured...
a fulfillment of prophecy, a promise for today & the future

When we hold that clearly in our thoughts...
we begin to understand how clearly blessed we are,
how even in our materially poor lives, we can be rich...
And how in our richness, we are meant to be blessings...

We are so capable of missing the point...
I am blessed...
I knew it before I got the watch...
And I know it even better now...
This was the commission that came along with it...
one that I'm clear about and ready to follow as You lead...

Go to the lost, confused people…
touch the untouchables.
You have been treated generously,
so live generously.
Matthew 10:5

I wonder...if everyone realised how blessed they have been already...
how much more generously would they live?
Or would they just hold it all back?