troublesome...

*WARNING: this is a rambling, thinking post...*

Designated today as my retreat day for May...
And things are again...startlingly familiar...

I remember, last retreat day, i felt a gnawing in my soul, something i was not happy with, and I remember God used that to speak to me, and i blogged about it also.

Today, i feel another tug in my soul...
and this one...this question, it lingers...and comes up
again & again & again, in the most surprising forms...

I'm only writing this because the last incident was too...uncanny, too descriptive of the issue for me, so much so...that i need to process it...more...

I'm thinking...are we too..."grace-filled", too watered-down...
have we lost the sense of majesty & reverence we ought to have for God?
And in that light, have we also forgotten our divine call...
to be sons & daughters of the Most High God?

In our thoughts, words & actions, do we cheapen Grace,
or in our behaviour, are we settling for a lower standard than the God-honouring one?

I've always maintained certain core values, certain things i do not do...
and maybe because of that discipline, i recognise rules...and violations

Sometimes, that (rules, values etc) may seem legalistic, but since i know that,
i'm careful to balance that with Grace...& to ask God alot about it...

But now, i'm really troubled...
If we were to take a pulse of this generation and those of the past...
I think the american dream sums it up well...
& they have it written into their constitution...
that everyone has a right to...
"Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness"

Well...as a follower of Christ...i agree (in part) with it
Life - as found in Jesus, eternal, cleansed, redeemed forgiven,
Liberty - as in Freedom, from bondage, from sin, to live a FULL life
Happiness - I see this as the Joy of knowing Christ, and living in that abandonedness that comes from knowing Him, Loving and being Loved in a manner only possible in Christ.

But...nowadays...
"Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness"
seems to mean something more akin to the first part of the prodigal son story...

'Give me my inheritance, money, freedom, happiness. I want to live a carefree life (freedom?), living for the moment, enjoying the things i want to enjoy(happiness?), having everything now, and not worrying about tomorrow (liberty?)"

I disagree with everything of the above statement...because...none of that is of God, and all of it smacks of self...and maybe that's why it rubs me the wrong way. But hard though it may be to process, i think...that is in fact, the more obvious problem (and it's easier to spot)

There is a more insidious danger...
one that creeps in slowly, makes inroads in a manner that is more subtle,
causes questions but may seem so innocent that we dismiss it far too easily...

I shall make some general observations,
and this is not meant to...demean, devalue, or make a judgement,
it is just a general observation of the times...

I think that one of the prime values we hold dear in this modern age...
is the value of entertainment- of fun, laughter, comedy...
in a sense, it is the "pursuit of happiness"
The ancients called it by another name - hedonism...

I love to laugh, i enjoy comics and of course...comedy! =D
But in recent times, i've slowly developed a distaste for what we deem funny...
so much of "comedy" has become...racist, disrespectful, sexist, filled with sexual connotation and innuendo & some of it is downright insulting...what has happened to the days of clean jokes, witty lines and good, clean fun?

And because of this subtle compromise, there has been a spillover into our everyday languge...now, we see it also in what we laugh at with our friends, these are usually the crass jokes, profane language, intimations of a sexual nature, vulgar subtleties, or in place of witty comebacks, we allow people to demean/insult/put us down...and we laugh! Something just seems wrong in that...doesn't it? or is it just me?

Maybe...we TRY to laugh it off...but somethings cannot be laughed off, and some barbs actually DO hurt...but in trying to be nice, or not to appear weak, we either laugh it off, or find some way to say something even more insulting...and a downward spiral begins...Are we caught in this vicious cycle?

Every age has its pressures...and in this one, maybe sometimes, it is because we feel the need to be liked, to be funny, to be entertaining...that's why we say things we do not mean, something deceptive, some "white lies", or just total outright lies. Others can laugh it off because we love a laugh, or we enjoy the joker, the funny side of things, or we know the person...so we think...it's them, so it's alright...And yes, that's how it is most times right?

If we are able to dismiss things said, and to laugh them off...well, that's great and fabulous! However, if we find that things said are nonsense, or rubbish, absolutely crappy...then we also equate that with the individual who said it also right? And that means we think that the person is crappy (is that even a compliment? somehow we kinda think it is...?)...I do not think that being identified as crappy, or a nonsensical/rubbishy kinda person is any good at all, is that the kind of label that is valued now?...i think it lays the foundation for misunderstanding a person...and others are liable to thrash them too. That in the end sets up a self-defeating cycle, doesn't it?

Gosh, such long, rambly thots...all questions and no answers...yet

Today, the problem has laid hold of me and will not let go.
I think that we have a problem...a big problem...

In seeing God as a God of Love, (we don't say this...but we act it out...) we imagine Him to be more of a big, cuddly, funny God, someone who will always say "it's ok"...soothe our feelings and not make us feel uncomfortable...

But i think we have forgotten that God is a God of standards too...
He put in place a world where laws govern us...
In nature, the Law of gravity, the Law of thermodynamics...
In people, the desire for Justice, and relationships...
In morality, the need for right & wrong...

That law, that set of standards...they are STILL binding, they are STILL in effect...
and because they are...that's why God sent Jesus to die for us on the Cross...
to pay for that penalty of sin (giving us eternal life & true happiness), to redeem us (real freedom)...

I think that God is King, and we ought to have reverance...
He is a Father, and His discipline is also Love...
He walks closer than a brother, so...do we know Him well?

In our freedom, do we choose to return Honour to God,
or do we take that freedom lightly? and abuse it...
I always think that the job of a Christian is hard...
because we are called to be salt & light,
that means piercing the darkness,
and standing up for what is right...
sometimes...alone...
Have we forgotten the dreadful price that God paid?
BUT, on the flipside...when we do not compromise on the standards of God, when we live a life that honours Him, when we live lives of clarity and of His standards of Love, we are upholding something sacred, and that cutting edge shines through very obviously...I think that the people that we have looked up to, those who have lit the path for us to walk...they have always held on to the truths of God, rather than been swayed by their times...I hope that is true in this age too.

I'm in an uncompromising mood...i think that what was said recently is right...we ought to HATE...totally and utterly...HATE sin in the camp. We, as followers of Christ...ought to have an intolerance for sin, and we ought to be a barometer for the people around us. We have to recognise what grieves God, and we have to abhor it as much as He does...and not water it down or pretend that it's funny or unimportant.

So today...i have to articulate this...for myself firstly...
1) "White lies" are lies, just as "half-truths" are total lies...compromise in this, and it's a slippery slope to compromise everywhere else...
2) Will God be laughing at crass, improper, insulting jokes? I think not...so i'll try (no...try is too light...) i'll determine not to...
3) When i see excuses, irreverance, loose talk or actions dishonouring God, i commit to...pray first...and then move as the Holy Spirit prompts...be it to speak up then, or take it privately...(pls God grant me courage, boldness & discernment)
4) I need to be more sensitive to God's promptings...I think i've ignored the Holiness of God by making allowances...thinking i'm doing it because i Love people that way, or am showing them Grace, but today...i see that...by keeping quiet, i'm not doing anyone any favours.

God is Love, He is Truth, He is the Way & the Life...
and nobody comes to the Father except through Him.

On days like today...i remember why its the Narrow road...
I sway at times, but I determine to keep to it...
because True Life, Joy & Freedom is found there =)

Entitled to feel...

Gosh...sometimes it feels like...there is so much expected of those who follow Christ and abide in Him...

We are expected to be benevolent, loving, forgiving, slow to anger, quick to hold our tongue, always giving, never judging, filled with compassion, always understanding...the list could go on i'm sure...but we are just frail men & women, give us some slack lah uh, we are entitled to be who we are without people judging us either...

I say all this because today, i witnessed P losing his temper, and in my opinion, it was right and proper. After all, didn't the person strike another? Wasn't the tone used extremely harsh to P? the disrespect shown, and the walking away was really...it needed to be disciplined, and just a little shout...that was not totally terrible...please, cut the man some slack...understand the situation. P is human, and he wasn't in the wrong at all, yes, he is ENTITLED to have lost his temper then, he could have had more self-control...sure...but letting it out in that context was good (in my eyes at least...)

I recount that incident knowing that many times people have said that..."shouldn't we...", "how come you could...", and the tone that carries the words already holds an underlying presumption that we did something wrong...but i put it to you, could it be that we are just human? Maybe...what we need also is the same as what you need...understand us first, know our hearts, thereafter then say what you want to...because...who knows, by then, what you'd have wanted to say...may change, because you see our hearts...

I'm rambling, but i know this helps me...so...i'll ramble on

I live near St. Luke's, it's a nursing hospice (or more crudely, old folks home...)
Grandma was there when we needed a nurse for her...
and today...today, i was stuck by the bright lights & full carpark...
it's never like this any other day, or any other sunday...
And i suddenly had this intense realisation...
We say that ppl who put their parents in homes are pretty heartless,
and every parent hopes their child doesn't do this to them...
yet...when i saw St. Luke's, i had another thought...
Well...we may not put our parents/loved ones in a home...
but we DO shoehorn them into a box, and chuck them aside...
only to be used when WE need them...
like when we need money, or a ride, or some help...something
we do this without batting an eyelid...
it seems like some sort of right, the "privilege" of the young
I beg to differ..

Was Mother's day instituted to honour mums?
or was it because we have been so neglectful,
we need reminders to appreciate those closest to us?
Today...is Mother's day

Last one...
You told me once...i have a BIG heart for others...
Well...today i think...the bigger the heart, the bigger the target...
and sometimes i feel like a pin cushion...
absorbing many pricks with no way to stem the flood

"Oh Lord, how long?"
and He said..."My Grace is sufficient for you, for my Power is made perfect in weakness"
2 Cor 12:9

1.
The mission trip saga is over...
it ends with me trying my hardest to disciple 9 guys,
understanding that in our short and intense time together...
we had the best chance to grow together through shared shock and pain,
and as tough as it was, i think God's plan was great
We'll walk together a little more...

2.
I can't remm all that i've poured into each of your lives,
but you are all special to me...and i love you...
yet today, hearing what i heard was...unwelcome...
it felt like a million pin pricks, and i had to look away...
the tears welling up in my eyes, that hurt...
it was good that none of you were there to see it...
this is too sickeningly familiar...

3.
"I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul"
But Lord, i want to say...you've made the world and it's treasures beautiful, truly beautiful...

I need to set my eyes back again on the author of ALL of this,
because then i know the things i've not seen...
they must really, truly blow me away...

feeling everywhere...

Today...i'm caught up in the midst of having to scramble and make really fast yet wrenching decisions...

The situation in Thailand is not improving, violence is spreading...and because of that, my trip in a month is affected, and we have 3 options,

1) to change location
2) split the team
3) totally disband the trip...

On a random note...this is not the only region facing unrest, and it's opening up my eyes...gosh

I really hate having to break the news to them now, in the last week of their exams, as they are studying, and also because i know how much some of them really love Thailand...but there is no choice for me, if a decision isn't made soon, the ONLY outcome will be to completely scrap the trip...the results of a "non-decision" are too disastrous, i would rather we make a decision.

Yes, the easy thing is to scrap the trip, and i'm sure many people will choose to make the easy decision...however, there are many more things to consider. The decision to make the trip was one of faith, the challenge of raising support for the trip was also a faith step, now...a change in political situation is making everyone flustered, yet...it shouldn't be...

But for me, the bottom line is this...i think this is a crucial discipleship moment for me, and for the 9 guys on the trip...it tests us, where and what is our treasure? How far are we willing to go to obey God? What tests of faith are REAL tests of faith for us? To go (& where) or not to go is a minor question...how OBEDIENT we are, is the greater one.

My heart breaks for Thailand, i've shed some tears because i can sense some of the disappointment of our trippers, and also the staff over there, but i think my heart breaks more because deep inside, i feel that we should still be in Thailand...because isn't it in the greatest unrest that the hearts of people are most receptive to the gospel?

='(

reflections on retreat day...

I'm supposed to be on retreat today...and i am

However, i realised that i have a dissatisfaction in my soul,
something that is aching in me...and i need to get it out...

I realise that...i'm beginning to develop a dislike,
something i can't really describe...but something i rankle over

It's like this...
So many times we have this fascination with the NEW, the FRESH,
something that seems interesting because of the ingenuity of it,
someone who is the flavour of the moment because they look great or communicate well,
We look for the immediate "WOW", and ask to be "boomz'ed"...

But i get a sense of dissatisfaction & let down when i realise that it's nothing new...
that all i got was false marketing, a nice facade to creaky old insides...
the deception, sleight of hand, beautiful exterior...all hid a bankrupt inside

Casting Crowns wrote a song "Stained Glass Masquerade",
about how we look around and everyone seems so perfect...
yet that isn't true, we all are IMPERFECT,
YET...we all pretend and hide our hearts like everything is ok...
Hiding our insides, eventually kills us outside too...

I refuse to be a "happy, plastic person"...
If i have hurts, pains, and am about to fall apart,
i will say it, ask for prayer, cry for help, get support...
I would rather admit being weak in the first place,
rather than ask for help in picking up broken shards later...

So...for you who see my rawness, the times i ask for help, for prayer...
you're those i trust and love most, those whom i feel safe with...
and i hope that you feel safe with me in your everyday or your most hurting moments too...

I think that beauty doesn't really mean perfection,
weakness is a subtle, humble beauty when it is in loving hands...
think of a baby...under someone's loving, adoring gaze

Beauty is taking what we have and making something beautiful of it...

Mother Theresa had really gnarled and abused feet,but it was most beautiful

...because she wore them out loving the orphans of calcutta

Nelson Mandela seemed to have wasted his prime productive years in prison,

but he broke apartheid with his beautiful sacrifice

Steven Curtis Chapman writes beautiful songs to glorify God,

and the most beautiful ones emerged from the heartache of losing his beloved daughter

Times of retreat...help me to reflect, to draw out my inner man...
They help me to search deep within,
and identify the arenas that God is working on...
Today, i see the message clearly...
He started with me identifying a dissatisfaction...
and from there led me to a place when He is showing me truth...

Can you stand naked & unashamed before God & man?

Gilead

A place, a person, an experience...

Firm, sturdy, seemingly unshakeable...
yet fragile, cracked...a disaster waiting to happen

Witness the tragedy, feel the gravity,
caught up in a maelstorm,
still, peace is in its eye...

When disaster swirls, and foes lay await in ambush,
Questions arise, much more than answers provide,
but in the midst of adversity,
tranquility transcends...

Are there any quick fixes?
That is not the right question...

will you...allow the slow work to be done?

The hand that strikes, seems harsh,
but it is the hand that loves most, & hurts most,
and where on the one hand, Love strikes...
on the other hand, Help is extended...

I wonder what's your response?

Peace within...the storm will be stilled
For scraped knees & a battered soul...the Healer is near
Vicious taunts, mud-splotched garments...He will take them all
In the dock, or at the gallows, you have a redeemer
Love...He has NEVER left you.

you are loved...
all the way to the Cross

Place Your Life Before God - Romans 12 (The Message)

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you...

...If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

Romans 12 (The Message)

Thanksgiving

In case i forget...
Thank You Lord for welcoming me home with showers & thunder! =)
After 3 weeks without rain, it was somehow...wonderful to feel it =D

The clean streets, lack of honking, orderliness of out traffic,
it feels surreal that just 24hrs ago...i was dodging traffic,
sticking out my hand to slow cars down & hearing ceaseless honks!

I thank You Lord, that you made order out of disorder,
and that you're at work in the hearts of men the world over!
I'm thankful to have seen & participated in your work here & there,
catching sight of You and the open doors of men, that's truly awesome!

I'm thankful that i don't just feel like a worker in the field,
but i truly feel part of a family, Loved and being able to love back!
The true measure of your Love, came out throughout this 3 weeks...
and I'm glad for how you are the God of the "so much more"
and that you truly provide exceedingly, abundantly, more than we ever ask for!

I thank you that I have people to Love the whole world over,
and I thank you that we cannot Love God, if we do not Love man...
Thank You for people who are showing me Love so that i can Love better too!

Thank You for using Oliver, so young and so small...
I love the way he taught me the language...
and the way He hugged me tight that day...
and the best thing...
I loved the way he threw himself at me recklessly,
and then planted those kisses on my cheeks...
I wonder how much You want that from us to You God...
Thank You for Loving us, Loving Me...so much

Everything in my life has brought me here

I'm home...or am I, really?
Last year, i remember saying...
"The best part about going away, is coming home"
but this year...i'm wondering, where home really is...

Where I was...it was truly warm, friendly & loving,
people loved & expressed it truly...
whether it was in tears, kisses, hugs or touches...
at the airport, it was hard having to leave a 2nd time

And now, I'm home, but I'm remembering that this is not TRULY home...
when God really does call us home, that's where I think my heart will truly rest.
Now, i'm satisfied to be where I am...
learning to live each moment fully, wherever i am placed...

Don't get me wrong, I love where i was at for the past 3 weeks,
& I love the community I have here in Singapore too...
I miss people, love that i'll get to see them again...
But then again, i long for the greater reunion at the end of life's journey!

God, I think that you've really grown my heart these years...
learning to love...the people who are like me, people unlike me...all kinds
and really, i've seen how you've also deepened my heart to love...
Missing & loving are 2 sides of the same coin & i'm glad for the tension

I miss people, and I miss home,
I love people, and I love home,
And in it all Lord, I see the God-shaped vacuum,
I see how much I miss You, and that means, I Love You!

Awesome, AWESOME realisation! =D

What can separate us from the Love of Christ?

NOTHING...=D

Food poisoning...

Ok...i've reached a verdict...
the worst thing about food poisoning is...
when your stomach begins to cramp up...all the time

i felt like curling up on the floor and fainting earlier...
couldn't fathom why my stomach kept spasming...
gosh...this is really quite bad...

Please pray if you read this!
I need it...

HAHAHA!

Ok...i must have been dreaming...
Just used anti-bacterial handsoap to wash my bowl and spoon...

I think it's now the cleanest bowl & spoon in the whole house! HAHAHAHA!

Thoughts like a choo-choo train...

This has been an...interesting Chinese New Year for me...

Interesting cuz after just moving home, and adjusting, this whole time is the first major holiday and yes, hahah! It's not much of a holiday after all! After my own moving and unpacking, i've had to help with everything else in the household, but yeah...the heavy lifting is pretty much my primary responsibility! I feel like a pack mule...=P

Along the way, sure there will be friction and all, and i noticed something that i've really not taken note of in a LONG while. Mmmmm...I remember my sister telling me before that i've to remember not to take everything mum says seriously, and haha! I found that very funny advice initially...

But lately, i've begun to see the wisdom in that
I think uh...my mum REALLY thinks out loud...or rather, her thoughts just flow from her mouth and they have no filter at all, so it is a constant stream of info, and she likes to micro-manage, so...a simple instruction to clean the doors of the house & the gate, will turn into an instructional of "Clean from here to there...NO!...like this, not like that..." Then, if she wasn't there to see it done, she would ask again and make it sound like we always never do stuff...And sometimes, in the end, she ends up doing it all over again!! hmmmmmm...*shrugs*

I thought i bore the brunt of it until that night when she lost her temper at my sisters, and then i realised that...haiz...when my mum is like that...no one is safe from her fury.

Still...my sisters have developed a method to help them cope! I realised that in the car to Reunion Dinner. When mum was talking, everyone else was able to zone out, or just turn on their music & then give the appearance of listening! HAHA! That rather amused me, cuz i always thought that would be pretty rude so i never did that, but because of that...i would just have to listen to everything...hmmm...maybe having an ON/OFF switch like my sisters would be good sometimes...i'll contemplate that...=P

But yes, knowing all of these, just reminds me of the battle that i've come home to fight...this is my time of obedience and i know i will be severely tested! But i keep reminding myself that God gave me time away from home for a long time, so that i could learn & grow with Him, now...the setting is different (more challenging) but the battle is the same...I want very much to share the Love of Christ with my family, Grandma accepted Christ already, FSP also accepted already...both of those were in their last years of life, i hope that for Mum and this household, that will not be the case. I'm really learning lots God, and i'm applying lots too. But i know that's all i can do...so yes, God...please do your transforming work in the hearts of people, because much as i see i need it, i know that it's not just for me alone.

Let me be your messenger of Good News everywhere i go...especially at home.
I want a Reunion...but not just a Reunion Dinner every year...

I'm greedy...
I hope to see a Reunion, in heaven, for all eternity

Far more beautiful

Had afew tremendously invaluable chats today...
And they led me to reflect on my life and all that has been...

Some people are blessed to be born into abundance & plenty,
A place where blessings like love, care & concern, get showered upon in droves,
Others have to walk in barren places, where the slightest bit of moisture is cherished,
Where the sight of an oasis would bring Joy & glee beyond what mere words can muster.

WHAT you go through, helps you appreciate what you have (or don't have)
and HOW you go through it, determines your outlook in life

Upbringing and circumstances are just one factor in life...
the other (more important one i venture) is our reaction to situations

I saw something on Sharon's post...
"The bravest & most important things that we do...
will probably never be known to anyone else, but ourselves"

And today...i think i did the most important thing ever...
it's not the bravest, but it required the most of me...
In fact, it required...all of me...

And yes, i believe that there are certain points in life,
that God brings us to, and at those crucial crossroads,
what we do (or don't do) are life-changing events.

I did it...today
Though it seems far from beautiful,
and though i wish there was an explosion of Joy,
yet...i'm left with something else...
But i know the feeling, and i know, it will pass...
The moulding, shaping & firing, those are uncomfortable...
but in the hands of the master I trust...
and when He deems me ready...
I will be far more beautiful that i could ever dream of at this moment

"Far more beautiful, more precious than the oil..."

This frail alabaster jar is ready to be poured out at the Master's call...

Alabaster Jar

This song says more in less than i can manage right now...

Loss...why i study it...

Maria Chapman, the daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman, awesome Christian song writer...was killed in a tragic car accident 18mths ago...when his son accidentally knocked her down in the driveway of their home...it was a horrific family tragedy...and this is abit of their journey through pain...



This stirred my heart & emotions so much...and now...18 months later, i cannot help but wonder, how are they doing, and yes, knowing Steven Curtis Chapman, he will turn to God & it will find expression in his songwriting, and yes, i saw & heard this achingly beautiful song, full of hope, full of love, full of passionate desire...and so totally turning pain into something that honours God!

I love the part..."Heaven is a sweet maple syrup kiss...and all the other things i'll miss..." This is the stuff that signifies hope, strength & an innate trust in God, built through trials...it is a firm and unshakeable faith...one that is hardly seen, but a Joy to behold when apprehended!



Loss & Pain is NEVER easy to take, but within it...in the mysterious workings that God allows to happen, and then orchestrates for His purposes...within it, i see the Gold & Silver, the refinement pure as can be...a faith that radiates, In His hands is the best place to be, never forget that...

And lest we forget...God lost His Son first...and He did it in order to redeem us...wow...

Hmmm...rambling on at 1am...

Wanted to sleep...but find myself unable to...
So many things and thoughts on my mind tonight,
None of them any real bother on their own, yet taken together,
they point to something particularly peculiar...

And now...i'm wondering of other things too...

I've always wondered what the prophets of old made of God's voice,
like...why did he give funny instructions? Like lie on this side for X days,
then turn over and lie on the other side for Y days? (Read Jeremiah)

Then...how could he ask Hosea to marry Gomer (a harlot...or prostitute in our day)
and he asked his ppl to march round a city for 7 days...& 7 times on the 7th day...
and then...the walls fell down!?!?!? WHAT?!?!?! Mind boggling...

Is it any wonder that following God demands a step of faith?
And oftentimes...many steps...because it is a Journey of Faith...
Faith trumps fear any day, yet, the reality of Faith demands...a step...
I know in whom i have believed, and i believe that He is able...He's Able

Life is not scary, it is a certainty...as long as you know WHO holds it...
I've got my eyes set and ready to follow, yet...also...i see the many things i love,
the things i wish i had, and sometimes i want them now...(selfish me...)
then i remember...be patient...be patient...i have the whole of eternity to do all of that...
but i only have this one life to live, and my days are numbered...

I do what I do because I believe in God, and love Him...
and i've this life to live, not just for myself anymore,
but I live to show what Love means and to point to that in eternity,
my pleasures now cannot compare to the time to come where tears are no more,

I acknowledge i have loves...
photography, cameras, colours, loft houses, wide & wild expanses,
music, words, i admire beauty for sure, guitars, simplicity, and none of this is "bad"...
yet none compares to what is promised in eternity...
and yes...i can wait...

Good things come to those who wait...
I can delay this gratification, because i know they are fleeting for now,
and yes, just a foretaste of what is to come =)
For that, i'm thankful!

It's BURNINGGGGGGGG!!!

*cough cough cough!*
I'm hacking like an old man again...

And yes, it's cuz of the haze & the 7th month incense...
Ok...incense is mild...it's like...a chimney
or rather as Sher tweeted it...an incinerator!!!

Gosh! It was really bad as i was walking just now,
wanted to run but couldn't because as far as i could see,
people were burning along the whole length of the HBD blocks,
and yes, i reasoned that if i ran,
i'd probably just pant harder & breath in more bad air...

Stepping into the house wasn't much better,
the smoke had entered the house and couldn't escape...
I just closed my room door, swung the fan to blow the fumes out,
and then re-entered later on...that helped...thankfully!

anyways...i'm just home to drop my stuff,
hopefully i can go hide out at some aircon place,
and then that would prob be the best air i can get tonight!

Sometimes i wonder, what would happen if childhood asthma,
or bronchitis erupted again...that would be terrible...
I'm gonna try to evade this, cuz my lungs are susceptible to haze...
But yes, i see the silver lining...

Thank You God for the rain!
I totally appreciate it clearing up the air!!
You're awesome Lord! =)

stuck in 2 minds...

Thanks Minyi for the tip! =)
It works! But now i have a dilemma! HAHA! =P

When i couldn't get blogger to work,
I went to set up an experimental account with wordpress,
and now, as i look at the way it's formatted and all,
i sorta prefer that now...cuz of the simple format,
yet how it also looks like a magazine! =P

So...looks like i'll just confuse everyone and myself,
and just blog on both sites...hahhaha!
At whatever suits my mood then =P

but yes, i'm thinking, more magaziney stuff will prob be at wordpress
then here...well...randoms and all! HAHA!

From the mind of a confused person...
and oh...i shouldn't be blogging, this is lunch/work time!

So...if interested...the address is rudydavid.wordpress.com
No tagboard there, so just leave comments if you wanna
No one really tags me anyway! HAHA!

churning...

My stomach is rolling like a washing machine...
giving me the weirdest and most uncomfortable sensations...

And...I wish blogger were less buggy...
cuz i can't post pics eventhough i want to...

Well...not going to complain,
today, i got more sleep than i had most of last week
so yes, that is a great thing!

There is a silver lining in everything!
Thank You!

Thank you Teacher

In ancient times, “Teacher” was a term of respect...
a figure of awe, a person who was endeared to the people...
Nowadays, “‘Cher” is pushed around,
suffering a certain marked disrespect...

And those are teachers who have a title!
who hold the job description, and work in a school.

And then...there are the teachers who teach daily,
parents, elders, people who care, leaders...
these “teachers” without the title...
who ever remembers them?

Putting up with the rancour of disdain,
the bitterness of deeds going unappreciated,
the pain of love given out, and being trampled upon,
the million tiny cuts of ungratefulness
the pure hatred of people who misunderstand...
the putrid stench of a life living in active rebellion

Does anyone care anymore?
Maybe because they do not...
that’s why we have such days...
it’s not a mere holiday,
it is a celebration...
and I want to celebrate...

I celebrate the lives of the faithful men & women before me,
those who have lit the path ahead clearly...
who tolerated my rebellion, yet who spoke to me in love,
those who guided me with a gentleness I did not deserve,
those who corrected me firmly because I needed it,
I want you to know I appreciate you,
I love you, and because of each of you,
I’ve chosen the path i’m on...
One of honouring God who made me,
Living my life in service to others, just like you all did.

My mentors, you are teachers who believed in me, poured into my life,
gave me a place to find myself, so I could crucify who I wasn’t.
I thank you, and I LOVE you more than words can say...
This side of heaven, I cannot thank you enough,
but my greatest gift back to you, and my greatest celebration of you...
will be that...i will be one of the horde of people lining the way...
patting you on the back, thanking you for bringing me into the Kingdom,
I will be your guard of honour, testifying of your faithfulness,
as you meet with the King of Kings so that He might reward you!
You are invaluable to me! Treasured greatly!

Thank you Jun Choi, Gary, EK, Les & Wen, CY & Robin,
You’ve sowed intentionally into my life through its various seasons,
Your lives give praise to God and I thank you for your faithfulness.
You are people who exemplify Christ, yr example has blessed me,
and your faithful witness brings glory to God!

Thank you all! I’m proud to call you my Teachers.