A tale of 2 void decks

A Tale of Two Void Decks

It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times

Under one void deck, noisy laughter, exuberant emotions, a stirring malay wedding,
under the other, white tentages, solemn faces, red puffy eyes, a chinese funeral wake

One hailing the beginning of a new journey, a plateau of emotions, a happy memory,
the other, the end of a journey, who knows what memories remain, and how it ended

Someone once said the beginning of a journey is indiscernable from it's end,
that would be true if we lived in a karmic cycle, but unfortunately, we don't

Life is fleeting, death catches up to us sooner or later,
the only question then is...what will happen to us then

Walking past the wedding and then the funeral (in that order)...
jarred something deep within me...

Maybe it was Raymond & Grace's dad's sudden passing due to a fall this week,
maybe it was the stark reminder of our fleeting journey here on earth...

If life is just a dash between 2 dates...how are you living your days? That's your legacy.
In light of the reality that things move far more quickly than we want them...where are you heading?

And in the final scheme of things, all of our journeys will end up just like the 2nd void deck,
What is your purpose of this life, and your final destination?

I'm content knowing I've given my life to the Master's service, happy with my role,
satisfied with the life that i'm living, yearning to finish this race well.

For me to live is Christ,
to die is truly...gain.

It was the best of times...
and the worst of times...
And time goes on...ticking...relentlessly

had to...

Sometimes, people are able to just put things across in a way that it NEEDS to be said...

This video is wonderful because of the back story...
the US President tried to influence who would speak at the National Prayer Breakfast,
but this guy who spoke, was even more direct and clear in His word.

I agree in my Spirit with the major themes of the talk,
of how America has lost it's way...
from being a nation built on a foundation that is God,
to the current one, where a nation is losing its moral compass.

He says the words that need to be said.
And he said it clearly and well
The details and prophetic harbingers...
well, we will know if they happen...
for now, that is not important...

The analysis itself is sharp, pointed and true.
May the nation hear and listen...
Too much blood has been shed,
too many compromises have been made...

subjugated

In the midst of a conflict and I now know why it's called a spiritual battle
The biggest issue and the one that i'm engaged in now is one for generations and lives.

But the irony is that, the generations do not see or sense the same battle.
There is no revelation, just toleration and silence.

I wonder...how did the terms love, justice, tolerance, discrimination all be redefined?
When did it happen such that we now live in such subjective times?

Laws meant to protect and show mercy,
uphold the sanctity of life...honour God
Now are being turned upside down,
so that we prefer the value of self,
the sanctity of personal right, and honouring no one.

I need to pen this down, so that I remember this topsy turvy chain of events.

No more than the past 2 weeks have I felt the burden and the pain...of God.
Of how difficult it is to love those who would lash out, and not understand.
Of those who would demand and fight for an invisible right...
one that is crafted as a personal right, but actually is a slippery slope.

In the prophetic, there are so many things that we miss...
We have forgotten the counsel of the past...
Every prophet had a hard message, a message the people did not want to hear,
they were mocked, mistreated, hated, and scorned. But they still proclaimed God.
We have forgotten about that.

I make a stand on this issue, because it is important.
Not just an individual, but also for society at large.
Redemption from sin also means we need a place to call sin, sin.
To remove that right to call sin, sin, is removing God's place in creation.
We have constantly done that, thinking that WE would make better gods.
Self-idolatry is one of the hardest things to see, but the most evident sin to see in others.

If you misread the bible, you will think it is judgemental.
If you misread the intentions of God, you will think He is self-serving.
But know this...God is just, he cannot tolerate sin, yet He is also Loving,
that's why He sent His son, Jesus Christ, as the propitiation for OUR sin.
That's the gospel in full, one that we need to understand clearly.

If you decide to blame God, it's only because He is Loving and merciful to that extent.

We need to remember...at the core of this battle...is the same battle from creation.
We want to be self-governing, we want to do what we please, we want to enjoy doing what we please,
even if we do not say it...the way we act and talk expose the fact that...we believe we know better.

perhaps we do...but surely not better than God

last day of 2012

This is the last day of the year...
It really feels like an ending
but also, a beginning

An ending...
to youth being on Sat,
to the internships
to the busy year (though this continues)
to losses & drains...

A beginning...
I've been so heartened by the parent's responses to the move so far!
It is so encouraging to think that we will have a lot of new faces
Will we be able to get in touch and assimilate all of them? I hope so!
Pray pray pray, I hope that happens more for us
Love: not just the lovey dovey feelings part, but more...the graft of it

I'm feeling abit messy now,
perhaps it's the throbbing thumb...
but yeah, i think perhaps it's also the sadness
of loss...the interns have to go, things are changing, we adjust...
Think we are all more than abit sad...yet, I'm also personally...thankful
Hopefully today, when they get to do whatever they want with me will help =)

Loss, more than my fair share this past year...
leaving NTU, someone's misunderstanding last year to the impact this year,
having to change pace, adjusting to life like that,
the work and ministry always places demands on individuals,
we serve & give, and get hurt & suffer, get misunderstood & spoken against,
yet the response has always been...love, forgive, continue, do the needful, trust God.

Sometimes I think my idea of faith is too simple for some,
but I think that's kinda what makes it strong and real for me.

Today, I can't do everything, but I'll do what I can...
Tomorrow, i may not have the manpower, but the work is still there...
So i will continue on, to do what I can, and pray that God sends help

All hands on deck...that is the rallying call...
thankful for tomorrow to sort out these thoughts
and...to sleep in...haha

Words

Amidst everything today...
handshakes to times together...
the surprise of that beautiful face and greeting
S, you reminded me that God's timing and surprises are best
I believe that too =)

The thing that went deepest was the answered prayer
Of an unmentioned hope, and one that was fulfilled
the words that saw the unseen work, the love contained within
thank you =)

First time in many years that this was not a personal retreat day
Spent it meaningfully from dawn til dusk...
...thank You Lord

Great to worship You on my birthday too,
a rememberance of Jesus the same...
and how that song holds such significance...
Thank You Redeemer...
may my heart hold your passion,
may my hands move at your holy prompting
to see the lost return to the Father

that's a birthday wish...

k

Gave my all this year...

Mission trips
Major transitions
Personal changes
Mentoring of individuals and the interns
Coaching teams
Growing in knowledge & application
Seen & sensed more,
Prayed more, spoke less

Leaving, yet helping
Staying yet wandering

Intimacy
Surrenderedness

Gave my all up til today

Glad...

overwhelmed

consumed

also...fatigued

but it's worth it

Thank you for the talk today...

You were the spark that made it meaningful today JT

Thank You

Lord, thank You for tonight! =D

You blessed my heart in some really unexpected ways today!

The coaching was terrible, yet you salvaged it...
Practice doesn't make perfect...
Practice just makes HABIT,
and we should know what we are practicing,
make sure those are the right things!

The night was a struggle,
a bodily one, cuz i was so tired out
but i thank you for the unexpected dinner,
the blessing of transport to and from,
and the conversation/catch-up that happened
May You continue your healing work Lord!

Thank You for the unexpected words from Cyn,
those were a sweet affirmation of who you made me to be!
And I did not expect to hear that! =)

And then, the bolt out of the blue!
Thanks for the blessing that little conversation with Yong En gave!
Did not expect thanks or to hear that it transformed his life,
but thank You Lord that you did it!
And Thank You Lord for challenging and changing his perspectives!
That is marvelous!
Thank You for friendships that helped push all of it through also!

You have blessed me beyond measure,
Thank You!

What is Christmas?

“God loves you just the way you are, 

but He refuses to leave you that way. 

He wants you to be just like Jesus. ”

~Max  Lucado~

Thank You Lord

That you became flesh,

I learnt something newly profound today

Your sufferings and trials...

they were mine

personal...

for me

cause of me

me

Though we are not to be self-centered,

we ought to be floored at how personal that is...

Just like Love

it isn't and can't ever be a foreign concept

but it is totally tangible, 

so tangible that it's totally taken for granted

It also tastes best when given

Matthew 5 (The Message)

43-47 “You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’

 and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ 

I’m challenging that.

 I’m telling you to love your enemies. 

Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. 

When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, 

for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. 

This is what God does. 

He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, 

regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. 

If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? 

Anybody can do that. 

If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? 

Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that. 

 48 “In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. 

You’re kingdom subjects. 

Now live like it. 

Live out your God-created identity. 

Live generously and graciously toward others, 

the way God lives toward you.”

We have so much...
so so much,
yet the tendency is to look at  and lust for what we do not have.

I've been more concerned with those who have nothing
and as i look there, and pour my efforts into it,
i'm feeling abit of what they are feeling...
how ungracious we are as a society,
how unloving we are to those who need it most,
how the poor, destitute, scorned and shamed,
continue to be the same now, as they were in Jesus' age.
Are we growing in grace?

Christmas is about Christ
Honour Christ
By living like Christ

2 quotes...

Need to think today...so doing it here...

Heard/saw 2 quotes yesterday that have kept me thinking til now

Quote 1 was an insightful statement, deep in it's truth, incisive
It pointed out how responsibility and rights are inversely linked,
how the granting of one, also means that the other is affected.
I liked the statement because of it's truth, and how it pointed out a reality i feel.
Yet it was also a heavy statement, because of the implications meant...
The more responsibility i have, the less rights i should expect.
It is dying to self, for the sake of others...for the sake of the Gospel.

Quote 2...I cannot wrap my mind around it
But i think it was mentioned in response to quote 1 above
And it spoke of how if a person was focussed on others...
they would have no time for self-pity...hmmmm...really?
But somehow I sense that's not the reality...

I think the spiritual reality is that...when we work as for God,
we will extend ourselves for others, and in the process,
we DO get tired, weary, and over-extended...even amidst the Joy!
I think the truth is that, in those moments, when we are weak...
the devil will attack our worth, with despair and self-pity...
it happens, and we should know about the reality...
so that we do not despair, so we understand our weakness,
so that we turn to God in those moments, so we rest and recover.

Simple platitudes, and statements which speak of an ideal situation,
may seem to just gloss over a very real human struggle/reality.
I don't think that is what we are in the business of doing...
We should give answers to heart questions as much as we can
so that at the end of the day, people may see that God is there in their struggle,
Love has never abandoned them, and that Christ is the greatest gift,
but we are the ones who sometimes/frequently forget...

Okay...my thoughts are clearer now...
In the first instance, I instinctively reacted against quote 2,
because it spoke of an ideal, not grounded in reality/experience,
it was a trite answer to a complex answer...one that stirs up more ire

Quote 1 hit home clearly because eventhough it was a tough statement to stomach,
it pointed out a reality, and prepared the listener to take it that way,
and it prepares us for the way forward...I think that is the nature of truth...
it points out something we dislike to see, yet also causes a breakthrough,
so that light cascades upon a situation and the path is clear for the journey ahead.

Quote 1 & 2, thanks for making me think... 

pffft...

spent...yet joy-filled

It's not about the gifts, toys, presents, time, energy, effort, strength, dirt, injuries, blood...

It's about the intangibles...
A change in mindset & perspective,
the ability to look beyond the immediate & instant,
the trust and faith that little things make a BIG difference,
a prayer for the receiver,
a heart for others.

The war for hearts and minds,
is always a long slide downhill...
since human nature drifts towards the comfortable, easy, lovely, fun...
but it is a battle worth fighting,
and if Jesus could see that in a rag tag 12,
then we should not give up too easily
Persevere beloved ones...
May your life be His too

agathōsunē

Autumn winds blow...

So Nature deals with us, and takes away 

Our playthings one by one, 

and by the hand Leads us to rest so gently, 

that we go scarce knowing if we wish to go or stay, 

Being too full of sleep to understand 

How far the unknown transcends the what we know.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow~

Experts in aging make a distinction between passive aging and purposeful aging. 

Successful, purposeful aging calls for continued involvement, 

relationships, discipline, and an attitude of faith.

Pressing onward...

Remembering the future,

plunging further in,

falling exhausted towards the tape is better,

than failing and pulling up short...
There is work to be done,

do it.

Simplicity

It was such a joyful trip, to be out there in the mission field once again,

seeing the faces of people hungering for God, (where is it here?)

watching those who are sick & hurting be ministered to, and grateful (is this forgotten here?)

playing with those to whom everything can be a toy (we need MORE here...)

bringing joy to individuals just by adding colour pencils to their life (we want iphones/ipads here) 

Is it fair to compare? Maybe? Maybe not? But we miss the learning if we never see...

In the field, I saw once again, a clamour of hearts knowing that they lack SOMETHING,

but back home, once again, i'm struck by the harsh opinions & SELF-sufficiency we have,

In the field, I saw unconditional Love, imperfect community, but very self-less,

yet the moment I returned, there was the harshness of conditionality, selfishness, and hurt...

I find all of this such a harsh juxtaposition...

I yearn for simplicity...

Where Your Glory is the Only consideration...

not how we look, not OUR glory, 

YOUR fame, not any others...

Turn this generation back to You Lord.

I thank You once again Lord, for the divine burden for those who have never heard of you...

Much more than it is for those who have heard of You a million times...

Please keep me on the straight and narrow where I can be most effective for your glory

I know I fight the disappointment of seeing people run for their own glory instead of Yours,

but help me not to grow jaded, weary or cynical, but help me to turn nations back to You Lord.

Simply because I Love YOU, and nothing more...

Today, I thank You for the 13 hearts that You turned back to yourself in Cambodia,

and also, for the privilege that Yuming, Evelyn, Ashley & myself had, 

to have front row seats to your miracle of salvation, 

and for the pleasure of joining in Your work of turning hearts back to Yourself.

You are simply amazing God! =)

discombobulated

Good that it was proven that the safeguards put in place were needful,

but maybe not good that it was the safeguard that experienced the first failure...

or is it really so?

God, sometimes, really cannot fathom your ways, 

I know I heard you right but the way of failure was out of left field,

I'm glad that the proper mentoring systems were in place, 

and that what people disliked about accountability has proven helpful

I cannot understand why people cannot grasp our good intentions, 

that is until failure hits, and then the understanding also dawns.

I think everything is more than salvageable, 

and the effort should be taken to make all things right and good. 

The choice to, will of course lay in personal choices, 

but i have the hope that both will make the right and mature decision.

God, I also know that you will use the refining fire to refine and transform,

so...today, i pray that you will make all things beautiful again, 

and to a greater depth and degree than previously was there

make deep the roots and the wells, and may you overfill it always

Make clear the cisterns, 

purge out the impurities,

may they come forth as gold and silver, 

refined and polished to reflect your glory
AMEN

demise

Oh wow...2 deaths in one night...

No matter how many times,
and how much hope and assurance I personally have,
the thing is...I think my heart is always gonna hurt for those who hurt,
you said that I'm always remarkably tender for a reason,
I hesitate to put it so nicely and neatly...
maybe I hurt because I have experienced loss...
too many times...in too many ways...
and maybe that makes me feel it more

I thank God that you did not suffer long,
but yet again, the loss of another awakens my senses again,
Enjoy your rest uncle Ben, you have earned it....
and your heritage of faithfulness is evident for all to see.

May your children and your children's children,
be blessed because of the footprints that you left behind.

true that...

best & worst

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, 

it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, 

it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, 

it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, 

it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, 

we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, 

we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - 

in short, the period was so far like the present period, 

that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, 

for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."

~Charles Dickens~
Opening paragraph of "A tale of Two Cities"

Do you not feel...

when you see something like this...=/

Tears & anger are powerful...

Even more so...intercession & thanksgiving

Humour is just one outlet...

laughter hides the tears...

just like it hides everything else...
applause breaks from men mean nothing

I know that I'm weak, so...
...this one thing I do...

...this i know...
You are

I AM

intense...

Last night was the start of an intense few days...
It can be intensely stressful, intensely healing, or intensely restful...
depends on what God brings up...hmmm...

Some thoughts on my mind today
It is definitely a thankless job seeing people through their toughest times,
or it can just be their youngest times, rawest times or ugliest times

I see so many, and I know their backstories well...
but while I rejoice for them at where they have grown to,
there is a tinge of joyful sadness, when I know they have forgotten the awful past,
yet also the way God worked, and also, how gratitude is a gift from Him

We live in too privileged a society...you were right when you said that L
So many options, no need to consider, so a complacency sets in...
The struggle to build deep, lasting foundations is a slippery one...
Speak too untactfully, and the moment is lost...
Speak too hesitantly, and the fact is buried/brushed aside
Never speaking, means compromising, what kind of foundation is that?

I watched Coach Carter again several nights back...
and it reminded me of what I'm standing for, and against
It is worth it to rebel against low standards, stand firm for God's truth,
demand something greater from others...especially if they are stuck in mediocrity
We have forgotten, or never appropriated our identity in Christ if we walk in fear,
yet, if we have a proper awe and reverence of God, it permeates our walk and our work
there is no need to be overbearing, overpassionate or extremely intense...
God's fragrance does...simply...permeate...

This weekend away, brings it's own challenges...
but I think the break is good, it is perfect...
I need it, because the week has been intense enough,
my emotions are shot...the ministering has taken a toll...

my oakleys have their first visible damage,
and yesterday was the first day completely in contacts...
Random things and happenings, all of which I give thanks for...
Pastor has been asking...Who ministers to the ministers?
And apart from the perfect answers we can give...
do we understand the heart behind the question?

We understand better the appeal of being a star,
the (seeming) prestige that comes from being "known"
when actually the longing of every human heart is to be known,
we all have that in differing measure, and suffer the effects of it too

I have a tacit disregard for just the things that are "on display"
this week, i found a kindred spirit in BL, as we bought shirts together,
we both look for the story behind a design, the meaning, the depth...
we can be called geeky, nerdy, quirky, weird or knowledgeable...
but one thing thats true is that our discussions are never uninteresting!

I love depth, and serendipity, because they speak to me of God,
when complexity is layered into simplicity, we marvel...
when beauty is wrapped up in ashes, we frown and look away
when love is wrapped up in pain, we turn away
Similar events different reactions...
If God is unchanging in nature, then who is the fickle one?

Rocks in shoes...

This is where the discipleship journey is toughest...
Walking with people through sin, pain & suffering
Hurting people, hurt people...proven time and time again
This day, I recognised the words from your hurts, so I ignored it...
May that happen each time it needs to,
God, give me Grace for each step...

I have no wisdom, none like the One you need,
so...turn there, look upon Him...
When you choose to, and be shaped by Him
I know your contenance will change...as it reflects His

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank You Lord for a little gem of a day
For the bright sparks of people illumined by You,
or people who are willing to conform to your moulding
I see such openness and God, may you use it beautifully

Thank You for the good that came before the bad
Thank You for right times, right places and right conversations
May the morning bring more light, more Grace, more Agape,
But most of all, may it bring more of You dear Lord

=.../

It's deja vu, times two...
I've had this sensation before,
Like an onlooker I should ignore
Wish I could do something more

Why should this keep happening?
Or why must this mess keep getting messier?
Questions with no answers...
so maybe the best is just to plod on...

I said I'd pray for you & I will,
because for today i know...
it is no shock, yet it is no thrill...
but the pain will be...sadly...real

But His Grace is sufficient for you,
and I know that this time was better than last,
Walking with you both through both of those,
taught me so much more, more than I'd ever know...

So...to journey with you, that was a privilege,
and now, for my own journey, may it be great...
I just noticed that little footprint you left...
and gosh, who knew, what a little flutter it left!

I look on in expectation,
not to push on, but to pray on,
I trust that God makes beautiful things,
and each of you are one...
but I'm looking for my own beautiful one,
because there is a time and place, and now is mine

God, your Grace is enough
so may it prove so...
May we be your beautiful instruments
bringing light and beauty,
not pain and calamity,
& each mis-step, may You turn it around Lord.

Trusting You tonight for those hearts,
Thank You for this season of prayer
Thank You for 10,000 reasons to praise You
Thank You that I know from both sides so I can intercede...

Thank You Lord

Wonder...full...

Just back from seeing a home, a beautiful one...
And each tile I stepped on was worth $2100,
because it's a home which is worth 4 million now,
should I be feeling something extraordinary?
My only thought was..."WOW!"
And then it quickly shifted to how beautiful heaven must be...

While beauty captures me,
I realise that the trappings seem hollow,
Everything without Jesus is nothing
Jesus plus nothing equals Everything...

I wonder if anyone in Youth noticed what I said today,
I wonder if they remembered that I spoke almost the EXACT same words,
it was just several weeks back, and I wonder if it seemed familiar at all...
to anyone...

God, sometimes, in instances like these, I wonder why the message is repeated,
then I remember that you want us to remember, you want us to know...REALLY know
Truth is Truth, but Truth needs to be ingrained, and Truth needs to be lived out...
When You repeat something, it is not nagging, it is Your Grace for us...
Your patience at our slowness of heart and of mind...

But today God, I am impatient...or maybe I am anxious...

Lord, bless this generation, with ears to listen, hearts to obey, the will to follow,
May they have a deep Faith in You that does not faint or falter,
Mark them as practitioners of Truth, and not just dabblers in it
Immerse them in your Love, that they may be transformed by You.

We Love only because You first Loved us,
Lord, let Your Love pour forth and land on fertile soil,
May it reap a harvest, 30, 60, 100 fold...
Like dear Alexander prayed that day...
Simple faith...may you honour that God

May their eyes and gaze always be fixed on you,
that they may not be swayed by a multi-million dollar home,
but may their desire be to honour you, and to Love you more...
because we have an eternal dwelling in You that far outweighs any here.

Lord, bless us to honour You better. Amen.