bad days...

of all the days in the world, today turns out to be one of the worst...

Started with the discovery of duplicity, deceit & deception,
triple whammy of utter badness...

Continued when that time which held so much promise,
turned out to be an unexpectedly demoralising and painful...

And maybe cuz of all that, began to feel a pincer of pain in my chest,
what started as just an ache turned into an almost tangible pain & weight,
Culminating with the heavy headedness of a monstrous headache upon leaving campus...

Now, in thinking and looking back...
I can release everything and give it back to God...
But the starting point is still tender & painful...
so much so...that i need to articulate it to help myself out...

Why? Why...WHY?
Why did you have to deceive me this way?
I can't even tell if the pain was from the initial duplicity,
or did it come from the resulting cover up...

The "acting-as-if-nothing-happened"was sickeningly familiar,
in fact, i guess i remembered it...but i wished it weren't real
no wonder there was that bad taste in my mouth...
I recognised it at the time, even though i could not pinpoint it.

And the thing that puzzles me...
weren't you the one who mentioned & protested,
against the way people were treating people?
Yet you're the one doing it now...

Even if you were never to say it...
I sense it, feel it & can even taste it...
and honestly, it's bitter & sour...
but that doesn't even match up to the pain i feel...
my individual pain...
and the pain that i feel on your behalf...

few things, and few days are like this...
curled up, fetal, almost wishing it were all a dream,
maybe a 12hr sleep will give me strength to face tmr...
maybe...