Life on hold...

It's been awhile...maybe too long...

I believe that the church is not just a place for whole people,
but also a hospital for the hurting, and yet...it seems sometimes...
people believe that only those who have "made it" reside there...

nah...i beg to differ...
it's the place where authentic people reside,
scars, warts, struggles and all...
overcomings, imperfections and victories shared.

I've had a little bit of an extended journey these past months

Eventhough many saw it as a good rest for me,
i think nobody really could understand the other parts of it,
the feeling of being alone or forgotten when I could do nothing...
the times where i craved fellowship or people who cared...

Genuine emotions definitely needed genuine outlets...
and i'm thankful i had some...
those who came alongside when i needed them,
others i just grabbed onto when i felt most desperate...

We all have struggles, some just hide them,
others cover over them...i believe that i need to be open abt them,
that's the only way to really recover out of it...
Of course, not sharing indescriminately, but to those who genuinely care,
and those who can really understand...

Been feeling this restlessness for awhile,
not something i can fully articulate,
but something i've tried to describe...
like "I want to run", "I miss the feeling of the wind on my skin"
and i think i've found good outlets...
but none like this one...



Thank God for that little unplanned visit to the library,
where i chanced upon this book, about Matt Long,
how he was crushed by a bus, and...
even despite his battered body...
managed to complete an Ironman...

In reading his book, some of my own frustrations were voiced,
some of my fears erased, some of my mental blocks smashed...

Leaving the hospital within 3 days,
Lifting my leg early on,
pointing my toes up & down,
going for staff summit,
placing weight on the injured foot...
gaining strength to go out for a whole day,
taking the bus, the MRT,
being able to bathe without the need for a chair
starting to walk without a crutch at all...
I set a goal every week...and i've met them all...

and now, my goal is this...
I started this year with a broken ankle,
but God willing, i want to end it with a marathon...

Sounds easy to some,
but right now, at this point...
i'm hobbling, unable to jump, unable to run...
but i want to get there...
I have this metal plate and pins permanently,
but i should not let it dictate my life,
And just like i told the youths on Saturday...
just like God said in 1 Tim 4:8...
"TRAIN yourself for Godliness"...

Life is meant to be that way too...
We TRAIN to be something...not just try to be that...
so...I'll TRAIN and not just try...
For Godliness, for physical & emotional well-being
this season is just getting started =)