ouchie...

*writing this in the midst of pain...so...i dunno what i'm typing lah...

When I broke my leg, I made this silent vow not to mention it too much...like, i know my life is gonna be badly affected by it, having to change routines, learn how to manage small things like arranging for water to be available, food, looking where i step etc...

So yeah...even though my life does revolve around this...handicap, yet i've not complained too much, but today is gonna be my complaint post...because i really really feel it today!! grr!

Woke this morning with my leg feeling really stiff & painful...it was the whole leg, and i could hardly move! Scared me a little, but after giving it a massage, the aches lessened to the point where i coud get out of bed, yet...the pain was still there.

Later on, i contemplated leaving the house...going out to visit because i've been so utterly bored, totally missing interaction, feeling like a chump...but then the skies started to threaten, and the thought of waiting in the rain for a cab was...untenable, so there goes the plan...

And then the worst bit...was doing my leg stretches then i realised my skin was peeling, took me awhile to realise the the skin is now flabby because my muscle has atrophied & shrunk, and the skin is now peeling cuz of that...and putting both my legs together, it is really a sad sad sight...one muscular, normal leg, and the other...lifeless and toneless.

The doctor's review is on 28th Feb, then i'll know if the bone is healed enough, and if i can put any weight on it...but now til the 28th is a REALLY long time...i wonder what my leg muscles will atrophy til...it is a sad sad sight seeing your own body waste away...and have no way to change it...

And yeah...one really bad side effect? I'm starting to get cramps in those unused muscles, and the worst is that i can't ease the cramp because i can't really manipulate my foot, so i have to bear it or try to massage it our gently...all this just adds to the distress...sigh...='(

yeah...feeling abit down & sorry for myself today, i'm determined not to let it get me down, and i wanna fight back, and recover better, but for now, i've to surrender this...the bone has to heal, then i have to rehab to regain full range of motion, only then can we talk about regaining strength...so yeah...gonna be weak for some months yet...have to face that reality head on

It's almost a month already, so that's one month down! i'm finding ways to cope...come on now, dun wallow in despair...give it your best Rudy...long journey but you can do it!! look upwards...

I wish I could say things were normal & I'm doing wonderful, but though i think i've coped well this past few weeks, I do get my bad days too...today is truly one of those...God, help me deal with the pain and the cramps, the sleepless nights & painful ones, the lack of help and no more Isaac/Joy/Isaiah to play & laugh with...I think those were truly wonderful days of blessing...thank you Lord!

Please pray if you see this...there are bad days & today is really one of those...='|