Sunday, May 09, 2010

Entitled to feel...

Gosh...sometimes it feels like...there is so much expected of those who follow Christ and abide in Him...

We are expected to be benevolent, loving, forgiving, slow to anger, quick to hold our tongue, always giving, never judging, filled with compassion, always understanding...the list could go on i'm sure...but we are just frail men & women, give us some slack lah uh, we are entitled to be who we are without people judging us either...

I say all this because today, i witnessed P losing his temper, and in my opinion, it was right and proper. After all, didn't the person strike another? Wasn't the tone used extremely harsh to P? the disrespect shown, and the walking away was really...it needed to be disciplined, and just a little shout...that was not totally terrible...please, cut the man some slack...understand the situation. P is human, and he wasn't in the wrong at all, yes, he is ENTITLED to have lost his temper then, he could have had more self-control...sure...but letting it out in that context was good (in my eyes at least...)

I recount that incident knowing that many times people have said that..."shouldn't we...", "how come you could...", and the tone that carries the words already holds an underlying presumption that we did something wrong...but i put it to you, could it be that we are just human? Maybe...what we need also is the same as what you need...understand us first, know our hearts, thereafter then say what you want to...because...who knows, by then, what you'd have wanted to say...may change, because you see our hearts...

I'm rambling, but i know this helps me...so...i'll ramble on

I live near St. Luke's, it's a nursing hospice (or more crudely, old folks home...)
Grandma was there when we needed a nurse for her...
and today...today, i was stuck by the bright lights & full carpark...
it's never like this any other day, or any other sunday...
And i suddenly had this intense realisation...
We say that ppl who put their parents in homes are pretty heartless,
and every parent hopes their child doesn't do this to them...
yet...when i saw St. Luke's, i had another thought...
Well...we may not put our parents/loved ones in a home...
but we DO shoehorn them into a box, and chuck them aside...
only to be used when WE need them...
like when we need money, or a ride, or some help...something
we do this without batting an eyelid...
it seems like some sort of right, the "privilege" of the young
I beg to differ..

Was Mother's day instituted to honour mums?
or was it because we have been so neglectful,
we need reminders to appreciate those closest to us?
Today...is Mother's day

Last one...
You told me once...i have a BIG heart for others...
Well...today i think...the bigger the heart, the bigger the target...
and sometimes i feel like a pin cushion...
absorbing many pricks with no way to stem the flood

"Oh Lord, how long?"
and He said..."My Grace is sufficient for you, for my Power is made perfect in weakness"
2 Cor 12:9

1.
The mission trip saga is over...
it ends with me trying my hardest to disciple 9 guys,
understanding that in our short and intense time together...
we had the best chance to grow together through shared shock and pain,
and as tough as it was, i think God's plan was great
We'll walk together a little more...

2.
I can't remm all that i've poured into each of your lives,
but you are all special to me...and i love you...
yet today, hearing what i heard was...unwelcome...
it felt like a million pin pricks, and i had to look away...
the tears welling up in my eyes, that hurt...
it was good that none of you were there to see it...
this is too sickeningly familiar...

3.
"I don't want to gain the whole world and lose my soul"
But Lord, i want to say...you've made the world and it's treasures beautiful, truly beautiful...

I need to set my eyes back again on the author of ALL of this,
because then i know the things i've not seen...
they must really, truly blow me away...

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