Walk in Nehemiah's shoes...

I wonder how Nehemiah felt when he conducted his first survey of the broken down walls of Jerusalem? The bible records that he did it under cover of darkness...and people have conventionally thought that he did it to prevent detection from enemies...

However, what if there were other reasons...
in chapter 2:11-12...just WHAT did God place on Nehemiah's heart?
it's never stated, just that he went with a few men under the cover of darkness...
Maybe it was the rebuilding of the wall...maybe it was something else...

Maybe he did it in darkness because, then...
he could see the true state of the wall,
feel the terrifying weight of the darkness,
see with his senses what his eyes could not see...
can you imagine walking the dung gate in the dark?
they say when you deprive some senses, the others heighten
gosh...who can tell the assault on his senses...
Smells funky, can't see much, every sound like an attack,
maybe in that whole night of his journey...
He was experiencing a dark night of his soul,
abit like Gethsamene for Jesus
feeling what it means to be without light,
darkened senses, to feel...fear...
And maybe...just maybe...the night was effective cover for tears
like Jesus' own anguished sweat drops of blood...


I think we think too small of God...
When He planted something on Nehemiah's heart,
I think it was a God-sized task...
yes, the building of the wall was a great task...
but men could do it (and they did it!!)

In the process, the Jews who did it were encouraged,
they were empowered, they were ministered...
Building up the individuals...a mammoth task...done by God!

BUT...Maybe, and maybe i'm even thinking too small here...
but what if...the God-sized task that was placed on Nehemiah's heart,
was the rebuilding of the wall, the strengthening of individuals,
the reformation of a nation, the REVIVAL of belief in God!
I think that might have been it...REVIVAL

Where throughout, the people had a sense of their abilities
a sense of what they might do with their strengths, gifts and talents.
Yet at the end of the day, the most important thing...
was that they regained a sense of WHO God is...
The great I AM...He who could, and WOULD...
do all that is needed to rescue His people, build them up,
and once again, remind them that in Him...
all other problems are small, tiny, utterly meaningless! =)

Will you walk in Nehemiah's shoes?
Do you see your broken Jerusalem wall?

Are you able to lift your gaze further...
to see that God has called you to be a Holy Nation,
A royal priesthood, A people belonging to God,
Who called us out of darkness & into His marvelous light? (1 pet 2:9)

We ARE,
because He IS,
the GREAT
I AM

laugh or frown?

Hmmm...i dunno whether to laugh or to cry! =|

this silly little rubber thing at the bottom of my crutches...
it looks like nothing, just a little rubber thing...
like a shoe for my crutches...
but whoever could fathom such an important role for it!

i used to figure that yeah...it gave me more traction,
helped me to navigate water and muddy situations better...
well...today...the little rubber shoe tore...
and i was thinking how it looked so funny!
just a show with holes! had some "character" woo! =P

then...just after that...
when i started to move around...
i realised that metal on floor contact...
makes tons of grinding noises...
scratches on the floor...
and worst of all...that crutch slides every which way...
never fell/threatened to fall so many times in sucha short time...
sigh...so now, the toilet is my greatest threat since it's wet and all
and i dunno if my family can find the rubber thing now,
shops close in afew mins...but hopefully we can find it!

God...HELP!!!

Youthphoria history...

Hearing from Wendy last week...
then Rufus...i think i should also share...
before history gets forgotten...

But i don't know where to start...

Standards

Was in a ponder moment earlier...
then i saw a quote that really gave me pause...

And as i thought about it,
the unmistakeable plea of something deeper emerged...

So often, we have a certain measure,
a standard that we have, hidden, unconscious even,
but it is there within us...

We want certain things...
friends of a certain kind (funny, good-looking etc)
things that are special, unique, individual,

Deep within, we hide an inner complex...
wanting to be superior, smarter, better,
pride, selfishness and other things hide within...
do you even know what is within you?
Alot of times, we don't...
because we are able to deny it easily...

However, what we cannot ignore is this...
We have a certain standard, a way to "measure",
now...where did that ever come from?
And why is it there?

I love the way God convicts and moves...
And today i have one simple thought,
one that i hope will help illuminate the rest of the thought...

This world says we must have a certain standard of living...
it leads us to want to acquire more, have the best things,
and when we cannot, it leads to a desirous lust of the eyes,
sometimes even to a deadly green-eyed envy...

However God has never asked nor measured us any such way...
Instead of a standard of living...I think God would ask us...
How is your standard of Giving?

If the God of the universe, started creation by an act of Giving...
Giving us light, water, trees, animals, life...
and if He crowned creation by creating Man,
then isn't giving supposed to be deeply ingrained in us?
Sadly...it isn't...

But God had a final, supreme act of Love...
When He GAVE His son, Jesus Christ as the atonement for sin,
In this ultimate act of giving, God redeemed us fully...
Now...this free gift is laid on us...to give...

When our eyes are set on the wrong things,
we can completely & totally miss the point...
but if we know the abundance & the gift that we have,
then we also know God, who gives us all that we need,
and He is a God who can be trusted to give richly...=)

i'm learning that...
The greatest gifts we can ever give...
are the free ones...
Love, Time, words, effort

Free gifts...but immensely costly, & hard

& maybe the beauty is captured...
in the way that God made this...
So that no one can have an excuse...
I never had this...i never had that...
We have ALL been given a heart to love,
& the same 24 hours each day,
an ability to talk, write, paint, create, or just be there
and people with whom to bless them with...

Is your standard of living more important
than your standard of giving?

How are we giving with all that we have?

somedayswonder

racked with a splitting headache,
& another wrenching -ache,
One of a physical nature, beyond control
the other of cheap words & badly broken promises

Congruency, a long obedience...
the same-old, same-old...
seems to hold no value for a microwave age,
on-demand fun, a roving eye for the next thrill

like a ball out of left field...
sudden gut shots hurt the most
little twitches that used to not matter,
suddenly become amplified, snowballed...

If we look for the tangible, we get the tangible,
if we look for the intangible, we see gold...or sometimes...none
What obscures what? White covers black? or Black over white?
You say there is no answer? I say there is...

From a relativistic view, nothing is certain...
then, to even make such a statement debunks itself.
We live by laws beyond our control...
gravity, electromagnetic fields, light, sound...

Darkness can only exist because the Light isn't present,
So in any situation, Light, illumination is needed...
then darkness will simply have to flee...
Light beats back the darkness...

And that's true now too...
When we see, ignore the darkness, it is fleeting,
Look for God's light and fan that forth...
We are ALL made in God's image, everyone of us,
so there is none that is "more worthy"...
or one that is "more despised"...
Our measure is Love...
and we are all Loved by the King...
some just know it better than others.
And those who know it better...have a responsibility...
a responsibility NOT to hoard it,
but to demonstrate that gift to others,
to show it...to draw others out of the darkness,
to show the world what true Light looks like.

somedaysiwonder...
isheavenreallylikeasweetmaplesyrupkiss?

broken & poured out

3 While He was in Bethany at the home of Simon the leper, and reclining at the table, there came a woman with an alabaster vial of very costly perfume of pure nard; and she broke the vial and poured it over His head
Mark 14:3 (NASB)

22 While they were eating, He took some bread, and after a blessing He broke it, and gave it to them, and said, "Take it; this is My body."23 And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, and they all drank from it.24 And He said to them, "This is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many.
Mark 14:22 (NASB)

This short passage in Mark 14 really spoke & challenged me today...the first is the lady who broke the alabaster jar of perfume, worth a years wages...she gave her BEST and her ALL as a gift...then it was Jesus later on, who broke the bread for the last supper...and He was showing us that He was going to GIVE us His all! wow...stunned and amazed at these 2 stories and the same pictures used...BROKE (Alabaster jar & bread)...POURED OUT (Perfume & blood of the covenant)...

And the other key words, both were COSTLY, and both were...GIFTS...wow...WoW...WOW!

To live a life that is BROKEN & POURED OUT

Concise

I love it when things are broken down to it's simplest & truest form, when done succintly...it is plain wonderful!

It's easy to confuse fasting with a hunger strike,
to get God to do what you want.

Pray that God will empty YOU of all that is YOU,
and fill YOU with all that is HIM.

Simple, short, true...

Isaiah 58 (The Message)
5 Do you think this is the kind of fast day I’m after:
a day to show off humility?
To put on a pious long face
and parade around solemnly in black?
Do you call that fasting,
a fast day that I, God, would like?

6 “This is the kind of fast day I’m after:
to break the chains of injustice,
get rid of exploitation in the workplace,
free the oppressed,
cancel debts...

9 Then when you pray, God will answer.
You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’
A Full Life in the Emptiest of Places
“If you get rid of unfair practices,
quit blaming victims,
quit gossiping about other people’s sins,
10 If you are generous with the hungry

and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.

11 I will always show you where to go.
I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones. (!!!!)
You’ll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.

Was surprised by God this morning =)
Precisely because of this passage in Isaiah,
and especially verse 11 above! =D
Firm muscles & strong bones!! haha!
Truly God knows EXACTLY what i need,
exactly what I have been asking for...
and He put it into His LIVING WORD,
eons before I even knew i needed it...gosh...
The way that You Love is truly amazing God!

What can i say but...I Love You Lord! =D

the longest Psalm

Today...i read the longest Psalm in the Message version...
and once again, just by pure reading, things are striking me! =)

Want to just share the things that hit...
because this way...the word of God speaks for itself! =)

1 You’re blessed when you stay on course,
walking steadily on the road revealed by God.
2 You’re blessed when you follow his directions,
doing your best to find him.
3 That’s right—you don’t go off on your own;
you walk straight along the road he set.
4 You, God, prescribed the right way to live;
now you expect us to live it.
5 Oh, that my steps might be steady,
keeping to the course you set;
6 Then I’d never have any regrets
in comparing my life with your counsel.

12 Be blessed, God;
train me in your ways of wise living.
13 I’ll transfer to my lips
all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
14 I delight far more in what you tell me about living
than in gathering a pile of riches.
15 I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you,
I attentively watch how you’ve done it.

20 My soul is starved and hungry, ravenous!—
insatiable for your nourishing commands.

32 I’ll run the course you lay out for me
if you’ll just show me how.
33 God, teach me lessons for living
so I can stay the course.
34 Give me insight so I can do what you tell me—
my whole life one long, obedient response.

41 Let your love, God, shape my life
with salvation, exactly as you promised;
42 Then I’ll be able to stand up to mockery
because I trusted your Word.

66 Train me in good common sense;
I’m thoroughly committed to living your way.
67 Before I learned to answer you, I wandered all over the place,
but now I’m in step with your Word.

71 My troubles turned out all for the best—
they forced me to learn from your textbook.
72 Truth from your mouth means more to me
than striking it rich in a gold mine.

79 Let those who fear you turn to me
for evidence of your wise guidance.
80 And let me live whole and holy, soul and body,
so I can always walk with my head held high.

95 The wicked lie in ambush to destroy me,
but I’m only concerned with your plans for me.
96 I see the limits to everything human,
but the horizons can’t contain your commands!
97 Oh, how I love all you’ve revealed;
I reverently ponder it all the day long.
98 Your commands give me an edge on my enemies;
they never become obsolete.
99 I’ve even become smarter than my teachers
since I’ve pondered and absorbed your counsel.
100 I’ve become wiser than the wise old sages
simply by doing what you tell me.
101 I watch my step, avoiding the ditches and ruts of evil
so I can spend all my time keeping your Word.
102 I never make detours from the route you laid out;
you gave me such good directions.
103 Your words are so choice, so tasty;
I prefer them to the best home cooking.
104 With your instruction, I understand life;
that’s why I hate false propaganda.
105 By your words I can see where I’m going;
they throw a beam of light on my dark path.
106 I’ve committed myself and I’ll never turn back
from living by your righteous order.

Oh yes...today marks 1 month into recovery of this broken ankle!

because this speaks better!

⁵Meanwhile, all the other people live however they wish,
picking and choosing their gods.
But we live honoring God,
and we're loyal to our God forever and ever.

^6-7"On that great day," God says,
"I will round up all the hurt and homeless,
everyone I have bruised or banished.
I will transform the battered into a company of the elite.
I will make a strong nation out of the long lost,
A showcase exhibit of God's rule in action,
as I rule from Mount Zion, from here to eternity.

Micah 4:5-7 (The Message)

I find myself at a loss for words...
the good sort of lost for words =)
Because, sometimes, we just are...
& it's best to be speechless before the King =)

He is the I AM

The Message in Galatians

Read through the 6 chapters of Galatians in the Message version, and I just want to capture some stuff that stood out to me in the reading! =)

Chapter 1: I like Paul's passion, and how emphatic he is as he says this!!

^10-12Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ.

Chapter 2: Paul shows his firmness in the gospel & his lawyer skills

¹⁴But when I saw that they were not maintaining a steady, straight course according to the Message, I spoke up to Peter in front of them all...

^15-16We Jews know that we have no advantage of birth over "non-Jewish sinners." We know very well that we are not set right with God by rule-keeping but only through personal faith in Jesus Christ. How do we know? We tried it—and we had the best system of rules the world has ever seen! Convinced that no human being can please God by self-improvement, we believed in Jesus as the Messiah so that we might be set right before God by trusting in the Messiah, not by trying to be good.

^17-18Have some of you noticed that we are not yet perfect? (No great surprise, right?) And are you ready to make the accusation that since people like me, who go through Christ in order to get things right with God, aren't perfectly virtuous, Christ must therefore be an accessory to sin? The accusation is frivolous. If I was "trying to be good," I would be rebuilding the same old barn that I tore down. I would be acting as a charlatan.

^19-21What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.

Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God's grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily.

You know...there are 4 more chapters to Galatians, but...i realised that i can't summarise them or make it any more concise without killing Paul's excellent case for faith and how we are children of the promise! Please...go read Galatians in The Message version, you'll find that it translates it so nicely, and so readably, that it makes a whole new sense of the unchanging gospel!

Loving my times reading The Message from God once again! =D nice!

passé

ouchie...

*writing this in the midst of pain...so...i dunno what i'm typing lah...

When I broke my leg, I made this silent vow not to mention it too much...like, i know my life is gonna be badly affected by it, having to change routines, learn how to manage small things like arranging for water to be available, food, looking where i step etc...

So yeah...even though my life does revolve around this...handicap, yet i've not complained too much, but today is gonna be my complaint post...because i really really feel it today!! grr!

Woke this morning with my leg feeling really stiff & painful...it was the whole leg, and i could hardly move! Scared me a little, but after giving it a massage, the aches lessened to the point where i coud get out of bed, yet...the pain was still there.

Later on, i contemplated leaving the house...going out to visit because i've been so utterly bored, totally missing interaction, feeling like a chump...but then the skies started to threaten, and the thought of waiting in the rain for a cab was...untenable, so there goes the plan...

And then the worst bit...was doing my leg stretches then i realised my skin was peeling, took me awhile to realise the the skin is now flabby because my muscle has atrophied & shrunk, and the skin is now peeling cuz of that...and putting both my legs together, it is really a sad sad sight...one muscular, normal leg, and the other...lifeless and toneless.

The doctor's review is on 28th Feb, then i'll know if the bone is healed enough, and if i can put any weight on it...but now til the 28th is a REALLY long time...i wonder what my leg muscles will atrophy til...it is a sad sad sight seeing your own body waste away...and have no way to change it...

And yeah...one really bad side effect? I'm starting to get cramps in those unused muscles, and the worst is that i can't ease the cramp because i can't really manipulate my foot, so i have to bear it or try to massage it our gently...all this just adds to the distress...sigh...='(

yeah...feeling abit down & sorry for myself today, i'm determined not to let it get me down, and i wanna fight back, and recover better, but for now, i've to surrender this...the bone has to heal, then i have to rehab to regain full range of motion, only then can we talk about regaining strength...so yeah...gonna be weak for some months yet...have to face that reality head on

It's almost a month already, so that's one month down! i'm finding ways to cope...come on now, dun wallow in despair...give it your best Rudy...long journey but you can do it!! look upwards...

I wish I could say things were normal & I'm doing wonderful, but though i think i've coped well this past few weeks, I do get my bad days too...today is truly one of those...God, help me deal with the pain and the cramps, the sleepless nights & painful ones, the lack of help and no more Isaac/Joy/Isaiah to play & laugh with...I think those were truly wonderful days of blessing...thank you Lord!

Please pray if you see this...there are bad days & today is really one of those...='|

emancipation

*any mandarin in this post is borrowed from a dear friend...

I read this in “My sister’s keeper” by Jodi Picoult

“I don’t believe in living my life expecting the worst”

Sounds like one of the best summaries ever for a life...
but isn’t that purely a utopian idea? idealistic yet unrealistic?

Doesn’t living like that open ourselves up to living an illusion? or more accurately, a delusion?
Life is filled with ups and downs, if we only look for the up...and miss the downs...aren’t we missing the other part of the journey also? Life is the sum of the whole, not just the good or bad.

Additionally, holding on to that kind of a thought, won’t it just lead to faulty thinking? like...instead of making the most of our current situation, won’t we just wallow? or just wait? instead of taking active steps to move out of the situation or to learn more in those down moments? This inclination to ignore takes passivity to a whole new level

The lady who uttered that sentence...she walked into a fire station, in an octupus suit...why? because she did not ever live life expecting the worst, so...when her house burned down,
that was all she had left to wear...somehow...a very fitting picture & very congruent with her philosophy of life. Lady Octupus...i'm not sure whether to laugh or to cry, but the absurdity stands out doesn't it? That was a very shrewd social commentary hidden in the book, succintly compressed into several paragraphs...

it's better to live life in terms of eternity...both sides of eternity, that means looking forward to heaven, but knowing that there is an eternal Hell for sinners too...I don’t plan for the worst, but I do think through the things that might happen, and prepare somewhat for them, as much as i prepare for the successes & the Joys in life, forethought helps...and understanding our human weaknesses and limitations helps too...somethings that we can’t do...we just have to trust God for...Growth is all about walking on, in trusting God, and in taking those steps He has charted...in faith...

"I am the Lord your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt, the place of your slavery" Exodus 20:2

Egypt is on my heart, especially after seeing the pictures of Tahrir Square in the ST, and having been there, meeting people and now hearing some of the thoughts...the unrest, confusion & fear is palpable. Violence has always been a part of the culture, & in flashpoint moments like these, it gets really dangerous. My friends...i'm praying for you also. Your freedom is eternal & secured, but maybe, now, God is setting the rest of the captives free!!

On another note...

wet = slippery
fungus = slimey/slidey
achey arms = weak
broken ankle = dangerous
slip...die...
why?

="(
*ouch

可能..最痛的不是表面所失去的。

The travesty of Love

*Disclaimer: I dunno where this came from, but it all amalgamated in my mind late last night/early this morning...And yes, these are sometimes my best times of thinking and reflection!

The Travesty of Love

There is a certain travesty in Love, if we only love because it was easy, then wouldn't that just be a cheap love?

If we love only because of the euphoric feelings, then won't we have a multitude of false loves?

If we only loved those who loved us, then isn't tt just plain natural?

Love is believing in someone, even when they don't believe in you...& especially when they don't believe in themselves

When there is a celebration, all who love a good party will be there! But only those who truly love will make time to truly celebrate the important ones, to turn the mundane & simple (water) into the finest & most meaningful (wine), just for them.

In the midst of tragedy, the travesty of Love shows up best, not only would someone turn up to share the pain, wait in agony (He wept, remember?)...before performing the ultimate miracle

Love is...making a relationship work after being treated cruelly,
showing the other that they remain Loved inspite of any unlovable, selfish actions...

I think true Love has to be...different, counter-cultural, it loves the sinner, the fallen, the broken, the unworthy, the undeserving & those who least expect it...

It's demonstrated by actions & by words, spoken to empower, acted upon by surrender & sacrifice...beautifully demonstrated on the cross of calvary, in the person of Jesus Christ!

That is LOVE

Words are just words...or are they...really?

"Each generation has the world to deal with, in a different form...there is a sense, a feeling, that things aren't right, that the environment is not whole, but just what it is eludes analysis. We know that the spiritual atmosphere in which we live erodes faith, dissipates hope and corrupts love, but it is hard to put our finger on what is wrong."

Hmmm...i think that's right...
And for me, it appears in speech and culture...
I am abit appalled to hear the terms flying around,
and even more shocked to see that i've been a victim of them!

Sometime back...i got "facebook raped",
when someone who wasn't me, entered my facebook,
and then put something unpleasant on my status...
it was precisely something that i had been warning ppl about,
but to have it happen to me was...stunning...
Thankfully i was alerted & went to remove the unflattering statement
Security is one issue nowadays tt i think ppl are weak at...
my area of work is sensitive so i'm more conscious of it...
but slip ups happen...
however, i find it disturbing when ppl are looking for opportunities,
chances, loopholes, to prank their friends...
and in the parlance of the day...to "rape" them...

Actually, the term "rape" is strangely apt, because...
that was precisely how i felt when it happened to me,
violated, outraged, incensed & angry...very angry!!
The person who did it got an earful from me,
but my peeve was that...it was just an ordinary thing to him...
It isn't to me, because in the "rape" i felt totally betrayed...
like the person saw something, yet instead of helping, took advantage...

This kind of "looking out" is precisely the wrong way to go about it!
If we see something like that, instead of taking advantage,
shouldn't we be helping others be aware of the pitfalls?
Isn't that what friends ought to be doing?
Maybe that's why i'm puzzled...fun seems to be the chief motivation
Call me serious, cuz maybe there is love is such fun, but i fail to see it...
i totally, absolutely, completely fail to see anything loving in that

"facebook rape", "camwhore"...i'm not in touch with the lingo...
but gosh...how derogatory yet apt those terms are...
I wonder...is our society so desensitised now?
that terms like these float around...seemingly playful, harmless
yet being powerful enough to erode societal mores...
I sense that is truly so...& yet, we have a generation that isn't firm,
firm enough to make a stand, bold enough to make a decision.

"Each generation has the world to deal with, in a different form...there is a sense, a feeling, that things aren't right, that the environment is not whole, but just what it is eludes analysis. We know that the spiritual atmosphere in which we live erodes faith, dissipates hope and corrupts love, but it is hard to put our finger on what is wrong."

Also in my readings...i came across this concept...that we are ALL disciples...
each day, we are tutored, taught & shaped, we are apprenticed to something/someone.
We are in a growing/learning relationship constantly.
Then the question that arises is...what are we apprenticed to...really?

We always seem to take words and actions lightly,
maybe it is because our entertainment teaches us that...
Yet, we also use those same words and actions to communicate,
to express our deepest Joys and darkest pain.

I state this very clearly, i think curse/swear words have a place...
they belong to the extreme end of our word spectrum,
diametrically opposite Love & Worship,
There are certain words of extreme angst
& certain words of extreme esctasy...
That ought to be reserved purely for that use.

I think, our problem is that...we have brought this all together...
so that we muddle what we love, and what we hate,
and we pool it all together so things become..."DAMN FUN!",
"SHIT! this is SOOOooooo good!"
"OMG! this is F***ing AWESOME!!"

When we have done it this way...
i think we've really thrown our pearls to swine,
given away what is best and muddied it with the worst...
There is nothing good or awesome about those things...
Our words should really match our intent better

Words & actions are our communication,
We really ought to guard them well,
not use them loosely...

When will we ever learn? We are meant for so much more than this...
I'm heading back to the true meaning of being a Disciple...daily
I determine, as a choice, to be mastered by Christ, apprenticed to Him,
living and Loving Christ in an intimate, real relationship...
One that I value, one that I'll not hurt or harm...
One that i'll live in Love and enjoy in Joy,
because it is the relationship that truly matters!

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

Music to my ears

Woah...been at least 2 weeks i've not touched my guitar
and today was somewhat...different as I did...
one of the things i missed about being home...

But...somehow...I long for David's place and the kids more...

The tug of the heart, the pull of the soul,
Things never seem enough...
or things seem too much...
until we have them no longer...

Be still & know that I AM God,
In Him there is fullness,
In Him, perfect rest, perfect peace
I have truly found myself...a hiding place =)

Loving You, Lord Jesus =)

1st checkup

Gonna have my 1st post-op checkup in 12hrs...
It's gonna be hectic...
going for an x-ray to check the bone/implant
removal of cast and stitches (please...no pain!!)
re-casting, and possibly, first rehab session

From what i've been hearing...
i need some time for the bone to heal (2-3mths)
then the rehab for 3 months is to get full range of motion & strength!
that's 6mths in total! Gonna be a long road, but i'm 2 weeks into it...
and still...mighty thankful! Thank you Lord! =D

Today...probably exercised the most of the whole 2 weeks...
from church to lunch, to airport (this was no joke ok...)
then back to church and home to David's...
i'm bushed...but...happy!

REALLY thankful for David & family,
and will be really sad to leave them tmr ='(

If you read this in time,
please pray for my 1st checkup tmr?
And also for my back and arms!
Eventhough i'm getting stronger,
yet they are really starting to ache more and more!

Thank you all! God bless you too!

quick one...

hey you,
you may never read this but hey...
i'm struck by your actions...how they speak so poorly of you
i'm hit by your lack of integrity...how you look like something you're not,

What was true a year ago seems to have been replaced by smokescreens
when i see you, i dunno what to make of the facade...
i wonder what you hide deep within...
but those secrets you hold inside, those little things you hide?
They are like yeast, i hope it doesn't make you explode...
and i hope you dun implode too...
yet...you are an enigma...and one who fakes it well...
hmmm...why man, why do you do the things you do?

And i can't do nothing abt it...well...just pray
but i believe that can change things!
So i'll try to do that faithfully...
this weighs so much on me...

To the other you...
I'm sorry for you, i feel it too...
when you don't understand, cling on to God
look there, cuz He never fails...
don't try to do anything else...
those all will disappoint you anyways...
settle this first, and it will all fall in place...
praying for you too

>="/

unfathomable Love looks like this...

Unfathomable Love looks like this...
it really does...

Green - marks the words & actions of men, mocking, harsh...painful
Red - marks the words & actions of God, silent, loving, forgiving...

Mark 15

² "Are You the King of the Jews?" And He answered him, "It is as you say." ³The chief priests began to accuse Him harshly.

⁴Then Pilate questioned Him again, saying, "Do You not answer? See how many charges they bring against You!"

⁵But Jesus made no further answer; so Pilate was amazed.

⁹Pilate answered them, saying, "Do you want me to release for you the King of the Jews?"

¹⁰For he was aware that the chief priests had handed Him over because of envy.

¹¹But the chief priests stirred up the crowd to ask him to release Barabbas for them instead.

¹²Answering again, Pilate said to them, "Then what shall I do with Him whom you call the King of the Jews?"

¹³They shouted back, "Crucify Him!"

¹⁴But Pilate said to them, "Why, what evil has He done?" But they shouted all the more, "Crucify Him!"

¹⁵Wishing to satisfy the crowd, Pilate released Barabbas for them, and after having Jesus scourged, he handed Him over to be crucified.

Jesus Is Mocked

¹⁷They dressed Him up in purple, and after twisting a crown of thorns, they put it on Him;¹⁸and they began to acclaim Him, "Hail, King of the Jews!"

¹⁹They kept beating His head with a reed, and spitting on Him, and kneeling and bowing before Him.

²⁰After they had mocked Him, they took the purple robe off Him and put His own garments on Him. And they led Him out to crucify Him.

The Crucifixion

²³They tried to give Him wine mixed with myrrh; but He did not take it.

²⁴And they crucified Him, and divided up His garments among themselves, casting lots for them to decide what each man should take.

²⁵It was the third hour when they crucified Him.

²⁶The inscription of the charge against Him read, "THE KING OF THE JEWS."

²⁷They crucified two robbers with Him, one on His right and one on His left.

²⁸[And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, "And He was numbered with transgressors."]

²⁹Those passing by were hurling abuse at Him, wagging their heads, and saying, "Ha! You who are going to destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days,³⁰save Yourself, and come down from the cross!"

³¹In the same way the chief priests also, along with the scribes, were mocking Him among themselves and saying, "He saved others; He cannot save Himself.

³²"Let this Christ, the King of Israel, now come down from the cross, so that we may see and believe!" Those who were crucified with Him were also insulting Him.

³³When the sixth hour came, darkness fell over the whole land until the ninth hour.

³⁴At the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, "ELOI, ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?" which is translated, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

³⁵When some of the bystanders heard it, they began saying, "Behold, He is calling for Elijah."

³⁶Someone ran and filled a sponge with sour wine, put it on a reed, and gave Him a drink, saying, "Let us see whether Elijah will come to take Him down."

³⁷And Jesus uttered a loud cry, and breathed His last.

³⁸And the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.

³⁹When the centurion, who was standing right in front of Him, saw the way He breathed His last, he said, "Truly this man was the Son of God!"

='(
What a touching account of the Love of God, contrasted with man's total depravity, and hateful actions. Actions speak louder than words...and shown in this...even God's silence, His Love shines through. No wonder they said He went as a Lamb...he was that docile, that Loving even then...and in the last moments, He still gave His best gifts...rending the veil of the temple so we can see Him face-to-face, and impacting that centurion.

That is so awesome I have to put it out again...

When the centurion, who was standing right in front of Him, saw the way He breathed His last, he said, "Truly this man was the Son of God!"

Truly, I serve no other,
than the risen Son of God
No greater blessing, no greater privilege,
just the example of God who Loved us so,
and how He will never let go of us...of me...

="(
Thank You for the Cross Lord
Thank You for the nail-pierced hands,
Washed me in your cleansing flow,
Now all I know...
Your forgiveness & embrace
Worthy is the Lamb...

Worthy Worthy is He
I Love You Lord

and once again...
the delight & the neglect,
it seems like i'm the one with no handicap! =P

It's easy for me to forget this injury,
because i'm actively helping others even with it there,
maybe if we all know our handicaps, and work with them,
then we can all be that little bit more loving! =)

Doubt thou that the stars are fire;
Doubt thou that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt that I love.
~William Shakespeare~
Hamlet

reasons...

Now i think i know the reason...for this season...

Thought flow...

Hmmmm...just gonna stream my consciousness! =P

It has been a whole week of adjustments for me,
and thankfully, very little frustrations!
I dunno if it's because i'm naturally laid back,
abit more happy-go-lucky, or just flexible...
But...breaking my foot & adjustment has been good! =)

I've so many thoughts, i think i should begin blogging more!
haha! And yeah...maybe i will...we'll see in the days ahead!

Looking back on the past week...
there are many moments i have to give thanks for...
and I think i'll do it here! =)

Over dinner with the BB guys here at David's place on Saturday,
it was really fun hearing from these BB seniors,
Tat Chuen, David & Simon! Stories of our batches,
people they have met with, who has made it, who has suffered.
& i left the dinner table with a sense of...awe...of how God has worked...
in lives of many individuals through the faithful lives of ordinary men!
Just like in the book of Acts, where God used ordinary men to do His work!
I'm thankful for them, the men in Acts & my forerunners in BB/Fairfield,
they sowed widely, went deeply into afew, and were faithful!
I'm a fruit of their love...and countless others are blessed by them too!
Thank you faithful men! =)

Oh...inevitably...the topic steered to my injury,
and i was cringing as David recounted the details!
Everyone knows that I broke a bone (the fibula)...that much is obvious!
Not everyone knows this...but it was the dislocation of my ankle,
that made everyone on that pitch look away...
It was impossibly out of place, and looked too unnatural...
And yes, i think i mentioned that i was thankful for the A&E doc,
because within an hour of the accident, he had pulled my leg back into place!
Thank God for that! =D
But at the dinner table, David told the 2nd part of the story...
One that i totally didn't wanna remember, and that he was the only witness to!
On sunday, after they put back my ankle into place, i was put on waiting list...
there were too many operations going on, and my fracture had to wait...
so i only had oral painkillers and had to elevate my leg throughout...
at 11+pm (6 or 7hrs after it happened) the doctor came to visit...
he talked about how the dislocation was fixed, however...
because my bone was broken, it had shifted abit out again...
the angle of my ankle was wrong...so he needed to put it in place again!
I almost fainted...David was the only one there...and i was in shock...
Let me be honest, the first time they did the fixing of it...
even with oral painkillers, an injection and sucking in a gas...
i still felt the pain and it was NO ordinary pain!!!
This time, the doctor was gonna do it in the ward,
with no gas, no injection, just oral painkillers...
David must have seen my face go pale...
He had been about to leave...but said he'd stay with me...
I couldn't successfully ask him to go, or maybe it was half-hearted too...hah!

But yeah...there in the ward, we must have been a sight to see...
Me biting my towel, nurse holding me down, doctor pulling on my leg...
& wait...this doctor uh, he is not a small guy!! He looks like a rugger,
big-boned, thick neck, muscular, hands easily circling my foot...
There he was, in the ward, tugging, pulling, all the while saying...
"Relax...DON'T FIGHT ME!" "Hold him down tighter!"
& all the while i was...in pain, having no strength to fight...
hello...dude...i have a broken bone where you're pulling,
I'm definitely not fighting you & i'm as relaxed as i can get!!!!

Thinking back...The whole thing musta been abit absurd! HAHA! =P
But yeah...trust me, in my bed that night, it was a whole new level of terror...
Even hearing David tell it from his point of view was...hair-raising...
and yeah...if you can believe it, i teared just typing out this account!
But yup...end of the day, i'm thankful that David decided to stay...
I needed a friend to just be there for me and he was there...
I think we all need to recognise our needs...
sometimes we need practical, tangible people and helps,
other times, a prayer, something intangible, yet still support...
I know we are gifted in different ways...
And that's why i appreciate people who recognise and use their gifts well! =)
Thank you Lord for such blessings!

I once asked God...
Make me a prayer warrior...
it was simple, yet heartfelt...
and it's something i've grown in...
yet...i know it is intangible, and we barely see results at times...
Some things we'd never know til heaven...
but i know that in Faith God has worked!
And yes, when God shows that He has worked,
I can't help but to praise Him!
So yeah...Thank You Lord for always showing up! =D

un-walkable

It's been 5 days since the accident...
but it feels so much more...

Can still remember the aching details of the incident,
and it is really...not something for the faint hearted...

Yes, I've suffered a dislocation and fracture of the right ankle,
happened during soccer last week...
and the irony is that...the guy whom i tackled and broke my leg?
Well...11 years ago, he tackled me and broke HIS leg...
haha! irony of ironies!
No offence taken then, nor now, and no malice intended on either occasion too!
Both were freak accidents...11 years apart!

I'm not going to go into details, but yeah...
suffice to say, no matter how light you are,
having someone land on you is gonna be dangerous,
i happened to be in a bad position when it happened...

But yeah...there are still things to thank God for!
I thank God for a quick response ambulance,
eventhough the attendent caused me more pain!!
A doctor who quickly relocated my ankle so the dislocation was quickly fixed
and also...despite a one day wait, a pretty quick surgery and discharge!

I'm now iron man, with a plate and several screws in my leg,
think they will be in there sometime, or may even be permanent!
Nights are hard as the cold makes my foot hurt more...
painkillers help but i hope not to rely on them too much!

Post-op has been a whole bunch of adjustments!
I'm pretty sure my upper body has never been in such good shape since army!
Everything has to be borne by my arms and back...
and i'm aching in so many places, it's not even funny!

One of the lessons i'm learning is to be extremely flexible!
In my condition, i've to wrap my foot up in a plastic bag,
tape it up and lift it in order to bathe...
this is so sapping that i'm usually already sweating as i bathe!
But yes...in learning the best way to do this...
and in learning how to ask for help...
i've begun to see how good God's grace is!
It's such an easy and forgotten privilege...bathing,
but with my handicap, it is such a joy to be clean once again!

Thank you Lord that i'm also staying here at David Chan's,
it's much less stairs for me to navigate,
a more fun environment (with 3 kids to play with!)
and a home-ly feel that is lacking at home
It will be a struggle to have to move back home...
but nevermind, will cross tt bridge when i get to it...

If you are reading this...please thank God for the blessings you have?
and then...please also...pray for me as i navigate life with this injury!
Thank you!

The Life...

Gonna be leading a Student Leader's retreat soon...
As I pray & seek God, i can't help feeling some things...
In my body, i literally feel weak...sneezing & with a dry throat...
hoping hard that i do not come down with something...
but i think it's already in the works of being full blown!
Oh well...will try to make the best of it! Pls pray if you read this? =)

The Christian Life is not merely about being Informed by the word,
It's about being Transformed by Christ,
and Conformed to His Image!

"There is a way of ordering our mental life on more than one level at once. On one level, we may be thinking, discussing, seeing, calculating, meeting all the demands of external affairs. But deep within, behind the scenes, at a profounder level, we may also be in prayer and adoration, song and worship, and a gentle receptiveness to divine breathings."
~Thomas Kelly~

There is a certain adventure to the lives that we live,
and it involves a responsiveness to the promptings of the Holy Spirit,
sometimes, we call this a "sixth sense", "gut feel" or a "mere coincidence"
But i've realised that God takes us where we are...
and he gifts us with something we do not expect, then in our reaction,
we actually then...show what we truly believe...

The guidance of the Holy Spirit is not restricted to momentous decisions.
It is learned in our daily lives, practiced on a continual basis...
picked up when we choose to see God as God works,
not based on our logical, rational thoughts...
but based on Faith in a God who made the Laws,
yet in His divinity & wisdom, is able to circumvent them in inexplicable miracles

Do you see a coincidence? Or the hand of God at work?
Do you see someone meeting a need? or God planting providence as it is needed?
Do you see a lovely act? Is that man, or is it really God stirring the hearts of men?

The Lord will guide you continually
Isaiah 58:11

Make me to know your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth, and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you, I wait all day long
Psalm 25:4-5

Speak Lord, for your servant is listening
1 Samuel 3:10

God truly wants to disciple our hearts and our lives,
but are we truly ready & willing...
to listen, learn & be led by God?

May we always be humble & easy to lead.
I pray that for others and for myself...
Thank you Lord

stirred...

Maiden post of 2011, and it won't be mine...
I read this off a dear friend's blog...
and since it's so poignant...
i shall just reproduce this here

"可能..最痛的不是表面所失去的。

It's the feeling of watching the rose being trampled. I remember a few years ago, I engaged a few students to help take care of a group of children during a conference. While playing with the children, a student decided to teach a girl how to fold a paper crane. When she finished, she presented the lovely crane to this little girl. This five year-old child looked at the crane with slight amazement. Then, she took the crane in the palm of her hands, and crushed it right before the eyes of the student.

Well, it's only a paper crane. Because you and I were not the ones who presented it. Shortly after that, the 19 year-old student leader excused herself, while the children resume their play. Then, I found her tearing, face turned down slightly, afraid that we may see. She was one of the brighter and sweeter students I've had. I knew it probably wasn't just the paper crane that was crushed. Her heart was crushed, together with the intentions.

"I'll be okay," she said, having the look of guilt of being silly to cry over a mere paper crane. But I did not think that was silly. I very much want to assure her that it's not.

I guess you and I would not know. Till it is our lovely cranes that get crushed when we genuinely presented it with so much hope and care. The crushing events could be anything, and the crusher anyone, sometimes even society. It could range from a pack of rice you bought for someone who threw it away, to an unfulfilled dream that you've been after for 20 years. The only similar thing is that it matters. The crane matters to the crane-maker."

Crane-crushers...
Precisely because we always have the natural tendency to be dream-shatterers,
that's why we need to encourage, edify, uplift and gift others with our words often...
Words have such an impact, and even in songs...
it's never just the music, harmonies or style...
it's usually the words that find significance first
they tell me of the Crane-maker, and point me that way...
but i've found that that's not natural for everyone
Then...it's fine, when the lyrics or words hit me,
I know that's how uniquely God, the Crane-maker crafted each of us
all for a purpose, all for Love, and all to be blessings!

Lord, I know that Crane-crushers are everywhere,
most do not mean to, they just...
inadvertently killed with their jokes
careless remarks that are spoken before thought,
gossipy chats that are cheap more than they are life-giving,
selfish hoarding more than selfless giving...
In this all, we stand guilty...
Lord Jesus, this year free us from such callousness,
remind us forgetful people about You, our wonderful crane-maker
give us all an abundance of Love that we overflow to others,
Allow us to think for others more than ourselves,
give us tender hearts, reconciling natures,
teach us to forgive quickly, others and ourselves...
Teach us to realise this relationship we have with You,
to cherish it more, to speak of it boldly!
May Your Love be our hallmark,
and may our spirit be stirred by your Holy Spirit!
Teach us to Love as you Love,
to give as you gave,
and to speak beautiful words of enrichment!
Free us to embrace your gifts, and to use them well,
& may we honour & bless you in all that we do!
We humbly ask this in Jesus' precious name.
AMEN

=)

Off the edge of all I've known...
& into the murkiness of the year that is coming,
beside Him who will never betray His convictions,
Him who will never betray those who follow Him,
Him who does everything in Love...
it feels good to be at His side! =)

Lord, you are Good!

last few days of 2010

These last few days of 2010 are for reflection, time off, meeting who wants to meet, and just finding myself once again amidst all that hankers for attention.

This has been a faith-stretching year, in more than one sense of the word.
And there are so many more things i find that i do not understand now...
and yet, my faith in God is even more unshaken,
and i believe that His wondrous plan is more than enough for me!

We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;
we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.
~C.S. Lewis~

Pain...it turns grown men into wimps,
and yet, it also turns wimps into courageous men
Whose adventure can you live? if not yours?
This one life that we have, and that we live...
who fully understands it?
I can only tell one main difference...
the life with Christ, and the one without...
always has a marked difference...
It's not a holiness thing...or a rights thing...
it's an intangible difference...
Maybe marked by a different spirit...
something antithetical, something counter-cultural

Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
& we will dance among the ruins
We will see it with our own eyes
Out of these ashes
Beauty will rise
For we know joy is coming in the morning
in the morning
Beauty will rise
"Beauty will rise" Steven Curtis Chapman

We know Love is patient, Love is kind,
We can probably read off a list that echoes 1 Corinthians
In essence, Love is all things good...
But...What is the hardest thing about Love?

In the person of Jesus, we have the full embodiment of Love,
And in it we see that...Love means...
...being misunderstood, persecuted, judged against,
...moments of murmurs, being spoken harshly about,
...being alone (in trials, in prayer, in miracle-making)
...taken for granted, looked upon as a genie,
...being loved for His gifts, more than His person
...having no place to lay His head down,
...being unwelcome in His own hometown

And we have not even gotten to the hardest yet...
Love means...
...Sacrifice, surrender, putting others first,
...giving up personal rights (not my will...but yours be done)
It was shown most ultimately...on the Cross

Who can fathom Calvary Love?
Only He who has been there...
And because He has been there...
we do not have to...in order to understand His Love,
all we have to do is...surrender, and accept it fully...

These last few days of 2010,
Lord, teach me to show your Calvary Love,
I know that this is a dangerous prayer...
but you know my heart,
and you know how much I can take,
So...take me, mould me, shape me, use me,
for your Glory, purposes and kingdom
AMEN

woah...

gosh...sneezed 7 times in a row...
think i cannot finish what i need to tonight,
will crash and see if i can finish tmr...
health is more important for now...

Looking forward to summer...

*With 25th Dec edit...*

Writing is cathartic to me...
like a balm to my soul...
some paint/draw/make stuff, some take photos,
others write songs, i...write...

Christmas is here...even as i'm writing,
and i'm thinking, contemplating so many things...
some good...some bad...
But really, it is a time to remember Christ, so i shall...=)

The idea of family is so...real to me...
coming from a broken home carries with it dysfunctions,
but i've seen enough to know that even the best have them too.
But I think that i've really learnt what Love means...
through my imperfect family...and the Love of the family of God.

It was in the church that i found my sense of...Life...
it was not in the things i did, or the areas i served...
I discovered Love when i was most...broken...
when I had nothing of worth to give...
and even less i had to offer...
When i was down & out...others Loved me
& in doing so...showed me that God loved...me...deeply
It was never, and is never about what I do...
But it's all about how God just simply...Loves
That is such awesome, inexplicable Grace! =)

I've always felt somewhat of an orphan...
not having a father early on in life...
and even now, later on in life...
it's laughable that i've been given half a room,
barely enough space to live in...
been given promises like "free use of the car"...
yet never seeing it materialise...
I've driven twice since coming here...
once as a favour...haaaaaa...
and this is the first time i'm writing abt it
To honour some parents are harder than others...
but we do it still...all for Love...
Love is a choice...
When we do it...we learn abit more of "Agape" Love
And God's "Hesed" Love for us...

*25th Dec, Christmas addition...
At our recently concluded youth camp,
the last night was my most memorable of the camp
At communion, we were encouraged to join in...
to take the elements...as a family...
and in my heart, i was so glad that i have God's family,
then...after...when we were asked to pray together as family units...
that's where it hit me...hot, hard and heavy...
As the youth went to their parents, i had none there...
and i saw many other people looking just as lost...
And i went to go join some of these people...
heart weary, and pained...
Later, after the parents left, and Gracia left too...
Rufus and I had a moonlight chat...
and he was also sharing about his pain...
As i shared about how God uses our own flawed families...
to show us what we REALLY want to see in a family...
And out of what we do not have, we can still bless the family of God,
sometimes, God's ways are just plain...mysterious
It was abit of a hard time, but a good chat to help us brothers...
Then later on...hearing the testimonies of families being mended,
praying together for the first time, enjoying communion together,
My heart was leaping for Joy, rejoicing greatly, shedding tears of Joy also
because I get a sense of Joy, and a vision of what i wanna see for myself,
this is my truest, heart-felt desire...for now i've to live it vicariously,
but i want to see that for my own family also!
And i will fight tooth & nail for that to happen...
But the best way that God could have spoken to me was also done...=)
Later that night, when Adeline received Christ...
it was, for me, a picture of someone being lost, and now...found
Instantly a princess of God, with brothers, sisters, a family...
a place to belong, a place to call home...
Such blessings we often take for granted...
But God blessed me with that picture of reconciliation,
and for the umpteenth time that night,
gave me a sense of deep abiding Joy!
One that started on her face and then spilt over into mine! =D
I hope to see more of that God! It's how awesome!!! =)

"A person who lives in faith must proceed on incomplete evidence,
trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse"
~Philip Yancey"

And in this season...
as I've been asked to take so many faith steps...
it's been extremely stretching...
yet also...extremely cleansing...
God has been reminding me of so many things...
Of how great His Love is for me...
and how it has been given so that i can give it freely too

He reminded me...that i once saw myself as an orphan
yet He gave me a family, a name & best of all, He calls me...son
And He showed me something else too...
God...apart from giving me an identity in Him,
He also did something even more wonderful...
He, who is God, gave up His Son, Jesus Christ...
He CHOSE to "orphan" Himself...in exchange for...us?
Unfathomable, inexplicable, senseless (it seems...)
But God did it...because that IS His Love for us!
He showed, and modelled what sacrifice means...
and showed us the highest measure of Agape Love ever
His sacrifice opened the doorway for us...

And so...i stand at the crossroads...
Have you ever been there?
When God gave us choices,
He knew the risks didn't He?
How many times is it easier to ignore,
pretend to be hard of hearing,
procrastinate, just fudge on a decision,
prolong it, wait for something to happen,
rationalise it away...just plain disobey...sigh...
Many times i've failed, disappointed God i'm sure...
But this time, i know my weakness...
Even as I ask for prayer...I know it's me i'm fighting,
because I do not want to bless,
do not want to be magmanimous...
& maybe being a hypocrite would be better...
But i also know...that is NOT for me...
not anymore...

"You really don't know LOVE at all,
until it's making you do something crazy"
~Steven Curtis Chapman's song - "Something crazy"~

I'm about to do something crazy...
something that no one could make me do...
no one but God...
And since hearing Him that time til now...
the steps to obedience have been slow, but sure...
Why is it that it takes the offended to begin the restoration?
Why does forgiveness like Love take such a sacrifice?
Why is it that it takes some to journey, so that others may know?
Why...we might never know...
But where I am, I know the simple call is to obey...and just do it...
So...i'm not gonna think any more...no overthinking...
I KNOW, so i'll do...I resolve this as a choice...
Since it is already written, since i sense God's conviction...
Since all that is humanly in me is rebelling...I know that I know
It's time to ignore the feelings, be bold & courageous...
Was this what Abraham felt?
Or Joshua & Caleb as they encountered giants?
I'll never be ready i guess, but please steel me for today God...
I'll obey...please help me to...

And i'll remember also...
It was darkest and hardest when Christ went to the cross...
For 3 days, the world thought it had lost it's Messiah,
Death thought it had won it's victory...
No one knew that what seemed like death, or defeat...
Got turned around in God's Mercy & Grace
The ultimate sacrifice won us His ultimate prize...=)
God did not give me a family, to orphan me again...
I reject that as a lie...a family is a family...
Love is its hallmark...it starts here...and...now...

Winter is gone, Spring is soon past, Summer awaits...=)

I'm listening to "Through Christ"...
It's words are brilliantly apt...

When the darkness tries
to hide my way
Your word is the light
that guides my faith
I will trust in You (x2)

When my heart is weak
and I've lost my way
I will lift up my eyes
and choose to say
I will trust in You (x2)

In Your presence I find
strength renewed
I find courage to stand
and a hope that is new
I will trust in You (x2)

Whatever trials come my way
I will worship You always
Forever trust in Your unfailing love

Whenever doubt and fear press in
I still hear Your voice within
Forever trust in Your unfailing love

I can do all things through Christ
I can move a mountain
If You are the strength of my life
I can do all things through Christ
You are the strength of my life!

this too...shall pass

Who can fathom or plumb the depths of a heart...
no one...none..except for You, Lord
And to your plumbline, all must take its form...
So there must be...seasons of...
Autumn, Winter, Spring to Glorious Summer!

Let's go on a journey...

I know i've mentioned this before,
but...reading their story once again...
reminds me of the blessedness

...of being entrusted with pain...

And it also shows me a faith refined,
in private, and also in the public eye...
If we Love deeply...
this will stir our hearts much...
but journey with me if you will...
plumb the depths of your own heart...
for in there, you will find...
God has never left you,
He longs to draw us near...

The story of Maria Sue Chapman,
age 5 when called home to be with the Lord,
& the story of a family who grieved,
yet...chose to use their story to share...
Hope, Love, Faith...in the midst of their pain.

"We can cry with Hope...'goodbye' is not the end..."

And this beautiful song, written by her father...
Steven Curtis Chapman...singer/songwriter,
about how he sees heaven in her...thru her...
A song of that expresses his grief, yet also..his Hope

There's a "live" version of this song...
done with the Jonas brothers...
but it was spoilt by some insensitive fans,
who were shouting for the Jonas brothers,
even as Steven was explaining the pain of the song...
this really...spoilt the moment, made it harder to stomach...

so...here's the studio version...



On to Spring...





And...Summer comes...

Do the necessary...

God needs & wants our pain...

Radical thought? or merely rational?
I think it's truth...
But one that we struggle to apprehend & practice
We don't understand pain...
In fact, we go to great lengths to avoid it...
Yet, facing it matures our faith...
moving us from a Peter who denied Christ,
to the one who became called the Peter the rock...
one where the church will be built on!

^"1 So then, since Christ suffered physical pain, you must arm yourselves with the same attitude he had, and be ready to suffer, too. For if you have suffered physically for Christ, you have finished with sin. ² You won’t spend the rest of your lives chasing your own desires, but you will be anxious to do the will of God."
1 Peter 4:1,2 (NLT)

Anyone God uses significantly is always deeply wounded...
on the last day, Jesus will look us over not for medals, diplomas or honours, but for scars
~Brennan Manning~

I'm thankful for the countless happenings good & bad in life,
those that i've understood, i thank God for the knowledge & insight.
those that i don't, i'll pray & ask God for the peace, patience & perseverence that it builds amidst the surrendering...
God's Love is evident amidst all of this!
I thank God for the marvelous gift of Life,
& i'm grateful for the privilege of sharing that Gift with you,
there is a party going on in Heaven! and one here on earth...
right there...in your heart, in mine, & in countless other hearts! =D

“Faith is not a mysterious ability to sail through life with a secret key that unlocks all the doors,”

“Faith is the willingness to think and act on the basis of what we know of God (which may be very little) and to trust him that he will not let us down.”

“We must offer to God not our own plans and splendid abilities (Moses had to give all that up) but our empty hands and hearts, to be filled and indwelt by God himself.”
~N.T Wright~

camp soon...

It's gonna be camp soon...
and my soul is continually restless...
not in the bad sense...but in the expectant sense!

I've struggled to nail down my prayer philosophy...but this is quite near it! =)

"It is not enough to begin to pray, nor to pray aright;
nor is it enough to continue for a time to pray;
but we must patiently, believingly, continue in prayer until we obtain an answer;
and further we have not only to continue in prayer unto the end,
but we have also to believe that God does hear us,
and will answer our prayers.
Most frequently we fail in not continuing in prayer until the blessing is obtained,
and in not expecting the blessing."
George Müller

"Quit playing, start praying.
Quit feasting, start fasting.
Talk less with men, talk more with God.
Listen less to men, listen to the words of God.
Skip travel, start travail."
Leonard Ravenhill

And i love this too...

"Great grief prays with great earnestness.
Prayer is not a collection of balanced phrases;
it is the pouring out of the soul.
What is love if it be not fiery?
What are prayers if the heart be not ablaze?
They are the battles of the soul.
In them men wrestle with principalities and powers...
"The prayer that prevails is not the work of lips and fingertips.
It is the cry of a broken heart and the travail of a stricken soul."
Samuel Chadwick

I hope we are a praying people...
and one that delights in knowing God intimately