streets...

I walked the old streets today...thinking about new things,

and then as the bridge and where I came from met...

realisation hit, it wasn't the same old journey, 

it was a new journey, same battles to war for, different guise

The sense of familiarity was...strangely comforting

The fear that creeped in as I wandered previously known territory,

The courage to break through because...He has done it before...

The sense to...walk on...just take the next step...take it...

Stop the thoughts, the hesitance, the looking back or even forward...just walk

I hate blood, feel faint at the sight of it even...yet 2 days in a row,
I've sprung to action at the slightest hint of harm...in situations where blood was involved

And God, you brought to mind, my own prayer of so many years...

Originally written by my favourite missionary, Jim Eliot in 1948...

And though i've always focused on the last part of it...

"...Let me not be a milepost on a single road, 

make me a fork, 

that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me"

Today, I was reminded that the first part of that phrase is...

 "Lord make me a crisis man..."

We sometimes forget, or fail to see how God answers our prayers,
But I think that has happened for sure for me...
and the truth is...in the good times, I know I'm almost invisible, fading into the background,
but God, thank You for preparing me for the crises, and to tend to the wounded...
I must confess that it feels like too much of a burden sometimes...
And like Elijah, after fighting the prophets of Baal...
I have feelings of being alone, and the only one left fighting for you...
I know it's not true, but the feelings of it all are starkly striking,
the discomfort of being out on a limb, the sheer terror of the unknown...

“Have I not commanded you? 

Be strong and courageous! 

Do not tremble or be dismayed, 

for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9 

"Our bodies are tools not treasures, 

You should not spend your days trying to 

preserve your body in its eighteen-year-old form. 

Let it be used. 

By the time you die, 

you want a very dinged and dinted body."

~Rachel Jankovic~

One conversation that was a rollercoaster...
Two surprising conversations to end the night...

Thank You God, for all of that...

One...
your inclination to try, is opposed to my belief to train...
yes, you are right I prefer prevention to managing a cure later on...
I consider it just prudent and proper...i wonder how you see it?
you give me hard things to hear, abrasive words, probing and sharp...
but I refuse to play the popularity games of others,
God matters more to me, than "many others" opinions...
Man's words may sting, but they cannot grab hold of my heart like Jesus can...
maybe it matters not what words were spoken, but it matters immensely how I respond,
So I will listen, and allow God to use what is truth to refine,
sharpening is...painful but needed, I will follow...

Two, you encouraged me, that there is such hope =)
Your words and actions really gave my heart a leap...
And it was truly amazing because i would describe it as...
something truly after my own heart...wow...
There is hope, thank You Lord.

Three, Thank you...
You unknowingly plumbed the depths,
but had the sensitivity to understand the chord that it hit within me,
And you made me realise the greatest thing i need right now...
Tending to other's needs is a gift, and one that will continue,
but I cannot go on at this pace, and neglecting my own needs...

it is time to do something for somebody important...myself...=/

"Someday in years to come you'll be struggling with great temptation,

or trembling under the great sorrow of your life.

But the real struggle is here, now, in these quiet weeks.

Now it is being decided whether, 

in the day of your supreme sorrow or temptation,

you shall miserably fail or gloriously conquer.

Character cannot be made except by a steady,

long continued process."

~Philipps Brooks~

Weeping can be worship too
sometimes, the truest form...
=)