The Joys of the Unenviable position...

Ever been stuck in an unenviable spot?
Caught in the middle...
Stuck between a rock & a hard place, in other words?

Life is seldom clearer, more vivid than in such moments.
As fast as your mind is racing and searching for the answers,
the reality of being stuck and unable to move just grinds on you...(pun not intended)

Maybe...the way to escape is to fall apart?
or maybe it is surrender? Crazily...the thoughts run...
and the actions soon follow...

...hurting others...
Why hurt the ones who are trying to help?
Why the lashing out despite the help rendered?

...manipulating with words & actions...
Why grasp at straws or at the wind?
Why the games?

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time. (T.S.Eliot)

If you lost everything you ever hoped for or loved...

would you still Love Me?

If possessing nothing is the blessing i have for you...

would you accept it?

If the way out of the hard place is a painful one...

would you still follow?

When you know the answer...you will know where your heart is.

"When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."
Isaiah 43:2

...to arrive where we started...

and know the place for the first time...

See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come.
(Song 2:11-12)

The heavens are vast,
the blessings; abundant,
the Love; endless
Even if you do not see it now,
it is there, and it is evident.

Be Still & Know...that I AM God.

Rudy's note:
I'm in the place of clarity,
of amazement,
No...i'm not morose or sad,
just wanted to pen this down
since the words and
the poetical expression came
so easily & so suddenly

spent...

Wow...was just talking to Donovan and i suddenly realised what a mad day today was...

I woke at 5.45am to go for men's breakfast at 7am CEFC, was a good time and a much needed re-centering morning. Then rushed down to church, did some admin & materials work before our epic Liveline meeting from 10.30am-1.45pm...stunner....

The short 15 mins devotional with WT & the worship team was a recharge! =) and lunch was relaxed & good. Talk thereafter was pretty good too. Though my throat was really going and i hope i still made sense after rambling so long! Sorry...if i became incoherent towards the end!

Then it was Youth at 4pm...and the talk by Esther & Kelvin was really good. I second what Jeff said, it is something much needed and it is the right time to have such a talk! =) Worship brought me to my knees...i can't describe why...and the whole talk, the Worldwide Day of Prayer pics with "Indescribable" playing, and then the closing worship and then playing "Beautiful Saviour"...the whole thing just spoke to me and brought back a whole flood of memories, sensations, and a whole sense of God's awesome plan...how surrenderedness, brokenness were the things that i never wanted...yet they have been the instruments that brought me deeper into the presence of the One i Love the most...

Took some time to disappear thereafter and spend some intimate moments with God. And there i did what i can only do in His presence, and i left that time with such a burden lifted.

Knowing...just knowing...
not knowing EXACTLY what i know,
but just leaving with a sense that i KNOW...
I KNOW WHO holds tmr, and in Him I believe...
That's all i need to know....

Then was dinner for Marshall's birthday...the terminator and I are gonna be on similar adventures...he's flying for training tmr...i'm gone this week...he returns 26th, i'm back 27th...haahhahah!

Tonight was a nite of many other adventures...best left for God to hold in His BIG Hands.
I only know that when i left with Debs, and had that chat...that was when the whole sense of what a long day today has been, REALLY sunk in.

I realise that Love really pays a price...it takes a whole heart, and it demands the willingness to give & to risk all. I thank God for that on the cross, and i see that it is because of that that i can love in part like my Lord. It is a Joy, and yet it still takes such a toll sometimes. Love that truly Loves is not just a feeling, it is the strength of courageous action, the will to enforce much needed discipline, the quiet confidence of faith, the surrender of worry & something strikingly unselfish to the core.

Lord,
Take my 5 loaves & 2 fishes...
do with them what you will...
I surrender

It's a privilege to see the little we have,
yet how You feed them all...

I trust in You,
use this life, take and do with me what you will,
there's no greater desire than that of seeing You...
high & lifted up, taking that place of Honour.

All of today...
All of my tomorrows...
All my life...
Yours.

Utter ramblings!

Been a long time since the last post! OOoops! =P

Been busy with back-to-back retreats & planning days, and trying very hard to finish what work i can clear before i head for my reservist training. There have been many thoughts bouncing around in my head...many things that i'm quite consciously pondering...

My fitness goal is to finish a marathon this year...i'm on the way there, running the Sundown marathon May 31st with Ah Seng & Donovan, the tricky thing is that with reservist right smack in May, i have to taper off earlier than i would have liked...and i have to really take care of my diet and body during that stressful period...hmmmms....not ideal...but ok, let's see how it goes!

One other thought bouncing around in my head...the saying that

"You're not a leader, if you have no followers"
or in some other forms...
"You can't lead if no one follows"

I think i instinctively rebelled against that saying when i first heard it, and i've been gradually looking into it more. Looking at biblical examples, looking at secular examples, testing the validity of such a sweeping statement.

My thoughts on this...
True leaders have always marched to the beat of a different drum. It is not that they are different for the sake of being different, nor are they non-conformists. Instead, they are driven by another motivation, their sights set on a goal so far in front, they do not have time to look back to see if anyone is following...the greatest leaders NEVER bothered if anyone is following them. They just led by example, they were driven by a vision, a goal, an aim...that's what made them good leaders. If they had been people pandering to the followers wants, they would have been people pleasers more than leaders.

King David...was a leader way before he became king,
...he fought Goliath when the armies of Israel were too afraid to

...despite knowing that he would be king, David spent years running & hiding, refusing to usurp the throne, refusing to kill to take the throne, did he do it cuz people were following him? no...they were the ones encouraging him to kill the king! He refused to lift a finger against God's annointed because David knew the heart of God. That was his motivation.

Jesus...was He a popular leader? No...not at all, he endured persecution, the in-fighting of his disciples wanting the place of honour next to Him, many times he fought against the unbelief of His disciples too. He led by praying & praying & praying...yet many of these times were lonely ones, the disciples failed to even keep awake when they were supposed to be praying & keeping watch in Gethsamane. (just like those of us who fall asleep in crucial moments in time...) For 30 years, no one followed Him, they only came when He called them...

Look at most revolutionary business leaders...many led the way from the front, they were alone for the most part. Followers only came alongside when the person was successful or had results. I think in that way...we are extremely practical people.

But...my thoughts on these right now are that...
the best leaders never bother if there are others following...by virtue of setting their sights on a goal and driving towards it, they are focussed in on that rather than bothering if people follow. That is an unimportant question. They instinctively know that when the vision is caught, the goals accomplished, there are other byproducts that will happen.

What strikes me most is how God moulds people thru such a process...
Dietrich Bonhoeffer said this..."One act of obedience is better than one hundred sermons"
I believe & see this truism everywhere. So many times, we already know what is right, what is good, what "should be done", but many times we refuse to do it, we ignore, we desire to indulge more than to obey. Obedience isn't easy, but it builds character, faith, and a resolute trust in God even when things get messy (and they always do...) Obedience is a fruit that is tested in trials. Then it shows forth what is within us...

We're imperfect creatures entrusted with a sense of divinity,
and the chance to shine for His Glory.
Let's do it better each time...=)

Wow...such a long, incoherent ramble...hahahhahaha!

Long Run

Did a measured long run yesterday, and yes, very happy! =)

Cuz the run on Sunday was just abt 3.5km & at a leisurely pace, i felt unsatisfied and since i was back early, decided to go for a long run yesterday (Mon). Dropped some smses to see if anyone wanted to join me halfway or something, and even my most enthu long run partner (Linus) wasn't in Singapore so yeah...decided to go it alone! Eventhough it may get lonely! hahahah!


Set some goals for the run, i wanted to do more than 10km, try to maintain a pace of 5min/Km, and get in a 1 hour run! =) Yeah...and i started crazy, running up the hill to Kev's place! Madness, never knew how steep it was! HAHAHAHA! Apparently i ran past Kev at KAP bus-stop, but cuz it was drizzling, and i was concentrating on maintaining my cadence, i didn't even look up! Sorry Kev! ahhahaha!

Anyways, very happy with myself, did
12.04km in (more than 10km - CHECK!)
1:00:25 (1 hr 25 secs) [more than 1 hour run - CHECK!]
@ an average pace of 5'01''/Km (Average pace - 1 sec off, not bad at all!)

I feel accomplished! =)

It was a good time running, fantastic to clarify my thoughts, pushing myself to maintain a constant pace, and just relax. Didn't get a runner's high and neither did i bonk, it was just regular (some would say boring) but i like that feeling, it's like being "in the zone" no additional effort, no undue stress, just rhythmic and wonderful. I wonder why no one really talks about the beauty of maintaining a constancy like that? I mean, even in music and so many other things in life, the beautiful can only emerge when there is a solid baseline of constancy. That is why timing (time signature) is so important, then the other instruments can flourish. Wanna harmonise, you need a melody line...yeah...so...hmmm...good thoughts.

I think i'm pretty much like that, i wanna build that constancy first (always, in all things) and then when i get comfortable, then all the creativity & beauty kicks in. I've had so much contact with talented & creative people who wasted what they have because they lack the discipline to bring their thoughts to bear in a consistent manner, or they run wild with their thoughts and hurt others around them...that's sad...

Audience of One

'Having the same primary motivation at work as i have in the rest of my life - the desire to please, love, honour, obey and represent God to the best of my ability - also makes many of my professional decisions a lot less nerve-racking.

If i only have to please God, i can let a lot of other anxieties go. For example, i don't waste a lot of emotional energy worrying,

"What does this colleague or that boss think? What does he or she expect of me?
How is that group going to react? What do these people want?"

It's a lot easier to perform for the audience of One."

"Take the Risk" - Ben Carson

I like what Dr Ben Carson said, he has helped me articulate the life of simplicity that i try to live. I find it very difficult to work towards multiple goals or manage multiple expectations, and in recent years, i've really discovered what "single-mindedness" really means.

And yeah...in that, i realise that the simplicity in homing in to the goal means just one thing. And it is..."Living for the audience of One" Everything i do can be checked back with that, and it helps me in prioritising, setting goals, changing plans (yes, plans do change!), being flexible in thinking, not taking offence, addressing core issues not symptoms...i enjoy the clarity of thought now, that enables me to say with much verve and assurance still...

"you know....i really have no answers to that..."

I think that simple acknowledgement really opens the doors to God to work. When we realise the complexity of life, and how we will NEVER have ALL the answers, that is when God and His Glory takes center stage, as we begin to acknowledge that we could never have done any of that, it must have been God! WOAH! What a privilege to stand and watch the Master at work! =)

I'm beginning to enjoy that feeling lots now! =)
I suspect that this is what a quiet and confident trust really feels like! =)

Still waiting on you, Lord.

When I can't see Your hands,
i still trust Your heart. =)

Lai Hock

Wow...God, where oh where are you leading me? =)
Today was interesting to the max...and so in-line with all you're doing these days, Lord!

Today was the 2nd time that i had an interesting encounter in the church social hall!
It was just divine that i was where i was, after finishing my chat.

And in walked Lai Hock...

He wasn't much to look at...
A 48 year old man, typically dressed, not too sure of his way,
He wanted the church office but it was closed,
& i'm so glad that we still managed to sit down to talk.

Janell & I were just talking previous to this,
and she mentioned that if it were up to her,
toilet cleaners, and rubbish men would be paid the most,
cuz they do the work that no one else wants to!

And here...in walked Lai Hock,
I've never seen someone positively "glow"
when talking about his 3 day old job,
and showing off his cleaner's uniform...
I saw it...it said, "Professional Cleaning Services"
Was it framed in gold or fancy? No...
but it gave someone his sense of identity.

After 7 months out of a job,
He finally got one, and near his place too
And the thing he most wanted to do...
was to come to church to give thanks to God. Wow...

The backstory that he had,
about being in & out of prison,
serving multiple terms...
being converted in a halfway house.
Always having to struggle with alcohol (even now...)
yet clinging to God. Amazing...

He does not have much...
Months without work...
No handphone...
Bills to pay, on medical treatment still,
and yet, he had just come from helping someone else out...
Someone who had little, just gave of himself, his time...to someone else...
Just rummaging his wallet for the bus ride left him with precious little...
it reminded me so much of the widow and her two mites...
giving all...

It's not what's in our hands, but what's in our hearts that counts

His servant heart...
the Joy of finding a job...
the simplicity he displayed...
the way he asked me to "just keep me in prayer..."
they left in me an indelible impression...
Gosh...i'm amazed at you Lord Jesus.
There is so much more to learn,
more miracles to experience.

I had just shared with Fay,
in ministry, my greatest encouragement is seeing God at work.
And today, i think had a true, genuine New Testament encounter...
I think God knows my heart...and He sent me an angel in Lai Hock,
to encourage, to spur, to just show me what it REALLY means...
I certainly have more than two mites...
I truly am learning how to give of myself more...
give til it hurts, and then give somemore,
watch God show up...

Life has been so interesting lately...
My last post was about blessing those who can't bless us back,
and once again, today it happened! Gosh...
Lord, you're amazing!
And this time, in the interaction, I was the one...poor in spirit...
who was significantly blessed, if only cuz i see how God...
How You TRANSFORM lives! You really, totally, and amazingly do it daily!!

God, you send the most interesting people to bless our lives.
And we're never the same again!

I hope i see you again Lai Hock.

Blessings

Had a moment today that made me go... =|
Like i really did not know whether to be sad onot.

I'm not the most unselfish of people lah,
i wun call myself generous,
i definitely know tons of people more generous,
more giving, more loving than me...

But today...it made me go... =|
Maybe cuz i suddenly saw how dark people can be...
or is it just me?

Do we sometimes choose who we can bless?
And is the choosing based on...
If i give this person this, if i do this person a favour,
is it in hope of getting something in return?
Maybe this person has the capacity to "bless" me in future!
effectively...putting the other person in our debt?

I take what Jesus said & did really seriously,
and i know that He said to love those who can't love us back,
to bless those who can't bless us back.
& i've truly found the Joy in doing that. =)

But being faced with such a harsh reality,
to see that this is really counter-cultural,
makes me sad...cuz it shouldn't be the way it is...
We really have such abundance...
how could we DARE ask for more
when we dun even bless with what we have now!?
GOSH!

So yes, i will bless others,
no matter how much or how little i have, i will...
I will be who God made me to be...unapologetically
& i hope Christ will be shown in that pale reflection tt i try to be.

Little or much is not seen in what we have in our hands...
It is seen in how much we have, in our hearts.

Thank you Lord for gifts...for blessings,
for those who light the way so clearly

Two precious birthdays,
27th & 28th
Two special guys...
i see God's hand on you.

Thank you for teaching me more about Love
than i could properly express in words or deed.
May you continue to grow more & more in Christ-Likeness!

You are blessings, beloved of the Lord, and i'm glad you're my brothers.

Created for eternity

Do you have a sense of destiny?
That maybe you were created for eternity?
that all these petty struggles; wasted emotions?
are hidden markers that mark the way back, where we came from

It feels just like home,
back to the place i belong
a transformation of me
to who i'm supposed to be.

Whoever said this would be easy,
they missed the struggling me...
But now in this process,
i'm beginning to see...

When my heart aches for You,
when my mind runs rings in me,
and the tears begin to fall freely...
that's...that's when it feels just like home

Because this world was never home,
and that's why it doesn't satisfy...
i'd rather be a doorkeeper in Your house,
than have an island in this world.

I'm created for eternity,
and that's where i'm longing to be,
but Home...Home just has to wait,
for now i know...I'm here for a reason, and a season...

Who I am, who i'm meant to be,
it starts now, and continues forever,
who i'm entrusted to love, will continue til then too,
i'd rather it end in Joy rather than heartache then.

So...now i glimpse what it meant for you Lord,
when you spent those 33 years as one of us,
what amazing Love, to endure 3 days of darkness,
to win a victory we never could ourselves...

But really...the sweetest was the journey home
the job done, the season finished...
bringing those You love,
back to the Home that You love...

Thank You for Easter, the cross,
those nails in your hand, your Love, Jesus.
That is why i do what i do...
I'm created and marked for eternity
~rudy~

Focussed on the goal

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made.
But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus.

I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."
Phil 3:12-14 (Message)

All or nothing...

Lord, Your Name,
is higher than hope
higher than dreams...
The Name of the Lord

Surrendered...
once again...

Songs say it better

I'll walk with you
wherever you go
through tears and joy
I'll trust in you

And I will live
in all of your ways and
your promises forever

Jesus I believe in you
Jesus I belong to you
You're the reason that I live
the reason that I sing
with all I am

Into your hands
I commit again
with all I am
for you Lord

You hold my world
in the palm of your hand
and I'm yours forever

Lord Your name
Is higher than the heavens

Lord Your name
Is higher than all created things

Higher than hope
Higher than dreams
The name of the Lord

I will seek Your face
Call upon Your name Jesus
All I want is You,
Jesus

I WILL worship, I will worship YOU forever!

QT...ritual or relationship?

D.L. Moody was once asked why he needs to be continually filled with the holy spirit...

His answer: "I leak."

This is real & so true, i leak, we all leak...it's whether we know it,
whether we feel it, whether we acknowledge it.

“The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
~ Brennan Manning

"We are not human beings living a spiritual existence,
we are spiritual beings living a human existence."

Let's live this life well...=)
What blessedness it is, being able to have a relationship with God!

3 day partial media fast

Had a really good session today...
Chip Ingram said something that really resonated in me, and i'm going on a 3 day partial media fast. And in that time, it's just gonna be an intense time seeking God for the things of Him.

Abide, abide, abide...the easiest thing to do (in some sense) but also the hardest in reality.

Bye distractions, hello High Quality Time (H-QT) with Dad! =)

reallyyyyyy looking forward to this interlude in the middle of a busy season! =)

Leap year

I just looked at my watch,
it tells me that it's the 1st of March 2008,

my watch doesn't recognise Leap Year...

But I do...

Words are not enough to adequately describe what i feel...

Character

Godly Character is not the sum of many disparate attributes. It is the single quality of Christlikeness.

Tenderheartedness is not the same as faintheartedness. True kindness is actually a gracious strength. It presupposes a steadfast tenacity that sees a relationship through trials and hardship.
Self-control also involves the mind. If your thought life is not under control, evil thinking will quickly rob you of spiritual victory, and eventually ruin your life.

Real Joy is profound even when our circumstances are most difficult to bear. It is not a shallow, giddy, FLEETING sort of glee, but a deep-down, abiding sense of well-being that stems from the satisfaction of knowing God.

stunned...

After the lousy run on Sunday, i decided to haul my lazy butt out for a run tonight...part reward, part needing a run, part wanting a good sweat, part spending time with God! =)

And Dad just totally stunned me...
I was a third into my 5km run...and just breaking into a nice sweat, when i spotted a group of people standing and very animated on the canal pathway. I thought i had just stumbled on a gangfight or something, and i contemplated turning around. But upon taking out my earphones, the FIRST word i heard was "HALLELUJAH!"...it totally caused my mouth to drop! Here i was 10plus pm at night, witness to a canalside prayer meeting by indian nationals...a tremendously loud and passionate prayer meeting! They were gesturing, praying aloud (in their native language) and when i passed by, i saw that everyone had a songsheet and songbook! These people had planned this meeting well!

I was so amazed at the sight that i was just marveling with God as i continued running along, and my mind was really going wild! It's like...wow...i know that i pray for these workers and for their homeland, and it is amazing for me to see a sight like this, and to imagine them lifting up prayers for us too...for their employers, for the people around them, maybe even for my safety as i run along the canal at nite! Gosh...my mind was filled with such awe! And yeah...i decided that if they were finished as i ran back, i would say "hi!", and yeah...i was kinda looking forward to it (tho trembling about the unexpected also!) and as i came back past them 15 mins later...Dad just amazed me even more...not only were they NOT finished, they had hardly quietened down! In fact, i think that they were even more animated, some prostrate, some crying, hands lifted up, and more "Hallelujahs" than words i didn't recognise! WOW!

Talk about fervency, passion and desire. I found it on a sidewalk, amongst people i never expected to see, in the dead of night. I'm humbled and totally struck by how blessed i am to have witnessed that sight. Thank you Dad.

dementia

Phew...a week of illness (flu and sore throat) set against the backdrop of a frenzy of frenetic action. =) hahahha!

ANYWAYS...cheem language...seems so unlike me...but yeah...i need to flic flac some... I realise that i've allowed all of my creativity to rot and waste away...hence...the title of this post.

In the name of reaching the masses and making difficult concepts easy, i've constantly striven to hammer home a point by sharpening my prose by using fewer words, & those that are easier to grasp. But yes, while i realise that there is much beauty in simplicity, sometimes, objects of beauty can only be described by unique means. I'll leave that obtuse and undefined...after all, who can define true beauty adequately?

Been loving my creative projects of late...the posters, the videos, the teaser, the magazine, the articles, i think i feel most comfortable when i have that space and time to create and craft something clear, concise, poignant, something that strikes on several levels, and simultaneously appeals to multiple senses. I like the feeling that everything is rolling along well, feels like something amazing is going to be churned out...=P

It was a marvelous week...saturated the campus with 24.2K of magazines! AMAZING!
While i know that i should feel the victorious exhilaration of a job well done, at the back of my mind, i can't shake the feeling that saturation is just the sowing part...

We have spread the seed out far and wide, now it is God's job to cause it to grow...and yeah...we still have the mandate to go out and harvest. That is the challenge ahead! So...even as we look forward...my thots are on the events that are happening, this week, next week, the month ahead, the year going forward. Has our preparation been enough? Did our pre-e focus help to set the stage? Did the skills we imparted in conversational E come into play? How can we better learn from out mistakes? How can we encourage and build people who are not concerned just to wait for opportunities, but are people who actively seek out and create opportunities to present the gospel...

So many things that might be debilitating thots in other circumstances...BUT i feel an awesome sense of peace and of wonder! =) I feel just like a child, waiting for Daddy to spring a surprise, to come up with something unexpected! =) Why? Cuz He ALWAYS does! =) That is the hope that bubbles forth in my heart! The Joy that is inexplicable!

You know something? seeing Dad@work is something that i never want to forget! =) In January, i already saw Dad working in a "Pay-it-forward" manner, and this month, i see Him so mightily during distribution, and now this sense of expectant wonder! Hmmm...wow...i'm amazed! Dad, keep my heart constantly tender towards you and what you are doing! =)

Flame...arise...

"Come near to the holy men and women of the past and you will soon feel the heat of their desire after God. They mourned for Him, they prayed and wrestled and sought for Him day and night, in season and out, and when they had found Him the finding was all the sweeter for the long seeking. Moses used the fact that he knew God as an argument for knowing Him better.

"Now, therefore, I pray thee, if I have found grace in thy sight, show me now thy way, that I may know thee, that I may find grace in thy sight;"

and from there he rose to make the daring request, "I beseech thee, show me thy glory." God was frankly pleased by this display of ardor, and the next day called Moses into the mount, and there in solemn procession made all His glory pass before him."

~The Pursuit of God~
A.W.Tozer

Alot of times, the fury of our passion fades after the initial flame. How i wish it were not so, but sadly it is. The key then is how to keep the flame going. Been reading alot books, and they just happen to be classics...."The Calvary Road", Roy Hession, and "The Pursuit of God", A.W. Tozer. Love these classics and somehow, they speak to me in a way that modern books do not. Think i may just have an old soul...=P

Life this season has been really challenging, stress and workload has been really high...the campaign starts this week...11th & 12th, then the harvest event on 19th. I think for me, i really wanna see the students more effective and unafraid to share their faith. I think this campaign is a brilliant Pre-E time, and yes, Lord, use this whole season for your Glory! It's been immensely stretching but yeah...all things worth doing are worth sacrificing for! =) I hope that the strategies and everything learnt will gave an impact far beyond just this year, but i hope it will be a life-long skill for everyone involved.

Ok...just rambling here...back to time with the guys!

We're waiting for pizza and watching Shanghai Knights, i'm actually clearing work but yeah...took some minutes just to blog! =) hahahah!

Forever Love redux

Loving You...is not only because of Your beauty
I love You more & more as Your every gaze stirs me
Because You let me see forever, to understand myself...
Now, I'm soOooo going to cherish my remaining days

Loving me means taking some pain & unfairness,
It's not going to be a natural or easy decision
When i feel your breath near me, and your tenderness near...
My heart calms in response

I want to be the object of your affection...

Forever Love, I want to live my whole life loving You,
from now on, you will be my everything...my Joyful Reason for living!

Heard "Forever Love" by Wang Lee Hom and his lyrics were just very meaningful, and i decided to translate and then paraphase to express what is on my heart too! =)

Lord, such songs pale when sung to anyone else, i think that they all describe that God-shaped vacuum that we all have and try to fill...but the best love songs speak of an enduring, sacrificial, selfless & everlasting Love possible only in You. All creation and all created beings hunger after You, and i thank You that you never hide your face!

Lord Jesus, teach me to be a better communicator of your truth, showing your face, demonstrating your Love, carrying your Fragrance, being your hands & feet to wherever you may lead me. Amen.

True Joy

"Faith, as i'm growing to understand it more,
is about looking beyond my circumstances to a person.

To have faith in better circumstances,
even in God creating better circumstances,
is NOT true faith.

I want to be the kind of man who can watch every
dream go down in flames and still yearn to be
intimately involved in kingdom living,
intimately involved with my friend the King,
and still be willing to take another risk
just because it delights Him for me to do so.
And my flesh shivers to think about it."

~David Shepherd~

Learning to Love You in the wonderful and smooth times is not hard, it's in fact greatly pleasurable and delightful to my spirit. However, the journey of learning to Love You in the dark times, the times where dreams vanish in flames, where things are complicated and not beautiful, that is where the journey really begins.

eyes turn away...
throbbing heart hurts...
I look up...
Tears well up...
Vision is blurred...

just enough to see the face of God

My hurting heart swells with worship,
I discover how deeply i pant for You.
My soul longs for You,
above the hurt...
and that's the way it should be.

Thank you Lord.

I'll still offer up myself in praise to you. Regardless...and always.

There is only one way to love...
recklessly and with total abandon.
risking self, because Love is nothing without action.

Thank You for that example on the cross.

So arrogant we are sometimes...

"It's so natural to think the Presence of Jesus has no greater purpose than to improve the quality of our journey through life - with quality defined as a pleasurable, satisfying, self-affirming exercise - a journey where certain things don't go wrong or, if they do, they correct themselves.

If dreams never shattered, we would continue to believe that lie and value only what God can do for us now; we would value neither His Presence nor all that He intends to do later. And we would not be willing to pay the devastating price required to experience His Presence now.

Without trials, only spoilt brats would enter heaven. And that would turn heaven into hell."
~Larry Crabb~

MMmm...Wow...yeah...the first thought on my mind after reading the above passage was..."So arrogant we are sometimes..." How can we even presume that we know better than God, how could we demand anything of God? How could i ever doubt the Love that He has when He didn't hesitate to give His very own Son to redeem me?

But yet...the truth is, sometimes, i really really desire for present circumstances to be more ideal, for things to be clear, for only good to remain, and no bad. I wanna kick and scream against the circumstances, i wanna rant and wail, Yeah...it's true...without trials i would be a spoilt brat...

We do not live in a cotton candy world, ugliness remains, and yes, in our leadership team meeting today, we had thanksgiving time prior to beginning, and yeah...i thanked God for trials. And yeah...i really mean it. It seems like i've been constantly fighting fire, and deadlines, and snowballing work (plenty of times not due to my negligence) since 2008 began. Yet, somehow, though it is always on my mind, i can still genuinely give thanks!

And yeah...tonight, i thank God that the keynote program went well, the vision was cast, i remembered once again that i'm one small cog in Dad's big plan, I see that many things that are done cannot be 'measured' with any human measure...I sense the pleasure of His deep and abiding Presence.

We showed this quote earlier....

"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for good men to do nothing"
~Edmund Burke~

I never want to be someone who does nothing...Lord, grant me the strength, the boldness, the Faith in you, and your everlasting Agape Love...and make me a man who acts for You and because of You. May your Love always compel me and guide my actions. Amen.

Frustrations? part of life....

Oceans will part
If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
When I’m blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Oceans will part, nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shown
In my life Your will be done

Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I’ll delight in Your way
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Sometimes, things can't be controlled, and it is in those moments that we are tested in all ways possible...I'm so awed and amazed sometimes...last night, i was really sian'd out, so many things went wrong, MULTIPLE people missed deadlines, and everything snowballed on my end, really felt supremely overwhelmed. To the point where i really wanted to just go for a midnight run and really run the problems into the ground! Really...had that thot at 12.30am...but yeah...combination of a sore knee and weak will, i decided to just hunker down.

Yeah...but Dad is good, i think it is really when we are pushed to the limits of our endurance, when we can't take anymore, then it tests our dependence. I literally resigned and asked God to take over. And this morning, we sang this song that spoke so clearly to me, " Oceans will part, nations come, At the whisper of Your call"Just a whisper...and all these things will be fine. WOW!

And so...i'm surrendered back into your hands dear Lord. Watching to see you work. Trusting, letting Hope arise, killing fear and listening to God all the way. Not easy, but yeah...doing it.

Thank you for such Grace dear Lord.

Reflection Morning

Took the time this morning to have an extended time with Dad. Such breakfasts with God always delight my soul! =)

"Integrity is telling myself the truth,
and honesty is telling the truth to other people"
~Spencer Johnson~

Been thinking alot these days...they have been days of intense reflection and just learning and relearning things. One key lesson i have been actively exercising and challenging others is in honesty & integrity. Doing the RIGHT thing, even when it is difficult. Even when nothing goes right...keep DOING right. why?

This is what the LORD says:
"Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
or the strong man boast of his strength
or the rich man boast of his riches,

but let him who boasts boast about this:
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
justice and righteousness on earth,
for in these I delight,"
declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 9:23,24

Eric Liddell once said that when he ran, he felt the pleasure of God. I've felt such a thing when runnning too...but yeah...i feel His pleasure more when i exercise my will to do the RIGHT thing, especially when it is difficult. Been having such a challenging 2008 thus far, just doing the RIGHT thing and challenging others to do so...and you know, it always requires a certain surrender, a giving up of our personal rights, just to do the RIGHT thing. But it is in learning that, that i've been growing more and more. As Shawn keeps saying nowadays, "the goal is not perfection, but growth" So yeah...grow well, grow well in intimacy & obedience to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, who at the same time, is so close and intimate that we can call Him...Abba...Daddy. WOW!

This is how we know we're living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He's given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit. Also, we've seen for ourselves and continue to state openly that the Father sent his Son as Savior of the world. Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we've embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.
1 John 4:13-16 (The Message)

Enjoyable weekend!

Had fun this weekend, used my keynote program to do up a funky presentation, and yeah...tho i'm still learning about it, but yeah! totally loving it! =) I'm so thankful! Tons to learn but i'm eager to! Got another one this Wed nite...and yeah...will try out some new stuff that i saw up on the screen today! =) Coolness! =P

Anyways...dinner at ABC market was great! And when the auntie came to get payment, the things she said about Ah Seng & then me, were utterly hilarious! Gosh! The sight on Ah Seng's face was totally priceless! Even being suaned about it later was worth it! =)

Today...was supposed to go running with Ah Seng after lunch, but yeah...he decided soccer would be better. And yeah...my bum knee, and the lack of boots prohibited me from doing that...was kinda resigned to running alone (cuz i really wanna exercise) but yeah...i'm glad the younger ones wanted to play captain's ball! Joining them was fun! Oh...prior to that...the letter writing moment...yeah...something precious & well worth remembering! And oh...during captain's ball, I saw and heard a ROARING lion(ness) in close proximity! Hahahahaha! Super hilarious! =D hahahaha!

Great day of rest! And i'm glad i set it aside and guarded it well today! =)
Extremely satisfied! =D

Thank you DAD!

Like the point made yesterday, Love can never JUST be an emotion, True Love will come at a cost, and it will be accompanied with action. I wanna learn more of such extravagant Love, and show it more fully in life. May this life be a surrender, a sacrifice, a total offering for you Dad. Amen.

Wow!

Hmmm...i was searching for this song called "I would die for you" and i never expected to find so many songs with that very same title, and most of them are dark or emo songs...nothing like the one i was looking for.

Well...here's the song, and it's not emo at all, i think it's possibly the truest and rightest way things can be expressed!

"I would die for you" - Mercyme

And I know that I can find You here
'Cause You promised me You'll always be there
Times like these, it's hard to see
But somehow I have a peace, You're near
And I pray that You will use my life
In whatever way Your name is glorified
Even if surrendering
Means leaving everything behind

My life has never been this clear
Now I know the reason why I'm here
You never know why You're alive
Until you know what you would die for
I would die for You

And I know I don't have much to give
But I promise You I will give You all there is
Can I possibly do less
When through Your own death I live?

No greater love is found
Than of those who lay their own lives down
As sure as I live and breathe
Now I know what it means to be free

Not many would consider this freedom, but truly...Life is never clearer than when seen thru the lense of death. I look thru everything i do with this in mind...not my death, i'm not that morbid, but the death of Christ who paid the cost for us all. Yes, ALL of us, unworthy us.

Gonna be teaching on His death this weekend, and this always fills me with awe & trembling. How can so great a sacrifice be encapsulated into one small teaching? I dunno...but i will try, cuz it is the greatest truth and the one that REALLY needs to be heard.

Christ's death compels me, it really does...
there is nothing else that i count on par with Christ.
NOT EVEN CLOSE...

To borrow from the song...

I pray that you will use my life,
in whatever way your Name is glorified,
I promise you, i'll give you all there is,
how can i possibly do less,
when through Your own death...i live
You never know why you're alive,
until you know what you would die for.

I would die for You

Beautiful

I delight greatly in the LORD;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
Isaiah 61:10

So many things to be thankful for...chief of which would be that i have been clothed in garments far more precious than i deserve, and honoured with robes i could never 'earn'.

I'm just beginning to fathom His Love, really...

How amazing you are Lord! My soul overflows...for you!

My redeemer is faithful and true

My Redeemer Is Faithful And True
(Steven Curtis Chapman and James Isaac Elliott)

[Psalm 103:17]

As I look back on the road I've travelled,
I see so many times He carried me through;
And if there's one thing that I've learned in my life,
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.

My Redeemer is faithful and true.
Everything He has said He will do,
And every morning His mercies are new.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.

My heart rejoices when I read the promise
'There is a place I am preparing for you.'
I know someday I'll see my Lord face to face,
'Cause my Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.

And in every situation He has proved His love to me;
When I lack the understanding, He gives more grace to me.

Wow!

Go to the people
Live among them
Learn from them
Love them
Start with what they know
Build on what they have
But...of the best leaders
When their work is finished
Their task is done
The people will remark
We have done it ourselves
~Chinese Proverb~

Year-End musings...
I really beginning to enjoy seeing how things unfold!

So many times, in so many examples in the bible, the heroes of Faith did not live long enough to see what their faithfulness produced. I think that is why my heart always jumps and delights in the victories that i see! It reminds me that it is not just the fruit of this generation, or people, but alot of times it is the fruit of several generations of faithful people. Gosh...what a marvel, and an astounding story that is!

What an amazing tapestry God paints. It is totally amazing and beautiful! I am just beginning to grasp the ramifications of the mega-masterpiece that God is weaving! But already, the smile on my face matches the jump in my heart! =)

Faithfulness is not an accident

"Faithfulness is NOT an accident.
It arises out of what one is through and through"
~Leon Morris~

Quotes frequently catch my eye & pique my interest. And this quote is poignant and true, the true test of faithfulness is in the midst of trial. Only the fiery furnace can show up innate character weaknesses that can be covered up under layers of facades, and beneath the thin veil of a masquerade.

The secret of being real is to realise that we don't "have it all together", we are insecure, weak, hurt and imperfect people. Realising our frailties and acknowledging them (as opposed to covering them up) helps us face ourselves as who we REALLY are, and then embarks us on a journey to being better. The symptoms highlight the problem, so let's not mask the symptoms, but face them because they help us to understand the real root problem so that we can work on them.

Faithfulness even when we are weak is the hallmark of a deeper inner strength, a constitution shored up, and in my personal experience, sometimes...Faithfulness is just holding on, holding on and holding on, to what is good & true & real, rather than just giving up at the first sign of trouble. Faithfulness to me is a stubborn reluctance to give up, it is a rememberance of the beautiful, forgetting the ugly...trusting in God for the best. Faithfulness is hard, the rewards difficult to see during the trial, it is not easy, but it is divine.

5 loaves & 2 fishes

"Take my 5 loaves & 2 fishes...
do with them as you will...i surrender...

take my fears, my inhibitions,
all my burdens, my ambitions,
you can use it all, no gift's too small...
I trust in You"

~Corrine May~

Ever felt like all you had to offer was a broken mess, things that do not seem beautiful, things that are unworthy of being given as gifts? Maybe the works of your hands seem useless, or your best efforts fall flat?

I've felt that...but better still, i've felt the redeeming presence of Jesus, the one who takes all that i have, then shapes, moulds, uses it, and crafts something beautiful out of it.

The brokenness i thought was ugly, the pain i felt was unjustified, the hunger that seemed never to be satiated, the scars that i didn't want to bear, the tears that seemed neverending, He took them all as i surrendered. And He used it all to bear witness to His awesome unending Love.

"You have kept count of my tossings, put my tears in your bottle" (Psalm 56:8, ESV)

Yes Lord, use them all...no gift is too small...

My run in the sun... =)

If you observe a really happy man, you will find...
that he is happy in the course of living life
twenty-four crowded hours each day.
      -- W. Beran Wolfe

Yups...was very glad that throughout the training
and the long runs, it never got boring,
but in fact was very valuable time for me!
Clearing my head and spending time
with the Lord! =)

The half marathon was great!
So good that i really desired to continue running,
but haha! you can't do that! Pity!
But yeah...was still feeling pretty
good after the run!

As mentioned in an earlier post,
i wasn't running to aim for a timing,
just to maximise heart rate
and get a solid run under my belt!
so yeah...was a good perspective for me,
and the heart rate monitor was really good!
kept me in pace for the 21km!

In the end, i finished the run
in 2hrs 7min 7 secs!
Achieving my target
of a 2hr 10min run. =)

So yeah...very joyful! =)
Achieved my fitness goal for the year! =)
My early bday present! Thank you Lord! =)
Feels good to have accomplished
what i set out to do earlier this year! =)

Oh...and yeah...was very surprised to find out
that my resting heart rate the day
before the race was 56 beats/min!
That was exciting news to me!
haha! i'm mad! =P

Steward your body well!
Life is the TRUE marathon!

Marathon? Nah...

This was on my back during the StandChart run!

Okok...i didn't run the full marathon, just the half, so yeah...stone me, but my philosophy is still the same, Life is the true marathon, and i'm in it for the long haul! =)

Was just chatting with Ray, and he was mulling over how he cramped up and almost wanted to throw it all in. Well...i'm proud of him that he didn't, running a marathon is just like life in that way isn't it? It tests our resolve, when the trials and testings (cramps & pains) come, how do we react?

Those who hang in there, never give up, and finish the race...they and only they know the true satisfaction and the joy of finshing the race well.

I wanna finish the race of Life well...=)

Christians don't tell lies, they sing them...

Wow...i heard the line above in a podcast...and it stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Christians don't tell lies, they sing them..."

Caused me to be utterly stunned as i realised the immense measure of truth in that! Music is the soundtrack of my life, my companion on many desperate days, and podcasts are the messages that stir my heart with the truth of God. But yeah...sometimes, the songs that they inspire in my heart...they....just stay there, they stew and they ruminate, but it doesn't come out in my hands. It does not transform my life or make me into the person that i know i ought to be. Instead...sometimes i'm just a pale image of who i really ought to be.

And yeah...the songs that ring in my ears? They convict me once again...of how i could be more, how my sights are set too low, how i've been crawling in the mud, when i should be soaring up in the heights! But yeah...the good thing is that i'm not gonna let it get me down, the songs inspire a loftier vision in me, one that i wanna stumble towards! Tripping up is normal, but heading onwards and upwards ought always to be my goal! =)

Well...thank God for the wake up call! =)

Heartrates!

~~Posted this on Monday!~~

I'm quite excited to run the (half) marathon on Sunday! =) it's actually my first so yeah...will try not to push too hard at first! Hope the excitement doesn't get to me! =)

I found out some interesting stuff yesterday that i'm still trying to research and come to a conclusion...

Found out that my resting heart rate is about 60...(average male is 70, female 75! Go check! hee!) lower probably means more efficient, those Tour De France cyclists and athletes have a resting heart rate of 35-40! Amazing stuff!

And yeah...during my run with Leslie, Gra & Rufus...i was wearing a heart rate monitor, and it recorded that i averaged 173 beats per min for the whole run...according to the stats table and all, that is about 90% of my max heart rate. Technically, that is not supposed to happen, we can only exercise at 90-100% of max heart rate for a maximum of 5 mins (then we exhaust and have to slow down) so yeah...i'm trying to reconcile that right now.

Basically, i'm finding out that it is pretty normal...everyone has a different range of heart motion and all. Lance Armstrong has a 32 resting heart rate and he can max at 200plus, so that's a mega huge range. I'm finding out more about my body and range! So yeah...it's pretty good for me! Glad to know that i have a higher personal range and am able to sustain it! That's helpful info!

I think that i was pretty much training so that i can finish the half in a good time! 2hrs 10mins was my target. The ironic thing is that as i'm learning more, i'm deciding to pace down a lil, i'm gonna use the heart rate monitor during race day too...and i will run at a slightly lower pace than i did yesterday...not going to run for the timing anymore, gonna run more to sustain within my target heart range for the 2 hours plus...that would push my body to be more efficient and actually bring far more lasting results! =)

After all...this StandChart half marathon is a sprint! Life is the TRUE marathon isn't it? =) Time to steward my body well! =)

Fanatical!

A PURE WILL loves God with the whole heart and soul and mind. It is "fanatical"—the greatest insult the modern mind can conceive, and the greatest compliment God can give. It is also the greatest compliment a lover can give: "I love you with my whole heart and soul. My love is not divided. You have no rival."

Peter Kreeft, Back to Virtue

My eyes keep flying to amazing quotes today! And i can't help but be stirred! What truth there is in such words of wisdom!

Many times, "fanatical" carries such a negative connotation but Hmmm...it made me think.

If i get affected by such a word spoken from the lips of men, then aren't i allowing the opinions of men control me? So...in that analysis, am i serving God or serving men? Looks like growth also means growing a thicker skin and not being so affected by so mere words!

Undivided Love demands that...a ceaseless pursuit of something real, total commitment to a cause, not a limp-wristed "love" that falls flat at the first discouraging comment.

That which you fear...you will serve.

May i fear only one thing...the Lord.

Are you scarred?

On my verseminder, it says this for today...

On the last day, Jesus will look us over...
not for medals, diplomas or honours
but for scars.

How true...the battles we fight and press on into, the things REALLY worth fighting for, probably can't ever be quantified, not in a certificate, not in money, possessions, or acclaim.

Yet, every scar that we earn by learning more and more to be like Christ, those are the things that we should carry with humility, the scars of a battle well-fought, and a lesson well-learnt.

It would be a sad day to find out that we had been studying hard, striving hard, achieving many things, yet taking the wrong exam all the time.

Our test is faithfulness to the Word of God, to our Lord Jesus Christ, to know and to worship God in all we do. Failing this test is the biggest failure of all.

Are you studying the right things?

Battle and journey on!

Life is now a battle and a journey. As Eugene Peterson reminds us, "We fight the forces that oppose our becoming whole; we must find our way through difficult and unfamiliar territory to our true home." It's not that there aren't joy and beauty, love and adventure right now - there are. The invasion of the kingdom has begun. But life in it's fullness is yet to come. So we must take seriously the care of our hearts. We must watch over our desire with a fierce love and vigilance, as if we were protecting our most treasured possession. We must do battle with the enemies of our hearts - those sirens that would seduce and shipwreck our desire and that arrows that aim to kill outright. And we must journey forward, toward God, toward the Great Restoration and the adventures to come. How awful to reach the end of our life's road and find we haven't brought our hearts along with us. ~the journey of desire~ John Eldredge

never know, never understand why...

To some, failure is a crippling experience,
for me, it has mostly been a speed bump and then something which i resolve to learn from...to grow into, something to spur me on to be better...

some lessons seem so 'unlearnable',
I wish the righteousness from God that covers me,
would actually help answer ALL questions, and NOW!
but still...some questions have no answers...just YET! =P

perhaps...the answers would never come...
even though they lie there within reach
why no answers still?
that is real sad...
If you have the answers,
why keep silent?
i can never know,
nor understand why...



Learning so much more about questions and answers these days.
How some answers are in our hands but we fail to steward them well...it dies slowly in our hands if we do not wield it well...

This week...we ran a movie...a movie about a relationship between Father and daughter, it was a 7 min short film, followed by an hour long discussion and a testimony.

It was a fabulous time with friends, and friends of friends...
Talking about issues, asking questions, answering and sharing our hearts
In there people heard about God, saw the same imperfections we all have,
and how there IS an Answer...and the Answer is a PERSON,
the man Jesus, who died on that Cross for us...

How many of us have that Answer in our hands? plenty...
How many of us are gladly sharing it? ...i dunno, but i wish i saw more of it.

Thank you Lord for your Answer, the perfect Answer.
Teach us how to steward it well, and to be sensitive to your leading in all situations! I thank you for the wonderful time last night with friends, invited guests, people who just walked in because of the publicity! Thank you for these people whom you have prepared, may they have a sense of what it means to have a real and living relationship in You.

For those who still have unanswered questions, may you spur them to constantly seek until they find the Answer, in you...Amen.

Car Crash Randoms...

Ever been in a car going real fast and the driver gets a cramp in his toe? =) Man...some things test your trust like no other! And some things test your pain tolerance like NO OTHER! =)

Another car crash random...and possibly the worst dream ever!
Imagine...you're driving, and the car you're in crashes, you get flung over the dashboard, crash through the windscreen, land on the road...just when you thought the worst was over...you get run over...man...what a lousy day!

Hmmm...why am i telling stories about random events? Well...i think, so many times, we go through a day and our emotions run through the gamut of highs and lows.

Like the fast car, our lives can be going smoothly and everything fine, but then a shockingly unexpected event (Toe CRAMP!) happens, and it shocks and tests us! Reacting badly would probably cause us to crash, causing some major accident, but bearing it and clinging on to the wheel tightly, probably saves us and the people around us!

Moral of the story: Grin and bear it when unexpected toe cramps happen!

The 2nd random story...
Car crashes are like disasters, just when you think the worst is over, something else crops up...it's not just an accident, you could be flung out, run over, suffer whiplash, any other weird combination of unpleasant events. All of them totally out of control.

Doesn't life feel like that sometimes?

"I don't deserve this..."
"Why?"
"What is happening?"
"Why this...why now?"
"How can this happen?"
"AAAARGH!"

For me...i just let go, surrender, and let God take over.
Christ is my Righteousness, the Rock on which i stand,
the one who is my Advocate, He will never leave me nor forsake me!

What is your response?

My com crashed...and so did this blog!

Haha! Series of unfortunate events!

Been without the use of my laptop for almost a month and that led to my blog also going offline! Hmmm...wonder what is next! =P

Recap...

At summit now, it's been a great time!

Finally have time to blog...so yeah...i must be having a good break time! =)

In fact, i've had the opportunity to catch up on the things that i've needed to do, and get good rest in the process! Very glad for all of that! =)

The biggest tick on my list has been keeping up with my run schedule...proud that of that! =) Managed to run to Bedok Jetty and back...in 52:55, 26mins there and 26:55 back, not too bad esp since i just wanted the long run and not really run for timing! =) *PLEASED!* And today...just as a maintenance run, i ran til the OBS and back in 15 mins there and 13:35 back. haha! Faster coming back cuz i wanted to push a little even though muscle fatigue was setting in! Ahaha! This is becoming an exercise log...oh well...just pleased! =)

Other than that, it was a very good recap day today with Bill L.
Today, we talked about

Heart Shapers
Heart Breakers &
Heart Makers.

And yeah...it was another good time of reflection and going over the thoughts and experiences of the past...I think what he shared about the 5th grade loser, Rich Man's Bread and DIG! DIG! DIG!, were all very significant indicators to look out for! But yeah...the thing that i take back the most about it is how genuine authenticity and a clear look at ourselves (proper uncoloured self or peer examination) is very important for a person's well being!

So yes...want to thank you my Men-in-Covenant, the saturday breakfasts have been a time of great growth and breakthrough! And apart from that...the significant other people, you have been used greatly to impact and to help mould and shape me! Thank you! May all the things that we have gone through shape us into better instruments to be used for His Glory!

Ok...more updates next time! =)

Musings

"The good man does not escape all troubles - he has them too. But the Lord helps him in each and every one. God even protects him from accidents" (Psalm 34:19,20).

In this world, we will have trouble, it is a fact, it is a given, yet many times, we wonder and wish that we could live a trouble free life. Isn't that very true? Deep inside, we all want a perfect life, paradise living, no cares, no concerns, no worries, just fun, laughter, enjoyment of everything and pure delight in every recess of our bones!

Why the disparity of what we want and what we have?

I think it is for the simple reason that we're not perfect.

And the paradox is that...it is in this imperfectness that we can be made whole! When we submit and surrender our strivings to be perfect, when we realise that it is REALLY beyond us, then we can release ourselves from the slavery of self-striving and wholly depend on something greater than us.

I've found Jesus, or rather HE has found me.

In the deepest and hardest moments, my source of Joy and comfort have come in such a tangible manner, that i know that it is truly a real, "active and living" relationship. One that God himself cares to feel my hurt and pain. He sits with me, and walks with me, and doesn't stop there, but draws me out, heals and shows me where i have gone on my own, so that i can lean on Him again!

That is a Grace that is LIVING, not just a one time act, that is Love-in-action, something that brings me to my knees...

My goal based on the above verse...I acknowledge that I will have trouble, everyone will...but i want to learn the Grace that acknowledges that God will show His character and help, protect, love and teach me gently through each situation. May i know the Lord more and more intimately through all of these! =)

Tears...

Dear Dad,
You made me cry today...
It was delayed, it was so pent up...it was so painful...it hurt
Everything right was done,
and everything else out of control...

Yet...i don't hate you,
In fact, I Love you MORE...
That you care...that you see, that you know...
All your promises, they won't let go of me...

Thank you.

I declare my dependence on you, Lord Jesus
You who gave your life for me,
You who endured my pain and more on that cross,
The road that led to calvary seemed as broken as your body on that fateful day,
yet 3 days later, it led to forgiveness, redemption...it leads even now to eternity...

Thank you.

I know you wrote the story,
I know you willingly endured the pain,
I know that you cover me with love,
over betrayal, over senselessness, over loss...

You hold me in your gentle embrace, even when i lash out...
i'm SoOo sorry & Thank you.

In your love, You give me things i do not deserve,
and withhold the punishment i should bear...
Thank you.

Nothing can cause your Love to lose it's hold on me...Gosh!

I wait for great things,
The good that you have promised,
I hold such hopes in You because of your Gentleness,
Because of your everlasting Grace...

So apt...so apt...=)

Declaration of Dependence

A whimsical song that speaks of the truth within...

Declaration of Dependence - Steven Curtis Chapman

Now just the other day I overheard
a flower talking to the sky
He said you know that I would be
nothing without You, oh, oh
He said you give me rain, you give
the sun a place to shine
You’re everything that my whole
existence comes down to, oh, oh
And then the flower started singing a song
Before I knew it I was singing along
And we sang…

This is my declaration of dependence

This is my declaration of my need

This is my declaration of dependence

On the one who gave His life to me

Now, let me say that I’m the kind of
guy who wants to do it all myself
Don’t want to ask for help, don’t like
to stop for directions, oh, oh
But in reality I’m nothing on my own
It’s by God’s grace alone that
I can make this confession
All that I am and all I’m hoping to be
Is all and only what He’s given to me
So I say…

And I know this is how my life was meant to be
I was made for this dependency
On the one who has created me
So I’ll sing my declaration song
For the one I am depending on
And I hope you’ll sing along

True Beauty

"That which is beautiful is not always good;
but that which is good is always beautiful"

I'm a believer of the bible, and at it's core, the bible speaks so much truth, about how beauty can never been seen in the exterior, only in the interior...

"You see the depths of my heart...yet you love me the same...you are amazing, God"

And truly, the true Joy that a person gets is only in discovering the simple truth of the matter.

That which is GOOD is ALWAYS gonna be BEAUTIFUL!


Lord, i pray that your truth and your goodness will never be obscured in your people. And I pray that your beloved ones will also learn to recognise your truth so that in all situations, they recognise the good that comes from you instead of the deception that may come from aesthetic beauty that obscure a woeful inner life. May our walk always speak loud! And may it always speak of you!
In Jesus Name, AMEN.

What a season!

Bruce Springsteen said,
"A time comes when you need to stop waiting for the man you want to become and start being the man you want to be."

The quote is attributed to Bruce Springsteen, but i think God is wiser, He knew us so well and He knew we would always be plodding along in this journey trying to rely on our own strength, so His encouragement has always been persevere, keep on doing good, never give up, Hope in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding! I am the Vine, you are the branches, if a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit, but apart from me, you can do NOTHING!

"Everyone is looking for a quick fix, but what they really need is fitness. People who look for fixes stop doing what's right when pressure is relieved. People who pursue fitness do what they should no matter what the circumstances are." Kevin Meyers

Yups...i don't want quick fixes, i wanna learn, persevere, press on always, sit humbly and wait on the Lord, listening intently, trusting always, cultivating love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control! Like in a garden, the fruits take time to develop, and even in the seemingly "barren" seasons, God is working and the roots are taking in nutrients to nourish and grow the fruit!

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don’t understand
When you don’t see His plan
When you can’t trace His hand...
trust His heart.

Yeah! I trust His heart! Always have, always will! It has been a wonderfully fruitful month and a half away, and it was an amazingly blessed time especially the past week in Korea, doing things i love with the Lord i love, and people who have given everything to be there, and it was not only a great time learning, serving, and being inspired! But also, spending quality time with quality people, something that really blessed me! =) The Lord is really amazing in the ways that He plans things! I stand in awe at His wondrous Love! And what a journey of Faith this is! =) WOO!

I'm back!

Yes, i'm home! =)

Flying off again on the 29th til the 9th tho! will update when i can!